Co-Sleeping Question

I think It just depends on the child and situation. My older DD co-slept until after her baby sister was born. She had her own bed but always wanted to cuddle with Daddy early in the morning. She was used to being close to us because she had always co-slept. Now her sister is 8 months... she has always co-slept too, even though she sleeps better on her own. She often wakes early or in the middle of the night. I end up sleeping with her on the couch. I think this will end when she's weaned.

I coslept with my kids until around to somewhere between 18 months and 2 1/2 years, depending on the kid. I would usually put them down in the cosleeper/crib/pack-n-play or whatever they were sleeping in, but the first time they woke up to nurse after I had gone to bed, I would scoop them up and take them to bed with me. At around 18-24 months I night weaned them, but would still take them into bed with me to snuggle when they woke up. When they started sleeping through on a fairly consistent basis, I started taking them back to their bed (by that time they were all in beds) and telling them that they had to stay there until it was light out. I do make exceptions -- if there's something wrong -- nightmares, sickness, etc. -- and they do occasionally come in for a snuggle, but only very rarely. My youngest (3 1/2 now) comes in for a snuggle when he wakes up every morning, and often will drift off again for a while, but once it's light out, he's allowed to come into our bed.

Oh -- and another thing -- you are not weak for not being able to listen to your baby cry. You are being a good parent. I will stop there because I do not want to offend anyone with my very opinionated rants. Suffice it to say that the most important rule of parenting is that if something feels wrong to you, don't do it. It applies to crying it out, cosleeping, nursing, bottle-feeding, homeschooling, whatever. Trust your instincts and your knowledge of what's right for your child.

You can set up his crib in your room and put him in it. Then put your hand through the bars so he can feel you. When he can sleep without you touching him he can be moved to the other room and should still be able to do okay.

The most important thing is that everyone sleep as well as possible. It doesn't matter where, or what age.

You are probably right that once he can sleep through the night without nursing, that he will stay in his crib all night. Until then, just play it by ear, and get the most sleep you can.

This may not work for you, but did for us. My daughter slept with me for as long as she wanted. Same at her dad's house. We had no struggles. The older she got, the more often she wanted to sleep in her own bed. By the time she was 7 or 8, she slept in her own bed at dad's house. By 8 or 9, she was most often sleeping in her own bed at my house, but came to my bed just this week after having a nightmare. She's 10 now. She's been the most "well-attached", well-adjusted, independent child I know. She has no sleep issues (well, except for wanting to stay up late on summer nights! ;-)

The best advice I can give you is do what you feel is the right thing. If you don't *want* him in your bed, work to get him out. It will be a process and exhausting. I found the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" helpful. But it is EXHAUSTING. Others on here are proponents of the cry-it-out method. I couldn't do it. The no-cry method takes a while, and you will need to just accept that for a week or two or four you will not be getting much sleep yourself. We tried it a couple times. You have to be 100% consistent, even on vacation, even when they are sick. It was just easier for me to bring my son to our bed, and it's hard to think at 3 a.m., and so I ended up as a co-sleeper too.

If you're cool with having him in your bed, don't worry about it. Don't try to get him in his crib because you think you should. You don't have to... unless you want to!

I got a fairly inexpensive mesh bed rail thing (maybe $25) I put on my side of the bed and my son slept on that edge. I got him to sleep in his crib (mostly) but when he needed to nurse at night I just brought him in and did it laying down -- so easy and I could basically go back to sleep. He is now 3.5 and he still comes in my room in the middle of the night and cuddles up with me. I get him to sleep in his own bed early and then if he wakes in the night he just walks in and crawls up. I'm good with that and I actually miss him on the nights he sleeps through!

To me, whatever gets us all the most sleep is what we will do. I didn't think I would be a co-sleeper either, but such is life! Good luck!

You are going to hate my answer because I veered from the U.S. norm on co-bedding. My story sounded exactly like yours. I had the bassinet, no problem, but the whole transitioning to a crib was impossible. He would wake up to be fed and then would fall asleep in my arms but as soon as I laid him in his crib he would wake up and scream and cry for hours. After a month of letting him cry it out and not getting any sleep, (I worked full time,) I decided to let him sleep in our bed when he woke up from his crib for a feeding. He had to go to sleep first in his crib. Well, he figured that one out pretty fast and began waking up 1 hour after going to bed to be allowed to sleep with us. Well, to make a long story short, he finally started sleeping on his own when he was 12! Here is the best part though. He is the most well mannered, well adjusted young man most people have ever met. He is 17 now, a straight-A student and owns his own IT company and is so outgoing. People always comment, "You sure raised your son right." I don't dare try and tell anyone that he is the way he is in part, because we let him sleep with us till he was 12. After he turned 5 years old though, there were times he would go to sleep in his own room, but by that time we didn't care where he slept anymore. I must put a big disclaimer in here though! We had a vacant 2nd master bedroom where my husband and I would go to sleep alone almost every night. Our son never realized we had left the room because we were always awake before he got up. So we would walk back in his, I mean "our" room and wake him up.

I think she was about one when we were able to stop with the early morning cosleeping. Maybe even 14 or 15 months. If you all sleep better with a partial cosleep, I don't think you are setting yourself up for a kid in your bed for the next three years if you keep it up a while longer. Mine is now two and can and has been sleeping in her own bed for months. But we still went through phases where I would just bring her back to bed with me. When that was interrupting my sleep more than if I'd worked to soothe her back to sleep in her own bed, I switched back. I laid with her a while, then transferred. Mine also did not accept the transfer when younger, but eventually it worked. My first we did not cosleep, it didn't work for her and it didn't work for us. Our second, she just needed it and there was no getting around it. I think its okay to take an organic approach to your kids. Try things out, and if you get too resentful over lost sleep and need to train your baby through CIO or just rubbing thier back until they drift to sleep, then do it. If it doesn't work out one month, try it again in a month or two.

Our kids slept with us until they were no longer nursing (about 24 months). They sometimes slip back in, if they wake up and are scared, cold or sick. To help with the transition from sleeping with us, to sleeping in their own beds, my husband or I laid with them as they fell asleep in their own beds. We gradually transitioned it from laying with them, to sitting in their rooms, then sitting on a chair in the hallway, then folding laundry in our room while they fell asleep etc. Some nights were easier than others, but there were no tears. Also, our eldest crawled back in with us during the night a lot more than the younger one ever did, which makes sense, considering their personalities.

I was not able to breastfeed, but we did this with our youngest due to reflux. Honestly the only way were able to do it, was the CIO method and it took a very long week to get through it, but now she is a great sleeper. Sorry I don't have better advice for you.

I nursed and co slept with all three of mine. I didn't transition to a seperate sleeping space until I weaned them at night and all three did that at different ages, My oldest still nursed at night until 16 months. My middle started sleeping through the night at 8 months in bed with me, even though I was right there he didn't wake up to nurse. We just moved our youngest at the beginning of the summer at 10 months. We did a prolonged cio with the oldest b/c we couldn't bite the bullet, by the second and third we had a good method down. For me personally that's the way to go when you are ready.

You have to decide where you want him to sleep and then commit to putting him there EVERY SINGLE TIME it is time for sleep. Even if that means he wakes up to eat and be changed, once you take care of those needs you put him back in his sleeping place. If you do it every time he should sort it out in a week or two....and those are some long damn weeks! They suck, but honestly you forget it almost instantly.

I don't know how old your baby is, I feel my youngest still needs to eat at least once after going to bed and he is almost 1 year. My middle child could easily go 12 hours with out eating at 8 months. I think most doctors say most babies don't HAVE to eat at night after 6 months or so, but every baby is different.

Even if you don't transition your baby to a crib and he sleeps with you until he starts school, that's okay. Don't feel like you HAVE to do it, or do it right now. So long as everyone in the house is getting the sleep they need, don't worry about how/when/where.

Ok - imho..... you have to pick what you want to do. I would start big. Do you want your son to sleep in his own bed. Is that important to you? Why? (you don't have to answer to me..... just to you and hubs and son).

If your goal is to get him to sleep in his own bed..... THEN you can see what works for him. You've said 'several months' and then 'several months' so I'm guessing....... 7 months?

Most experts say that CIO will really only work if they are older than 9 months. Before that babies can't connect a consequence. They just *are*. So you may get a baby to sleep in his crib by not going to get him when he cries, but they aren't really going to be able to connect anything in their mind that *now* it's time to sleep and they sleep in their own bed. However, between 9-12 months is the *right* time according the experts.
People who use CIO *correctly* have a high success rate. But you can't cave. You absolutely cannot cave or not only is it ineffective, but it will backfire. cuz now your baby knows you're a sucker. So it will take even longer for this to be effective.

the bottom line is that you and hubs have to decide what's right. If you co-sleep, then co-sleep. He'll go to his bed when HE's ready. That's the POINT of co-sleeping..... to let the child go when they're comfortable. But if you co-sleep then be consistent with that. No kicking him out when you want to do the hanky panky or when you're crabby.

An 18 month old doesn't understand why all of sudden the rules are different and now I have to sleep alone for no reason tonight. Just like they don't understand why last night when I cried mommy came and cuddled and tonight she's leaving me alone. You have to be consistent, which is the hardest part.

I can tell you that we co-slept, sorta. not because we wanted to.... but because that's what worked for us. She started out in her crib. Lots of times she stayed there the whole night. But sometimes she cried and I went and got her and brought her in bed with us. And we ALL slept much better. When she was 3 she slept in her own bed for the better part of a year. Then her dad and I divorced and she slept with me for the better part of being 4. At 5 she was in kindergarten and wanted to be a big girl so she went back to her own bed... .mostly. Every so often she would come get in bed with me. Last week..... the night after her first day of Jr High she would have slept with me if she could have, but I'm engaged so we have different rules now :-(

That doesn't work for every child or every family. So, figure out what your overall goal is, how you want to accomplish it and then you and hubs be consistent.

Good Luck.

How old is he? Because after a year he doesn't need to nurse during the night. If it's time to stop that feeding he may sleep through the night once it's stopped. You can also teach him self-soothing techniques by giving him time to. If he cries and you don't want him up go in his room, leave the lights off, speak minimally in a whisper and don't pick him up. If he needs a diaper change do it right there in his crib by the light of a nightlight. If he needs to nurse do it there in his room in the dark, very little talking, no playing, and lay him down when he's finished. Regardless of if he nurses or not lay him down and pat his back a couple of minutes until he calms down, close the door and leave his room. Crying is a way babies show they need something, but you have to discern if he truly needs something or simply wants to go to bed with you. If the latter do a modified CIO, going to him after a few minutes, then extend the time to a few minutes longer and so on, go in at 5, 10, 15 minutes, etc...until he goes back to sleep. Do this consistently whenever he wakes up during the night and it could take just a few nights for him to learn he stays in bed and sleeps there, maybe more, but consistency is the key. You'll know it's working when the time he cries shortens to less and less time.

If this doesn't work for you consider putting his crib in your room where he can see and hear you until you are really ready for him to spend the night in his crib and room.