My daughter is 10 going on 11 in a few months. Recently we've had a problem with her not taking care of her clothes. She just shoves clothes in her drawers in a ball so they get wrinkled, or tosses them up in her closet without hanging them up. I let her walk around in wrinkled clothes!
I taught her how to wash her clothes and she does her own laundry because I was tired of washing and drying her clothes and folding them only to have her shove them anywhere or not even bother to put them away. Several of her nice things have gotten ripped when she yanked the drawer open!
This is the end of the rope for me. She outgrew a lot of her stuff so I weeded out her wardrobe.
Several people have suggested different things. One is to give her money for clothes and SHE has to buy everything with it. Another was to make her buy clothes out of her allowance. Another was to reduce her wardrobe drastically so she only has a few things and when she demonstrates that she can take care of her clothes she will get more. Is 11 too young to do this?
Now is the perfect time to do something since she needs all new shorts and shirts since she outgrew her clothes.
What worked for you?
Thanks moms! I wasn't going to give her money and let her buy whatever, but I was going to give her a budget and tell her to choose wisely (with my approval).
I talked to my husband and he thinks I shouldn't buy her anything for a while. She has quite a few tops and a few shorts that still fit. She will have to do laundry more often, and perhaps when she gets tired of washing her clothes all of the time (or wearing them dirty) she will appreciate new clothing.
Her birthday is in a few months and she often gets clothes for her birthday. I think having her wait until her birthday or have her use her allowance might be a good lesson. She gets $10 a week, and we often shop at the secondhand kids' store so she can buy clothes with her allowance there.
I agree, she has too many things. She has room for everything, but I guess you don't appreciate things when you have too many.
Thanks moms!
My daughter is 16 & she still does this to her clothes. So, 90% come from second hand stores because I refuse to buy nicer clothes if she won't take care of them.
Exceptions are jeans, underwear, things we can't find in her size when she needs, not wants, something new. I also do not buy her more clothes untill the ones she has are unwearable.
She is working on getting a job so she can buy her own clothes.
I find for my daughter (and son)--my daughter is the same age as yours--that this problem seems to always be worse when she has too many clothes to fit the space to store them. So weed out things. Or provide more storage. My daughter is pretty good about putting things in the drawers they belong in and hanging up what needs to be hung up....but only if it fits. When there isn't room to put the pants/shorts or whatever in the drawer neatly, it tends to get stuffed in. And the drawers don't close.
That's my clue it's time to weed. My problem is more that my daughter receives a lot of handmedowns, and she never wants to not keep any of it. Not that her clothes are outgrown and still in the drawer anyway.
I think if I were more proactive about sorting/weeding out old/too small clothes, though... like maybe 3 or 4 times a year (instead of once or twice-winter/spring) that it would make the problem at least less significant.
I'd have your daughter spring clean. Pull out EVERYTHING from the drawers and closet and start over. Try on anything that hasn't been worn in the last 2 weeks. Make 2 piles: fits/doesn't fit. The fits stuff needs to be re-hung/reorganized into the current storage space. If it doesn't all fit, you'll know you either need to have fewer clothes, or more storage.
hth
I pull their clothes out of the dryer, put them on hangers and hang them in the laundry room. At the end of the day they put them in their closet. Hanging them keeps them from getting wrinkled or destroyed.
I would not send an 11 year old to get her own clothes. For one god knows what she would come home with and second how does that teach her to take care of them?
Really as I see it as she doesn't understand the system. I would start there. All you need is to check up on her for a few weeks until she realizes there is no upside to doing it wrong the first time. Then you only have to spot check every now and then.
I like the reduce her wardrobe idea.
Make sure she doesn't have more than will fit in her drawers/closet.
If she gets anything new, something old has to go - or, don't get her anything new till something old is already gone.
Shop at thrift stores till she learns to care for her clothes.
There's no point in buying her nice things just so she can wad them up and toss them in a corner.
I do not have an 11 year old yet. I would be worried about giving her the money and have her pick out useless items or worse inappropriate clothes.
I think having her buy replacement clothes from her allowance it a good idea. I would consider a replacement item one that she destroyed not outgrew. It also depends on how much you give her for allowance and wear you shop. If you get her clothes at Nordstrom and Crewcuts (J. Crew for kids) and her allowance is $11 a week, then she may never be able to replace the clothes.
ETA:
Do you have her bring her clothes to the consignment store? My 5 year old like to get store credit for toys and clothes. The owner will also show him stains on his clothes and let him know they are not acceptable. He was actually doubted the stain. Sure enough with one wash we were able to bring the jeans back and they were sold.
Like Victoria said, it's time to do some serious spring cleaning. Involve her in every step of that, so one day she knows how to do it on her own. Hopefully she'll get over this phase where she doesn't care about her clothes. If it were me, I'd figure out exactly what she is keeping and list it all. Like 2-dress pants, 4-jeans, 2-shorts... Then plan on buying exactly what is needed. Personally, I think enough clothes to make different outfits for 2 weeks is plenty...especially when bottoms can match several tops. Maybe you can give her a head start on some shopping but I think a 10 year old needs the mother's approval for a while longer. My mom's thing was to find stuff as cheaply as possible, but I believe in quality too. Cheap will only last so long. She'll probably start caring about her clothes better when she doesn't have so much and cares about her appearance.
I like the reduce the wardrobe idea too! The others sound more like rewards!
I have the same exact problem with my 11 year old. I will be watching the responses you get. I think I like the idea of only giving her a few outfits to wear until she can take care of her clothes.
I just wanted to chime in that I am going through the same thing with both my girls, 16 and (almost) 13. I hardly EVER buy them clothes because they are so bad about managing what they already have.
Oh, and I have tried that whole here's x amount of $ to buy what you want/need for back to school with my older daughter when she was 15 and it was a disaster. She spent most of it on bras and a pair of ridiculous shoes. She was pretty mad when I wouldn't give her any more money but oh well, lesson learned :(
My kids are 7 and 9. I do laundry on Friday ( I work at home), usually takes all day - 6-7 loads. Then on Sat morning they have martial arts class and we're home by 11am - then, before they can do ANYTHING else, such as tv, video games etc, they must put their clothes away. Then, I go check EVERYTIME to make sure they have done a good job, then and only then, may they play games. This has worked well for us so far.
Take her to the thrift shops and yard sales for her summer clothes and limit the amount you buy. Tell her when she learns to treat her clothes and other belongings with respect you will buy her nice, in style, clothes but for now she can wear out of date clothes that her friends will laugh at.
Sorry if that sounds mean that is not my intention.
The other thing you can do is give her, her allowance in torn up bills. In other words say her allowance is $10/week hand her a $10 bill torn in about 8 pieces ( the bank will replace the bill). Tell her that clothes cost money when she doesn't take care of her clothes she is ripping up money and throwing it away.
My daughter was a clothes nut when she started Jr high. I had a budget and couldn't afford a lot of clothes and only bought on clearance. She babysat and bought her 'cool' stuff at places like Ambercrombie and Holister and Areopastle. I told her I refused to pay their prices---if she wanted it she could work for it and she did.
I'm coming from a different angle on this issue. I have to agree with the posters who said to limit her wardrobe. Get a grip on this problem now while she is young. Here's my story: My daughter is now 17 and lives with her dad. My daughter is a clothes horse. She has had major hoarding issues with clothes for the past 4 years. My daughter refuses to throw out or donate any of her old clothes even though they don't fit her anymore and are out of style. She doesn't take care of her things either. My ex has bought her brand new bedroom furniture and new carpet for her room...it's been destroyed. My ex has tried to explain to her organization and respect, she is defiant. When my ex offered to help her clean out her room, she went completely ballistic. So, both her dad and I refuse to give her any money for clothes until she gets rid of the old stuff. Now she is angry, got a job and is working to buy her own things. We are hoping that maybe if she pays for her clothes from now on, she'll take better care of her things and get rid of the old stuff to make room for the new stuff. If things don't change or get worse, we will be enlisting the help of a counselor.
