Clingy Toddler

My son who is now 6 didn't really do the clingy thing. However, my 2 year old daughter, she has more of an issue with it. For the most part, if you can get her involved in helping you or maybe distracted with a favorite activity, it helps. If only temporarely. Other than that, helping her to realize that even if mommy isn't right where she can see her but is still close by. Get her playing with the toy or activity then leave the room to do one of the jobs you want to get done. If she panics, just talk to her from where you are so she can hear you talk. She'll probably come find you but keep trying to get her to go back to the activity. Regardless, she will eventually grow out of it.

I have the same problem with my 2 boys who are just about the same age as your children. The 18 month old drives me crazy, following me everywhere and holding my leg. I have asked my pediatrican why he might be doing this and she told me because he is jealous of his older brother getting attention from me. I did a test and had my better half take the 3 year old out for several hours and I stayed with the 18 month old and he was a different kid. He played by himself, he wasn't clingy etc.. So perhaps your 15 month old is jealous of the attention you give your 3 year old and doesn't know how else to get your attention.

It's NOT your fault. It's your child's temperament. She needs more, and until she can verbally communicate well, it's hard. Of my 3, two of them were (and one still is) SUPER clingy. With my older daughter who is now 6, it seriously lasted until she was 4 and my twins were born. Only 1 of my twins is EXTREMELY clingy, but the other has days, too. My son and my daughter were all day, every day. It can be embarrassing, heartbreaking, and extremely frustrating. With my 1st, it was easier to give in to her because she was the only child then. People joked that she was my monkey - clinging so tightly to me that if I let go, she'd still hang on and stay up! With my twins, I have one other the same age AND an older daughter to care for, play with, work with all the time, so I've had to force changes. When it's really bad, I try to drop everything and give him 5 minutes of nothing but me. I started this with my son when he was first walking at 10 months and with my daughter when she was about 2 1/2. I wish I started sooner with her because it worked as well for both despite the age differences!! Whether it's tickling or reading or just sitting and cuddling, it's just 5 minutes. Then I transition to something else. If I have to do something in the kitchen, I will tell him - down at his level - to hold my hand and come help me unload the dishes or something. He'll hand me safe silverware from the dishwasher and it's neat and useful and fun for him. This way he's getting my attention in a productive way and being near me without being on me - or as I've always said - trying to crawl back into the womb because he clearly didn't get enough time there! Both kids responded really well to this. When I'm trying to distract him so I can do something with my other 2 kids, I will have him bring me things. Or I will find a way to incorporate him into the playing or activity I'm doing with the others. If I'm cooking, I will have him "cook" with spare pots and pans or toys from their kitchen set. I keep talking to him and telling him what I'm doing and ask him to go do things. My son easily followed 2 step directions at 14 months, so you might try something like "I'm cooking now. Take this spoon over there and stir this pot for me"...and have the pot somewhere away from you, but within sight. It's the hardest part about having more than one kid - they have different needs, and you have to divide yourself among them...on top of everything else you have to get done! I encourage my kids to play together, too, despite the age difference (22 month twins and 6 yr old), and we always find something. I also encourage a lovey of some kind. Both my older daughter and son had a blanket. I would be consistent. When I could do no more - for whatever reason - I would give them their blankets, set them down on the couch, and tell them what I had to go to do. Or say, "Wait here, while I go check the oven. I'll be right back." And I'd come back with blocks or something we could do separately or alone, hopefully without touching! Whenever possible, though, I try to get them involved with me near me, but not on me. That's not to say there still aren't days where I feel like I'm being attacked. And I've never felt like I was cold or withholding love or affection or attention. That's what the 5 minute breaks are for. And sometimes, in those little 5 minute segments, I've had so much fun with my kids that I forgot how frustrated I was. I still take the breaks with my 6 year old, and she recently told her kindergarten teacher that I am a fun mom who gets down on the floor and plays with her "all the time." It's amazing the impression they get from just 5 minutes here & there. I truly feel for you, though. It's very hard. I had to change much about myself to get the results I needed from my kids, but I believe it's been for the better. Good luck!

J. I am so glad you posted this I am having the same problem with my 14mth old and I thought of posting the same question. I can not do ANYTHING without her following me screaming and wanting me to pick her up. When other people watch her she is fine and plays on her own but when i am around all she wants is me. I can not even sit on the couch without her crying. But when it's 7 pm she goes right to sleep so there I do not have a problem. I really thought I was the only one going through this. Are you a sahm?
K.

This is a phase that is very normal. My first son was this way from an early age and had very bad separation anxiety. My younger son is just now starting to show signs of this, and he will be 2 on Wednesday. The best thing you can do for them is to try to be there for her as much as you can. She needs to understand that you are there and are not leaving her. She needs your support, and it will get better eventually. It is tough, but some kids just need that secure feeling of a parent. Try playing little games with her where you leave the room for a minute (hide & seek) and then go back and reassure her that you are there. Don't ever leave a room without telling her you are leaving. Then, after a little while, she will understand that you are there and will be right back. I know it is tough, I dealt with it for many years with my older son. But, some kids just are more clingy than others.

I have three children, the first two are girls and the last is a boy. My view is based on my own experience. All children have an intense desire to bond with their mother and vise versa. While the mother does bond with all of her children, the bond between mother and son is different from mother and daughter. Particularly sensitive little girls may pick up on that, especially if they are older than the boy. Your daughter might be using the behavior that she knows you will respond to in order to divert your attention from your son. If I were to suggest a resolution I would tell you to spend time with them together instead of trying to do one on one with each. Do not give in to your daughter when she is diverting you from your son. Firmly tell her that you need to take care of her brother just as you need to take care of her and let her know that they are both very important to you. It will probably take some time to get past this but if you're consistent it will come together nicely in time.

Dear J., each child is different, so i hesitated to even respond to this for fear of steering you in the wrong direction, but here goes: My middle child, who is now nearly 14, was a huge cuddler, and needed a LOT more clingy mommy time than either of my other kids. I can see, now that he is older, that that is truly part of his personality. He is still very affectionate and hugs me often (even though he is now 5'11"!) Frankly, now I love it! But he drove me a little crazy with it when he was little. Also, it sounds like perhaps your dear little girl, in addition to having some legitimate needs, may be trying to manipulate mama a little bit. I say this because of your comment about bedtime. So here is my advice: Give her all the physical attention and affection that she craves, as much as is possible for you, even to the point of you going over and touching, hugging, etc. when she is content playing or being alone. Fill that cup to overflowing! HOWEVER- when it comes to bedtime, or any other time when you feel she is using her "need" for affection to put off doing what she is supposed to do, i suggest you sweetly kiss her, put her in her bed with a smile, walk out and close the door, and don't open it again till nap/bedtime is over- and leave any and all guilt behind! You are doing the right thing- she needs her sleep. And it will get better- I promise! My 14 year old hasn't wanted to follow me into the bathroom for many many years! Blessings on you and those you love as you strive to raise your children well. - N.