Clingy Child

I'm having the same problem with one of my twin girls...she is 15 mos. old. Can you forward any good advice you get my way? Thanks.

Rest assured, his clinginess has everything to do with his age and his stage of cognitive development and nothing to do with your employment status ;-).
That is simply the "working mom's guilt" talking when you say that he feels unloved because you work. I felt the same way when I was working, but lo and behold, my second child, who I have been home with since he was 4 months old, did the same thing. And since I've been home, my kids don't throw any fewer fits. I just get to see all of them, instead of only the ones that happen after 5 p.m. :-)

His behavior is some kind of renewed separation anxiety. Couple that with the onset of 2-yr-molars and you've got a lot of whining on your hands. Honestly, the whining in our house didn't let up until my son was nearly 2 1/2! Ack!

I know it's hard when you're trying to get ready for work, etc., but try to take 5 or 10 minutes in the morning to just sit with him. Read a book, race cars down a ramp or something. If it helps you keep track of the time better, literally set a timer, and tell him that he will get "special mommy time" until the timer goes beep, and tell him what will happen next ("When the timer beeps, it's time to brush teeth and get in the car"). Kids this age are really comforted by routine, so it might go a long way for him if you can build it into your morning routine and have things in the same order every morning (or at least make that your goal, I know how some mornings are met with one disaster after another!).

If a separate 5 or 10 minutes wouldn't work, maybe you can "piggy back" on breakfast time (assuming you eat breakfast together). Since you can probably eat faster than him, use the time after you're done eating to interact with him. Ask him what he's going to do at school, see if he can name some of his friends at daycare, help him count Cheerios, look at pictures on the back of a cereal box, etc.

As a mom and a Montessori teacher, I've seen this quite a bit. First, children of working moms do just as well in life as those with stay at home moms and vice versa. But, they can pick up on that mommy guilt and react to it.

I think you are most likely giving him all the love you can! :) I think he is needing to communicate more and at this age, that can be difficult. As vocabulary improves, this will get better.

Second, he may realize what the routine is. You get dressed, he goes to school, you go to work, then you all come home again. However, at this age, children often do not like good byes. It makes them sad. And the coming home part can seem so far away that they do not even consider it at the time. But, with experience and age, they learn to handle it. My 9 year old still gets a bit sad to be away from me, but she has fun doing her own things. (finally by age 4 or so, she could tell me this instead of just crying!). So by sticking to your routing and helping him create his own, he will learn to mange his emotions and express them.

Acquiring self discipline at this age is important. Your actions and reactions to what he does is important. If you worry, stop what you are doing and pick him up, you are telling him either that something is wrong and mom is upset too or that he can get his way by crying. Maybe try telling him that he can come in with you while you are dressing if he is not crying. At first you may need to move him out of the room and tell him "when you stop crying, you can come in with me." Go back to him every two or three minutes, reassure him and try again.

This may be time consuming at first so you may need to get up earlier, but if you stick with it and he realizes that you understand that he wants to spend time with you and that he must control his crying to have that time....your mornings will be happier for you both.

Hi S.,

My son was the same way when he was little. Always seeking constant attention. It was to the point I couldn't get anything done around the house. And the stresses of that started to build up. What I started doing was including him in everything that I had to do. If I was doing dishes, I would sit him on the counter (don't worry he won't fall) give him a towel and have him dry the dishes (non glass of course), or give him a wet rag and let him sit with a plastic cup and just wash that while I what I had to do. If he starts to climb around I would say to him that he's going to have to get down and watch tv while I did my chores..or some sort of consquence to behaving and being helpful. When doing laundry, I would hand him the clothes and he put them in the dryer and he would put the dryer sheet in. I know it takes longer to get these things done but you have no idea on how honored he is to help you. He's bored. He wants to do what mommy and daddy are doing. So long as kids feel included they don't act out so much and after a while.. after a while they tend to find things to do themselves because they realize how much chores stink! If your unconfortable with any of those ideas, I would go to the craft store and find something he can work on while you get stuff done. My son is now 10 and he is the biggest helper than anyone I know. It teaches him more than you can ever imagine. The one thing I had a problem with is I couldn't have a conversation with my husband with out him interrupting and that was SOO annoying, not to mention it lead to a severe lack of communication between us. Be careful of that, I don't have any advise for that other than I'm divorced! My son took alot away from my husband because of this same scenario, which is why I chose to respond. Men strive for the same attention as children sometimes and unfortunately there is only 1 of you. It's hard. I look forward to reading other replys on this. Good Luck!

S.,
It could be a stage like Maggie said, or it could just be his personality. Either way I agree that you should first spend time with him. So, you'll have to get even less sleep and wake up earlier to get yourself together before he wakes up then play a game or read a book.

My 3 were all different, and the clingy one didn't change till age 11. She'd scream and claw at me everytime I left until age 5, then she never wanted to sleep without me or be more than a few feet away from me till age 11. Now, she's fine and she'd like to go to Europe... without me, so she got over it.

I don't mean to frighten you, just know that some kids are just clingy, so you have to figure out how to make things work for you and him.

I wish I'd been able to ease my own child's clinginess earlier for her sake more than mine ... just keep asking mamasource, friends, doctors, for advice. And try not to lose your patience.

Believe it or not.. it's typical behavior...

I get dressed for work while my Daughter is eating her breakfast and watching the Teletubbies.. it's worked so far... my problem is when we need to leave the house.

Good Luck!

J.

I am wondering about his day care? Maybe he is not happy there? I have a day care at home. One little guy cried only if mommy left him so daddy brings him and he is fine. I also have so many toys usually when kids come for interviews the do not want to leave. I would wonder if you child is unhappy at the Day Care. I have experienced that child will fuss a little then go about playing like it never happened in before the parents are even in their cars. Just keep seeking why his is doing this. Maybe it is the hour he is just tired still? G. W

You and your husband get up earlier and get yourselves completely ready for work. Then wake up your son and give him your undivided attention. Give him your heart and soul....both of you. If you both work and your son is at daycare all day,,,,,HE MISSES YOU!!! HE NEEDS YOU!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!