Cleaning Out the Old Toys

You really do need to do the toy purging when the children are NOT around - its amazing how a 5 year old can suddenly become so attached to a cheap happy meal figurine they've never spent a moment playing with when faced with it being thrown away. They do not treasure these toys, they just see them as "their" stuff and refuse to get rid of them because, well, they are children. Send them over to a friends house, or do it while they are in school - it is unlikely they will even notice any toys gone, as they do not keep a running list of them in their head like some adults keep track of their belongings.
It has nothing to do with "respect" for their things - as a parent, you need to take charge and eliminate excessive, unnecessary or too young toys so that their lives are not unnecessarily cluttered. Really, they don't really care that much - but 3 and 5 year olds are 3 and 5 year olds, and will always protest when it comes to tossing un-played with toys. You wouldn't allow your children to live in messy, dirty rooms just because they like it that way.
Toss the really cheap, fast food restaurant or baby toys they no longer pay any attention too when they are not aound, and in order to make them feel like they are part of the process if you want to include them, allow them to go through "questionable" (as in they play with them once in awhile, but not often) toys to decide which of those toys they want to keep. Have them take the toys they decide not to keep, and take them down to the salvation army or other such charity driven places, and have them donate their toys to the little boys and girls that need them. Turn it into a scenario where they aren't really getting rid of those toys, but instead giving them to needy children that need them and will love them just as much (or as little!) as your children did. By including them in SOME of the purging, they will not notice those other toys that you've already tossed. But at some point you have to take some charge of the situation and just get rid of the extraneous broken toys.

First of all - don't purge toys when your kid is around. When your child is out of the house, put away all toys that you don't see your child play with. If the child asks for a toy say, "I'm not sure where it is." Then when he's not around make it reappear. Only truly purge the toys when he hasn't asked for them for more that 6 months.
This worked great for me. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Boy o boy- after reading all these other parents notes- You are in good hands, here. I just wanted to let you know that This Too Shall Pass~ WE all go thru that, they learn and we move on.. kids are sweet and understand generosity. That is how they learn to love other people no matter what color or religion they are ***

Hi J.,

I am a 35 yr old Mom of twin 5 year old girls, and boy do I understand your situation. I have a few things I do to "manage" all the toys. First, I have them pick out things they would like to give away to children who are in need. I usually play heavily on their sympathy and the needs of others less fortunate. I do not leave the items chosen out for review~ instantly put things in a black garbage bag to be given away..while they are still looking around for what else they would like to give away. This way they can't have "givers remorse". They usually choose 2 or 3 things.

The other thing I do is the negotiation game. I take each large group items like stuffed animals for example. I dump them all onto the floor and sort by either size or creature...brown dogs, black dogs, white dogs, etc...then I let them choose 2 out of 3 items to keep (sometimes I do a 2 keep/ 2 give ration depending on how many their are). This way the keep pile is bigger than the get rid of pile. I sometimes sort the items into bigger choose from piles, like tiny animals (McDonalds had a bunch of these one summer) I had them choose the entire pile of tiny animals or the 3 small animals. That really moved some stuff out. But I think the key to any of it...is remove the items immediately into a non see through container, like the black garbage bag. Then immediately dispose ASAP.

If the above doesn't work, because MOOD DOES MATTER, I put a deadline on the play with or I will get rid of items. I tell them if it hasn't been played with by next weekend then I am going to give it away. I don't remind them though, as I think this would prolong the agony, and then I feel I have done my part to forwarn them of what is going to happen. Typically, they don't miss the stuff~ especially if I do a surprise rearraging of the playroom..plus they don't notice the missing items.

I hope something from these suggestions help. Good luck
C. D.

Dear J.,
My kids are seven and five and ever since they were way younger I take out toys that they've outgrown or don't play with anymore. I put them in black or white plastic bags so they won't see them and they don't even think about those things. They receive so many toys from family during their birthdays and the Holidays that I usually tell them two months in adavance that we have to donate some toys or there won't be room for new ones. Usually they agree. I treat the toys the same way I treat their clothes. We are constantly donating stuff. They already expect that to happen. I think I get more attached to things than them. I'm the one who tells myself "I'm not ready to get rid of this" so I wait but the kids don't see that part. Maybe if you start slowly but get rid of a few of them and send them away, don't keep them in the garage or any other place where they could see them eventually. They won't miss them. Hopefully I gave you some ideas. E.

When my girls were little I started teaching them about giving. Each change of the season we would clean out their rooms and they would choose which items they no longer wanted. We would bag them up and go to the thrift store to donate for other children to play with. Now that they are much older, they still make a place in the hallway to pile up stuff they no longer want and I make the trip to the thrift when they are in school. The other thing I had to do was put my foot down with my family and my husband's. They would buy my girls so many toys that they ended up not caring about any of their toys because they new they could get more so easily. They didn't need that many toys, they only needed what was most important. Perhaps try asking your children to choose 2 or 3 toys they would like to give to other children who may not have any. As they get older increase the amount to give away. Or have a garage sale and let them sell some of their toys and give them the money to put in the bank or buy something special.
K.

Do it when your kids are not around. More than likely they will not even notice what you have gotten rid of.

It worked for me.

Read to them about some kids who don't have as much, or stories of kids who have to work to get water, firewood ,etc. Then talk about it. how lucky they are to have so much. Let them know that they can help some other child to have some- thing his/her family can't afford. Ask them what a fair "rule" might be. My kids quickly decided that every new toy for them would mean that one good toy would go to some other child who needed it. We would have fun cleaning them up, and talking about who might get them.Eventually they made a place for old toys, and I would occasionally find a toy or two in there without even asking!! Be patient! It takes time to change their growing minds.
Lisa (Mine are grown up and still giving)

Hi J.. 'Don't know if this will work for you and your children. But, perhaps you could give them choices, i.e., put out 10 toys each and let them know X amount of them are going to children without toys. Then have them ride with you to Goodwill or where ever and let them hand the bag to the person tending the truck or bin. They may feel better about giving them up if they feel like they are sharing. That their treasures will live on vs. going in with last night's dinner scraps. Good luck!

Gather up the toys they rarely play with and put them in the garage for 3 months. If they never ask for any of them during the three months, donate them to Goodwill. Do it while they are not home. You can't do this in front of them.

A couple of ideas based on what I've seen on TV on shows like "Clean Sweep" (Peter Walsh has a book out).
1. Give them each a bin that represents the amount of toys they can keep. Have them choose their very favorites to keep, and tell them the rest will go to children who don't have toys. (Or conversely, ask them to select three toys each, each month or quarter, that they will willingly give to children less fortunate.) Children generally love helping other children.
2. Tell them ahead of time, that whenever a new toy comes in, an old one must go to make room for it. Let them choose.

Of course, children learn much more what they SEE than what they hear, so...do YOU have too many toys, too? Perhaps them seeing you clean out your old clothes, books, CDs, movies or whatever that YOU no longer use - before you start asking them to do it - will help. Take them with you to the drop off, so they can see where their things are going.

I have been working for several years to clean out my clutter. As one who can't stand to throw good things away, I highly recommend giving nice clothes and toys to women's shelters, as well as Salvation Army, Goodwill and other worthy organizations.

I always explain to my kids that there are lots of kis out there who don't have any toys and maybe we should give some of our toys away to them so they have something to play with. Sometimes I can even make them think it was their idea all along! Then we sit down with a box or bag and go through the toys. If they have out grown the toy I say "remember how much fun you had with this toy. Dont' you want some other little boy or girl to be able to have that much fun". Works every time.

I am in the same boat. One thing I found worked is tell them other kids have no toys since they cant afford them and for each toy they give to charity i will buy then one thing for every 10 given. that way they earn money for new toys and give needy kids a hand.

I have also donated to our kids coffee shop play area. when i go there with my daughter she had the toys there were hers but they are just located away from home.

I hope this helps. If not just start taking them when they don't look and let them "go missing". Remember there is a lifetime of toys and they are able to make that kind of sense at that age.

My daughter loves when she gets to go pick out her new small trade in toy.

I tell my kids, 5 1/2 and 7, that there are lots of children in the world that don't have any toys and since they have so many, it's time to sort throught them and donate them to the children who have none. So, we sit together and sort through them. It's actually very cute. They will say, "I think someone will really like this, because I do." So, that's my thought. When they were younger, I did what you don't want to do, when they were gone.

C.

Hi J.,

It's time to introduce your children to a women and children's shelter. Let them know that there are children out there with no home and no toys. Tell them that by giving a homeless child their old toys that they no longer play with, they will make a child happy.... which is the greatest gift! Have them each choose 3 toys that they would like to give to homeless children, pack them in the car, and take the kids along to make their donation. What a great lesson for them!

Also, before each birthday and Christmas, I would have each of my children choose 10 toys they no longer play with to donate to charity. The rule was, if you don't give the old ones up, you don't get new ones!

God bless,
D.

I have not personally experienced this problem yet, as my son is only 10 months. However, my brother has a son and whenever he had a birthday or Christmas, in order to get new toys he had to donate old toys that he did not play with anymore to needy children. This makes him feel that he is helping less fortunate kids while it helps you to clean out the closets. I hope this helps.

J., we always get the kids involved. We have two boys ages 5 and 3, and we have them go through their toys with us and take out things that have not been played with. We always tell them they are going to children who need toys and we have them help us take them to the Schriner's Hospital to donate them. We take books, toys and clothes to them. Yes it is difficult for them to understand they will not get them back, but reiterating that they are going to kids who need them is a big help and they get it. There will always be toys they don't want to part with and we decide if they really want it or if someone else would like it, and we purge a lot of things every January. Good luck to you and I wouldn't do it without them, let them feel they are a part of doing something good. P.

A good friend of mine cleans out the toys when her kids are gone and then puts them in an easily accesible area in the garage, so the kids can go use them still for a few months if they want to. Then she will tell the kids she is taking the ones in the garage to good will after a few months. I have my kids help me go thruough their things to give to our babysitter, who has grandkids who are younger than my kids and need things. I don;t think we give away everything that is too young for them, but since it is going to someone they know, they are pretty generous.

Well - I think that respecting your child's wishes is one thing - But remember they don't have enough life experience (at 3 and 5) to TRULY care (not like an older person). Try one box/bag of toys purge - see what happens (you will really have to commit to getting rid of it) - they may fuss initially - but trust me, they will move on / forget about it. You will also have to commit to not getting anxious or upset if they do. Even temperment from you will model for them that, with everything they have - sending a few toys to the thrift store is not a big deal. Explain - if you want, that other children that aren't so fortunate, will have a chance to play with their toys. You can even (and I like this one!) give them some power of choice over what goes to the goodwill/salvation army/homeless shelter. My son (age 4) chose his entire Lego/Duplo sets to give away. We took stuff to the local shelter, and he actually saw children who were there - It really gave meaning to the toy purging. Plus, I think as a parent, I've found that I don't want their attitude towards "stuff" to be stronger than their attitude towards people. (my motto - "Things" are NOT more important than people - so redirecting their focus towards other (poor/homeless) little kids, rather than the 'importance' of the toys - works for me). They are LITTLE kids, and their reactions may still be dramatic, but there is no basis for reason in regards to toys as "treasures". They will learn how to act about 'stuff' from you. Best of luck!!

Hi J.,
I really admire your idea of teaching respect. That's wonderful. Unfortunately, at 5 & 3 their little world is the "here & now" so if you say "let's give this toy away" they will resist 'cos, as you say, it's a treasure.
My only experience comes from my friend. She used to clear out toys not played with, put them in a box in the closet. When the kid asked where is .... , she would pull it out of the box. After a month, the box would go to the garage. Again toys could be retrieved at any time in the process. This all took 2-3 months for a boxful so the kids had lots of time to keep things. By then, the kid had probably outgrown the toy anyway & the box then went to Goodwill.
You might also try "you haven't played with this in ages", or, "You are so big now (for this toy) - how would you like to give it to a kid who has no toys?" That might appeal to their caring nature.
The culling of toys will obviously take into account the "treasure" factor - I sense you will know that & keep some things because of that, even if the kid doesn't play with it.
S. C (Granny)

I think I have an idea that may help you. I have two girls, 5 & 7 years old. For the past year or two I've been cleaning their rooms out by simply asking them if they want to give their old toys to the kids who do not have toys. I sit down with them in the room and we go through their toys about every 6 months or so. I make two piles, one to keep and a one to 'give to the kids'. It may seem silly to ask about every toy but at least they feel that they have a say in their things and they can feel good about giving it away to another child who is less fortunate.

Have you tried telling them that the toys they have outgrown will go children who are not as fortunate as they are? Tell them about children who don't have any toys and then take the kids to Goodwill with you so that they can personally give over their stuff. They will feel very proud to have given up something that they loved for someone else to enjoy. We also tell our children that they won't/can't get anything new until some of the older things they don't use any more go away. That works wonders.

Hi J.-

What has worked for me is, I tell my son (who's 6) that if he hasn't played with something for a long time or outgrown it, we need to give them to poor children who don't have very much and they're sad. I've been cleaning out his toys this way since he was 3. He understands now that there are many kids out there less fortunate than him and that they need help. Every six months, he helps to pick out the things to donate.

Also, he has some very large toy bins and every birthday and Christmas I tell him that all of his toys need to fit in the toy bins and if they don't, old toys need to be donated in order to receive the new toys he will get from his birthday or Christmas. I feel it's important for him to learn to live within his means and his space. I think 3 very large toy bins is more than adequate and I don't feel bad telling him he needs to be able to fit all his toys in those.

I wouldn't recommend sneaking out toys one by one since kids have pretty good memories and your older child will probably figure out the toy is gone (and then there will be trust issues). Get your kids involved in the process and this will help them learn that change (donating toys and saying goodbye to them) is part of life. Old things go away, new things eventually come.

Best of luck!

My sister-in-law kept the original boxes for all
her kids' toys and when they wanted a new one,
they had to choose which one went back into its
box and into a chest up high in the garage. She
told them that when they were 18 they could sell
them and make a lot of money.

Now they are married and have babies of their own
and are going to get the toys out for them when
they are age-appropriate. But one of the Moms
has sold some of them in a Garage Sale and made
some surprising profits. The money went right
into the tot's college fund.

Grandma N.

Hi J.,

My daughters were the same age difference as yours. I used to give them a time limit to clean up their room. Then I would go in and bag the remaining items. They were then allowed to earn them back one at a time for doing an age appropriate chore to clean their room. They accepted this because they knew the toys were not thrown out, but that they needed to take care of their things in order to earn them back. This really saved me from things getting out of hand as they grew up. I won't say they were happy with this, but they learned they were the ones determining the outcome. Good luck.

Wow..It isn't just my kids that do this, too :)

I clean their closets out on a day when they aren't home. Honestly, they don’t even remember/notice and if they do I say "oh we donated that toy months ago". I explain that we need to get rid of some toys, and that we are going to give them to kids who don’t have toys or only one toy. This makes my kids feel better about some other kids appreciating it and I think it lessens that feeling of "my favorite toy all alone in some huge pile of unloved toys". My kids are great when it come to giving away thier toys. (Plus it helps me get an idea of what they LOVE and what they might not miss, if I do additional cleaning when they aren't home. I typically donate to a local shelter, and it feels really great. Now my kids don’t have a problem with it at all, even if it is a little less than I would like to see gone. Maybe you could give them $10 to spend on a new toy when they have gone through and cleared out all their toys, that way the new toy will take their mind of the ones they got rid of??

Also, I feel strongly that you are the parent, not their equal, and your clearing out their closet and respecting thier stuff, has no correlation to them respecting your stuff. You need to know that and make that clear to them, even though I doubt they would even put those two things together, that is a very adult thought. We as parents want our kids to love and respect us, but we also need to remember we are parents, not equals, and sometimes need to do things that our kids won't like and they need to trust us and be respectful of us and our final word & decisions.

So many kids are without, and i think it's important to help out those than we can, and teach our children to do the same. Espcially in cases when our kids (and again mine are the same way) have an Excess of "stuff" and are holding onto things out of greed, more than neccessity. It's a good life lesson to learn!

Hi J.. My boys aren't as old as yours (1 and almost 3), so I don't know if they will respond the same way to this idea. We "rotate" our toys. Every few months, my hubby gets out a plastic bin from the garage and puts some toys in it, while getting old ones out. This doesn't do much for getting rid of clutter, because you still have toys in a bin in the garage, but it's kind of like getting new toys every few months. We do it after the kids have gone to bed (but you can do it with them, if you prefer). My older son whined for one of his trucks that we put away, but we told him we are playing with some new toys for now, and that we will get the truck out again soon. It's better than getting rid of them completely. Eventually you can start giving some away that they really don't play with much. Hope that helps a bit. Good luck!

We have always taught our children about giving to others. I have my daughter, She's 6, help me in clearing things out, after a birthday or Christmas. It helps because they have just gotten some new things. You might be met with tears at first, since your kids aren't used to it, but you're the parent and they are the children, and you are teaching them to be good stewards with their belongings. When we don't use something anymore, we give it to someone who will. You just have to be strong through their tears and know you are teaching them something good. My kids are so used to it. They see me getting a bag, and they say, "oh, time to give some stuff away again." If you don't start purging some of their things, you are going to have no room left for anything else in your house!!

my parents used to have us pick out 10 toys from a bag that they had gathered of stuff we wanted to donate to kids that didn't have any toys to play with. it helped us felt empowered. my mom ended up donating the whole bag of toys anyway, with the exception of the one toy we got to take out if we wanted.

They may be a little young, but maybe you could let them choose?

Limit their toy collection to a box or chest or something. It doesn't have to be permanent. A shipping box might work, for instance. Explain that it has occurred to you that other kids might not have kids to play with, and since we can fit only so many toys in our house without tripping over them (you'll come up with something, I'm sure), maybe we can give them all our extra toys?!!! Then let them choose what to keep and put those in the box. Whatever doesn't fit in the box goes to those other kids. You can even make a big production over delivering the toys to good will/salvation army. You might want to purge the unsalvageable toys when they are not looking, just so the charity doesn't have to.

Mine are 4 and 6 and I have the same problem and the only way to do it is when they are not around, you know what they play with and if you ever reach a day when they want something that you got rid of(not too likely) tell them you don't know where it is and they will soon forget it and move onto a different toy.

HI,
I have 4 kids and since they were all very young, we have had "clean-out" days. I put a brown cardboard box outside of their bedrooms and tell them to put anything in the boxes they are ready to get rid of...AND I WILL NOT QUESTION ANYTHING. Sometimes, we parents get in the way and encourage them to keep things they DON'T want. I have also offered incentives, i.e. 25 cents/stuffed animal, etc. If none of this works, box several things up, hide it in a closet for a month, and if they don't miss it, get rid of it! Good Luck!

My kids will be 5 and 3 in june. I understand the torture. I had to come to terms with my own emotional attachments first. THEN, I spoke with the kids. I started with questions. "How do you think you would feel if you had no toys? No books? No videos? No musical instruments?(etcetera)" Wait for them to answer. Explore their feelings with them. Then I asked, "How would you feel if someone came to you and shared their favorite toy with you so that you'd have something to play with and enjoy?" Let them answer. Then, I pointed out how much we've been blessed and how it would be a wonderful thing to share with others who didn't have as much. Rather than coming from the point of view of "we have to much, we need to get rid of some" (however true), we took the approach that helped the kids to see that they could make a difference in another child's life. It's a double whammy, purge the toys and foster the spirit of generosity by donating it to a charity. The other thing that helped my 4 year old was having a garage sale. I simply said, "all the money you earn from selling your toys, you can keep and use it for something really special." My son tore through the house bringing out everything... including some brand new things! We took the super brand new thing back in, but it was a very successful tactic. Hope that helps a little.

Children at those ages are very self-centric, and will not understand unless you make it about them. One thing that might work is this: Wait until the next birthday or Christmas and then explain that they will not get any new toys until they decide which old toys to part with. Good luck!

Ooh, I totally get it. My husband asks them to help out, but it quickly turns to tears and my husband forcing them to part with things. I prefer to remove a few things at a time privately that I know they don't play with. I DON'T get rid of it then. I keep a box in the garage or attic, out of sight. If those toys sit in the box 6 months (or however many you see fit) and no one misses them, then they go to goodwill. A little sneaky, but we all understand it's a control issue more than the value of the toy to them. Personally, I've ended up with more clutter and less fights and it's OK. The other thing that works is if you tell them how much some other underpriveleged child might enjoy this if they give it away, then they start getting the idea of thinking of others. Good Luck!

Check out flylady.net it has some great advice for getting rid of clutter. It has some kid friendly ways to get your kids excited about it as well. She uses the house fairy that leaves little notes and rewards for cleanliness and purging, there's a challenge a day just to get them use to putting things away (and getting rid of things), and one of the newest things I've read about which I've heard great reviews about is a scavenger hunt.

Make a list for each kid with things that might help pertain to you "broken toys, unloved toys, broken crayons, etc". Then set the timer for 15 minutes and see who (including you with your own list!) can find the most. Set aside a fun little prize for the winner (or for all of you!), and then trash what needs trashed and donate what needs donated. I've read quite a few very positive reviews of this idea.

Here's what's worked for me...I've talked to my son about children who are less fortunate and don't have nice toys to play with. We make a box of stuff that he thinks other little boys will like and then we deliver it together to goodwill or to a homeless shelter. This is especially effective around the holidays - right before Christmas we boxed up at least three large boxes of stuff. He didn't fight me or make a scence and he's three.

Something I know works too , is to organize their room or play area with boxes, basket and containers and tell them that they can keep what will fit and look clean. Have just a few places where toys belong (I have some in our family room and in each boy's room) and when the toys start to out grow the place it's time to purge!

I had this problem too. A solution that worked for me was too show my kids a video of poor kids like the ones in fund raising tv commercials and explained that those kids don't have any toys. I then suggested that each of my kids choose 2 toys each to clean up and donate. There might even be an orphanage or center where you could donated them and show your kids how much joy their toys give to other kids.

Another suggestion is to organise a single toy closet and say that they it works for them to keep all the toys that fit into the closet but all the other toys need to find other homes to make other kids happy.

I think it's okay to clean out toys when the kids aren't looking especially at the age they are now. I go through the toys of my 5,3, and 2 year old boys without them knowing. If not I would get lots of excuses about why things aren't played with and lots of tears. However, now that my daughter is 9 I let her go through her own stuff and sometimes she does a great job of clearing things out she just has a tendency of buying tons of small trinkets and knick-knack things (the same things I have spent a year trying to get rid of) with Christmas and Birthday money.

One strategy that might help if you want your kids to be a part of the toy liquidation is to let them do something nice for underprivleged kids. Box up toys and take them to a half way house that has children or to the Goodwill or something similar. This will make them feel better about parting with their stuff and it might make them get rid of more. Good Luck

It really depends on the kids, but what works for mine is that I simply wait until they are out of the house and I clean their rooms. If they are not there, they don't see it, and chances are for all the little stuff, they will never even realize it's gone. I throw out all of the broken toys that can't be fixed. I throw out all of the birthday favor/MacDonald's stuff that isn't going to be played with. I move out the larger stuff that isn't being played with to the garage to give away or store. If the kids don't miss it after one or two weeks, it's gone with the explanation that someone else really, really wanted it.

I don't do this with toys the kids really love, but let's face it -- that's about 1/10th of what they own.

Good luck!

I have a 2 yr. old daughter who has lots and lots of toys and some of them won't be appropriate to pass on to my 6 month old son. I always discuss with my daughter that there are some children who don't have toys to play with and that we want to make them happy, so we give them our old toys. I always let her pick out the toys that she would like to give away. Sometimes she even picks some of her favorites! She also comes with me when we donate them to different agencies, so she can see where they are going. Hope this helps!

Before birthdays and holidays, I have my boys go through their toyroom and place things they no longer use or need into boxes. I explain that the toys will be going to other children who don't have many toys. The need to be sure neither of them wants it and then it can go in the bag. By simply giving something to others it helps them feel good about cleaning.

Also once a year, we gather up the better toys and things they are no longer using and have a garage sale. With the money, they get to purchase one new toy! Best of luck with your cleaning endeavors.

Hi J., what I have been doing is when they are little I put things in the garage in boxes for a long time. If nobody misses it I donate it to hope services. If I know it is special I'll save it. As the kids have gotten older I give them a paper bag several times through out the year and ask them to pick through their toys to donate. I tell them you've got to make room for new things by passing along the old. They have gotten really good at this and like to donate their stuffed animals to the family courts to comfort children in a diffucult situation. Sometimes they think of a particular cousin or friend who they think would enjoy something and so they are learning to share and be thoughtful of others. Good luck

The five year old is probably "big" enough to give something to someone less fortunate. Let him pick one item to give away. Give him lots of praise for being so generous. Let it sink in. After that, nothing comes in unless something goes out. He'll be developing a new habit which takes a few months to be come "habit."
As for the three year old, I wouldn't do anything at this point. They will eventually be willing to let things go. You can, in the mean time, put things in labeled boxes for that garage sale where they can make some money for something they might want more.

This may sound bad but when I am desperate to get toys OUT of our house, I tell my 5 year old that I will buy him one new toy if he gets rid of one box of his old toys. Depending on how much stuff we have, I choose the size of the box accordingly. We also talk to him about where these toys will be going and that children who have zero toys will be able to play with them and he usually gets very excited for them and surprisingly gives away quite a few. Hope this will work for you too.

Hello J. m my name is P. and i am from san jose but ive been living out of the country for some time now. Anyways i know what your going through i went through the same things with my 2 daughters(10 and 15) my parents visit us 1 or 2 times a year so they usually bring a truck load of gifts, every year a month or so before there visit i would speak to my girls about all the poor children who had no toys and how they would enjoy having some of those wonderful toys forgotten in the toy chest. At first it was hard for them to understand until the first day we took the toys over to a small town with lots of children in difficult situations and when they saw the happiness in there eyes my girls were visibly touched and every year after that they picked out the toys themselves and always joined me to deliver them. There are many places where you can find children in need of a smile try it and remember to speak to them first and of course letting them pick the toys. They might only choose 2 or 3 at first but after that the amount will only get bigger. Good luck!!

Hi there. I started a routine when my eldest, now 7, turned 2. For every bday and christmas that my three kids have, one week prior we load up a box of old toys and books and clothes that they have outgrown, don't play with or maybe never did, and we take them to the women's shelter in my area. I explain to the kids that these are families who don't have a lot of toys, books or clothes and that it is our job to take care of those in need since we are so well taken care of. They have always know thats what we do so I don't get any complaints and they feel good knowing they are helping out less fortunate kids.
Hope this helps.

1. Talk to them about sharing toys with kids that do not have as many toys as they do. Small steps - ask them to part with 3 toys - (whole toys not just parts of one) that they are willing to give to another little boy or girl that doesn't have as much.

2. When it comes to cleaning out stuffed animals for my daughter (4)- I pick out the ones that I think can go and give her choices - do you want to keep this one or that one? Then she makes the choice on which ones to keep.

The giving to kids who do not have as much really does seem to help and click with kids - they really like to help others at this age.

Girl, I understand the whole respect thing...but I have kids almost the same age as yours...4 & 3. Believe me...if you were to pack up all the old toys and they never saw them again...they'd just play with the ones they have without thinking twice about it. I understand you trying to have respect for their things, but at the same time you don't need their permission to do away with the things they don't need. But you'd be suprised how kids are...if they're donated, and you tell them that it will go to someone who doesn't have any toys at all, I'm sure they'd be happy to be of help to someone else. My kids loved that they were giving toys to kids who would appreciate them and make them feel as good as they did when they got them.

Mine are 9 and 4. I usually do my "toy purging" right before present holidays - Christmas and birthdays. So, Novemeber and July for us. At that time I remind the kids that they will probably get new toys and they need to make some room. This usually does the trick for my 9 year old. For my 4 year old, the reminder that there are children with no toys to play with helps. It may even help to take your kids with some of their no longer precious toys to a shelter so they can actually see how their gift to others is loved, and they will hopefully remember later on how good that feels. My 4 year old sometimes also designates certain toys for certain friends (and if that parent doesn't want the toy, they will most likely be willing to take it off your hands without their child seeing it and run it to Goodwill for you, and you do the same for them!).

If all that fails, I remember when my son was 5 and he told me "Mom, can you just do it for me? It's too hard for me to decide."

Good luck!

Clean out bag-fulls at a time, don't let them find the bags and donate them! They'll never notice - I do it all the time. If they do ask for something I pitched, I just say "I haven't seen that for a while, lets look around" and thats it. We've never had an issue doing it that way. When they've seen me trying to weed toys out, they want to keep most of them still.

Have you tried the approach of talking about other little boys and girls that don't have any toys and sharing their toys with those boys and girls? (donating them to charity) Your kids can pick and chose as to what toys they think another little boy or girl might like to play with and your kids can feel good about helping another child.

What I have done with my 7 and 4 year old daughters is say they can keep all the stuff animals, babies, barbies, polly pockets, books, toys... that fit into their respective buckets, tupperware boxes, or shelves. So we will dump them out and they take turns choosing what to put into the buckets and what to give away to children who do not have many things to play with. The other child can rescue things from the give away pile, but we only keep what we have room for. I explain to them if we keep everything, soon there will be no more room to even get into the house or for new things they receive at Christmas or on birthdays. Then together we take our donations downtown and talk about helping others in our community who don't have as much as we do.

you are mom, get rid of the toys.

You can't have it both ways. Either you have to watch them cry and scream every time you take out the toys that you know they don't play with anymore, or you take the out when they're not there. Believe me they won't miss them unless you insist on showing them what you're doing.

Or maybe you could enlist their help by giving their old toys (not broken ones) to underpriviledged children or donating them to a second hand shop. This way they can feel they are doing some good and you get to remove some of the old toys. It is better to give than to receive, and this will teach your children that doing something nice for someone else is a good thing. Good luck.

Hi J.,

I remember when i was younger that i had a ton of toys that everyone would always try to get me to part with. They would sneak them out and things like that. Well it got down to when my nana would come up to me and tell me that "its not getting rid of them its just sharing them away" with that in mind she had taken me to a friends home where there were 2 girls around the same age as me, and I got to see how they lived- poorly at the time so they had each 2 dolls each and that was about it. when i would talk about the toys that i had they would be really interested. so that's how i had learned to "share them away to others" by knowing that there really were less fortunate than myself. Just tell your kids that there are many other children who have no toys to play with and that if one child gave away a toy every child in the world would have at least one good thing to play with. it worked for my brother an I when we were younger in fact we would help when our mother told us it was time to "share away toys". it was a good way to get us involved. good luck.

Hi, J.!
My husband and I rotate toys into the garage in clear containers. We do this to avoid so many toys in their rooms that they don't even have room to play. We reintroduce them every few months and rotate more out.
We also move some outdoors. The toys that move outside usually end up in the garbage after a few months.
I hope this may give you a few ideas.

A. Lou

I have had the same problem w/my 6 & 10 year olds, I talked to them first about all the less fortunate children that would LOVE to have these toys but can't afford them, & that giving the toys to other children instead of throwing them away would make some kid very happy & thankful. It may even be a good idea to take your children with you to donate them to a shelter or church that provides for underprivileged families. It is a great way for kids to see that some families need help. My kids now help me decide which toys to give away. Good luck!

Hi J.,

I have a 6 year old son and the same thing happens with him in terms of getting rid of toys that he doesn't play with...

You know your kids and you know what works...if you don't have room for new toys, then all the more reason to motivate them to clear out the ones that they don't play with...ask yourself if you are doing this for them or for you and is this a battle that you want to deal with or need to deal with...if there are broken toys, they should be thrown away for safety reasons...if you need to do it one at a time, then so be it..just make sure that you don't threaten them

Sit with them and play with them and see what toys they love and what toys they don't play with and suggest that you get rid of that toy to make room for others.....

Just take it easy and remember, this too shall pass!!

In regards to the nice looking toys that are in good condition, perhaps you should tell your kids to give them to someone who needs them.

Or, maybe you could let your kids wrap them up as gifts to other kids who need the toys.

Perhaps, if you allow it to be a fun giving time, maybe it will be easier for you and the kids to get rid of the old toys.

Good luck and have a great remainder of the weekend. Hope this suggestion helps.

Hi J.,

When my son was 4 (he is 6 now) we told him that we'd like to donate some of his toys to children who lived at shelter. So I asked my son, what toys do you think you don't play with anymore (I put it in such a way that he was given choices)and I think that empowered him. He then proceeded to point to each toy and or book that he no longer used. When then took the items to a shelter and from that point on, as he no longer plays toys or outgrows outfits, he says, Mamma, take these to the shelter. This is what worked for us, giving him choices and letting him know that he was helping other little children << that made him feel good. it's worth a try. good luck :)

Many people have had success with the "House Fairy". Find her website by going to Flylady.com. Good luck!

The situation will only get worse if you let the kids call the shots. With young kids it is out of site, out of mind. If they are outgrown pass them on; if you truly regret a decision later on you can probably find it at a second hand store but I've never had that happen as there are always new toys coming out to attract their attention.

If they are indifferent or lost interest for a while, put them in a hold box and bring out a couple months later, if they are still indifferent, pass them on. I held on to toys that I wished I had when I was a kid but the kids never had interest in.

The only toys I have kept (my "kids" are now 16 & 24) are one or two classics from each age level for when younger kids visit. I put one or two of the smaller stuffed animals or dolls into their memory crates.

If you truly want to involve your children in the decisions, use the one-in one out approach. When a new toy arrives (by gift or purchase), ask which old toy they want to give to another child who has less. The five year old is probably ready for this but you'll probably need to make the decisions for the 3 year old.

It is an ongoing and thankless task but the kids need to learn these skills so start them early.

Hello J.,
I have the same problem. I have 2 approaches; the first is to give my children (5 & 7) a box and ask them to put the things inside that they could pass to the children who don't have any toys. This usually gets some sympathy, and then they go to our church rummage sale or the local shelter. Things that have dust on them go in a box in the garage, for 1-2 weeks. If no one is looking for it during that time, it also gets donated. My husband wants to enforce the "get a new toy and give an old one away" rule, but I find that a bit harsh. Perhaps I am too much of a softy. Hope those ideas help.

Hi J.,

I have two boys 3 and 6 and a very small house. Whenever we get new toys, on a Birthday or Christmas, or whatever, I tell my boys they must pick 10 toys each to donate to kids who have no toys. This seems to work because they pick they toys they no longer play with and it makes them feel good to give toys to children in need. I made the 10 toy rule, becuse so often packages come with multiple toys and I am trying to stay at even keel.

Have your kids pick 3 of their toys to donate to children that don't have any and maybe this will be such a good feeling it will be easier in the future.

Dear J.,
I feel you! I also have a three and five year old. We started the routine of clearing of toys on birthdays and christmas when my oldest was two, and it's hard! My kids say the same things and make the same promises. I have found it's easier the more we do it and talk about why we are doing it. They now play with the toys that are out more often and my five year old has even said a few times that she wanted to give a certain toy away because she was too big for it. We explain to them how other kids don't have as many toys as them and how much another child would enjoy it since they don't play with it as much. We also explain that in order to get more toys, they need to make room for them, this usuallt encourages them to give some up. My advice is to stick to your guns, follow through, let them whine, and your consistency will pay off! Good luck!

First, be strong. Go through the stuff and if you and determine that it has rarely been used since purchase put it in a large plastic bin (preferably not clear) and label it "goodwill" and put in the garage. If some of the items can be saved for the 3 year old that belonged to the 5 year old and he/she (you didn't say which) won't actually miss it, put it in another bin and label it "recycle"--bring out when you think the items are more appropriate. Do this when the kids aren't home. You must know what they've outgrown (especially the 3 year old) and can easily dispose of those things (take to your local thrift store when they're not home). My kids did the same thing to me (they are now 15 and 13), and each year I purged their rooms of things I know they didn't use. They have never, ever, ever missed a single item. In fact, this last Sunday they insisted on cleaning out their old stuff on their own and we have 3 boxes of stuff to give to the local school rummage sale. My oldest son decided to give all his old video games (after asking the youngest if he wanted them) to a less fortunate friend. Once I year (right before Christmas), I'd tell the kids (when they were about the ages of yours) we needed to make room for new stuff. We'd go through their toybox, closets and drawers to see what could be donated to less fortunate kids (I stressed this--kids who don't have anything). They liked the idea a great deal, and sometimes wanted to give more than I wanted them to part with (knowing the younger one would want the stuff). I'd explain that if given to the younger sibling--it now belonged to him and no fighting over it. It seemed to work. Good luck!!

Let the kids decide which toys to give away to children who don't have toys to play with. Perhaps have them go to a homeless shelter and explain how all children do not have toys to play with. You will help create a caring nature in your children by showing them empathy for others.