Hi D.,
Before I started writing this I read your responses. Actually, I wished all the tricks would have worked, but didn't. I have a daughter, 24, who as a teenager drove me and her dad crazy with her unorganization. I went out and bought her orgaizational tools (ie. . .baskets for the make-up, folders for the school work, cool things to put jewerly in and clothes in). I did it all. Grounded her, told her she could go places, but without money, told her she couldn't go places, etc. . . But all that happened was more fustration. She really made me mad when she would go somewhere else and I would see her helping someone else out. So, what I taught her was working just not at home.
One day I was talking to a couple who are friends (one's a teacher and one's a nurse) and they said that kids think from the back part of their brain at this age. Which is being unorganized, making bad choices, blah, blah, blah. As we all get older (about 23-25) we start thinking from the front part of our brain, which is when we start to get more organized with our thoughts and things come together. Choices are easier, organization is easier and so on.
I didn't think I was going to make it. Although, my daughter like yours was a good girl. Had good work ethics, got good grades, had great friends, etc. . . Her lack of organization in the house drove me nuts. Now at 24, she realizes her lack of unorganization and is fixing it. She tells me that she's glad that I reminded her. That in her head she can still hear me. lol She also tells me a lot of those bad habits came from trying to be organized and to much was going on in her mind. Like "when I get done eating I've got put on my make-up and make sure to get my homework to hand in. Hope my friend so and so is going to call". She says the clean-up just never came up. (She thinks this is funny, I don't)
All I can say is that what I did is remind her. "Your dishes are in the sink. I'm not the maid, I'm the mom". "Your make-up is still on the bathroom counter. It's my turn in there, please." "Your clothes aren't going to get cleaned unless they're in the hamper". On bad days I would get the comment about not being a 2 year old. I would just remark then not to be messy like one. On good days it would quietly be done.
Your daughter too will out grow this, but she will need constant reminding. Sooner or later they realize that what goes on in the house is like real life. So don't despair, you will make it. And so will she. lol