Cio - Cuba,MO

Never had the heart to do the cio method. I always worried my kids would feel abandoned. I think people that do it must be very strong because I honestly couldn't handle that. To each his own I suppose but I always soothed my kids back to sleep when needed. Sorry I don't have any insight into the cio method for you.

Kim C. gave great advice, but I wouldn't increase the time interval beyond 15 minutes at his age. 5 min the first time, 10 min the 2nd, and 15 min each time after.

when he was little we wouldnt let him go more than 25minutes. now he is 14mnth and he will usually only cry for less than 5min then he will play in his crib. if he isnt asleep in 45min he isnt going to sleep. we DO NOT go in the room. we took the door knob out of the door so we can peek in on him, but if we go in there he thinks there is a chance we will get him up and he gets riled up again

I kept a little wooden rocker in the babys room. If they cried for more than 3 minutes I would go on in and rock them back to sleep. They grow up so fast and these little times to nurture them go by so fast.
Now I wake up in the night with hot flashes and would way rather be rocking a baby :)

Children/babies have no concept of time. If they need something they cry, if you don't respond within a minute or two they learn to not trust you to take care of them. If the baby is not back to sleep in a few minutes it's time to go in and take care of the baby. They won't wake up during the night forever.

The baby's only language is to cry. If he is hungry, sick, irritated, needs comfort or any other thing, the natural response of a mother is to respond. Letting the baby "cry it out" only applies when you know for sure you have met all other needs and the cry is really a need to "soothe themselves"

I woke up one night hearing my baby cry only to find the covers over his head. If I did not respond and let him cry it out he would be dead - so I do not believe you should apply cry it out to everything. Kudos on your husband responding after 35 mins (which is long).

IMO, cry it out should be for older kids past the age of 2 or more!

We did not go into their rooms at all when they were doing it. It took both my kids 2 or 3 nights of crying for about 30 minutes. They have been wonderful sleepers ever since. Of course, check on them don't just ignore, but they don't need to see you there.

My children know I love them very much and I am always here when they need me. My children are not neglected and I don't think letting them cry is torture. They also need to learn how to soothe themselves. Just like adults, babies can pick up bad habits. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you think is right.

We did a modified version of CIO with my first. It was from the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"
When/if she started crying we would wait 5 minutes then go in a comfort without picking up. Rub her back, give her her plug (paci), shh shh shh, etc. Then we would leave.
If she started again we would wait 10 mintues, and go in, adding 5 minutes and repeating the same thing. This only lasted about a week (maybe less, but at the time it seemed like forever) One time we had to wait 25 mintues of crying (this was after 5,10,15,and 20 minutes) but that only happened once. She was always an amazing sleeper until she turned 2, but that's a different story. :)

I think 6 mos is a little young for CIO, but the general idea is to gradually lengthen the times between the pop-ins to soothe. Start with 5 mins a few times, then 10, then 15 etc. Don't pick the baby up and do pat his back or make soothing shooshes.
I think your first 5 min experience was a fluke! lol

First how old is your son? Age has everything to do with it. Anything below 3 months, don't do it.
I'm not an advocate for CIO since I know that not all kids can handle it. My son most certainly can't. BUT I know that it can work for some.
ONE night is not long enough for him to be night trained to sleep and sooth himself. It can possibly take weeks. If you are wanting to do this, you guys are going to have to get some ear plugs and a timer to get through this. Every time that you give in, you just added on probably another 2 to 3 days of CIO.
Just to make sure that you are doing it correctly are you going and checking in on hims every 2, 4, 6, 8, minutes? You gradually spread out the time. Check up on him for 20 seconds or less not picking him up, but making sure he is ok. Walk out for the next amount of time. Every time he wakes up you still have to check up on him. Letting him just cry there with out checking on him is cruel, so I hope you aren't doing that.
One mom on here i know mentioned just leaving and letting cry. That is inhumane to the baby. Don't ever do that. Sure they are young, but you can do damage doing things like that. Plus how do you know if they are in trouble or not. Anywho. Off that rant.
So be PATIENT. Be strong. If you can't handle it, then there is nothing wrong with rocking your baby to sleep.

i think CIO can be effective if it's very carefully applied. that doesn't mean just not going in to a very upset baby. as another mom said, there could be a genuine problem, and what you don't want is for your baby to learn that his parents aren't there. after 5 minutes i'd go in and rub his back. no talking, no eye contact, no interaction, just a soft touch to let him know he's heard and loved. it's not a *fast* method. it may take many nights of going in every 5 or 10 minutes to touch him and reassure him that all is well. but this combination of reassurance yet not actually getting him up will pay off over time.
i'm assuming this baby is at least a year old, right? CIO for infants is just wrong.
khairete
S.

I JUST did this with my youngest 2 weeks ago (she's 22 weeks).
The longest she cried was 45minutes. It took 2 nights and she was back to normal.

Both of my kids, however, do not respond well to the "go in and soothe" approach. Both of them, I had to just close the door and not go in until morning. Having me in the room actually made it worse for them and they'd get more worked up.

35 minutes is totally fine. Tonight, it will be better. And I bet by the following night, you have no issues at all.
If it helps, I have friends that have had their kids cry for 1.5hrs +. Today they all sleep wonderfully. If you commit to it, it's SO effective. Hard to listen to, yes, but just remind yourself that you're helping them. That's what got me through it.

.

I've never allowed my infant - or child - cry themselves to sleep from exhaustion and finally giving up on getting help. I personally liken it to crate training an animal - except with a baby, they usually want Mommy for a reason.

Hi TedsmommyL,
I totally can relate to your wanting to try to help you LO fall asleep easier. I did not know this until I researched...There are other ways besides CIO if you want to try. Elizabeth Pantley has a great book "No Cry Sleep Solution". and there is a great website
www.ahaparenting.com

HTH. Jilly

Wow, you have gotten a lot of negative feedback about CIO as opposed to actual answers to the question you asked! What worked for my two boys was to eliminate the paci--it sounds hard, but at 6 months old they weren't able to retrieve it themselves and they woke every time it fell from their mouth (my first we took it away at 3 1/2 months, my second refused it on his own at 4 months). We replaced it with a small (14" x 14") blankie that was easier for them to hold on to and keep track of, even at that young of an age.

As for CIO, we started with the going in after 5 min, then 10, etc. but that just seemed to prolong things--almost training them that if they keep crying we'll come in--so we finally had to just stick to our guns and literally let them cry it out. The most either of them ever cried was about 30 minutes (however, this was AFTER eliminating the paci). For both boys, they were sleeping completely through the night after about 3 nights. If it isn't working for your little guy after a week, wait 2 weeks and then try again. My second son wasn't ready at 6 months, but was ready 3 weeks later. This will be one of the hardest things you've ever done with your baby, but in the end it really will be worth it. What helped me is to reframe the crying. Some people view it as they "need" something and you are cruel for not meeting that need; I view it as they "want" something (you) but it is inappropriate for them at that time...almost like a baby tantrum. Just as you wouldn't let him have or do something dangerous/unhealthy/inappropriate just because he was crying for it, you have to be firm about not going in just because he's crying for it. Make sure you and your husband are equally committed to it! Best of luck to you!

Without his age, no one can answer this question.

Our daughter was 4.5 months old when we did it. I will say I did give in a few times which is bad. you can not go in and pick the baby up and rock to sleep otherwise all days prior to that mean nothing.
when we put the foot down. Day 1, she woke up 2 times, she cried for 1 hour each time.
Day 2 she woke up 2 times. First time was for 2 hours and 10 mins, the second time it was for 1 hour and 45 min
Day 3, she woke up once, cried for 45 mins
Day 4......did not cry at all and slept for 10 hours.....
there were a couple of days after we did CIO (like a week or 2 later) where she woke up again, but I gave her 30 mins before going in to check on her and make sure there was no fever, sick etc....I NEVER picked her up.
If you are in for the CIO, tell daddy to put in earplugs...it DOES work. Lots of people dont like the CIO method but for me it was the best option. working 9-10 hour days, I didnt have time for a crying baby...(I know lame excuse, but I had to work...wish I could stay home :(
good luck!!!
EDIT: you cant go in and give him a pacifier either....he will learn that you will come in and give it to him. I have the pacifier keepr on my daughters PJ's adn put it in the same place all the time and have her practice during the day to find it. we also have a crib musical thing that she turns on and plays music...she soothes herself.

Hi T.,

Please do some additional research on CIO/Ferber. If you give up and/or are doing anything more than going in to give a quick pat on the back then you are being counterproductive with the actual method and it will take you so much longer with way much more frustration to get the same result.

You have to be firm and strong, but loving. Once you start you CANNOT give in or you will undo everything you have done so far. So far you have taught your son that if he cries you will come in and give him the paci and if he cries long enough you will give in and rock him. So, his new threshold is 35 minutes. As long as he can cry at least that long he knows you will give in!!!!!

Be strong! If this is the method you choose, then you have to stick with it for it to be effective.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...

Good Luck!

Crying is the way a 6 month old communicates. If you don't respond to their crying they will not learn to trust you and know they can rely on you for their needs. I have NEVER in 2 1/2 years let my son cry it out and he sleeps through the night unless he is sick. I actually enjoyed soothing my son back to sleep when he was 6 months old. As Grandma T said, rock and sooth them while you can....they grow too quickly and in the blink of an eye your little one will not want to be held and soothed.

Well, I guess it depends on who is in control of this situation and this in turn will affect other areas later that the child will control. It's your decision. I refused to let my first child cry it out and sat by the bed and patted, went back in and did it over and over all night and my husband was not happy about never seeing me. Then I had our second child and the first one still doing this routine with me. The boys were 12 months apart. So our pediatrician told my husband to send me around the block so I couldn't go in and 'rescue' the child, shut the door and let him cry. It was so hard for me but we did it and after two nights he went to sleep every night and never again did the 'control' issue to keep me in the room with him. You WILL know if the child is needing you for real and otherwise it does NOT hurt them at all. It's a matter of will, yours or theirs. They do not need you then but they do want you then. After this lesson I learned all the other 7 kids slept fine and the last couple slept through the night very early. It's just a matter of teaching the child you love them but you are the parent and they are the child. I'm sorry so many think this is like crating, etc. Our children are not animals but need to learn boundaries and who to listen to. That's just my opinion and it worked for us and we got time to see each other again. Don't go back in again though. Then you have to start all over again.

CIO is not a bad thing. The only thing I would ask is once you put him down for the evening when did he wake up the first time. If he soothed himself back to sleep the first time then he should be able to do it again. If he keeps waking up there might be something more to it? Teething or Ear infection.

it takes time but i never let mine cry more than 20 min. listen to the sound of his cry he will have one for tired, one for hungry, one for hurt etc. also if he is going to cry himself to sleep his cries will get shorter and the pauses longer.

We used the Baby Whisperer's advice for #1 and it worked (shh pat method). Didn't for our twins so a few months ago (around 6 months of age) I got the Healthy Sleep Habits book and it worked. Basically don't go in at all during the night and let them cry for up to an hour during naptime. In 3 days time they were sleeping thru the night and taking at least an hour nap as opposed to 20-30 minutes. Good luck. All babies are different! Go with what feels right to you.

Hey hun, I saw your post on the other CIO question. There are quite a bit of differences. Honestly if her son was as old as yours I'd be down for it. You and your hubby sound like those aww how cute parents (like I'd be like aww how cute).. I think the hardest part is actually following through, I melted when my daughter would cry and I knew she wasn't hurt or anything but let her try to CIO. It broke my lil heart. Is a paci clip safe at night? My daughter didn't like pacis so I don't know if those little paci clips are safe to do at night, but if they are you could try that so he can find it on his own. My daughter never cried past 30 mins, so does your ped have any suggestions? Is he scared of the dark? There are those cool star-casting turtles you could get (I mean seriously, I want one). I know it's 3 days late but like I said, saw your post and was curious :)
Could he be hungry? You said he cries longer the second time... maybe he's restless or hungry?

Just wanted to support your choice for CIO. I also agree with those who said that you should just go in one time at the beginning, and only do this the first, maybe the second night. THat way the child understands that you are there and he is safe, but you will not be coming in. I thought Suzanne had a lot of practical advice. It does pull on your heart strings but it really only takes a few nights, so don't worry. Hang in there and look forward to sleep.

We used the 15 minute rule. We would let our little guy cry for 15 minutes before we would go in. More times than not he would go back to sleep before that time limit. Sometimes he would cry for a few minutes, then stop for a minute or so and then start up again. Every time he would stop crying, the timer would start over again, so he would cry for another 15 minutes tops before we would go in. After the 15 minutes, one of us would go in his room, hug him while he was still in his crib, give him a kiss or his binkie and lay him back down. We might rub his back for a moment or sing him a quick song, but we would not pick him up. We wanted him to know that this was bedtime and that even though we loved him and would come if he needed us, that he wasn't going to get out of bed because it was bedtime.
Good luck mama!