Christmas/Santa/MIL

Jessica, it seems like you are pretty upset, both with MIL and the other people posting. I never ask a question on this site assuming that I will only get support and no one will ever disagree. As a matter of face, sometimes the opinions that don't agree with mine are the most helpful so that I can look at it from a different perspective.

My opinion on the question at hand is that you (and hubby) can talk to MIL, but you can't change her.

We (me and my Mom) used to buy too much for my niece and nephew. My sister insisted on only one thing and we would always buy at least two. My sister would count how many toys she wanted the kids to get, then donate all the rest to charity. Her kids picked the toys to keep and the toys to give away. Her kids learned a lot about giving vs receiving. Once when me and my sister were still talking I went to her house and saw all the toys I had given the kids for Christmas out on the front porch waiting to be picked up by Salvation Army, and I got the hint. Is there any way to get MIL to help decide what to donate?

1. Not anymore...but he has.
2. Grandparents always go overboard!
3. "Should you DO anything?" Like what? Give her a list of pre-approved gifts? No.

I'm sorry but your MIL bought what she wanted your daughter to have, you sound a little over-the-top controlling about the whole thing....just sayin'.

Santa coming to more than one house...great....you just explain that Santa must have known they were visiting grandma, too. If grandma doesn't want the "credit" for a few gifts, oh well. It will bite her one day when she gives the perfect gift to your daughter from "Santa," and instead of all the loves and hugs directed at Grandma, they will be for Santa who gave her the gift.

Who cares how many presents there are...it isn't like grandma is trying to compete or outdo you...or I guarantee she would have had her name all over the "From" on each and every one of them. Having signed them Santa may be her way of helping you guys with a couple more items to make your daughter's holiday merry...without looking like she is trying to outdo you.

Waldorf method is great for some people...and not for others. She may not even understand what it is...and even if she does, it is her perogative to buy what she would like - it is a gift.

My son has a bunch of friends who attend the local Waldorf School. One family is very good friends of our family. Dad has traveled all over the world, and is one of the most highly intelligent people I have had the honor of knowing. Mom is a Yale Law School graduate...who is also president of their Waldorf School. I was at their house Dec 23rd delivering some Legos and mainstream movies I had shopped for them while in town. They were busy wrapping Havoc Helicopters, Flarp, Legos, and a wood Budda for their three kids (nuff said). Kids can be raised with your values and structure, and still maintain a modicum of mainstream..without it being a bad thing. You can't lock them in a box until adulthood.

Just because you are raising your child Waldorf doesn't have to mean strict adherence to a set of rigid structure or rules...go with the flow..and know that your child is going to encounter your values, and the values of a whole lot of other people that may not match yours...and in the end hopefully you have taught them the importance of choosing what is best for them.

PS: You talk to any Waldorf 4th grader (we live across the street from the Waldorf school) and they are more hip, and up on pop culture, media, and hype than a mainstream student. You hear them singing top 40 songs on the playground. Life is about differences of opinion and values...embrace it...it's much easier.

Added after reading "What Happened:"
I want to apologize if you feel attacked. None of the replies (IMO) even come close to attacking you. A question/ advice forum is not the place for the timid...and certainly not the place to rant or post unless you are prepared to hear some differences of opinion. In fact...that is what I like best about Mamapedia - alternative ways of thinking. If you are looking for complete validation, you are probably better off talking to a close friend or diary in the future.

When I was a kid, Santa came to numerous places. It was never a problem...and we never compared one Santa visit to another. We just felt lucky - which was great because having more than one "home" to go to didn't make us feel "lucky" during the rest of the year.

Maybe making the gifts from "Santa" was your MILs' way of trying not to seem like SHE was going overboard? As for the cheap plastic toys, we DO forget what is age appropriate. Parenting is a forgetful business.

There will ALWAYS be some cheap plastic gifts in your life...you can do your best to minimize them, but I wouldn't expect grandma to do exactly as you do when it comes to this.

Honestly, based upon my own experiences, if you have a MIL who speaks to you respectfully, who isn't hateful to you, who doesn't act as if you are interfering with HER parenting YOUR child....then count your blessings, thank her and move on. Really - you could have gotten some batsh*t crazy lady who is super-possesive of YOUR life - instead of someone with bad taste in toys.

In time, you might have to come up with a "our home/grandma's home" arrangment for toys. This is your first child - and possibly her 1st grandchild - grandma might just be having fun now. Try to work it out with her over time & try to meet her half-way on the occasion of Xmas.

After 3 kids, I can say that the "perfect parenting" we tried to do for our 1st child was NOT superior to the "whatever I can manage" approach for our 3rd. If there is TV and plastic at Grandma's house, as long as she is not endangering our child, I suggest that you try to let that be how Grandma "spoils" her. It may not be exactly how you want things, but it's really unlikely to harm your daughter.

Good luck & God bless

1. Yup. Santa comes the night of the 23rd at our house so we have christmas on the 24th (our compromise so that we can spend all day having christmas at home)... and then he comes christmas 25th at my mum's house.

2) Christmas is always *huge* at my mums (it's also 3 people's birthdays). The real benefit of a "tiny" christmas at our house the day before? Kiddo actually REALIZES what all the toys are and gets to spend all day playing with them. The embarassment of riches that happens at my mums makes everything a happy blur, but a blur nonetheless. I figure, there used to be TWELVE days of christmas... two isn't pushing it at all.

You know the great thing about being a parent on christmas? Toys that drive you nuts magically disappear. :) They get played with a little (or even just kept in bags and not taken out when we get home).... and then.... poof. They get donated/ regifted/ forgotten on a way up high shelf. All kinds of things *poof* them. At 8yo (and a near photographic memory) my son still doesn't really notice. In large part because it IS such a zoo at my mums. Also, certain toys STAY at her house. Nerf, for example. Not that I have anything against nerf (well, not much aside from the fact that I out and out refuse to pick up a million darts)... but out dog eats them and throws up green slime all over the place. Eeeeew. So they stay at Nana's so she and my son can play with them on nana-days. Annoying musical toys or singing hansters? Stay at Nana's house! I've learned not to try and "control" her giving... because it kills her joy. Instead, I just redirect it. By keeping toys that make my eyes cross at her house and ones that make my teeth itch (intolerable / not allowed) at mine while they await assassination :)

The thing about signing a present from santa... it's humility. It doesn't come from "us", but instead from the spirit of christmas.

Regardless of what other families do, it sounds like you would prefer that Santa only visit your daughter at YOUR home. So tell your inlaws that. It really doesn't matter what anyone or everyone else does.

As for the Waldorf method, I must admit to ignorance. I've never heard of it. It doesn't mean I don't support it, just that I don't know anything about it. Maybe your extended family doesn't either. It might be best to educate them on exactly what it means, and how THEY fit into that plan.

As for people giving gifts that you don't approve of, yes, that will happen throughout your child's life. You can only manage that so much right now, and that will get less and less as your child gets older. Your own opinion about how much others "should" spend on your child might change down the road as well, for a variety of reasons. So tread lightly regarding the amount of gifts. We have a great aunt who has ALWAYS overindulged our two kids with mountains of gifts at Christmas. At first, I wasn't thrilled. Then I got a little perturbed. These days, she is much more likely to talk to me and my husband about whether it is okay to give __ or ___. And she still doesn't mind spending $$$$. Which is kindof nice these days. She doesn't "steal" the big gifts we want to give the kids, but she has supplied computers for both their bedrooms, and a myriad of other pricier items through the years... all because she enjoys doing so. I am much more at ease with things now... and she is much more likely to discuss with us what she wants to do, and get our "ok" first. Your relationship can evolve with time like that as well, if you roll with it a little bit now and gently address boundaries.

Merry Christmas!

Santa visited so many homes in my family and my husbands families and we loved it!
As for the Waldorf method.. the world is not all Waldorf and you cannot control everyone your child is related to to or friends with..

Our daughter is in college and has a few friends that grew up with the Waldorf method, one was even sent away to attend Waldorf school and honey, they are 2 of the nicest, smartest, partying girls you have ever known..

Our daughter grew up with TV, Sugar, cheap toys, meat, and in an extremely liberal home and we call her Grandma.. She is the most sensible/ practical person you will ever know..

Just do your best, let your MIL love your child and spoil her.. that is part of the pleasure of being a grandparent.. My MIL.. is nice to our daughter, but not hands on and not involved in her life.. would you prefer that for your child?

You have a year to work on your MIL. At 2yrs old your daughter wont remember this one anyway. Chances are she wont remember next years either.
Grandparents probably just wanted the baby to have lots of stuff under the tree.... that's why so many.
I do agree that Grandma should have taken credit for the gifts tho and not Santa (however you can always tell daughter that Santa knew she'd be at Grandma's and left some stuff there as well as your own house). I'm sure you can have a mom to grandma talk with MIL and have it cleared up 12 mos from now (get hubby on board with ya). Really, it's the thought that counts. How you raise your child in your home is one thing but what Grandma and Grandpa do at their home is another.... so I wouldnt get too crazy over it. Your daughter will enjoy her grandparents regardless of what she does or does not get @ Christmas time.

Santa is magic where ever people feel like being kind and generous and don't want the credit. Santa is kept alive by the spirit of love, generosity and kindness. ((Read the newspaper article, "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." It was written in the late 1800's.))

Your MIL is a step above the common man because she was being kind and generous and gave someone else (Santa) the credit. Santa stops at all the homes where there are children that believe in him.

From my personal experience, a two year old would have been just as happy with with empthy boxes. Don't worry about how cheap and plasticky the toys were. Your two year old didn't notice. And you DID NOT have to get rid of most of the gifts. Let your child enjoy Grandma, Grandpa, and Santa. It will be over all too soon.

Good luck to you and yours.

After your "so what happened", I read through the replies and i didn't read any that were rude or criticising you personally. I saw several that didn't share your opinion and that is the whole point of a moms board such as mamapedia.I understand your frustration but I don't share your opinion of your mil and the situation. I think it was rude of you to simply throw out the toys (did you really throw them in the trash?). You could have saved some for a few months, left them at grandmas as so many suggested, sold them (or returned) or better still, given them away. I agree with you on Santa being on the tag but I am sure she has good intentions. So your daughter is 2, what did your mil do last year? You are right, I do not keep every gift for my children, but I would NOT throw them out. I hate the thought of wasting money, either mine or someone else's. I have returned things that my children didn't like or were duplicates and allowed them to buy something they did want. I have also regifted when appropriate. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether it is the same as yours or totally opposite. One last thought, please educate them on the Waldorf method, they may be more open to buying what you see as the "right" presents than you think.

When you post a question on any forum you are asking for people opinions, not for a multitude of people to agree with you. People have their own opinions and that is all it is, their opinion, for you to take or not.

If the gifts had been non age-appropriate I might have put some of them up for her when she got older but if they were dollar store stuff then I might have thrown them out too. My ex son in law would buy the goofiest stuff for my grandkids I am raising, he would also just bring over tubs and tubs of old toys from his son who is 5 years older that our granddaughter and 7 years older than the grandson we are raising. The toys would be totally too old for either of them. My husband would go through them and trash anything broken or not complete. He would put the remaining toys in a tub in the closet top for them to have in their rooms when they were older. This made it nice when S came over, he already had a tub of his own toys to play with in the closet.

No, you shouldn't say anything but you and your husband might share a Christmas wish list with her next year and invite her to pick something from it. She will still get the other stuff too but she might get the nicer gift too.

Yes, Santa came to each house we visited during Christmas. Santa just left them something at each place and the kids were just happy to have more presents.

Well, Grandparents always overindulge! Let them. It is ok.
Santa/Christmas is one of the ONLY times your chld will ever truly believe in magic, so I say let Santa come to as many houses and bring as many presents. Don't you remember believing in Santa?
I'm all for rules, but on Christmas - let it go!

For me growing up Santa only came to the house we were visiting, and the only gifts he wrapped were the little ones in the stockings. Inlaws say that Santa wraps ALL of his gifts, and even tho like you I've asked them to just put their names on gifts from them, or to send the gifts from Santa to my house for Christmas morning, they don't listen. My mom totally gets it and does send gifts home with us. So Christmas afternoon, we get to the inlaws and there were a TON of wrapped gifts from Santa under the tree for all 4 grandkids. Sigh. At least Santa listened to mom and dad and didn't show up with an xbox 360 and laptop at THEIR house!

Your daughter is young and can't read so I wouldn't worry too much about this year, but I would continue to try and set some type of guideline.

As for what types of gifts you think is appropriate for your daughter and your goals, try creating an Amazon wish list for birthdays/Christmas. I do this for my mom and it works out great.

M.

Might be a good idea to save some of what you feel is a choking hazzard for later (thats what closets are for).
I doubt you will stop granny from over indulging... you should just let her. As your child gets older maybe the presents will get a lot better..... it would suck if you ruin that gifting relationship from granny to daughter for the future.
Just because you are raising your daughter completely different than the way you and your husband were raised doesnt mean you should shut doors on the grandparents. Afterall if it wasnt for them you wouldnt be here nor would your precious daughter!

I can understand feeling cheated a bit over the gift exchange, however, you will gradually encounter people giving what they want as your child gets older. It will be a difficult thing to control. Is there a problem with your child playing with a toy outside of the system? Learning comes from so many facets.

As for the quantity of gifts, I am sure she was just excited about shopping.

I wouldn't say anything.

No we never had Santa anywhere else, but doesn't mean you can't have it that way.
Yes, you could easily say the grandparents in my children's lives go overboard. But if they don't mind, it doesn't really bother me.

If your really that concerned about either/both issues, I would have a talk with your husband and have him talk to his mom. It may or may not work. Otherwise, you just have to intercept the gifts and explain to your daughter that some toys are not appropriate for her. (A lot of things about being a parent aren't easy.)

Yes, Santa comes to our house for our 7yr old twins and Santa goes to my mom's house and brings about 5 gifts for each of them too. Maybe 15 gifts is excessive but my mom loves, I mean loves Christmas and she loves that Santa makes the kids excited. So, she does this for them. They are only kids for so long and then these years are gone. I enjoy that he comes to both houses. Maybe talk to her about getting less gifts or do a stocking at Grandma's house. But I say let Grandma, be Grandma...

Best wishes & Happy New Year

We visit with family (some at their homes and some at ours) and exchange gifts. Then while sleeping, Santa comes to our home. Christmas morning, we exchange gifts from each other and Santa.

My MIL tries to pull the Santa card when we are there on Christmas Eve too but I remind her that Santa does NOT come until we are asleep and he comes only to our homes. ***My point here is that we can't tell them conflicting things...grandparents and parents must be consistant with what we tell them****

For my son (his father and I are not together), Santa did leave gifts at his dad's home too....

Santa always comes to our house and then both Grandparents house for our daughter. He comes to our house on Christmas Eve like normal but he knows that we spend Christmas at home and celebrate Christmas on different days with the Grandparents so he brings the gifts to their house at different times. For example we spent Christmas Eve with my parents and she got her presents there on that day (Santa came the night before Christmas Eve). Her other Grandma went away for Christmas and so we saw her two weeks before Christmas and Santa had visited her house the night before. I think it extends the magic for my daughter.
As far as the number and type of presents- I tend to agree with Denise P. Part of the joy of being a grandparent is getting to spoil the grandchildren. Grandparents put in the time with their children doing the discipline and rules and such. Having grandchildren and getting to spoil and just play with them is kinda like their reward for all the years put in as parents. My dd's grandparents spoil her so much but they have so much fun doing it and my dd loves it too. That's what they get to do and my job is to do the rules and discipline.
As far as the toys- who cares if they were cheap and plastic? Your kid will still play with them and enjoy them. Kids are happy with pretty much whatever you give them to play with.
Like Denise said- what can you do? Let the grandparents have fun giving your dd. Kids don't care whether there are more presents here or there. They care about having fun with what they have.
Not to sound rude but- just enjoy watching your MIL enjoy your dd and be grateful your dd has people that love her.
Good luck to you.
PS I think it was a not so nice thing you did throwing out the presents your MIL gave your daughter.

I really wish we could filter out the self-righteous make no mistakes in life judgmental always on the attack responses. You are entitled to voice your feelings and get your question answered without being and feeling bashed. I said I would ignore the negative responses as they seem to think they know everything and live a perfect life (NOT!!!, I know better) and focus on constructive criticism to help shape my perspective. That being said...

You have to do what's in the best interest of your child in terms of the age-appropriateness or lack of in the toys.

Santa should've been santa without her confusing the situation. If she wanted credit for the gifts, she should've put from grandma and kept it simple. As for the "excessive gifts" some people think more is best, but less and quality is actually more.

I wouldn't talk to her about it and perhaps you should get a jumpstart inviting her to your house for Christmas unless visiting her is a tradition. Just put a trash bag in the trunk and instead of throwing out the gifts, donate the unwanted items.

Santa comes to multiple houses for our children. Usually just 2 (we have a good family friend with no grandchildren at all so we let her enjoy that experience). I do have a step son in addition to my 2 children. For him, Santa comes to both houses. My step son is never with us on Christmas morning, but he is still part of our family & we want to make sure that my 2 kids understand that. Santa brings him presents & he gets to open them the next time we see him after Christmas.
I wish I could make a suggestion about the MIL. Good luck!

The Grandparents 'enjoy' being Santa.
They chose things.

if in the future, you want some 'say' in it... then talk with them about it. Or if YOU prefer to be "Santa" instead of them..... or tell them what "traditions" YOU want for your child... per Santa/gifts... in the future.

At this age, a kid won't remember. Even if there are photos of her and the occasion.

My kids have an Aunty, that likes being my kids' "Santa." But she will.... ask me about ideas she has, before buying them. She buys my kids a LOT of 'santa' gifts. ALSO, though, my Husband and I, will also buy my kids a gift from "Santa." And we get things for their Stockings.... from Santa. So this works for us. Happy medium.

You feel hurt by it... because, the Grandparents did not talk to you about it. So ..... the solution would be, for next Christmas.... to tell them nicely... what you think, about it.
You/Hubby are the parents after all.

And maybe, the Grandparents don't even know what the Waldorf method is. But you cannot expect, 'everyone' to know that... nor to know what to buy or not.... whether it is grandparents/relatives/friends/friends of your child/their parents/etc.

all the best,
Susan

Reading your question and the follow-up was helpful. Your husband needs to take the lead cause it's his mom. He needs to make it clear to his mom what the waldorf method thing is and why, though you will get pushback cause that's what grandparents do ;) If a present is age unappropriate to the point of being dangerous, I'd either throw it away if it were really that cheap, or save it for when the child gets older (if it was a quality toy).

It doesn't make sense to say the gifts are from santa if they're at her house. I'd say in a divorce situation, presents come from santa to both parents' houses cause santa would "know" that the kids live with the parents. But grandmom gives grandmom presents. It's wierd to ask for a thank you for santa presents...

I read most of the responses, and yes unfortunately Santa comes to both sets of grandparents in our world too. I'm not really hurt by it, but a little annoyed. In my world what was most annoying is that when it was our son's first Christmas, I really didn't want to do Santa, because I wanted to discuss more of the spirit of Christmas and giving and its representation through Santa Claus and other similar characters world wide, but before I knew it the grandparents had already begun to perpetuate the lie of Santa and it was beyond my control.

My son has fun with it, so I've let it go and I just go along with it. I figure I'll deal with the fall out when the time comes. I've also noticed, that as my son gets older, "santa's" gifts at the other homes get fewer and smaller. So it's working itself out.

My last thought is that when my son gets new toys for any reason, we go through his toys and pick out the same number of toys he has outgrown to give to other children--sometimes it's a friend, sometimes freecycle and sometimes goodwill. Also, as others mentioned we store toys for when he is able to play with them.

I kind of think grandmas should get a "free pass" at Christmas. It probably brought her a lot of joy to buy all that stuff and say it was from Santa. If it were a regular thing I would bring it up, but it's once a year.

p.s.I would have gotten rid of most of it too! :)

Hi,

I understand your dilema. Its really hard when family members don't respect your way of parenting and belief system. I would leave all the toys that you dislike at grandma and grandpa's house so when your daughter comes to visit, she has things to play with and you can supervise her in that setting. She will learn that everyone has different toys at different houses and thats ok. As for grandma, thank her for the gifts but ask her to please respect your wishes on toy choices. If she is confused or needs help picking something out, you are more than willing to assist her.

Good luck

M

My mom has always had a few gifts from "santa" a her house for my kids, plus some from her. It's really not a big deal, especially since kids rarely even look at the tag or care to see who it's from...haha! As for the second issue, I know the feeling about too many toys from grandma! Depending on your relationship with her, I would simply let her know that anything she buys that is not on the "approved" list of toys will be either taken back to the store or donated. So if she wants to see your daughter play with toys she buys then she needs to buy appropriate toys.

I understand your frustration. What we do with the grandparents is tell them something the kids really want that we can't afford. This year was really hard on our family and we got our kids a few clothes and games. One set of grandparents got them a Wii to share and the other got the DSI XL's (my kids are a lot older than yours. LOL). Those are things we never would have been able to do. By letting the grandparents get them they really feel like they were getting them something they really wanted. We have done this for the last 14 years and it really seems to work. All grandparents like to feel that they can spoil their grandkids. Just give your MIL something specific to spoil your daughter with. Maybe next year she can buy her a toy kitchen or whatever your daughter is really into. Try not to get to upset. I am sure your MIl just wanted to make her granddaughter feel as special to her as she is and just needs some suggestions next time. I usually word it like little susie really wants a " " do you think you could get that for her. She will be so excited.

Oh, I'm sorry you received critical replies. I don't have time to read all of your replies but do agree that I love Reily's comment.

I generally agree with your point of view. One thing, though: my daughter received a blinking, coaching, musical turtle that I hated for her second birthday. We also did he no TV, no plastic toys thing. But she LOVED this turtle. And I let her keep it because 1) she loved it so much so it seemed too late to make it disappear, 2) I figured I couldn't control her environment too much, she would eventually come across plastic, loud, flashy objects, 3) the gift was from someone else and I didn't want to muddle in the relationship between the gift giver and my daughter.

Just a few things to think about from the other point of view. But for the most part I agree with you. I have made many toys and books disappear mysteriously. :) Also, batteries can strangely run out of juice quickly if need be. :)

Yes me and my husband divorced and santa comes to both of our houses. For now they haven't asked why (ages 3 and 1) but if they do I plan on saying something like "because you guys were so good this year he gave you extra gifts here too." Until they're older or until they start reading the tags. Mainly because his family tells them santa does it all, where as with my mom it was mainly from her and maybe 1 said from santa which was fine by me. As for the number of presents, it's hard to tell a grandparent not to buy so much because they do it anyway.
Most of all (and I know it's hard trust me I go through it every day) if you gus have a certain way you're raising your child you have to stick to it and let her know and not jjust you, tell him to let his family know (it's less offensive sometime if approached by their own family memeber). I know it's tough but she'll eventually come around. Good luck!

Updated

Yes me and my husband divorced and santa comes to both of our houses. For now they haven't asked why (ages 3 and 1) but if they do I plan on saying something like "because you guys were so good this year he gave you extra gifts here too." Until they're older or until they start reading the tags. Mainly because his family tells them santa does it all, where as with my mom it was mainly from her and maybe 1 said from santa which was fine by me. As for the number of presents, it's hard to tell a grandparent not to buy so much because they do it anyway.
Most of all (and I know it's hard trust me I go through it every day) if you gus have a certain way you're raising your child you have to stick to it and let her know and not jjust you, tell him to let his family know (it's less offensive sometime if approached by their own family memeber). I know it's tough but she'll eventually come around. Good luck!

Read recently about asking family for "experience" type gifts for their children rather than toys.
Since you've already told MIL about Waldorf efforts and she didn't seem to respond, I'd still talk to her again (soon) and explain how it made the efforts you and your husband made at home seem "less than" when what you're really trying to do is make it seem more meaningful than all the stuff that clutters and gets forgotten and thrown away. Then, you could suggest that you think a gift from her like an "experience/outing" - (can you be open to the idea of a shopping outing? lol! for her and grandma alone?) - would be more to your preference and something your daughter will remember and cherish. Good luck...and don't give up.

I know this is after the fact but thought I would respond anyway. I have always been a pro Christmas person I actually set up 6 themed trees, and we have the entire city of Bethlehem which is a big deal. Now that was the set up to my comments.
We don't have much money so no one expects alot of gifts and we try to make them mean something. But I don't really discuss anyof it with the parents in advance. I would rather spend 20.00 on something fun than on cheap and easy to be broken and the child feel bad. This year we gave the little ones new sleeping bags that they will use this summer, and snow toys for this winter. I went so far as to buy them their own place settings so they don't fight over where to sit at the table. It never comes from Santa as we don't let Santa come to our house. We say the Wisemen brought the gifts and we say that we did . But if I wanted to get 15 small items for each child then my 5 adult children would not care as long as I am reasonable. I bought one granddaughter age 4 2 barbies and a Ken doll. We also have the plan of buying things that are for our playroom that are just for them alone when they come as I have 3 3yo and 2 4yo and that is an age that is not great at sharing and that is a reality not a hardship. I am a blessed mother in law as my girls know that I adore them and they have given me the cutest babies to adore and brag about. We also have a plan for next year?? We can only spend 50.00 per child. Do you know how hard it is for a Nana to do that?? BUT I am determined to do it(which none of my kids believe and have bets on about if I can even stay close). I am sure I will blow it a bit and that I will be loved for it anyway. My sons tell me that they get one big gift and some small things for thier children since they know that Great Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and Great Aunts and Uncles are all going to bring them something as well. We make sure that Santa is not part of any of that. Infact we are going to have all the children dressed and put on a Christmas play next year as thier gift to the family I just have to write it out so its not just the tradional one and I have the children all spend a night yes even the 2 yo to plan fun things like the play, cooking or game night. Sure hope you are going to be alright and that you are able to enjoy the fact that they have someone that loves them.
Just saw your added part. almost erased this but alwell it wasn't meant to be mean so hope it does give you some help. I never read any of the responces so now I will. Nana Glenda I have to ask if you have ever given her a list of the childs needs to have her something to shop by? I know I'd use it as a guide.

I'm not reading all the responses so please excuse if this is redundant. First off I see you got some responses that were apparently not appropriate.. and am sorry to hear that.
My suggestion is that next year you suggest one or two items that your daughter really wants (or you want her to have) to the grandmother. When you make that suggestion, you might also mention that it would be really nice if your daughter could recognize that at least one gift came from her, not from Santa. You can suggest that you'd prefer Santa come only to your house, but that may not work, so I think it's best if you simply make the suggestion that not all gifts be from Santa. As far as the age inappropriate gifts, perhaps you can find an article to share with grandma during the year that will give her an idea from "experts" (you do realize that you are not an expert in grandma's eyes... and that's ok, just let the "real experts" do your speaking for you).
I also like the idea that you let Grandma, and your daughter, know that some of what she receives at Grandma's house will stay there for her to use when visiting. Of course you don't want to do that with anything that is truly dangerous for your daughter, because if she does play at all with that type of thing, you want it to be under your strict supervision. It seems obvious that if grandma doesn't realize the toy is not age appropriate, she also will not exercise due caution when the child is playing with it.
You may have to be firm in what you say to grandma, and that may mean you take the risk of upsetting her. However, the welfare of your child is your most important concern in this.
Since grandma is your MIL, do try to get your husband to do most of the talking, and be sure the two of you are in agreement with what you want from his mother. If she does get upset over this, do try to appease her in other ways to help keep a good relationship with her.
Just so you know, I'm speaking as a grandma who has learned over the past few years how to work with the parents of my grandchildren on these things. I'm also a child care provider, so I know about age appropriate gifts, but my ideas don't always fit in with our children's ideas regarding parenting their children.. which is a normal situation.. so I'm learning to listen and to ask questions before giving gifts to their children. With much patience on your part, I think your MIL will come around too.
Another thought that just occured to me... when your child is given something that isn't age appropriate, you might also say something like "oh, how nice! We'll put this away for six months (a year, or whatever time span) until she is old enough to play with it safely." Do this with an attitude of genuine pleasure and your MIL might begin to get the idea.

Have you had a chance to educate your MIL about Waldorf-acceptable toys? Go to a store together, give her a catalog, website address, etc. If she sees (and knows where to purchase) toys that you think are appropriate, hopefully she'll be able to make better choices.