Choosing Work over Having a Baby??

Someone said family first...true, but i don't know if that applies to family that doesn't yet exist. If you aren't ready for another one, you aren't ready. If you find the business you are running to be fulfilling, that is something a lot of people don't get.

As far as being able to take the baby to work with you, sometimes i can barely get my dishes done when i've got my 9month old with me. I can't imagine trying to give good customer service and take care of a baby at the same time.
Being a Mom is a full-time job even if you do have a mate that helps out.

sweetie you are only 26. Take the time to make the right choices now and dont do anything that you are not completely ready for or not completely sold on. He must understand and be patient. With any major decision, if one of the two people has doubts then there is a reason and you should wait until all doubt is gone.

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Do you guys want to get Married. What does he do for a living? Everyone is talking about having a baby, but after 2 years, Are you living together, or do you talk about being married first? Maybe he wants to help you run your boutique. That will make things so much easier on you, and if you guys work as a family, you might see the support he will actually give you and your kids, and maybe you will want to have his child.

You have to do what is right for you and your kids. If he truly loves you, he will be able to wait until the time is right for both of you.

So you want to be a single mother of three? This guy is pressuring you to have a child even before he's asked to marry you? Maybe you ought to think hard about bringing another child into the world and into an unstable relationship (ie: not married, pressuring you to have a baby, 43 year old dating a 26 year old, not respecting your business, can we say control issues?) Babies deserve to be brought into a loving family with stability -- married parents for starters. This often doesn't work out, but why in the world would you do it on purpose?? Face it --your track record is one failed marriage. My advice is to take care of what you've got, and trust your instincts -- don't rush things.

Have you considered the possibility of taking baby with you to the boutiuqe. It might not seem like the "right time" but when is it really the right time? If it's something YOU want to do everything will fall into place!! You do need to think about the age thing though. If you 2 plan on staying together can he wait 2 plus years. What if your business never really gets where your hoping? Good luck.

S.

You are correct in not wanting to rush into things. Having a baby is a big responsibility and who should know best, a single mom. I've been there raising my oldest on my own and when I remarried we had our daughter right away. I really didn't want to wait, because I was 33 at the time. You are very young, but want to respect your boyfriend's wishes. I'd say give yourself a couple more years to get your business where it should be and then think about having a baby. Two years isn't much to ask. Good luck!

Because that is how God made us...we have to care for our young no matter what sacrifice we have to make. Your age difference doesn't bother me...ARE YOU HAPPY? That is all that matters!! As for being pressured into having a child, I think if your boyfriend is as wonderful as you say, he should understand where you are coming from. Having a child should be a priority to you both...no matter his age. I was a single mom of two girls for 5 years. I remarried 2 1/2 years ago. I must say it has been very hard taking direction from a man when I had made my own decisions for the last five years before we married. You are still very young...enjoy each other and give time to your kids for a while before bringing a baby into the picture and making things more difficult. Your boyfriend may be 43 but you are the one that will carry this child and you are still very young. Sit him down and be honest with him. That you would love to have a child with him but you are just not ready "right now"...

I think that if your only reason for not wanting a baby right now is because you want your business to pick up, then you are entitled to that choice. One thing to ponder on is, you will never be 100% ready to have a baby. Something will always be a way out. Maybe he is so eager to have one because his own biological clock is hammering away at the door. I don't think so much that it is a red flag, I just think it may be his clock. Maybe sit him down and give a time line. Maybe set a goal date to try to get pregnant. Are y'all living together now, I only ask because your thing says you are a single mom. If y'all aren't then, you might want to at least live together before trying to conceive.
Try to look at it from his point of view. I am not telling you to do it because he wants to, it has to be a mutual thing. What I am saying is, what you are taking as him attacking, may just be him trying to figure out what to say and it is coming out wrong.

Having a baby is a mutual decision and you should have to compromise that because of his biological clock. I dont blame you for wanting your business a bit more established before putting the demand of a pregnancy and new baby on yoursef and your family.

Good luck!

Have your baby now! I know you've worked hard since your divorce. Look at it in a positive way...now you won't have to work so hard! Find something else you can do. Run your business from the internet. I read an article in last month's Home and Garden about a mom who sells clothes from a website. I do not think it is his biological clock he's worried about. My dad was in his late 40's when I was born and his concern was that he would be too old to enjoy milestones like becoming a grandfather and great-grandfather. My kids are 4,5 and 7 and my dad is 78 and not able to take them out because he can't drive anymore. I totally understand him. I would have the baby and enjoy your growing family. If you got your business going once, you can do it again later. Family first!

Hi L., I just wanted to write you and tell you that I agree with you that the age 'thing' should not be an issue. In my younger days I thought that it was an issue, however, my dad and his wife were 18 years apart. They lived very happily together for 20 years until he passed away in 2005. Age should not matter to the relationship.

I do agree however, that if his age is making him want to rush a baby, then 'age' becomes an issue in that respect. You said that you have discussed marriage and I know that he is a good man. Is he wanting to get married and then try to start a family? If he wants to have a child with you without being married, I agree with the last post that you don't want to put yourself in that position. Being a single mom is hard...you know that. If you do not have at least a marriage committment from him, who to say he is really committed to you and your baby. I really hope that you decide to get married, so your entire family will be complete.

If you are finding it difficult to keep your boutique and do all the things a mom has to do, including considering having another child...have you thought about working from home? If you feel like you would like to, but you are not sure what to do then I want to encourage you to take a look at my website. I have my own business that I do from home and I am a married mom of 2 boys ages 8 and 3. I love what I do, I have a lot of fun and I can work around my family's schedule and set my own hours. If you want to learn more, go to www.PictureYourBusiness.com My contact info is on the website if you decide you want to get more information. If you are interested in more info, call me soon. We just launched a new service and now is really a perfect time to get started. If you are not interested, that is ok too. I just wanted you to have all your options.

I wish you the best of luck. Remeber, the 'age' does not matter! You can be happy with someone older thatn you are, I have proof of that in my life!

Blessings,

M. L.
888-909-8306

L. -

Read the book, "This is how we do it" by Carol Evans. I got it thru Amazon used for under $6. It is inspiring and eye-opening. Moms are working, building healthy careers and families everywhere. It's doable and enjoyable. I'm currently doing amazing research at BCM/TCH as a PhD... have a 2.5 yr old boy, wonderful husband (big help!), chocolate lab, three cats, lovely house... I'm doing it... others are to - and you can do it too, successfully! There's also a magazine (Carol Evans CEO - raised two kids, one very sick in the begining, maintained a marriage, bought out a magazine and excelled). There's NO reason to choose between work and children - women are having both, very successfully, each and every day!

Hang in there. -J.

I am 26 years old and my husband is 10 years older than me so i understand what you are saying about the age thing. Don't worry about them they arent you. But as far as the children thing you are going to have to set down with him and let him know how you feel and where you are coming from. If he loves you he will understand and you both will be able to figure out when to have a child when the time is right. For now though he needs to be able to try to take the 2 you already have and try to take them in as his own also.

Dear L.:
I did not know that male fertility stops at age 44. I better find me a child-bearing female soon...

My advice? Run, if he pressures you.

Regards,
W.

Honey take your time first make sure you can take time from work & hire someone you trust and is ready to stay working for you for awhile Good luck J.

Im sorry your in such a predicament!Would you be interested in keeping your boutique,learning how to keep your family healthy,AND make money from home?I can show you how!
www.kncpoisonfree.com
Start trying for that baby.If you wait till the perfect time,itll never come because there is no perfect time.Just do it!Good luck!

Sounds like your doing an awesome job on the mom front, it is a ton of work to own your own business and additional ton to raise 2 kids as a single parent. Kudos for balencing both.

I think that your right in your desision to wait to have another baby until you are in a more stable situation. I also know that he may feel the ticking of the clock, you might want to discuss setting certain financial, business and personal milestones or goals to reach before conceiving. Or at least come to some aggreement that both of you can live with.

Good luck,

K.

I agree with everyone who has responded so far, and like Wolfgang said, it would be a red flag if he pressures you. I think Kelley had an excellent idea of defining goals and milestones. Of course because of his age he is more eager than you, but he has to give you time. I hope you don't get pregnant to please him.If he won't budge and just keeps harping on it, I just think that would send up a red flag for me, that would tell me something about his own needs on an emotional level. You don't need a childish mate.(just because he is 43 doesn't mean he is emotionally mature) Your age difference must be a challenge but I am sure it is doable.
Best wishes.

HI L.
I'M KIND OF IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M 24 W/A DAUGHTER AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 36 AND HE HAS A 13YR SON. HE TALK ABOUT HAVE A BABY BUT I JUST STARTED MY CAREER AND I'M NOT READY FOR A BABY AND HE WANTS ON BAD. HE TRIES TO SAY THE SAME THING BUT I DON'T FEEL THAT I SHOULD RUSH INTO ANYTHING THAT I'M NOT READY FOR. I LET HIM KNOW THAT I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM BUT RIGHT NOW I NO READY TO START OVER AGAIN. NOT JUST YET ANWAY. AFTER A WHILE HE THOUGHT AND WE DECEICED TO WAIT. SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. GOOD LUCK

I guess the first step would be to get through the wedding and see how that goes. It takes time and energy to put together a wedding, no matter how simple. If you have time to juggle the wedding planning along with the business, you have some idea how well you balance your time. I also commend you for trying to secure a future for the children you already have. They need you to be successful for them too. Your future husband will just have to understand that you have to look out for them as well as yourself.