My 6 year old seesm to be having some control issues at school. Her teacher says that she trys to dominate the situation with friends and tattles on other kids. I have noticed that she is very controlling with her little brothrs, but i figured this is just because she is the oldest sibling. She doesnt tattle at home, but her teacher seems to think it is becoming a problem and I am worried. Does anyone have any advice about how to help this situation? Any information would help!
This is the age where the "pecking order" is established.
Just make sure she is polite to her classmates and respectful.
Warn her that her behavior might be perceived as bullying--and no O. likes a bully!
In my child's classroom they followed a program called "Open Circle" where weekly they met to discuss issues in all elementary classes. There was a rule about double D: always tell an adult if there is behavior that is Dangerous & Destructive. Here is a link to the lesson:
http://www.open-circle.org/files/OC_Sample_Tattling_Versu...
Tattling gets someone IN trouble, telling keeps someone safe.
You might have to just lay it on the line and let her know that if she is always trying to be the boss, other kids will not want to play with anymore or be her friend. Then try role-playing with her so you can show her examples of how she can learn to let others call the shots sometimes, and things she can say, without turning into a door mat. Have her practice with her brothers at home and expect her to start behaving differently toward them. Discipline her if you have to - time-outs or whatever works. I have a good friend with a daughter the same age (both are 4 and both are "onlies" so sometimes it gets interesting) and the girls play together nicely but her daughter has a tendency to want to pretend to be a mom, a teacher, etc. and basically cast herself in roles that allow her to tell my daughter what to do and be the boss. Her mother spoke to her a number of times when it was happening during play dates and finally had to just tell her ahead of time that if we had a play date set up, she had to find some other way to play - no pretending to be any kind of "authority figure". So far it is working!
I think it's normal for her age and being first born. However, talk to her and let her know tattling isn't always right. Let her know, it's important to tell an adult/teacher about someone in trouble or hurt. Tell her she may lose some good friends by doing it. I like the suggestion of the other mother about role playing with her.
Ask her if she would like it if someone would tell on her all the time. And to enjoy her childhood and let the adults be the controlling ones. That's what I told my 6 year old grandson.
