Children's Clothing

I pack her a bag every visit and bring home dirty clothes after every visit. It might not seem fair but it works for us. I like knowing what she is wearing and knowing that I will wash it correctly.

If X & O are able to maintain a good enough relationship, I would think it would be best to allow the children to move the clothes back and forth as desired. My parents were divorced, however I always maintained residency at my mothers with my father never having a room for any sort of visitation for me. Half the time I didn't even know where he lived. However, I always think how unfair it is that the children have to leave their belongings behind because if clothes are sent one way or the other, they never come back. It would be so healthy for the children to take what they need from which ever home they are at and if something is needed, they one could stop by and pick it up...perfect world scenario I know. If that is the case, how wonderful.

We kept a few separate things at my son's father's house (in a different state), and refreshed clothing when he would visit him. Having two entire sets for both parents sounds like rather much, although I can see having two sets of jammies/toothbrushes/etc. But winter coats and shoes and expensive things can be taken back and forth, in my opinion.

with my sister's kids, they have duplicates of the basics at both homes. This includes play clothes. But the good stuff, the daily school stuff....it all goes back & forth each week. If something special is needed, then they drop by & get it at will. This system works for them!

I think it makes much less confusion and gives much less fighting fodder. If you are both responsible adults then you may be able to send a suitcase each visit but you have to understand it's the kids responsibility to keep up with their stuff not the dads.

As for sports stuff, I keep it in the van so we can keep it out of the house in one place and always have it with us. My daughter can come watch and participate anytime she wants. But as for taking it with her? No way, I can't afford to buy anything new and it stays with me because when there is a sports activity we go to every soccer match, every T-Ball game, every recital, every school activity. If doesn't matter where the kids are. We don't tell her she can't come to games and us not go to other games if they happen to be with her. If she wants to buy her own then she can, but it's better for the kids to use some of the same stuff all the time, like cleats, they fit differently. Also, soccer uniforms, why have 2, just both parents go to the games and don't stay away.

I am with my son's father but we have many friends/family members who are seperate parents, the general idea seems to be who they are with the most has the majority of the clothing and is sent with weekend bag, however the other parent typically has two or three outfits, underware, socks, heigyne products, and a pair of shoes mostly in case of emergency. Things like a coat should be on the kid if it is needed and sports equipment is expensive so whoever takes the child to games/practices/events sould be in charge of those items if for some reason the child is not able to keep track of them.
When my parents were separated I only brought an overnight bag, but it was frustrating for me to always have to pack an overnight bag, I wish my dad would have let me leave some clothes there.

I am speaking from the step-Mommy side of this. (She is now a Senior, and her Daddy and I have been together since she was 2.) They originally had just one set of clothing and her Mom was supposed to send clothes for the weekend, etc. After the 1st Christmas that we were together and I spent over $500 on cute, name brand clothes for her (not something that I do now, I was 22 and had no financial obligations at that time. ;-) Now with two more children I don't think they have ever seen a Christmas like she did! :-) ) and they all went to her Mom's house, but then she NEVER brought any of them back to our house! Her mom would send her with no extra clothes and in play clothes! Not that we didn't see her out in the clothes I had bought for her... That was the last time any clothes that we bought for her ever went to her Mom's house. She comes to our house in clothes from her Mom's, takes them off and I immediately wash them so they are ready for when she goes back to her Mom's. (Sad that it is this way, but their divo is not an amicable one. And it was that way before I met him. Very sad!) We even have a coat here for her, because I never wanted her to be playing in a coat her Mom bought and have it get dirty! (Yes, she called and yelled at him about that when she was 3!)
Now when it comes to sports stuff, she only has one set and it goes back and forth. (Although we do have a mitt here for her so she can throw with her Dad whenever, even off-season. Same with basketball. But we both play those sports as well.)
So, I guess my main point would be, it depends on your situation with their Daddy. If the two of you can be respectful of one another, then you should have no problems sending clothes back and forth. But, if your situation is more like ours, then I wish you best of luck and pray that you are able to take the high road. (We have always believed that one day his daughter will look back and remember that we have always tried to find a positive and speak positively. Admittedly not always easy, but in the long run, better.)
Best wishes,
J.

I just recently went through this with my baby's father. I am to send him a bag of clean clothes when he goes and they are supposed to be returned to me clean (except what he is wearing). This is in my papers....I think it is in the standard parenting clause.....

I am also on the step-mommy side, but can tell you what we do/have done in the past. My hubby and his ex tried having one set of clothes before I was in the picture. It didn't work. It ended up causing more arguements. For the last several years, we have had sets of clothes at each house. We send the kids back to their mom's in what they wore over (they spend half of each week at our house). Sending them back in our clothes always resulted in our clothes getting lost and not returned. Your ex should be buying his own clothes for the kids at his house, unless your decree says differently, so it shouldn't be costing you more. Shoes and coats are expensive, so I would try to avoid having duplicates, if you can. We weren't able to do that. We had too many instances of the kids coming over in December and January without coats or wearing shoes that they couldn't wear to school. The local consignment sales/shops are a great place to look for coats. Sports stuff does go back and forth, but we have an extra glove/ball at our house. We have learned that is easier to buy our own for at our house than to risk a fight in front of the kids. I hope your situation is more amicable!

We keep separate clothes at each house. That was my choice after trial and error taught me that it was the better decision in our case. My daughter would come home in the same outfit that she left in, but wouldn't have any of the extra clothes I sent. It's hard enough to keep clothes on 5 kids that are growing like weeds, but to provide wardrobes for them at another house is out of the question. My son would also not return home with the extra clothes that I sent him, but he would have on dirty clothes that were bought used... underwear and socks included. We have plenty of clothes that are secondhand, but never underwear and socks. This wasn't my kids being forgetful; they were told they had to leave the clothes there. Whatever their dad buys that comes to my house is sent back the next time they leave. There are designated shoes, coats and jackets, and an outfit that he bought and those are what are worn when they leave home. I don't send toys, games, books, or anything else. The kids can bring them home because I know they will be sent back. If dad is responsible enough and willing to make sure the clothes and anything else you provide come home and are clean, I'd say it's much easier to let the kids take a bag back and forth. If he's not, I'd just ask that he buy one outfit for them to go back and forth in and let him provide what's needed at his house. Some people say that would be neglectful to the kids, but you have to be realistic. Not many of us can afford to provide double for our kids.