Children Sleeping in Thier Own Bed

Hi,
Good for you for allowing your daughter to stay in your bed all these years. But why stop now? My advice is to let your child lead the way. This means she has shared with you that she is not ready. It sounds like you are trying to work within a cultural expectation that says our children should experience night time separation to show they have achieved independence. However independence can also be achieved by attending to your child's needs, and fostering a solid foundation of trust from which they can confidently move forward in life. Many other cultures (who don't have our neurosis) co-sleep for many years. For mainstream advocacy on this issue you can read books by pediatrician Dr. William Sears. He and his wife had like 8 children and co-slept with them and allowed the children to lead the way. I hope you will continue to follow your child's inner wisdom.
C.

Does your daughter have anything to help her sleep at night in her own room? Maybe a stuffed animal or special blanket? Cuddling her to sleep the first few times may help the transition, too. My youngest has a sound machine and the heartbeat setting puts him right to sleep. Another one of my boys has a radio to play soft music at night so he doesn't get the "alone" feeling. You might want to try a tv in her room to give her something to watch till she falls asleep, too. My girlfriend's daughter is now 10 and still sleeps in a cot at the end of my friend's bed. It's been a battle for my friend to get her daughter in her own room now that she's so used to being with mom and hearing the familiar sounds of mom's room. My friend has gone so far as to put cable in her daughters room as incentive to stay in her room instead of venturing to her mom's room. I say the sooner you can get your daughter into her own room the better. You may even find you both sleep a bit better not worrying about rolling over and disturbing each other. I hope this helps.

S.

Ahhhh, I know EXACTLY what you are going through!! Try one of two things to see where you can start:

*make sure you have some kind of stuffed animal to have with her. :)

1) read stories (like normal) we do this in my bed- so I assume this is where you do it as well? Let your daughter fall asleep there, and then move her to her own bed after a half hour or so.

2) Get her really excited and read her stories in her own bed (maybe buy a few new stories that you can only read if she is in her own bed?), lay with her in her bed if possible (my son has a toddler bed and I still manage to squeeze myself in with him until he falls asleep.

I think with co-sleeping our children just get used to sleeping with a warm body next to them. They love the idea they have mom instead of a stuffed animal (am I right?) Try a transition first, perhaps one or both of the above mentioned ideas. That way they still fall asleep holding you, then you can have your bed to yourself... if you choose, lol! Just teasing. My son will be 4 and still sleeps with me most of the time. You might just luck out, as a friend of mine has a 6 year old who now prefers her own bed. :)

Unfortunately once you start this, they never want to go into their own bed. The only way to break it is to put her in her own room, maybe lay there with her until she is asleep, then leave. You cannot let her into your bed sometimes, or the cycle will start again.

Hi E.. I fell into the same situation. I have been a single parent since my 5 year old daughter was 2 as well. Since I share custody with my ex-husband, it was hard for me to put her in her own bed because I enjoyed the bonding time. Once she started kindergarten I told her we were going to work on this. I took all of her stuffed animals in the room and put them on the outside of her bed so they can "watch her" while she sleeps. It was very hard at first, and she still asks every day if she can sleep with me BUT after we discuss it, she goes to bed with no problem. I will let her sleep with me on a weekend day once a week so we still have something to look forward to but never on school nights. I have recently found someone I intend on spending the rest of my life with and I will leave you with a great piece of advice that my mother gave me...if someone comes along you dont want her to think that she lost her space in bed to them. It's best to plan for the future now. Good luck. This is quite a struggle, I know but you need to want to do it to make it happen.