Children Only Want "Mommy" All the Time

Hi S.. I have 2 yr old twin boys and am a single parent. I noticed that you mentioned that your husband was a stay at home dad for awhile. The mommy thing might just be a reaction to being able to spend more time with you. I know that I have a big problem with my kids if I have a few days off of work. They are used to having to spend alot of time with grandma and we all love it when I get to be able to spend extra time with them. When I go back to work it is heart breaking the way that my boys carry on and beg for me to stay. It is just because they want mommy close by. I am sure that what the others said about the move is true and right now they just need some one to comfort them and the natural person is mom. Try to have your husband join you in the things that they ask you to do. You can do it together and then you can begin to fade into the backround a little. Hopefully they will go back to being able to let dad handle some of the tasks. Good luck!

Hi S.,

I have one daughter who is 3.5 who only wants "Mommy", too. this has been pretty much most of her life - part of which I think was because my husband was working and going to school full time until she was 2. Now she still prefers 'mommy', but as we are expecting our second, my husband (also a fabulous daddy) will just move forward and do her routine with her anyway - getting dressed, going to bed, etc. She is finally getting used to it, especially if Im not in the room. Today, she even went to Daddy instead of me to request something and to play!!!

That might work - just having your hubby tell the kids "Mommy cant do this right now, but I can!" and just hold his ground. The first few times will be very difficult, but it will become easier.

Good luck!!

I have 2 sets of twins. I don't know that your issue has that much to do with the fact that they are twins, other than it wears on you twice as much because you have 2 to run after. It probably started out because of insecurity over the move etc., but quickly they started getting positive reinforcement that if they whine and ask for mommy, they get mommy! And they like that! You probably felt sorry for them due to the move etc so you naturally went out of your way to be extra caring - and they got mommy! So now you have to change the behavior back. How? I'm not the guru on behavior. But I have found that finding positive ways to motivate is far more workable than negative ways. Take one task at a time, explain that from now on in your family, it will be this way (Daddy will do this etc.). Put up a chart; let them help color it or decorate it; get pride of ownership in it. Explain that every time they do the task the way your family now needs it done, they will get a sticker. Make a big deal over presenting the stickers. When they get five stickers, they get a real treat - like a visit to Planet Pizza, or McDonald's, or the mall (with mommy). So, they know they get mommy still, just have to do it different. Kids want to please and be praised for pleasing. Don't try to change everything overnight. One task at a time. They also are not too young to start giving time-outs if they throw a fit over not getting their way.

By the way, have you joined a local area mothers of multiples organization? In the Plano group, we have forums for mothers of different age groups; you can email other twin moms etc. the web site for the plano group is www.pamom.org.

good luck.

I agree with Sandy about the move motivating this and also the tips she gave you. I further suggest that when they want Mommy rather than Daddy to do something, Daddy can tell them, "Mommy is peeling an apple for you right now, so I will get you a drink while Mommy does that for you." This can work even if you are taking a nice relaxing bubble bath. "Mommy is preparing for lots of fun with you tomorrow, so I am going to tuck you in so that Mommy can get ready for all the fun you will have together tomorrow." Sometimes it will take careful wording, but if the kids know Mommy is doing something else for them, they may be more inclined to let Daddy do more things for them. Hopefully, anyway.

Hi S. - I don't really have any advice for you, except to tell you that you aren't alone. I have twin boys that are 3 and it started with one of them when he was 2, and the other has just recently been the same way. They are actually very jealous over each other's mommy time now, and it is making me CRAZY! My husband is also great with them, and is just as much a contributer to their daily needs as I am. We both work full-time and share equally in most of their needs. I'm hoping it is just a phase, but deep down, I do love that they need mommy - I just wish it wasn't me all the time!!

By the way, we are from Alabama too - where did you move from?

Take the night off and leave the house, then only Daddy will be there to take care of them. Make sure Dad has fun activites and a favorite dinner for them and it can't go wrong. If you can't leave for the night, you could have Dad playing the fun activity while you do "boring" stuff like read your magazines, look on the computer, or wash dishes (with a little peace and quiet!) and do not interact with the kids or only say "Daddy can do it." Sometimes my kids forget to ask Dad because I am always the go-to person all day long, so I just have to remind them that there is another parent in this house that can help.