My two children ages 12 and 13, who are wondeful and nice and well rounded.... well loved and taken care of by two parents who love all over them cannot say these three words back to us ! ( " l love you") I too remember being the same way as a kid .... I felt embarresed i guess they do too. But i was just wondering if anybody else has had or heard of this same thing?
I think its part of the age. We have family sayings and gestures that mean 'i love you', so that when we are in public or around friends we can say the family saying or gesture and not embarass the kid.
Like a double wink,
2 thumbs up,
'behave cuz i won't be home for hours',
'don't break anything, i've already been to the hospital once this week', etc.
Wow! Great suggestions for alternatives everyone. Of course, even as a therapist, my boys are the same way. In fact, the youngest (8), stopped when the oldest (12) began. It's just not cool and they have to keep their image. Sad sometimes as I miss my "little" boys but not to worry -- they still care about you. S. A. K., MFT
Oh, yes. Pre-teens and teens are embarrassed by their parents, not to mention the "love" stuff that goes along with parents. They would die for you, but they won't necessarily talk to you. And "I love you"...? Gross!
Keep saying it to them. And model it to them. One day the words might come back and they will be able to utter them out loud.
Meanwhile, take a smile - if you can get one - as a substitute for the words.
Hi M., my kids 18, 16, 13, don't say it either. They say something like 'mmm' (actually, to be fair, my middle son willmumble it under his breath if there's no one in ear shot). They used to when they were little. Doesn't matter to me, like you I FEEL loved by them so I just let it go.
Enjoy!
Some children go through this, some don't. It depends on their comfort level.
My children never had a problem saying "I love you, Mom" to me, no matter where we were or who was around and they are still like that. They are/were never embarrassed by saying those words and they don't care if other's, whatever age, hear. My children are ages 30, 27, 24, 21 and sometimes it's just a quick "Luvs ya" or "Luvs ya momsie" but it's still the same. Also, they will give me a hug and a quick little kiss on the cheek.
I rarely even get a hug anymore from my 13-year-old. Only if she wants one! It's just the age. I have a 22-year-old who went through the exact same stage, and now she hugs me and tells me she loves me all the time. They'll come back around. You just have to wait it out -- and keep telling them you love them.
