I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my third child. I have two other kids. 5 and 3 year old sweet little girls. Today is the first time I am literally loosing sleep about the unknown on delivery day. I have my list of friends, my next door neighbors, and our regular baby sitter planned out as who I can call.... Our family is pritty much out of the question because they are too busy with their other things they need to do on my partners side... On my side, My mom is dead and the rest of my family is out of town.
With my last two kids my mom was alive and her and my dad came and stayed with us a week before my due date till I delivered and came home... They were committed to hanging by the phone to come over incase I went into labor earlier than that. What a luxury that was now in hindsight!
Just to alleviate some anxiety...
What are some other back up plans that you had for your other kids during your delivery?
I figure worse comes to worse my partner will have to stay home with the kids and ill have to go to the hospital and have this one without an attendant... Guess that makes me totally feel embarrassed... But I guess it probably happens sometimes. I know its hard to plan for the unknown and I just know babies can come anytime really realistically between 37 and 41 weeks... So I'm just worried that this baby is going to come in the middle of the night when no one picks up or some other crazy terrible time. Is it lame to ask my Dr for a scheduled induction if possible so I can have a better plan?
Please share your similar story and how it worked out for you. :)
Just to update: thank you for sharing your stories and anxiety too. I know that a lot of it is just end of pregnancy hormones and anxiety related to that. :) I wanted to clear my mother in law... :) she's a great lady. However my husbands sisters son is in the middle of a ALL relapse and in ICU receiving some experimental new chemo. The same sister also has two other kids, a newborn born this December and a 3 year old. So their whole family is wrapped up with helping her and still needing to work. I figure I can't dream of calling them because they're all so overwhelmed... Better to take my kids to the hospital with me. Anyways... That's another story.
So say a prayer for Marlon my nephew... And hope I don't make it to the bottom of my list where I may think about asking them. :)
I had no back up plans. I needed my friend and neighbor to do it or I had no one (we lived overseas at the time). She agreed that no matter what, she would be there to watch my son, and she was. I knew I could trust her to stay true to her word, so I had no worries.
I only had my best friend on call, no other truly available friends or family nearby, and it was fine.
I never had anyone come stay to "help" either. My MIL offered to come stay after each baby was born but I was more comfortable just bonding with my husband and kids after each birth. If she was here I would've felt the pressure of a houseguest and that's just not something I wanted to deal with.
Try to relax, it sounds like you have PLENTY of coverage!
Please sit down with a cup of raspberry leaf tea and relax. I remember how stressed I was about this also - for my second. Most babies do not come in 10 minutes. I'm assuming you have labored before - you will know when you are in labor and at that point, you can give a heads up. Worse comes to worse, your water breaks in the middle of the night and your partner knocks on a neighbors door so she/he can stay with your sleeping girls while your partner takes you to hospital. Then your partner is in charge of making sure your girls are taken care of...
I would not suggest an induction. If you look at the science of inductions, having one increases your chance of a cesarean by over 50%. If you think about it, an induction is kind of like an eviction from the womb. Babies come when they are ready and birth is easier if they are ready without cascading interventions. If you have a nice easy vaginal birth, you and baby will be home in 24 hours. If you induce, fail, have C-section and a baby in NICU due to maturity problems with babies lungs, you could be in the hospital a week or more...
Would your dad be able/willing to come and stay with you for some time? I am assuming it has been less than 3 years since your mom passed so maybe he would be willing to come and help. He might even feel honored that you asked....
When my friend's 4th baby was born, she called around 11pm and said they wanted to head to the hospital in the next few hours....although the plan had been for me to go to her house, my house was on the way and her 3 were awake! So she dropped them off, and I bathed them all and put them to bed at my house with my 2. We worked it out for about 21 hours.....she said she sneezed and birthed #4 and went home as soon as they would check her out.
Try to relax - the stress is not good for your or for baby. Enjoy your girl time when you can still do things with them before baby comes in like a hurricane!
Hugs, C.
Are there any drop in daycares in your area? There is one here that runs 24 hours and you can drop in kids at any time. I've never used them, but knowing they exist makes me happy.
I also have 2 really close friends that I would feel comfortable calling at weird hours to have them help. We were lucky, and had a friend staying the night anyway when I went into labor with our second, so we just left him alone with our daughter, since she was sleeping anyway, and her uncle picked her up in the morning so they could all come to the hospital and see the new baby. But if it hadn't worked out that way, I probably would have called a friend who lives on the way to the hospital and dropped our daughter off for a slumber party. I've dropped everything to pick her kids up from daycare when traffic was really bad and she wouldn't get home before it closed, and I know she would help if needed. I hope you would have a friend or two who would be willing to help. Discuss your anxiety with them and see what they have to say. If it were my friend, I would say to call anytime, even in the middle of the night.
I did stay overnight at the hospital with just me and the baby. He was born at midnight and my husband stayed that night with us, since our friend was already staying with our daughter. It was a saturday night/sunday morning, so she hung at the hospital with us all day, then he took her home to stay with her for school the next day, and the baby and I had time alone all night. It was actually kind of peaceful, if not for the nurses trying to push me to put him in the crib instead of holding him all night.
I had a teenaged niece come and stay with us.
You just listed a mess of people who can help you and you are still worried? Even if the baby comes in the middle of the night it isn't like you will be doing this every morning for a year, anyone you ask will be fine with helping out. Pick someone and talk to them about your concerns.
When I had my third I just asked our friends that we carpooled with sometimes if we could just drop the older two off if it was in the middle of the night which it happened to be. So three in the morning my two older kids got their school uniforms on and we all piled in the car dropping them off. The same people offered to help out the same with our fourth.
People know what this is like, the unpredictability, they are cool with that. So pick someone.
I could have posted this question myself (in fact, the thought had been crossing my mind)!! When I had baby #2, it was on an icy night in January when I had to go to the hospital - my older son who was 3 at the time had to come with us - he stayed in the room with us not understanding anything and wanting to go home. The nurse kept saying - is anyone coming for him? When will they be here? (she wasn't very empathetic) I had to wait for my brother in law, who lived almost 3 hours away, to come down in the middle of the night to get him b/c I didn't have anyone else to rely on (we hadn't lived in this part of the state too long, didn't really know my older neighbors, and the few friends I had met never offered to help so I was too afraid to ask). I am now expecting baby #3 in June and am trying to get my ducks in a row so that I have a better plan. I feel your anxiety! But it does seem like you have several options available - it is just a matter of specifically nailing the people down in order. Try to stay calm. I plan on getting a consistent sitter from care.com who is aware of our predicament and will commit to the possibility of a night time call. I also plan on directly asking my next door neighbor - she is older but might be able to help in a jam. Good luck - wish you lived near me and we could help out each other!!
You have plenty of people you can call. Why are you worrying. It all works out. My first was born during Op Sail 1976. 200 anniversary of country. Never got home until next day. NYPD. No days off. Following year my son was born during blackout of 1977. Poor husband got home in time to pick us up from hospital! Looting, fires 105 degrees outside. Somehow I survived. Friends and neighbors step up. My next two births hubby was there for. Again friends took kids. It always works out!
Don't do an induction. You will be fine. I would highly recommend hiring a doula- that should help A LOT with your anxiety. She will help you with your plan, and if your partner has to be with the kids for a while until someone on the list is available, you will have a support person with you throughout. I have had one delivery with a doula and one without, with a doula is so much better!!! She is also a great support person for right now, to talk you through these totally normal anxieties.
And don't worry, doulas are not just for crazy hippies who want to give birth in a field somewhere, their purpose is to support a woman through birth, whatever that woman needs. A good one will be just as supportive through an epidural or C-section as a drug-free delivery.
Have you even talked to your partner's family? I'm shocked that they would say they are "too busy" to help. His mom is the grandmother of this child just as much as your mom. Are you sure none of them would be able to help you out here?
Don't do a scheduled induction. I hope your doctor won’t even entertain that plan to be honest.
You do have options. Talk to these people in your life. You’ll be surprised how open people are to helping out during a birth situation. It's an infrequent, special event and people are amazingly helpful.
We had no family or friends to rely on. Period. We had plan A) the daytime nanny and plan B) the neighbors. Everyone knew to expect a late night/early morning phone call. However, everyone was excited and honored to be part of our plans even though we were not technically family. I went into labor unexpectedly and before my due date. It was also late at night so yes we did wake our nanny up. In fact my husband drove to her home, knocked on her door and drove her back to our house. I stayed at home and packed for the hospital. Our nanny stayed through the night and partially into the next morning. My husband drove me to the hospital, was there for the birth and then went home to watch our oldest. I was in the hospital for three days more or less by myself which was secretly quite grand. My husband would stop by periodically for visits with or without our oldest. Truthfully it worked out fine. I got a chance to bond undistracted with my newest and I didn't have to worry about my oldest being watched by strangers. He was at home in his routine which was a relief since we were about to rock his world with a new baby.
We have plenty of immigrant friends in a similar situation as ourselves. We even have friends who did the drive and drop off routine. The husband had to stay home to watch the older ones so he drove his wife to the hospital and dropped her off at the hospital alone. According to them it was not an end of the world situation. It might sound odd but it worked out. They said you make do with your choices. Good luck and no stressing.
We do not have family local, and so we had to depend on our 'village', just like you will. While I felt a little awkward about calling a non-family member to come and watch my 3 year old on short notice, possibly in the middle of the night, the reality is that everyone was happy to help. In fact, they were all itching to be a part of our big day and share in our excitement. My 'baby' is now 5, and each year we have all the people who helped us out during that time over for a thankyou/birthday party, and it's really fun.
Had we had older children that needed care when DD was born, we would have called family, friends or neighbors. Would your dad come on his own? I would also ask a good friend. I would be happy to help out a friend like this.
Relax! It always works out. The absolute worst case scenario is that they come with you. Have a bag packed just in case they do with things to do. It's not ideal, but if you can remember that THIS is the worst case scenario, and it would be somewhat funny in retrospect... it's just not so bad.
We lived far from family and were new-ish to town and had no help when baby #3 was born. A neighbor had offered to be my backup to my backup and then, when the time got close, wrote a letter to me explaining why she could not help. Ha! I literally laugh in retrospect. She hid from me until after the baby was born. The funniest part is that I never had really planned to call her.
I went into labor at 2am. A babysitter came over and I paid her very well for the trouble as I had promised I would if she had to come in the middle of the night. Dad went home right after baby girl arrived, and I was in the hospital alone until I was discharged.
Nothing like my first or second birth, but it all worked out -- and it always does. And guess what? Your other littles won't remember it, no matter what happens. :)
I had a friend who had to bring her son when she went into labor. It was not ideal, but it was fine!
Good luck, mama! :)
My dad watched my older children when I went in to have my other children. When my friends had their second and 3rd children I watched their older kids at my house. If you have a list of people then contact them ahead of time and find out if they are up to a 2 am call. If they want the kids dropped off at their house or will watch them at yours. If they have times they will not be available. If everyone is on the same page it will work out better.
I'll be watching granddaughter #2 when my daughter goes in to have granddaughter #3. I can't wait. The best part? I'm always the first to find out when the new baby arrives.
