I recently spent a month babysitting my friend's (acquaintance's) child. Ten hours a day, five days a week. He will be four years old in May. (My three children are in school currently, but I have always been a SAHM, so I have had plenty of experience with my own children and their friends). From my observations, I really think that he may have a learning disability, or perhaps even be autistic (HIGH functioning). He doesn't acknowledge people, he is often very foggy, repeats himself often, and doesn't seem to be able to remember what he needs to do next. For example, on SEVERAL occasions, he would go use the bathroom - pee, pull up his pants most of the time (sometimes I needed to tell him), then just stare at the toilet for several minutes. I would have to tell him to flush, and then to wash his hands. If I wasn't standing right there - he would just stare at the sink. That is just one example. Most of the time, he seems like a "normal" 3 year old, but I really think he should be evaluated. HOWEVER....how do you tell the parents? Part of me doesn't think that it is my place to tell them about my concerns, as it was a short term situation, and they have since found full time care for him.
I have called the school in the past when parents will not listen.
I say call the school. They are likely aware of the situation.
The staring and spacing out doesn't sound at all like Autism, but I do wonder if he might be having a type of seizure called Absence Seizures. If he has them frequently enough that they interrupt his sleep and they're all the time it would account for "fogginess" and being unable to remember things. Perseveration (the repetition of words, phrases, behaviors, etc) could be due to any number of things, not just Autism. Ditto with not acknowledging people.
Having a daughter with Autism and Seizure Disorder, I was very grateful when people gently but firmly pointed out their concerns. I already had some concerns in the back of my mind but they weren't cohesive yet... and then someone said something and it nudged me to take the first steps to get her evaluated. I only wished that someone had said something a year earlier (my sisters-in-law) when they first realized something but mentioned it to my husband rather than to me.
"I was concerned because I noticed that Eddie ____, and it concerned me because _____. Of course I'm probably comparing him to my own children at the same age and while I know all children develop at their own pace, I hope you don't think I'm overstepping by mentioning my concern. I think your son is wonderfully sweet and I had a great time watching him."
Not having spent time with the child,it might be a case where he is use to having those things done for him and he was just waiting for you to help him, IDK for sure, but there is no way to tell the parents they will get mad and defensive, unless you are a good talker and can talk to them in a slick enough way to see if they have any concerns, but if they think they have a perfectly well balanced child then let it be unless they ask.
Absolutely bring it up. Best interests of the child always trumps other concerns. If this is an acquaintance, it is not like you'll be loosing a long-time friend if they get super defensive and never want to see you again. However, it is all about the delivery. Admit upfront that you are not an expert and that since you haven't got a lot of experience observing this child, these behaviors may not be indicative of anything at all. Do say that a few of his behaviors were concerning and you feel he may benefit from a developmental evaluation. Since this child will be four next month, he is too old for Early Intervention Services. Instead, any evaluation would be through the school or his pediatrician. Give her the phone number for the appropriate person at the school and encourage her to contact them. Then let it go. (Depending on the full time care situation he is currently in, your involvement may soon be moot anyway, but I do feel you owe it to the child to make mention of it with the parent.)
If it's an acqaintance, and you're comfortable with it, perhaps just bring up the behaviors and that you were concerned, as your children didn't do this kind of thing. You wanted to give them a heads up in case it wasn't typical behavior for him so they could address it. Kinda be direct about noticing something without trying to "diagnose".
I think if there are several examples of things that you KNOW are not typical of children that age then bring up the examples to the parents. You may have your theories as to why the child is like this, but keep those to yourself since that might turn the parent against you. I have a friend whose son is turning 5 soon and only last year started a disabled preschool. He has several significant delays and perhaps even more. No one said anything to her and it was she who pressured the school to test him and it turns out he should have gotten help a long time ago. So I say tell them. But keep it casual like "I really loved taking care of blank, but I did notice a couple things that seemed atypical to me and I just wanted to tell you about them. Is that ok?"
Unless you are qualified to make any such diagnosis, I do not believe this is your business.
For starters, I have a 4 year old daughter that frequently spaces out. I think some of this is perfectly normal for young, tired, kids. Second, my daughter always has to be reminded to flush and wash her hands (not always, but a good part of the time....she is all about short cuts and getting back to whatever she was doing).....Third,we as a society are too hyper about finding problems in kids. Strange behavior in a kid does not mean they have a problem. Let's expect the best, because usually what you expect is what you get. So if you believe the kid to have problems, the kid then rises to that place and has problems. Call a kid a troublemaker and you create a troublemaker.
It doesn't sound like autism. He is only 3 so maybe he is used to the parents doing everything for him and was waiting for you to help him. I think I would want to know. I might get defensive but thats only because I would feel stupid for you noticing something I didn't or it could confirm I knew something wasn't quite right. Is this their first child because maybe they don't know that this isn't typical behavior.
I think if you feel like you are seeing issues, there are issues. Did you say this was their first child? They may not see it. You may be a good person to mention it, since you aren't a close friend and have been around kids a lot. The behaviors you mention sound very much like my son at that age. He is on the spectrum and has benefited from programs, etc that we sought out for him after a diagnosis. High functioning, yes, but the sooner they can get help the better. Try to think of all the behaviors you can point out to them, even if you need to look at some checklists on websites to recognize more.
If he's 3, give them the contact information for Ohio Help Me Grow, which does free evaluations.
If you know where he is attending child care you could call and speak to the Director and voice your concerns. They could talk to her if they see the same issues crop up.
That way it would be a different party that is not her friend telling her this and you would be out of it.
He may also see others doing stuff and start to pick up on things right away. Peer pressure...lol. But seeing other kids doing things may spark him into that next stage of development.
I agree with a previous post. It doesn't sound like autism at all but could be seizures. Most people think of seizures as the grand mal type, so we don't know to look for other kinds.
