I have a 7 year old son who argues with me over everything. Ive tried time outs and sending him to his room and nothing seems to make it stop. He has Hydrocephalus which cause ADHD therefore behavior problems. If I tell him that the sky is blue he will argue with me and say that no it isnt. Im at my wits end with this. The arguing is affecting our relationship, it makes it hard for us to get along. I dont know what else to do or what else to try. Is their some one that can help me out some?
he might be doing it for extra atten. have you tried ignoring his argumentative responses? Just walk away perhaps?
Pick your battles.. if it is something silly like the sky is blue just say ok honey and move on.. if it is something along the lines of you are going to pick up your clothes in your room and then he argues and does not do it then put him in time out for 7 min..
The trick is being consistent..
C.
my son does the same thing.. you can also check out dr.phil's website as he has talked about this many times.
I heard With ADHD sometimes children have other behavior problems. Such as ODD
addadhdadvances.com/ODD.html
Hope that helps, I have an 9 year old step daughter who thinks she can argue with adults. Teachers, parents, grandparents..ect.
So I understand where you are coming from. Very frustrating.
If you need to vent just email me. Sometimes letting it out to someone who understands helps, also make sure you take breaks away from him, have another family memeber help you out. So you can recharge and battle another day.
C.,
I have been where you are at. I have an 8 year old ANGEL... now. (insert giggles here) My daughter aruged with me over everything, too. She would argue over the most obvious things... like "my hair is NOT blonde mom" - when it clearly was. I never really took it as a behavior issue, only a way to get attention. I learned to call it 'debating.' At times, we would get to the point where I would have to settle it like I would with an adult. For example, "Sweetheart, I know that you feel that the sky is lime green today. I find that it is blue today. Clearly we dont agree and that is fine - we dont always have to agree. I know what I see, and I know what you see, so lets move on to another topic..." (or lets go play... or eat... or whatever). - And that was that. For a while, just giving her this would increase her urgancy to prove me wrong... leading to full fledge screaming... but I would ignore it and put her in her room if needed.
I learned to not spend any time on the arugment she was leading me into. I would clearly explain her side so she understood that I was listening, then clearly explain mine. Then, I would let her know that I understood her opinion, but dont agree and that is ok.
Consistancy was the thing that really worked for us. We have have very few issues since... at times she will catch herself saying, "I know you don't agree with me mom, and that is ok." It is kind of cute when you hear it. I know she will grow up knowing that her opinion counts, even though it may not be correct (lime green sky), or agreed with by others.
Hope this helps! :)
First of all God Bless you and your family!!
I am not sure what the first diagnosis is but I am very familiar with ADHD. I was a special ed. teacher. I pray and commend anyone who has been blessed with an extrodianary children. As Most people have said consistancy, follow through, and structure are a good starting point. I am guessing that you boy is extremely bright, because he has figured you out and how to push your buttons. Not knowing him or the situation it is hard to say much else. I would look for patterns in his behavior, where he is, who he is with, and what happens before the behavior starts. I would also get some other people involved such as your ped. doctor, people at school, and other adults that he interacts with for some assistance with this. If you want to talk you can contact me at ____@____.com Bless,
M.
Pick your battles. My youngest always argues with me. I try not to let it get out of hand. I finally say. I'm the mom and my way goes. Do not argue with me anymore. I won't listen and I don't respond. It sounds cruel but it really isn't. Also, he probably thinks he will get his way if he argues. Giving in even once teaches him, you'll give in. Pick the battles that are the most important and then go at it. Remember, it takes two for an arguement to happen. It's hard when you know you're right but it's best just to ignore it. Hope this makes sense and Good luck!!!!!
I agree with Alicia...it sounds like most of your arguemnts are over things that mean zero in the big picture. Next time he says the sky isn't blue (or whatever), just say, "OK." Let him "win" the argument. You know he knows the sky is blue, so what if he says it's green? Pick your battles, this is not worth the headaches. He is probably, in part, trying to establish some kind of validity in the family, and attempting to forge out some kind of strength and independence. I am the first to admit that I don't have ant experience with ADHD, so I can't say if this particular behavior can be attributed to that, but I can tell you it very well may just part of his growing experience, since many kids go through this who don't have ADHD. He probably enjoys the fact that he can get a rise out of you over something so insignificant (he gets to be in control of you that way). Take away his thunder by refusing to indulge his attempts to draw you into an arguement. Save the arguments for his teenage years, when you two will clash over things that actually affect his life in the long run. I would also try some positive ways to give him control over things in his life that are less disruptive, like letting him pick the restaurant for dinner, letting him choose what movie to rent, letting him choose which chores he does, letting him pick out the decor for his room, etc. The key is not to take away any control and independence he might want, but to shift it. You know, empower him without de-powering you. And honestly, by arguing with him over non-issues, you are losing the power struggle, because he knows just how to push your buttons. Change the buttons. I hope this helps some...my son isn't talking much yet (only 16 months old), and I wish he could talk more, but when I think of the back talk I will inevitably have to deal with, I am grateful he's still pretty non-verbal for now!
M.
he's probably trying to establish validity in his own opinion. My 3 yr old does that sometimes, and what seems to work is if we just say, "okay, if you'd like it that way then that's fine, it's your choice." He's 3 so we don't really go into greater detail. Then we ask him another questions or devert him into another activity. Usually he's happy with that.
Sometimes I think keeping it generic strips away the chance to get "emotionally involved" with the subject matter, thus it's not as intriguing anymore. Just my thoughts. Good luck
I'm not sure if this will help with your problem, but we do the two different options. It usually works, also you might have to work with him on helping him with things(like cleaning his room)But then have him help you. I have also found that rewards are helpful, dont have to be much. And lots of possitives, dont consentrate on the negatives. Give him alot of attention when he does something right, we found the reason our daughter was acting out was because she was getting negative attention. good luck and give him lots of love, remember this is a disease and he is having a problem with it too. Also consistancy is very important, because when they get off track its hard to get them back on. if you ever want to talk, i'm here. I have a fifteen year old step daughter who has adhd and anxiety disorder, so I know some what, what you are going through. However every child is different and every illness(even when labeled the same) are not totally the same.
