Child's Bday Party/large Family

For children's birthday parties we tell the kids how many children they are allowed to invite and they make their own guest lists. They invite their friends, not family. We do not invite adults, they are drop off parties.

Have it at a park. Other than not being sure you could find a place on short notice, you didn't really give a reason not to. I get that it's like a family reunion, but is that really a bad thing?

Seriously, just have it at the park and invite everyone. Have hotdogs, hamburgers and some chips along with cake and call it a day.

I do know the pressure you are under with family. And you really cannot just invite the boys. Find a park with a playground and restrooms and just have fun.

ETA - I know some people are telling you that you don't need to have a big, family party. In some families, you really do. It's part of being in that family, and your really are expected to host a family party every year. That's the way it is in my husband's family, and I know I am just supposed to accept that. If that's the way it is in your family, I still think having it at a park is a solution that will make everyone happy.

We usually celebrate birthdays at Grandma's house (she has a small house, but a huge yard and pastures.) do you have any family members willing to let you use their place? Just plan on staying after to clean the house for them, and maybe show up early in the day to help them get their house party-ready. If that's not an option, I would just go for a park... You never know what you can get unless you try.

And because it's family, we feel perfectly comfortable making it a potluck. Parents of the birthday child provide the main course, cake, and ice cream... And each household attending brings some sort of side.

Not every birthday party has to be a big family event. How about having a small party where he invites a few friends? The only family there will be the members of your own household.

I completely understand. Both of our families live in town or the area.. It really is a blessing, but can be a curse.

People that do not have really large and close families just cannot understand the dynamics. Families like ours are not just family but many times like best friends. We look forward to seeing each other and spending time together. There are times we see each other every week at some point and other times multiple times a week. This along with work, school, cleaning house, outside activities.. It can be a bit much. Especially when you also have parents that have been married multiple times!

But here is what I have learned.
I cannot afford to invite everyone over, every time I have an event. We live in the smallest home out of the whole family. 1 bathroom, 2 bedrooms a tiny dining room and very tiny living room.

Our birthdays are in the middle of summer, so very hot.. , we cannot have a party outside in our yard, it is just way too hot..

When my mother or MIL balked, I suggest I host the event at THEIR homes and THEY help me either finance it or help the event or by working the event.

Over the years, sometimes this has worked with them and sometimes, they have agreed, we do not need to invite every one! Ha!

Once our daughter was 5, I did host a party at the local park. It was not very expensive and no entry fee (our parks are all free to enter) , but it proved that it was incredibly hot even with 2 coolers of ice, fruit juices, bottled water in the shade and with a breeze. I provided a fried chicken dinner for the children their parents, siblings and her teachers with their families.

So over the years, I started just cutting back on the size of the parties. I think a lot of family members were a bit relieved, because they also started having small family gatherings or their kids just had a few friends over.

And so, you will need to buck up and be strong and just plan the party you want to host. If that means juts boys of a certain age.. then state that.. No excuses. No apologies. Just say, you want to give it a try.

Another hint is that on the Sunday of the week of our birthdays, sometimes we would just have a family, cake, ice cream and punch for 2 hours at my MIL home. It was more of a a come and go visit. No gifts, no actual games, decorations or any of that.. People dropped by wished us a Happy Birthday, visited, had some cake and punch and got on with their day..

And at the ending time, we wrapped up the cake and handed out slices to go and mentioned that we all needed to get going because MIL had other plans she needed to get to.

Worked like a charm.

You are the mama now, you can do what you want. Be strong and firm, they will follow along. If they get up set, that is not your responsibility how they react.

You phrase the post as if you have absolutely no choice at all but to have some event, somewhere for 30 people.

You do have a choice. You're in control and no one is forcing you to invite all these relatives -- no matter how close your son is with the other nephews. Is there some unspoken pressure in your family that EVERY cousin has a huge party to which every other cousin and every aunt/uncle is invited? Do you nephews and nieces all have these kinds of all-family parties? If so: Be the one to break the cycle! If not: Why are you sweating this?

Is your son school-aged? If so: Invite either just his best friend to go on a fun outing (laser tag if they're old enough, or a movie and pizza, or bowling, or whatever) or invite a few close school friends (keep the number small and even). They'll be glad for the chance to see each other in summer and have fun together. Keep it small. You're not inviting every kid in last year's class, or even every boy. Just invite one friend and make the outing really special, or invite several and have some cool activities they can do at your own home.

If you son is saying, "But we need to have a party with ALLLLL my cousins!" why cave to that? Smile and tell him, "Aw, we did that last year and this year you can play laser tag with Josh, Billy and Jimmy instead!" or whatever. If your kids have expectations that "all parties are THIS way" the are getting those expectations from the adults around them always having just "this" kind of party. So mix it up this year. If you have a "school friends outing" party, your adult relatives are going to understand and are actually going to be relieved!

If you just can't get past the idea that the cousins must come -- do a drop-off for kids only party. The aunts and uncles probably would just love an afternoon "off" provided by you. They would really rather have that than go to party after party for cousin after cousin through the year. I bet you'll be a hero among the aunts and uncles for being the first one willing to say, "Yeah, drop your kids and run for the hills for three hours!"

WHY NOT JUST DO IT IN THE PARK? LIKE THAT YOU WONT FEEL LIKE YOU HURT ANYBODY's FEELINGS! ITS JUST A SUGGESTION.

You could find a park with open (unreserved) picnic grounds and just stake out an area, rather than rent a space.

Or you could scrap the idea of having a party and allow your child to invite his best friend along for a birthday 'event' like going to an awesome water park or amusement park.

wooowee i applaud you-set it up at your closest lake or park,make everyone chip in for food,drinks etc.i would not allow that many ppl in my home either.and if folks get offended-oh well..this is easiest,simple,in budget,less stress.kids can run buck wild outside n no one cares.nothing to break or destroy.good for you n good luck.

How old are the boys?

I would consider a cute 'Boys only no girls allowed' pinterest style card. Maybe make it a sleep over at night to give the extra hint of no grown up either.

If the boys are not old enough to be dropped off at the party I would not invite just the boys in the family with their parents. I really think feeling will get hurt if one aunt/uncle only has daughters and they are left out. Also, what about families with a girl and boy. I would not invite the boy and parents, yet leave the daughter out. It they are too young, then deal with the off site location or your house (it won't be too long before you can do the small parties).

You are going to have to find ways to narrow down the invited list to make things more manageable.
If it's a kids party, invite mostly kids (extraneous adults can have a few hours to go see a movie or do what ever without kids).
If it's a boy having a birthday - invite only the boys (same for girls).
If it's an adult party, invite the adults and a few can baby sit all the kids.

Growing up I had maybe 2 birthday parties (with family/friends) - the rest of the time we went out to a nice sit down restaurant and had a small cake at home.
Our son had big birthday parties for ages 4 through 8 - that was enough.
I've seen parents rent bounce houses, use community center pools, go bowling, do Build-a-Bear, do Chuck E Cheese, paint pottery, have park/playground parties, do roller/ice skating parties, do laser tag parties, do at the theater movie parties (that might work for you - rent a theater that seats 60-100 people - Cinema Cafe is great for this), etc.
At some point you have to figure out other ways to celebrate rather than having the whole crowd over.

Sounds like you do not want to do a party. Maybe a small party with birthday boy and a couple of friends.

How old is the birthday person? Why do you even have to invite family?
And surely, you and your child aren't equally close to all that family. I suggest inviting just a few with whom your son is actually close. Tell the person in your family that spreads the word your dilemma. Be confident and assertive even if you don't feel that way.

Focus on your son's happiness. Afterall, it's his birthday. Decide on the number of guests and let him choose his guests. Begin a new tradition of having just a kid's party.

You could have a family potluck picnic at a park, at another time so that family gets together. Focus on family rather than birthday. Keep it simple. make Iit no host.

In response to your SWH whoops! I misunderstood. You want ideas for ways to have the birthday party to stay the same but without all the work?Smile.

So have a potluck in the park. Make it a family get together during which you celebrate your son's birthday. No need for games/ entertainment. Family is entertainment. Parents are responsible for own kids. If they're playground age go early and get tables close to playground. My family has done this all my life.

Recently, friends did reserve space at a large multipurpose county park for a baby shower with whole families attending. . If there was a fee it was minor. There were perhaps 30-40 of us. Host barbecued chicken and hotdogs. No planned entertainment. We had a good time visiting.

I've had birthday parties at our neighborhood park. Just went early to organize tables. Reservations weren't available. A city swimming pool is on site as is a water feature and playground for young children. A cousin did the same thing. She scouted out several parks to find one that had the features she wanted. Easy!

I guess I'm not understanding your question/concern.