I have a problem with child support.
I have legal joint custody of my daughter with my ex. It used to be that I had her 3 nights one week, 4 nights the next week, an even 50/50 split. I got $356 a month in child support, with $156 put into the MD pre-paid college trust, leaving me with $200 a month.
I have a calender that I write down every night that I have her. Last year he had her 62 days. Since October 1st he has had her just one night. I still get $200/month, and I found out that he never started the college trust.
We are on very friendly terms, and I don't want to ruin that, but at the same time I feel he should be paying more money to me for her. She is 12 years old, and we got divorced when she was 6. Back then $200/month was fine, but now that she is getting older the things that she needs is getting greater.
I want to go today to get more money and obtain legal full custody of her. I was wondering if anyone thinks that I should tell him what I am doing, giving him a chance to give me what I need without taking it to the courts. What would you do?
I went to the courts and got the right paperwork. I am doing it. I am so tired of having to ask him each and every month for the money...like he doesn't know he owes it. And as for the college fund...he is now over $10,000 behind. He is going to have to come up with it somehow when she turns 18. Thank you to everyone!
I would mention it to him since you guys are friendly. Just let him know you have her primarily and are going to file for full custody which would also affect child support.
I'm a believer that court should always be the last resort. I'd find a good time just to chat it up with him, feel him out on the subject, I'm sure he realizes he's had it made for quite some time. I betcha you can strike a deal with him if you try. If you already have court orders for payments it might be a good idea to schedule an appointment for adjustments to the support amount. Schedule it (it will probably be a few weeks before you can get in), talk to your ex, if he agrees and things go ok you can unschedule the court thing, if it doesnt go okay you have an appointment already and deal with it then.
Hi J., my ex and I are not on very friendly terms still, sigh, I will ALWAYS give him the benefit of the doubt and try to discuss it as nice as pie before I call my attorney. Usually I even give him two chances. However the subject of money is what makes him the nastiest so....
If the child is now living over 75% with you, he is actually breaking the terms of your agreement, so yes you have a valid legal point.
Plus with your daughter at an age where she can decide where she wants to be, the terms should be changing anyway.
It will all depend of the very specific wording of your agreement. You will need your attorney to make changes anyway, but if you can discuss these things with him first, well that's the way to go.
Good Luck!
(Uh and yeah, I think it's VERY reasonable to ask for more than $200 a month, and I would certainly investigate what's happening to the college money. He may be seriously in arrears, and it's only 6 years til she needs it!)
Given the relatively positive situation, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and work out an agreement...but make it official in court. It provides protection for you, him, and your daughter. In the end, if y'all come to an agreement (possibly use mediation?) it will cost a lot less for everyone. If you just slap him with a subpoena, you may lose any cooperation he may be willing to offer.
You have a valid reason to have the situation reviewed, but give him the chance to do the right thing. Is it possible that as she's gotten older, he has a harder time figuring out what to do with her? Maybe you can help him with that too.
Was it written in the agreement that he put that money into a college trust? If he hasnt, he needs to be brought back to court on that alone! That's stealing money from his daughter's future!
Do you have a lawyer? I would go to court.
I guess you could let him know what you're doing and why -- just an FYI type of thing. Hopefully he'll have to get the college fund current. He might be a nice guy but it doesn't seem like you can trust that he'll take care of his obligations on his own. Some men need that court order.
Although child support and visitation/custody are two separate issues, I do think you need more support if you have her more than 50% of the time. Good luck!
Hi there,
I'm not sure what state you're in, but in Illinois, child support is based on income and number of children. For 1 child, the state guideline is 20% of net income. Splitting post secondary education is SEPARATE and shouldn't be mixed in with regular support. $200/mo is paltry, unless your ex is unemployed. Whether or not you have joint or sole custody, he still has the right to visitation, and that schedule should be in your divorce judgment and parenting agreement. Sole custody just means that you can't get along well enough to make the regular decisions regarding education, religion, medical care and so forth.
You can file a Petition for Rule if he's not paying according to the terms of the court order or you can file a Petition to Modify Child Support if he is paying but you need more. College money should be separate.
Good luck!!
i had the EXACT same issue (50-50 visitation, joint custody, etc), only to this day i have NEVER received a dime in child support.....what i did??? i KNEW if i moved far enough away since i am the primary care giver and she goes the school in MY home district, I choose her daycare's etc, i moved far enough out (not for this reason), but i moved about 30 miles from him and KNEW that he would soon give up his week visitation...and OMG he DID! there's some other issues that go along with my story, but i'm now seeking child support, getting a lot resolved.
havign said all that and to get to your question......DONT' SAY A WORD!!! if you felt like you could talk it out, i would've tried that before attorney if you've already paid for one. if you have an attorney, that's what his/her job is: to mediate between you two, and word what you want in a way that he MIGHT agree to it to avoid court...if you speak up....it COULD ruin everything you have going for you
This is a little late but I learned the hard way, you need to have whatever modifications- more child support, visitation, college funds, etc put into writing by the court- even if you are on friendly terms with him now, that may not always be the case and they (the courts) may just say ok from here forward it will be this and you may lose out on the college money and any back support that he was suppose to have been paying. I would file a modification hearing- contact the court or the child support division of your court and they should have someone assigned to your case and they can get all the paperwork together for you. I would definitely do everything through the court so he doesn't go back and say "I didn't say that" or "we didn't agree to that" I did this (after I got screwed the first time because he stood there and lied in court but I didn't have any proof because everything was verbal- because we were on "good terms" at the time) and I did not have an attorney and it was fine, the child support lady did all the paperwork for me and the court appointed a person to help me- he represented my daughter. Good luck.
Something that hasn't been mentioned yet, in my state (you should check yours) you have the right to have the support reconfigured as the child ages...just for the very reason you mentioned, as they get older it costs more to take care of them!
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...and I would try to talk to him first before just blind-siding him, since you are on good terms.
The fact that you are friendly towards each other should not impede you from getting what is right for your daughter. You must be comfortable in order to give her the best. It sounds like you have to adjust the terms of the child support. Times change and so does expenses. I don't see anything wrong with you addressing the issue. You have to do what's best for your daughter. I'm probably not the best person to take advise from since I went straight to the courts without letting him know. My circumstances are different though, he does not see her at all. Some times some one else has to show parents the way, and the courts do a great job of it!
