Child Support - New York,NY

I would get court ordered support since he has not contributed this far without a court order he probably still wont. With a court order the support is taken directly from his paycheck by the state.

Most younger, less mature people have a harder time keeping a verbal agreement regarding money for an extended period of time which is what you're talking about. It would be great if you 2 could come to an agreement and then like some of the other poster's said, get it in writing with a witness if at all possible. I'm sure the safer bet however would be to go to court. If it's a verbal agreement & one month he has an unexpected expense like needing to get his car repaired, there's nothing stopping him from not making the payment to you, however if it's court-ordered then it'll usually come right out of his check.

Court ordered support helps keep both of you accountible upfront and honest. You son has the right to be financially supported by both of his parents. Daddy included. You don't necessarily have to agree with what the court deems fit and proper for payments (I did) but I have a friend that has agreed for her son's father to pay substancially lower than what the court has ordered but his father does take him on extravagant tropical island vacations, holidays with his family, and overnight visits on a regular basis. He also buys clothes for his son too and this also occurs often.

A stressed out mom, stresses out the kid. If you need financial help, get the courts help in optaining what you haven't been able to get by simply asking and don't worry about fallout from his father.

I'd go thru the enforcement agency.

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By the court! That way you have a leg to stand on if he quits!

Don't worry about his feelings and maybe getting back together with him. If asking him to support his child is a problem for him, than do you want a future with him? I have never seen any agreemant ever work out, ever, not one time. Go to court. It's much less messy and it gets taken out before he ever sees it. It hurts much less that way and you don't have to constantly beg and try to guilt him into doing what's right. I had my childs father pay child support, through the courst system and we did get back together. He never missed a payment and always wanted to be there for us. I love him for it. If he resisted paying child support I wouldn't have had enough respect for him to take him back.

I went through something similiar. At first it seemed like he really wanted it to be civil and help out and he agreed to pay a certain amount to me without getting courts involved etc. Then after only a few very short months, I was broke he wasn't paying me anything (I was working but still wasn't cutting to pay bills). It only got ugly. No fun!

I think once you make that arrangement of being apart, plan it that way. I think a way to bring it up to him is consider it the 3rd party in your relationship, that way he nor you can blame one another about how much is being paid out. It's just up to the courts and if by chance you get back together than you won't "hate" him for the mess of no help supporting you and your child. You have to think of the child first. That's what child support is all about.

Good Luck!

Make it legal, whether you end up with him or not it is better to have a legal paper. If you ever have to file for child care assistance, medical benefits for the baby, or food stamps they will make you file for it then and they will take it from his check before he gets paid then disburse it to you. It just works better if he never gets the money but just gets his check with the child support already paid. they tend to not resent it so much in my opinion.

go the legal route otherwise he can just skip out on payments

He keeps bringing it up but hasn't given you any $? That's kind of strange...

I think it should be handled by the courts, so everything is in black and white and everyone agrees.

With that being said, if you to could come to an agreement of how much he should pay....I recommend you getting it in writing and having him and you sign something together...even with a witness if possible.

When my hubby first divorced his EX, he offered her a number that he felt was fair and they stipulated that amount in the divorce decree/child support section and he just handed her checks directly to her...later on she felt she was being jipped and filed something with the DSHS (The State) and he had to fill out all this financial information and go back to court...it turns out he was paying way too much and they ordered a lesser amount that know comes directly out of his checks...funny part is she now complains that her child support is late all the time (Thank you incompetent State) and it was never once late when hubby paid it to her all by himself!

So moral of the story...sometimes you can get more working together....and....always get things in writing and keep good records.

You should absolutely get a court decree for child support, custody and visitation so that you are each required to do what is determined and there is no room for question or non compliance. If he's not giving you any money to care for this baby, and he doesn't seem sure how to go about handing you an envelope with cash or a check every week, then get a judge to tell him when and how much he has to pay. Clearly he is not going to do it voluntarily
Good luck

Think of your child, not how you feel about the father. Get as much support as you can from him and let the court decide how much.

if you think you can work this out outside of courts, just make sure you still get it in writing and have him sign it in front of a notory... my husband had a written agreement like that for years and it was fine. Even when they were still dating she had him sign papers, which he was happy to do. So in some situations it works out fine.

When he took her to court for more visitation (because she was withholding it and playing games with his time), she went back at him and took him to court for more money. The courts actually told her that he was paying too much (usually it's 17% of the father's income) - but my husband agreed to keep paying the higher amount. They also calculated what % of medical bills he had to pay by comparing the 2 parent's incomes and turns out he wasn't legally required to pay 50% (because his ex's income was much more than his!) - he still pays 50% when he can, but if we can't we dont feel bad about it, because we at least pay what's court ordered. So just some insight from my experience -- the courts didn't work the way his ex planned.

You have to do what you feel is right. Ultimately court ordered things are always nicer because they are set in stone, but court can be a pain in the butt. Depends on how reliable you think he is, you can always take him to court later if he starts skipping out on it, but it is nicer to have the court-ordered document from the get-go.

Go through a court. Im 90% sure you will regret a verbal agreement. My ex husband and I had a verbal agreement that worked for about a year. I filed through the Attorney General after we would get into arguments when I needed him to pay his 50% of something for the kids. He would act as if he didnt have to or that he would give me his portion when and if he was ready. I finally decided I would let the courts handle it. Im so thankful. I did not know I was screwing myself because I wasnt even asking for money that often.They have a set amount based on a percentage that is automatically taken from his paycheck every payday. He is also obligated to provide medical coverage through his employer.

Regardless if you two get back together I would still have the order in place. You still have financial obligations in or out of the relationship. Dont let him play mind games with you. Im confused you say he keeps bringing up the child support issue but then you say you broke up because he wasnt offering money. Mind games.

From experience go to court. My ex & I agreed (really he agreed) on a set dollar amount which I wasn't happy about but to naive about the system. So I got screwed for years royally. He held it over my head all the time & sometimes he was mad at me & decided that I didn't 'deserve' any help that month. He also never helped with child care or health insurance or medical bills. When my daughter was 11 he took me to court because he thought his $250 a month was more than enough, that $ was for her every need so any extras like sports, medical bills, health insurance etc was out of my pocket. Well I kept warning him that if we had to get lawyers he would owe me more & he didn't believe me & when court was all said & done he had to pay me $450 a month plus get medical insurance for her & pay half of all sports. I didn't want to mess around with waiting for him to send me a check every month so I had the courts take it out of his paycheck. It was such a RELIEF not to have to worry anymore.

Your ex is already playing games with you & you even said "partly what drove us apart", so don't aggravate yourself anymore than you have to.

Please file in court. You do NOT need a lawyer because it is cut n dry about money issues. Please remember to request shared expenses for all aspects of your childs life... medicine, doctors, insurance, child care, visitation, out of state trips, activities, college...some of these things may not apply now but I promise you they will and you won't want to forget these items!