Child Still Sleeping with Mom

It's because of my fear of SIDS and suffocation that I won't bring my baby to bed with me. If I rolled over or flung my arm just so and killed my baby I'd never forgive myself. It sounds harsh to use that word, but that's seriously what it would be. I understand people's desire to have their child sleep with them - it is comforting for the parent as well as the child - but I believe the chance of something bad happening is so much greater when the baby's in the parent's bed. S/He could be suffocated not only by the parent, but also by the pillows and bedding. Some babies (like my 3-month old) scoot around quite a bit when in bed, so easily could end up under the blankets, smothered. And also depending on how the parent sleeps - some fling arms about and sleep heavily - the baby could get pummeled and squashed. As most experts say, baby is safest in his or her own bed.

Not only the safety issue, but some babies are awakened by the slightest noise or movement, and while I'm lucky - my baby sleeps as heavily as I do - I would never want to take that chance!

Now, when he gets older, then that will be a different story. My dad worked nights, and so sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and go sleep with my mom. It was nice to do that once in a while. We both enjoyed the cuddle!

I have a similar situation. I have twin boys born in August of 1999. One has Autism. I also got divorced (when they were 7 weeks old) and moved back in with my dad. They both have always crawled in bed with me in the middle of the night. Last year I told them now that they have started school they are getting to old to sleep with mom. But my son with Autism has night terrors and always crawls in bed with me in the middle of the night. Sometimes my other son will too, but I try and make him go back to his own bed so he gets enough sleep for school the next day. Come the weekend though he always wants to sleep with me. I recently met another mother of a son with Autism. Her son is 13 and still sleeps with her because of the night terrors, common in autism.
The only reason I told them they needed to start sleeping in their own bed was because of my Dad. He is trying to help me raise them to be tough boys. I personally dont mind because I know the day will come when (at least the one without Autism) will no longer want to sleep with me and I want to enjoy it now while I have it.

You are blessed that when you co-slept w/ your daughter (as an infant)it was without incident. I was a police officer and responded to calls where the parents suffocated the infant and killed him/her. Not only with their weight but with the covers. This is a huge risk. I think I saw where the local PD worked 22 cases where the infants died co-sleeping.

sorry for the rant...just trying to bring awareness. I actually did it a couple of times w/ my 1st and was mortified to realize what could happen. I guess I was to exhausted to think about it???

I think it's a personal choice when you decide your daughter should gain independance and sleep in her own bed.

Good Luck

Hi M.
I have the "same" situation, but instead of a daughter I have 2 sons sleeping with me! We lost our first son at 6 days of age and when my 2nd was born I immediately wanted him close to me. When our 3rd was born 3 1/2 years later he of course continued the course, I am now in a king size bed with my 2 boys and my husband is sleeping in my sons room! I do not know how to correct this either as I work full-time and am completely wore out when bedtime comes around! Any one with advice?

I love sleeping with my 6 year old and do it for all the same reasons as you. I wouldn't worry about it. Eventually, you will both be ready to part.

I think the dangers of sleeping with an infant can be real. But most mothers are wired up to wake if the baby makes a peep. I alway slept with my daughter right in my arms, up on my pillow. I always kept her face out away from my body and I didn't bring the covers up past her face. She never slipped out of place because I had a monster grip on her and I woke up if she even wiggled.

I did try allowing her in the bed between us but my husband rolled over on her and that's when I stopped that and only allowed her to be in my arms. I was so angry with him! I definitely agree with whoever said it's dangerous if the mother isn't able to sleep the way I've described. It's kind of funny. Since my daughter is too old for that sort of sleeping, my cat decided a few years ago that he should be in my arms with his head on my pillow.

Suzi

How I got my 5 year old to sleep in her bed was for the first week I would sleep in her bed with her. Then after that I would just sit on the bed until she would fall asleep, did that for a couple of days. Making sure that you don't say anything to her. Just let her lay there and try to go to sleep on her own. Then I would start sitting on the floor, starting off next to her bed then every night move just alittle bit further away from the bed. And before I knew it I was sitting right outside her door and she didn't call for me once. We still have our moments but so far so good. Hope you get everything figured out.

Hi M.!
We had BOTH of our children in bed with us until my daughter was 4 - my son was 1 at the time. I nursed, so I never put either of my children in a separate room or bed - they just slept on top of me so I could sleep more and they could cry less. We eventually ended up pulling a twin size bed up to my husband's side of the bed and my son's crib up to the other side - open on the side next to the bed. I certainly see where you are coming from!

That being said, if you aren't comfortable with her being alone in the basement and she isn't comfortable with it, I don't believe you should push it, but that's my opinion. My daughter is now 8 and my son is 5, and they have a room together upstairs, and I have a baby monitor on STILL so I can hear if they have a bad dream, how bad their coughs get at night, and all that other stuff. Maybe you could try one of those so she would know you are right there with her and can hear everything?

Anyway, I say you just do what feels best for both of you. I believe that once our children hit a certain age they will begin to request more privacy and that's how you know they are ready for it.

Good luck!
M.

I went thru a similar problem with my daughter when I got divorced. She was about 7 when I made her start sleeping in her bed. My recomendation is a baby moniter. That way you can mointer her and she feels safe. If needed get some walkie talkies too this way you can communicate if needed or wanted. But be firm and explain to her this is her own private little place. Where she can play and pretend to her hearts content. Hope this helps!
P.

my7 son is 5 and when he was born he slet with me and he still dose and i do try to but him in his bed he will snck in to my bed

I too was terrified of SIDS so my kids slept with me for a while off and on till they were about 6 months old or so.I remember my son I would let him sleep in his crib while I camped out on the floor,I just needed to hear and feel my kid's breath.Somehow my kid's outgrew it my daughter refuses to cuddle with me now she only want's to fall asleep in her crib 15 months old and that sadnees me because she is still lil enough to cuddle with me.yes your daughter need's to be in her own bed/room to become independet for herself some may say that you are dependant on your child and that isn't healthy.Has she ever tried to sleep in this new room in the basement yet by herself she may enjoy it.My kids sleep downstairs and were upstairs I don't like it but it had to be done,we blocked the windows from being opened fire detectors in the rooms nitelites on porch lites on and a sensor lite on the side of the house where my daughters bedroom is that lites up so bright if anyone walks in the radius of the sensor since there is a fence we keep it locked.So the reason why I write this to you is to let you know your not alone whith not wanting your daughter to sleep alone even on a different floor of the house your on.So if you can you may want to childproof/and add some security to the home.

Ahhhh M.....I have been there...done that...got the t-shirt...and it is STILL a struggle to make it fit! LOL

I was six months pregnant with my son when my ex left and my issue after he was born was that A) I was breast feeding and B) I was just too tired after working full time and trying to take care of four kids to return him to his bassinet.

So for the next 6 years I had the same issues of sleeping on the edge of the bed while Zachary enjoyed the rest (including all the covers.

It got to the point where I asked him what he was going to do when he got married (because he told me he was going to sleep with me forever and ever) and his response was "I will sleep in the middle between you and my wife." (Yeah right - LOL)

For us, it was a long drawn out process (about 1 year or so) that took a lot of patience (and yes often bribes) but slowly he started spending more time in HIS bed than my own.

I did everything from letting him pick out his own special sheets, blankets and pillows to helping him decorate "his side" of the room (it's a huge room that we "partitioned off" with the dressers and a book case").

But, he FINALLY sleeps full time in his own bed and RARELY asks to share mine!

Admittedly, I am sure that it helps that he and I still share a bed room. But I am hoping that with my middle daughter moving out and going to college next year I will finally have my OWN room and he will be content with HIS OWN room.

I know that in many countries kids sleep with their parents for years...I just don't know how they do it!

I too don't recommend it past the age of about 3 months as it can really turn into a nightmare!

Best wishes and best of luck!

My son wouldn't go to sleep unless we started him out in bed with us and then moved him to his room...which 90% of the time woke him back up. We finally got him into his own bed when he was about two by putting his toddler bed against my side of the bed for a few weeks, then moving it to the other side of my room, and then finally in the room next to ours with the doors open so we could talk and reassure him as he fell asleep.

My best friend has a 9 year old that will NOT sleep in her room!! They are normal to me!!!

My sister had both her kids in their bed for a while.. then just the youngest... she was about 8 or 9.. she still sleeps on couch with her dad if he is up late...

IF you dont mind... and she does not mind.. it is good...

She should have a room though.. And sometimes IF she wants.. NOT as a punishment should try to sleep on her own.. What if she has a sleepover or goes to a freinds... She will be having a hard time....

But Reallly.. I think it is ok.. Even thought I could never do it.. I am alll over in my bed!! heheeh

i think that if u are okay with her sleeping in your bed and you're not sharing it with anyone else, then so be it. maybe u could try having her go to sleepovers or having another friend over. maybe seeing them in their own beds at their houses will help her to want to sleep in her own. the three of us sleep in the same room, my daughter sleeps in her crib, but we are about to move and at this point she won't go to sleep unless she sees us in the room. so my situation is similar. now we're moving and she'll have her own room so that will be an issue i'll be writing for advice on soon. once again, if it doesn't bother u, then try to let her wean herself.

i was 17 when my oldest was born and she is now 5. when she was little i did the same thing. when i got married she had her own room. i ended up sitting in her room each night till she went to sleep and each night i would sit farther away from her bed. in the end i got a baby monitor and out it in her room and told her if she needed me she could hooler and i would hear and come to her. and it worked

we're a co-sleeping family. i often go to bed by myself...and wake in the middle of cuddly cutness... ;) i don't mind. too soon my lil ones will be too big to want to be snuggling w/ me anyway....so i'm good w/ it for now. but i am jealous that you got a cali king. when i left my dh. i let him have our bed (queen) and i sleep on a twin, as do my 2 kids. so you can imagine how cramped it gets to be pretzelfied in a twin. LOLOL

my daughter slept in my bed til she was 12 and my oldest son was 9 they'd probably still be in my bed if we hadn't move in with my fiance I agree I would not recommend starting this to new moms cause I had 2 in my bed every night it was easier to just let them in my bed rather than fighting to keep them in their own So just to let ya know you're not alone in this lol

I totaly understand with my first child she slept in the bed with me and it was about age 8 that she wanted to sleep on her own (once in awhile) the next ones that came along I put them in there bassenet beside my bed and of course those nights that I just couldn't wake up the baby stayed in bed with mom after the feeding.I don't mind because it helps me feel comforted at night letting them sleep with me my 16 year old is now whee she likes to sleep in her room and that is fine wiht me(yes I am the mom who lets sleep in the living room with me) :) so of course I think it is ok to let her sleep with you as long as you are comfortable with it.
P.S. don't get a man who is going to make you change your habits I tried that once and it was a desaster for me)
GOOD LUCK
Kathy

i know you wanted to hear of other mothers in the same situation, but i wanted to let you know that i at least don't think it's a big deal. i was terrified of SIDS too but i did the checking on him twenty times a night thing. i was wierdly stubborn about not having him sleep with us, although it happened when he was sick sometimes. now that he's 21 months and cuddling is down to almost nothing, i WISH he'd sleep in our bed with us sometimes! anyway, since she's 7, it shouldn't be a huge traumatic thing...you can talk to her about it. maybe start by putting a little pallet on the floor in your room and let her know that mommy knows she's getting to be a big girl, and it's time the two of you each had your own bed. leave it there as long as she needs it, even after she starts sleeping in her own room she can still come in during the night and sleep near you if she needs to. just my thoughts. good luck! i bet you DO want your bed back!

We told my daughter once she turned 3 she was to big to sleep in mommy's bed and she just kind of accepted it. I however dont recomend sleeping with your baby, I just lost my youngest Natalie 2 weeks ago, of SIDS at 6 weeks old, and she was sleeping in our bed when it happened. Since then, all my boyfriend and I have heard about is how their crib is the safest place.

About me- I'm a mother of 2, Abby who is 3 and loves playing dress up and dolls, and Natalie who we lost on 10-16-06

well i have a 2 1/2 year old that sleeps with us...and he has been doing probably since he was around a year old or so...but he even has his own bed...and he will climb into..but when it comes to bed time..he wants to sleep in our bed...one reason i think he might still sleeps with us...because we only have a 2 bedroom apartment...and my mother law gets one room...and my 2 1/2 year old has his toddler bed...and we have a crib in our room for my 8 month old..plus our king size bed...so it is pretty tight in there...but we manage...i dont know if things will change maybe when he gets his own room or not...probably not though...but i dont know what else to do either...all i know i am not going to let my other little boy start sleeping in our bed...between my boyfriend and my 2 1/2 old..i dont have room as it is..and if i add another one..i mind as well make my room in the living room on the couch...

Well about the whole sleeping in the bed thing, my responce is that your children are small for so long. Just about 6 months ago my 10 year old decided that he might be to old to sleep in the bed with me and now is in his bed all of the time, where as before he would automatically climb into bed with me when his dad (who is in the Coast Guard and is not always home)was out on the River. My 5 year old will start out in his bed when Scott is home, and sometime in the night he has found his way into our bed, but when he is out on the River he automatically gets into our bed and LOVES IT!!! You know what, I dont think that I would have it anyother way. I even get a little frustrated in the night because he takes up the whole bed, but I love him sleeping with me. I sleep better knowing that he is there with me when Scott is not home, we even have a security system. You can never be to sure. It made me sad when my 10 year old started sleeping in his own bed but I also knew that he was getting a bit to old to be sleeping with mommy when his dad was gone. My point is that your daughter may not feel secure and safe because she is used to sleep beside you and is used to feeling so secure in you bed. In my opinion which many people DO disagree,I would not do anything about it. She will get to an age where she will want to sleep in her own bed and then you will be sad! All in good time and enjoy it while you have it because before you know it she will be getting married and having her own kids. Yes, some of my friends make fun of me and tell me that my 5 year old should not be sleeping with me, but I just laugh at them, but a majority of my friends love that their children want to sleep with them. THis subject has great debate to sleep with you are not sleep with you? I choose sleep with you!

My son is still sleeping with me. He's 2yrs old so I guess that's not so bad, but I agree with you on it's better to not let them ever start, but it's so hard. There's something so comforting about having them right there were you can check on them. Plus if they wake up at 3am you don't have to stumble around trying to fix whatever's woke them up. :) Excuses Excuses. I don't really have any advice about how to fix it, but I wouldn't mind hearing some, cause I know i'm going to have to break him soon. I've got a 2nd boy coming in Feb.