Child Gets Upset If He Is Not Heard When He Wants to Ask a Question

Congratulations! You have a normal child. He needs to be taught how to say excuse me and wait to be acknowledged.

Honestly it doesn't matter if you have 1 child or 21 each child should be taught not to interrupt adults when they are talking and how to properly interrupt and patiently wait.

There should be consequences for wrong behavior and rewards for good behavior. All rewards don't need to be a thing most children respond really well to praise.

Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting. We have so much to teach them and so little time to get it done before they are officially adults.

He is a normal kid learning social boundaries and respect.

It has ZERO to do with him being an only. " Only child syndrome" is a made up farce that some people use to negatively label children. Some parents use it as an excuse for poor parenting.

It has EVERYTHING to do with your parenting skills, how you react and manage when he interrupts. He has to learn basic social skills and respect.

Now..., if he's accustomed to you dropping whatever you are doing to jump to his beck and call, then it's an issue with you and him learning together about social skills.

It's not ok for kids to interrupt adults in conversation.

Be consistent with your reminders and consequences. He will learn!!!

Normal, but at the same time, not OK.

Here's the thing, though. Lots of times, we as parents DON'T follow through - we tell our kids to wait "a minute", and it's a lot longer than that. As an adult, that would be annoying. As a kid, it's just as bad.

So maybe talk to him about the process for this situation when you're not IN the situation so you both know what the expectations are. That way, you're not correcting him when he's frustrated.

i see this rather a lot. and it's not an impossible fix, it just takes some time, consistency and practice.
don't try to 'teach' him to wait by forcing him to wait even longer, which is a lamentably common coping technique. you want him to start to understand that when you can, you DO give him your immediate attention. but you can't always do it, and sometimes he needs to wait courteously.
what i see many many many young parents do with small children like yours, and younger, is to coo and coddle when it's convenient and completely disregard when it's not. the trick is to treat your 7 year old like an actual discrete person, who is worthy of the same courtesy an adult would get. and that means communicating with him no matter the circumstance. obviously if you're free you can turn to him and respond immediately, and it's not a bad thing to point this out (so long as you're not lecturing and droning!)
'sam, thanks for bringing this up when i'm not busy with something else! what can i do for you?'
if you're in the middle of conversation (or a shower or negotiating nail-biting traffic) you can put him off, but make sure you do give him a brief word, and a promise to get back to him ASAP. then do.
'sammy, bad timing. you need to give me a minute' is all that's required. don't fall into the trap of taking 2 minutes from your conversation with a friend to lecture him on why he shouldn't interrupt you. 7 year olds aren't stupid. he will grasp and resent that you can take the time to discipline him, but not answer him. nor the other and equally frustrating (for him) common response, which is to day 'just a minute' and then keep him waiting for 15. he needs to know he's not the center of the universe, but that he IS important enough for you to take a moment for him when he needs you.
and during a calm moment, discuss with him why he needs to develop courtesy, and a consequence if he doesn't. and i find this is one of the few times when 'natural consequences' backfire. the natural consequence would be that he has to wait even longer, but this is counter-productive. on the other hand, if you're in deep conversation and he's noodging, a short banishment isn't out of line.
for most kids i've found that a quiet 'give me two minutes' and then following through is all that's needed. with a confirmed nagger, i'll send them out of earshot, then get back to them as soon as i can, but with a frown and 'i'm not pleased at how rude you were. i know you can do better. now, what was so important that you behaved so unpleasantly?'
if it persists, i'd come up with an equally unpleasant consequence AND i'd solicit his help in coming up with it. 'sam, you're continuing to be discourteous about interrupting me. from now on if you do it, something's going to happen. what do you think is appropriate?'
my kids would always come up with far harsher punishments than i'd have dished out! but if he suggests wimpy ones, calmly veto them and have him keep thinking of more. this isn't a max-out offense. missing a favorite tv show, or dessert if he usually gets it, or sweeping the basement instead of going for the usual after-dinner family walk should suffice.
a kid who is usually cheerful won't require much tweaking, i'm betting. the key is to make sure that you do respond to him promptly when you can, as soon as possible when necessary, and that you never let an inappropriate response on his part pass without being addressed.
and of course, your ongoing conversation should include that blood, fire and zombies are worthy reasons to interrupt. you don't want your child fidgeting 'politely' next to you while his little brother is getting pummeled by hooligans over at the swingset.
it's not a behavioral problem, nor is it limited to singletons. it's just being 7.
khairete
S.

I have an only child, and he has never acted that way if he isn't answered right away. I also have made an effort to always make the time to hear him out, or at least tell him to give me 5 minutes and then I can get back to his questioning I'm doing something else. As an only child it is important to allow him his time and individuality. If he is expressing that he hates his life , hides, and cries, I would be concerned as to why he feels this way. Sounds like their is something else going on with him, then just impatience.

Does he have many people in his life that give him attention? Family/ friends, etc? Lack of socialization and personal contact with people at a young age can bring about frustration, resentment, and hurt feelings when they aren't easily able to recognize and express themselves.

He wants to be heard. Don't we all?

I very much suggest reading the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk." It's excellent and helps we parents to understand how to speak to our kids with both authority and empathy, to make our kids feel heard and understood, so that negative behaviors like this are mitigated.

You need to tell him that you are busy and yes, he is important but he is going to have to be patient. I swat the kids hineys when they act like this. They cry and have a temper tantrum but they stop when I tell them they'll have to be patient.

My grandson did this yesterday and I was on the phone with my boss. I told me boss to please hold on and I gave my grandson a swat on his hiney and sent him to his room. Then I got back on the phone with my boss and we finished our business conversation.

My grandson apologized to me later on in the evening. He knew better and he was just pushing the boundaries.

I have an 8 year old, not an "only", but she is 6 years older then her baby brother. I do not think this is appropriate for his age. He should be able to control himself and wait his turn. He hasn't had this issue in school? Then it may be a by-product of being an "only", because he's used to getting you and your near instant response to his needs and requests. You may have to be firmer with him and out right tell him he is not to behave that way any more. it is not acceptable at school and it is not accountable at home. He is to wait his turn politely. If he can not, then you send him away(his room or a spot on the couch or floor) until you can come to him and he can ask then.

Just some suggestions. Good luck.

my seven y.o. has a similar problem with waiting to be heard. Though without the tantrums. She just continues to try to talk when we've already shut her down. If we have to shut her down a second or third time, she may stomp a foot, or pseudo collapse. But she generally recovers quickly.

I really don't buy into the idea that behaviors are dictated by birth order or the number of kids. I don't think there's an "only child syndrome" unless it's allowed to develop.

I agree with the comment below that we often say "Just a minute" and we wind up making it 5 or 10, which is an eternity in a child's life. But I also think we sometimes drop everything when they interrupt, and then if they don't get responded to one time, they freak out. Some kids think that if they just say "Excuse me" (once or 20 times, getting louder and louder), it's an automatic right to interrupt.

One technique I've seen is that there is a signal between parent and child which indicates that the kid wants to be heard, and that the parent acknowledges it but can't really forget about it either. One technique is that the child puts a hand on the parent's leg (or arm, whatever you choose), and the parent puts a hand on top of the child's. That says "I hear you." Then you move your hand gradually from the child's thumb to first finger to middle to ring to pinky, and when you get to the pinky, you stop and see what he wants. He gets to feel that there is "progress" as you move from finger to finger, and he can "see the finish line" in his mind.

The stomping off with "I hate my life" or crying is designed to get your attention by being more dramatic. If you respond, it reinforces that behavior, which is why it repeats. He is being immature, but he may not know that.

You don't say what you expect him to do to "take responsibility for his actions" so it may be that he doesn't fully understand what that concept means. I'd sit down and work out a system for him, and let him know what the consequences are for having a tantrum about not getting immediate attention all the time. If you implement a system that you can reward, great.

But at 7, he should be used to raising his hand in school and waiting for the teacher. I'd check with the teacher to see if maybe he's feeling overwhelmed with all the kids in his classroom and therefore putting added pressure on you at home by insisting that he not wait for anything since there aren't 20 other kids in the house.

We've introduced a timer. Like one for a kitchen.

You could get him one. Explain to him that it is his and if he asks a question while you are otherwise busy that he can set the timer to 5 minutes and you will wrap things up by the time the timer goes off to talk to him. Tell him that if he stomps off then he has to wait 8 minutes. Explain that once you hear and address him you will go back to what you were doing, uninterrupted.

Then role play it. Show him how things will work.

The first time he wants to be heard after that you remind him 'remember what we talked about and get your timer." Any time after that, just say one word, "Timer." It gives you a neutral word to say. It gives him responsibility of remembering his part as well as an action to take and you have accountability of stopping in 5 minutes to give him attention.

Nope, never went through this with my only child son. I think it is just a personality kink that needs a little extra work. Love Suz T' s advice!

Normal. It takes discipline. For that age discipline is mature respectful communication on your part and a consequence if he does not heed your clear and respectful warning to wait until you can listen, to not interrupt, etc. Same for the "tantrum" which at seven is stomping away or speaking angrily or crying if people don't drop everything to listen to him. Some kids aren't very difficult. Some parents are so strict that kids wouldn't even attempt this behavior at seven. Some people are like me, fairly strict, but not enough so that I don't have to deal with this from my 7 yo son from time to time.

If my son tries to blurt something at me when I've told him to "hold on" or when I'm speaking to someone else I give him a sharp look and hold up a finger which he KNOWS Means,"Uh uh, do NOT interrupt." This is enough warning because he was disciplined as this normal habit was forming so he wouldn't then throw a fit, but if he DID I would treat it like I do other times he gets inappropriately pissy: Stern warning, and if he continues: He has to clean out the car or some other hard task. If there isn't a hard task handy I'll think of some other immediate unpleasant thing. Again, he doesn't do it often because it's NOT allowed and he understands that. But he would if he could, the natural urge is certainly there.

Boys react well to concise stern action at times like this I find. Like you're a coach who might make 'em drop and give you 20 for bad attitude. Talking too much or being too sympathetic hasn't done well for some boys I know this age with pretty awful attitudes. I keep my general attitude with mine good and loving and positive (those are the easy parts), but simple and stern with follow-through when necessary if he tries to have a bratty outburst.

It's normal kid learning he's not the center of the universe type of thing. I would let him stomp off and have his cry and give him NO attention for that behavior. He's looking for attention so if he doesn't get it by having you listen to whatever he's talking about, he's trying to get it by having you feel bad for him and have to soothe him. Don't do it. If he states how much he hates his life, tell him if he thinks it sucks being a kid, wait til he finds out that being an adult doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want all day long and then eat candy for dinner.