Child Custody and Visitation - Birmingham,AL

Updated on November 09, 2012
J.D. asks from Birmingham, AL
4 answers

I had a little girl 13 months ago and I was not married. The father is married to another woman and they do not have any children. I live in California and know that I automatically have full custody of her being that I was unmarried. The father is now trying to get custody of her since I stopped letting the baby stay the night with him....let me explain why. I am in no way keeping my daughter from him. He is more than welcome to see her anytime he likes. I've offered to meet him at parks, I've offered to let him come to my place and I would either find something to do, or leave. Since he has been married, he has had 4 girlfriend. the first was me, lasting 3 months, he and I never lived together. I broke up with him 2 days before I found out I was pregnant. GF #2 was while I was pregnant, he dated her for about 4 months and lived with her during that time. GF #3 came along when the baby was about 2 months old, he had his own place by then and I was letting him keep the baby 2 nights, and we would swap 2 on 2 off. He started having GF #3 sleep over while he had the baby even though I had asked him to keep his love life seperate from his time with his daughter. On numerous occasions he dismissed my request and did it anyway. Him and GF#3 broke up after 3 months or so and he moved back in with his wife. I let him take the baby there for sleepovers because I had met his wife and felt that the baby would be ok in her care. Even though i did not like it, I was trying to be considerate to him spending time with our daughter. I decided to move to Alabama this June, and he decided he wanted to come too. He and I decided we would live as roommates, he had his room, I had mine, baby had hers. Two months after being here, he starts dating one of his employees, GF #4. I didnt mind, considering my feelings for him were gone a long time ago. He started staying with GF#4 two nights a week for about 2 months and then introduced our daughter to her after I had asked him repeatedly not to take her around his GF’s until he is serious with them. Once I found this out, I told him he needed to move out and find somewhere else to live. He was not going to keep our daughter overnights anymore nor could he take her anywhere since he couldn’t be trusted. He chose to move in with GF#4, and is now trying to take me to court for custody/ visitation. Again, I’ve never told him he couldn’t see our daughter, and I’ve asked him on numerous occasions if he wanted to come see his daughter at my place. GF#4 has told him that he is not allowed to be around me, and therefore he doesn’t spend time with our daughter anymore. He is a great dad when he has her, but I believe he is more interested in putting GF#4’s needs above our daughters. I don’t think it is right for him to take our daughter around a new woman every 3 or 4 months. She is only 13 months old and has been around 3 different women of his already. Please give me some feedback if you have dealt with this kind of situation. I don’t mind him getting visitation, but I want to make sure he doesn’t have overnights and that there is a cohabitation clause in the case stating that our baby is not to be around any of his women until he is serious with them (marriage). Do I even stand a chance in getting this?

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So What Happened?

The father is NOT on the birth certificate and my daughter has my last name and not his. He is still married to his current wife and is dating and changing girlfriends every 3-4 months. I dont mind him seeing her, I just dont want my daughter being subjected to so many women on a constant basis. She was born in California and we lived there until she was around 9 months old. we have been in Alabama now for 4 months.

More Answers

H.D.

answers from Monroe on

My daughter will be 2 shortly and her father and me have been split up for some time and he is remarried and has another child with his wife. I understand where you are coming from for not wanting your daughter around all these different womanThat's not good for the child in my opion. They need to be sure of how they feel about the person before introducing some woman to their child.I would of done the same. Me and my ex decided whenever we met someone we would meet them before they meet our child and we have stuck to that. I hope everything works out for you.

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

If he's pursuing custody and visitation, then that means he's retained a lawyer. You need to do the same as soon as possible. If he's a good father, and he wants to spend time with his daughter, that's what will matter to the court. He's the one filing too, and that might make a big impression on the judge that catches your case. You're going to be less likely to get a compromise in your favor if you're not willing to give a little bit.

You might have to prove that your daughter's father's love life affects your daughter's life significantly in a negative way. You might end up being told that his love life isn't your business at all and you don't have a say as to who he has as a guest in his home even when your daughter is there. If he's a good father, then you have to trust that he's a good father even when he has a lady friend there.

E.B.

answers from Fort Collins on

I don't have more information for you. but I hate unanswered questions on here.
We went through our custody battle in Missouri and both parents were remarried at the time. I do not think that this cohabitaution clause would have worked there, but my sister is dealing with the same type of issue here in Colorado and she is pretty confident (after researching) that she has the right to request that clause as the unwed mother.

I would suggest that you call your local human resources office and see if they can offer any advice or a better direction to start your search. Most law office offer a free first co nsultation as well.

Good Luck

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

First, let me say that California only has jurisdiction over this issue if the child has lived here for at least 6 months. If not, the state you lived in before would have jurisdiction.

Also, if the father's name is on the birth certificate, then you DO NOT automatically have custody of your daughter. If his name is on the BC, if he took her and didn't bring her back, the police would not be able to help you because he is her legal parent and you don't have a custody/visitation order in place.

You MIGHT be able to get that clause in your paperwork, but it is flawed. All he has to tell the court is whatever gal he brought around he was serious with and he was contemplating marrying. No one can disprove that. How can you disprove how he feels or what he's thinking.

Good luck! I would get a lawyer if I were you.

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