B.M.
Hi J.,
Ahhhh, Good Times! this really takes me back and I sooooo feel your pain.
His parenting time is not "optional". It is the time within which he is RESPONSIBLE to be her parent (doesn't always work that way) and is the primary physical custodial parent. It is (should be) mandated in your decree that was just filed - this made it a legally binding agreement.
It's going to boil down to what is in your parenting plan. If you don't have one you now have incentive to file a custody motion and outline parenting time!!!! yay for you!!!!!!!
I only know Oklahoma law, which is where my custody decree was filed. "right of 1st refusal" which is what Margaret is talking about isn't automatic in all states - in Oklahoma it has to be written in to the decree. (this is where parents get all upset about 'who has access to their kid when they are with the other parent, but they have NO say in the matter). It's actually a good thing and protects each of you by establishing the precedent that you each feel being with the other parent is more important than being with 'others'.
Basically it means if during one parents 'parenting time' they are (for whatever reason) unable to be the primary caretaker they HAVE to offer the OPTION of the other parent taking the child, before the child would stay with someone else (step-parent/grandparent/babysitter/stranger off the street lol). The other parent can say no - for whatever reason (and doesn't have to give a reason). In that case the parent who has physical custody at that time is responsible for finding someone else to take care of their child.
The other way to look at this (from the responsible high-road view) is that his parenting time with her is IMPORTANT for her. Tell him that. he needs to spend every second he gets her building a relationship with her.
Good Luck.