Child Custody - Lafayette,LA

Who is listed as the primary parent? Also, who is the parent of residence? The parent of residence is where the kids will go to school.

Time to talk to a lawyer.

Please clarify because I found one thing confusing: You refer to the kids being with "her family in another city." I initially read that as meaning the children are not with HER but with relatives of hers who are not in the same city where she lives or where you live.

Is that correct? Or did you mean that the children are with their mother and her immediate family in the same household where their mother, your husband's ex, is living at this time?

There is a vast difference between the kids being with their mother and in her household, and the kids being handed over by mom to live -- not just visit, live and attend school -- with relatives who are not in either mom's city or dad's city.

If she has sent them to live with relatives in another location (and attending school there would be living there--it's not "just visitiing" if the kids are enrolled in a school), then that sounds like an issue for an immediate and serious talk with an attorney, today. And if the kids ARE with mom under her own roof but she has enrolled them in one school when they are already enrolled in a different school when with dad, that too sounds disruptive and like an issue for the attorneys and courts.

But I can't tell from the brief post exactly what's going on, what the school situation is (does joint custody here mean mom has primary custody so she gets to pick school locations??) or whose roof the kids are under the majority of the time.

I do know of couples where there is language in their custody agreements about how one parent cannot move with the children more than a specified geographic distance from the other parent without the other parent's permission. (For instance, parent A gets a job in another state, but cannot move there and take the child unless there is approval from parent B. This happened to a friend and dad balked at first but eventually "let" her move out of state and he followed.) But the situation of one parent sending children to live with third parties, even relatives, without the input or approval of the other parent - that sounds weird, and like something to pursue legally right away--IF that's what you mean.

If his ex is violating a formal joint custody agreement, then he needs to go back to court and have her compelled to comply, or to get the arrangement changed so that he has primary physical custody.

Keep in mind that if she had serious reasons for homing the kids with relatives (residential safety, special school needs) then the court may allow it to continue so long as it does not interfere with visitation.

Joint custody means you have them part of the time too. I am confused.

You say that they have joint custody so what does the court degree look like? I would not "go get them" until you find out what she is allowed to do under the joint custody agreement. Do they split the week with you or do you have the children just on the weekends? If the circumstances have changed significantly or permanently, then perhaps you need to go back to court and review the agreement. Have the children had to change schools to accommodate the move or have they been able to stay in the same schools? Is this move temporary or permanent? Is the mother physically living them too? You say she has gone behind his back, but she may not be required to involve him in that decision unless it changes something about the visitation. Good luck.

If that is the case and he has proof of this, he needs to go to court for a modification of custody.

After your SWH. An extremely important fact is missing. If Mom also lives there this arrangement would probably be acceptable. I suggest your husband should talk with a lawyer.

Also not clear in your post. Joint custody means the children live part time with both parents. What you seem to be saying is their Dad has parenting time but mom is the custodial parent. That is a huge difference when interpreting the court order. Again, talking with a lawyer is essential. Do not take any kind of action until you know what the order allows.

Please remember that the children's welfare should be the focus of whatever you do. Suddenly taking them from their home would be very stressful for the children As would being the subjects of a fight.

While his ex has the kids he can have them stay with whoever he wants as long as they're safe being there. Of course he wants his children to know his family. Does your husband not ever allow the children to visit members of his family? Or never have a sleepover? He has no control over what happens during the time the kids are with their mother. Just like she has no control over what happens when they are with him.

I hope for the children's sake neither of you turn this into a fight and doesn't involve the children by complaining to them. Doing so is harmful both for the children and both of their parents. Children need a peaceful existence as much as it is possible.

My daughter doesn't expect to know how her ex entertains their son and he only has them on weekends. Her ex usually tells her because she has made an effort to get along with him. If he were to do something that she was concerned about she would discuss it with him in a friendly way. No anger. No accusations and without telling him what to do. Her ex is every bit their son's father as she is his mother. The divorce means they live separate lives. This includes how each wants to relate to their son as long as he is safe.

Bottom line is no, he can't go get them. This could be called custodial interference tho I doubt law enforcement would take the charge seriously.

Why would you and your husband want to make your relationship with his ex any more difficult than it already is?

sounds like a violation of the custody agreement. i would take her to court tomorrow. don't kidnap them- let the authorities handle it.
khairete
S.

ETA: Joint custody only means that both parents can decide medical and education decisions JOINTLY. Sole custody is the one parent makes ALL decisions without input from the other. One parent should have been appointed as "primary residence". This person generally has the kids most unless it's 50/50, or one week on, one off. Then there is the parenting plan or visitation where it breaks down what parent has the kids on what days and how the holidays and school breaks and summer will work. Hope this helps.

Original: There are generally 3 parts of a divorce with kids involved. The custody, parenting plan and child support. They are 3 DIFFERENT issues. So he has joint custody. What about the parenting plan, also called visitation? That should specifically say who has the kids on what days. If she is keeping the kids on the days your husband has them, then he can file a petition with the court. Also, if they are living with someone other than either of you, he can file for that also. Just go to the county courthouse and get the form, fill it out and file it. You don't need an attorney to do this. Good luck.

Welcome to mamapedia!!

What does the court order state? That's what it all comes down to. You need to get a great lawyer and get the court order changed so that you and your husband have SOLE full physical custody if you do not feel she is properly caring for the kids.

Keep in mind, you MUST be able to prove neglect and such.

You need to understand the differences between custody...joint, sole physical, etc. Under "joint" you share. Under "sole" one parent is the sole provider and makes all the decision. Full Physical - you maintain full physical custody of the children.

Hire a lawyer. Read the court order and fight from there...

Good luck!

He can petition the court for full physical custody. He cannot go get the children from her family. When it's her custody time, then she can let them stay wherever she pleases, as long as the children are not in danger. He could check with the school about their attendance. If this arrangement is causing them to miss school, that might be a basis for changing physical custody. There has to be some changed circumstance for the court to consider changing the custody order.

I would not bother calling police as Gamma G suggests. If it's the ex's time with the kids, the cops are not going to take them if they are somewhere were the custodial parent has chosen. The cops are NOT going to get into whether or not the kids are living there as opposed to just spending a day or two. Unless they are in danger, the cops are not going to help unless it is your spouses' custody time.

Gamma G., the biggest difference is that you and your daughter went to get them when it was your daughter's custodial time. If it was not her time, the cops would not have done anything. There's nothing in this post that suggests that the children are in an unsafe environment.

If she has physical custody and is abiding by any visitation order then you have no say in where the kids are during her time, as long as they are not in danger or being abused. If you want custody then you will have to get a lawyer and file with the courts for a change of custody.

What does the court order say? He should have everything in writing and if this violates the court order then he can do something. If its a loose agreement with nothing spelled out then he's going to have a harder time.

I can't believe that's not in violation of the custody agreement. What an awful thing to do to the children - relocate them and enroll them in another school system away from both parents. I'm so sorry for your husband and for you. My husband has 2 children from a prior marriage, and his ex did everything to keep them from him. So I feel your husband's pain.

So you must go back to your lawyer and, probably, go to court. Someone this duplicitous isn't going to respond to requests. And he should stop using the term "allow them to come live with us" - it's not up to her to ALLOW anything if he has joint custody, even if she has (had) primary physical custody.

You can document what has been happening. Documentation includes but isn't limited to writing things down. It could also include video taping and audio taping as well but you would need to let the other party involved know you are taping.

You also get an attorney and go back to court to get what you want which is What?

You don't need an attorney to file the paperwork to request a court date for custody, you just need to fill out the documentation and file it with the courts following their instructions for filing. When you file for a modification or enforcement of custody you may also want to file the paperwork for visitation, and child support as well. This way you could possibly avoid having to return to court to deal with changes to these other two matters.

you need proof: school documents stating they attended school there.