Changed Behavior

As for the neighborhood kids, perhaps they are being mean. In my neighborhood when I was a kid most of the kids didn't play with me. Of course now I realize it was because I was so bossy. I'm not saying that is the case with your daughter but kids can be very clicky. As for her school work has she had her vision checked lately? Or her hearing? Talk to her teacher, what were they working on in class when she stoped careing, perhaps it was hard and she felt discouraged and didn't want to try anymore, sometimes it easier emotionaly to not try than to fail. Another possibility is that the school work is too easy and she's just not interested. That is what happened with me. I would suggest a sit down with her teacher. good luck. ~V.

Dear A.,

No, it is not that he taught her to be cold and ignore him, it is because she is deeply hurt by his meanness, and you know that it is just that. How can anyone be so cruel to a small child? I am not saying that so you will try to change him or get him 'back'. She will take care of that in the course of her life.

An eight year old child, particularly a girl is very sensitive and is trying to understand the world with as much mind as her body has developed so far. They say that we are still maturing mentally until about 21 years old. So she is at the beginning of trying to see how she should respond to people. I am glad that this has not bothered her relationship with her friends. Friends are of great importance to us all, from babies to older people unto death.

Stay beside her, give her your love and support, do not fuss at her, try to do things with her that will teach her how to be a woman, like cooking and getting ready for the next day, don't we all do that? I still do, and am way beyond having to go to work. Teach her how to be a mother and caregiver. You know what you want her to be like when she is an adult. Do not push her, just ask her to help you do things, and show her how to do small things building up to 'fixing dinner' or something like that. She will really get into it. Be sure to praise her, and go places with her, just like you would a friend. She will love that. You are her best friend, her hero, her beloved, and no matter what she says or does now or in the future, if you respond to her confidence that she already feels for you, it will make a much better life for her and for you.

When you spend time with her she will eventually start being more open with you and tell you what is bothering her.

Little girls do love Dads, My sister and I still talk about our father and call him "Daddy" he has been gone since we were 20 and we are now in our middle 70's. So that will show you how important they are in our lives. She is hurting and puzzled. Good Luck.
Sincerely, C. N.

A.,

Wow that is hard stuff to deal with. My son is 11 and about that age, he got lazy with his school work. He didn't have anything going on except for bullies at schoolyard. My husband, his step-father taught him self-defense tactics. Now as for her father ignoring her and not acknowledging her, that is his problem. My suggestion on that is not to bring him near her. He doesn't deserve to know his daughter if he can't acknowledge her. I feel for you because that is not an easy situation to be in. Does she have a father fugure that she can look up to?

If you need a friend or a shoulder to lean on just contact me and I listen

Sincerely,

S. H

Hi A.,

I agree and think you need to sit down with the teacher and see what is going on. Not to scare you but has your daughter had anything traumatic happen to her recently or anything change recently. Sometimes change can affect a child more than we think. But it may just be a normal thing that kids go through too. I would ask the school for some advice, as they do get paid to do this kind of thing and maybe you can get a good game plan.
Best of luck!

wow! I have a 7.5 year old boy. I know it's hard to get them to do their homework. I hope it's just that she is getting lazy and that nothing has happened to her without you knowing. analyze her behavior. I would not like to think that she has been molested or anything. Does she eat? Is she withdrawn? Does she keep things to herself?? I only ask, because I was molested as a child. Things that mattered now have no meaning. It leds to depression and withdrawl. If this is not the case I would take away her privilages like T.V toys, friends, the phone until she does her homework. Tell her she has no choice and these privilages will be returned to her once she does her part. good luck and God bless

First of all do not give up on her school work or her she is your daughter and it is worth fighting for. She is at a very crucial age right now and unfortunately her father is not helping her behavior. First of all give the father an ultimadum either you become more consistant or you become nonexsistant only because the every once in awhile is actually messing her up the most and that is not worth it--period! Your daughter at this point probably needs counseling as well to reassure her that you love her and her father just has problems. She is probably doubting on her fathers love and thinking h=she is doing something wrong. When my daughter had the similiar situation with her dad at 6 she asked me why didn't her father love her anymore? Why doesn't he come and see her more what did she do wrong? She went to counseling and he went out of the picture because he didn't want o become more apart of her life it is not worth confusing them and having them feel responsible for the lack of love the father is showing. If your child is being assessed-ask for Sensory Integration Disorder that is a social disorder that has lot to do with brain comprehension which can interfere with school work, friends, etc. A neurologist or Psyhlogist can acess this. Whatever you do do not give up she is your child! I let me daughter go outside and play for about an hour and then we sit down together and do her homework. She needs to be reassured you still care since her dad is not there.If you have any questions about behavior don't hesitate to e-mail me. ____@____.com
K. S. Fontana

A.

Have you sat down to talk with her teacher yet? At this age, it is very important that you have an involved relationship with her teacher to be aware of her development both academically and socially.

As for giving up on her school work, I would not let that be an option. You may need to not let her play until she does her work. She needs to know how important you think schoolwork is and that she must consider it on the top of the list as well. Sit down with her after school or in the evenings and work on her homework with her. Ask her what she has learned in school today. see what excites her and build on that.

You may also look into getting her some councelling to deal with her feelings attached to the situation with her father. This sort of abandonment can create problems thoughout her life, including seeping into her schoolwork, not to mention all future relationships.

good luck and keep in touch.
C.

It is you responsibility as her parent to make sure that your daughter does not give up on herself. She might just be starving for concern. What is the assessment for?

If she is not doing her work, why is she riding her bike? She might be starving for reaction from you. She needs to be dealt with. When kids are starving for attention, they do not really care what kind they get, positive or negative. They just want something that says "I love you enough to do something".

What did her father teach her?

There are many missing pieces to this story. You mention that you have sole custody, but her and the father pass each other by with no acknowledgement. Do you live next door to each other?

Good Luck

D.