Cemetary Flowers

I think the cem etary Probably has a policy for this. From my own experience I wouldn't if I were you. My fiancé died 8 yrs ago. Sometime when I go visit it is very emotional. I have gone when other family members have made changes; that are nice from their point of view and it has completely set me into a state of anger and sadness. It may seem nice and come from the heart but death makes ppl funny.

The cemetary my mother and grand mother are buried in won't let you plant anything. My mother was an avid gardener and president or officer in garden clubs and I was going to plant a low growing (4" tall at maturity) blooming ground cover. They pitched a fit. You'd have thought I was going to erect an out house on top of the grave of one of their beloved politicians!!!
If I was going to brave their wrath (and the law) I would plant crocus. It blooms early in the spring, grows very short and will spread. If you want something that is a "grass" and will be somewhat pretty, plant clover. It has shamrock type leaves and pale green/off white flowers and will self seed.

As far as getting the bulbs goes, the cemetary I mentioned above clears the graves every Wednesday and puts all the stuff in a low sided dumpster that is about 4' tall and about 20' long. I've seen people take plants and pots out of there, in front of the cemetary staff, and no body seems to care. If nothing else, throw the greenry away and use the potting medium around your garden. It keeps it out of the landfills.

Hi J.,
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter five years ago.

It would not be okay to plant the bulbs at the grave sites. While it is a lovely thought, it is not for you to make that decision. The graves belong to the families of the person who passed away. They have not given you permission to do this. I also really dont' feel that it's okay for you to collect the bulbs from the graves. The families know that the cemetery will do this, not that a private individual will come and take them for their own use. It may be hard to see them wasted, but it also is not right to use them for something that the family/purchaser did not intend.

Hi,
I am very sorry for you loss. I lost my husband 8 yrs ago when he was 39.
It has become a soothing activity for the children and I to choose flowers for his grave.
As someone who is there and understands what this all means, I would say no to gathering the bulbs and no to planting them on individual sites. It would feel like an enormous invasion of space if I were to go 'visit' and find that someone planted the lilys I left for Easter. During the late spring/summer months, we do plant flowers and then replace those with mums in the fall. So having something there to prevent that tradition the kids have had since they were little would be horrible.

What you may be able to do is ask the cemetary crew if you could have any bulbs once the 'trash' was removed from the grave sites.

It depends on the cemetery, and some of them are fairly insane (like some HOAs). The management of the cemetery where my father in law is buried has changed and they will throw away anything placed on graves that was not purchased through them (they doubled the prices and the quality of the wreaths they sell are horrible). They cut the maintenance staff from 9 to 2 so now all they can do is cut the grass and only plastic flowers are allowed since they won't water the live ones anymore. Family is upset that weeds are not being trimmed around the headstones anymore, I told them to use a little Round Up every so often to keep the weeds/grass in check. I've never heard of a for profit cemetery before, but this management is certainly trying to run it this way. It makes me wonder if we can pack up our loved ones and move them to another cemetery.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You absolutely have to contact the cemetary about this. Although the plots are bought by families, the property is considered privately owned by the cemertary and they have rules. They're the ones who mow the grounds and many do not allow plants being added because it is too difficult to mow and keep the grounds looking good for mourning family members. They want everything to look prestine for grieving families.

I think if you ask the cemetary if you can have the bulbs or suggest they donate any bulbs to the city or county or local churches, so they don't go to waste. Who knows, they may already do that but it's not advertised. But do call them first and ask them what the rules are there and what you can do to help.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Our daughter is buried at a national cemetery and so there are a lot of rules about what is and is not allowed. We see things that supposedly aren't allowed (like pinwheels) all the time and they have been there for months and months. They don't throw flowers away until they are wilted. I think you have a really nice idea in mind, but maybe you should talk to someone running the cemetery about not throwing away things that clearly aren't "trash", but I don't think I would plant things on other plots without permission from their family, etc.

We do this at least once a year ... but it's also an old cemetery with no real grounds maintenance, just 2 guys who mow and throw away old flowers. We take care of our grave, and then do the same for several others... including planting bulbs/ edging, etc.

We only do it for graves that are neglected. Those that obviously have people actively coming out and grieving or maintaining, we leave be.

I would hate to see all that go in the trash too BUT you have to respect that the flowers are someone elses and not disturb them (even if they are going to be tossed the next day).

Personal if I came to a loved ones grave and saw that flowers I left were planted my first thought would be "how dare someone mess with something that I left for my loved one..." the thought of it as nice gesture would cross my mind but not everyone is going to get past that someone messed with my loved one gravesite.

On another note: if possible maybe ask the cermatery if you can post something along the lines of offering your time to plant the bulbs, that way you could get permission from the person to re-plant those bulbs on their loved one's grave(s). You could either list you name and phonenumber OR maybe have people leave their name and phonenumber along with site number... but not sure many will contact you, those who want something there has already done so.

First, I am so sorry for your loss!!!!

In my opinion, I would definitely NOT take the flowers off the plots. I would not plant them either because when people come by to mow they would just mow them over. I am slightly superstisious (sp) and it is actually BAD luck to take flowers OFF cemetary plots.

The cemetery probably has a number of rules about planting or digging. I wouldn't fool with anyone else's grave because some family member may see you and get the wrong idea. Your intentions are very nice though! I'm so sorry you lost your daughter.

I wouldn't worry about the other flowers but I would go collect what is on your daughters if you don't want them thrown away and then take more later. My dad died 10 yrs this October and I'm still having a hard time visiting his site but I have to go take a picture for his video we are putting together and want to buy some pretty flowers for him.

You need to find out the regulations to where your daughter is buried. Last year, my sister went and planted over 80 daffodil, tulip and hyacinth bulbs on our mom's grave. This year the gravesite is absolutely gorgeous and several people have mentioned it to us. Living plants should be able to be planted, as long as there isn't intricate edging or other things done to make it difficult to mow around.. Most cemetaries only frown upon the artificials that that wires that can get caught in mowers, and then the pots that need disposed of. After talking to the groundskeeper and them giving the ok, I say yes, go and plant your little angel some flowers!

Many flowers end up dying when they aren't taken care of. I admire fake flowers, they last alot longer. Sorry on your lose. I don't think they would trash them. Some cemetaries may have rules about planting them. You addressed yourself very well. If you decided to dig a hole, they could pull them out of the ground. Maybe ask the grave keeper what is their policy about plants. They try to keep the cemetary clean for mowing the lawns around the stones too. I hope it turns out ok for you. G.

You are a sweet person. I'm sorry for your loss, but I would call the caretaker of the cemetary and run it by him. My husband died almost 7 years ago. Since life was crazy for us back then, my kids and I wouold take fake flowers over and stick them in the ground. If I would have had a bulbed plant and someone stuck it in the ground for me I would have been grateful, but not everyone thinks alike. I'm all for planting them, but that might offend someone. All cemetaries are different, the caretaker may not like it. (Who knows why.) Good Luck.