Car Seat Escape Artist - HELP

I took my daughter to the store and put her in every different car seat then told her to show me how she gets out. The one she couldn't escape from is the one I bought.

I had a friend whose child unbuckled the car seat completely and walked to the front of her van to sit on the floor next to her. She said she almost wrecked the car. The child had never done it before.

Refer to it as the same thing every time since he isn't verbal. Like are your arms in, keep your arms in. As you are driving, every so often say are you keeping your arms in, maybe where are your hands so he it doing to stick up position.

He wants attention, he will take negative attention but by talking to him along the way he is getting positive attention. Eventually instead of getting the arms out he will throw his hands up to show you he is doing it right.

So like at lights, joke around, hand check! Hands go up.

Swear to you he just wants your attention.

I would get one of those baby mirrors for cars, that you can install in front of you that reflects directly on your child. That way you can glance at the mirror just like your car's regular rear-view mirror, without twisting your head around and taking your eyes off the road. Talk to your child and put on some fun music, until he slips his arms out or unbuckles, and then immediately stop the music and the chit-chat. Pull over and like someone else said, don't make eye contact when you re-buckle him. I also think it's a good idea to have a fireman make him promise to stay in his car seat and to check the straps.

Also, make the punishment fit the crime. Is there a place he loves to go, like McDonalds or a playground or something? Make a very simple chart, with a picture of the place (draw some swings, or take a photo of it, or get a McDonalds happy meal bag or whatever). Tell him every time he rides in the car and doesn't touch the car seat, he gets a star. Make the stars go up like a ladder, and when the stars reach the reward photo, he gets to go in the car to that place. If you go out and he escapes, take a star away. You can just cut a simple shape and tape it, or put a Velcro adhesive dot on the back, get as crafty or non-crafty as you like, but keep it very simple. That way, the punishment is logical. In the meantime, while he's earning stars, of course, you'll have to avoid that favorite place or treat, until he earns it. Make sure you sit down to explain the reward system, and the star chart, and talk to him at eye level. He won't understand five-point straps or car seat safety or health risks or moving violation tickets, you'll just have to say this is Mommy (and Daddy's) rule for riding in cars. And make sure that you wear your seat belt. And if he rides with other people (dad, or grandma for example), the rules have got to be followed with consistency by everyone. At first, keep the star chart short (just a couple of stars for a very simple reward). And give him something to do with his hands while he's in the car. Have books, special toys, or something entertaining available. He might just be bored and fiddling with the car seat straps.

Last year, in our town, a mom was driving with her three-year-old in the back seat and he unbuckled the chest clip on his car seat and slipped an arm out. She got distracted and turned to look at him and at that second, the large city bus in front of her stopped. She rear-ended the bus. The car wasn't extensively damaged, she had minor bruising, but the child - due to being partially in and partially out of his straps - twisted around and hit his head. He is now and forever will be a complete quadriplegic from the chin down. He will never speak again because he requires a tube to breathe and swallow. The parents have been quite vocal about it and allowed the news media to document their story to tell others about the dangers of children not staying in their seats and also the dangers of moms turning their heads to look in the back seat to see what's going on. They advise the mirror system.

I'm glad you're being proactive about this and seeking a solution.

Have you tried leaving him at home because he won't keep his seat belt on properly? Or taking him home when he takes it off?
You could also stop by a fire station and have them talk to him.

Not only is he putting himself in dangers but you are a distracted driver because you are looking to make sure he is properly restrained. Which is dangerous for all of you.

Personally, I would since the straps down so he couldn't get his arms out and make sure he knew what was coming if he tried. If he wants them loosened he needs to keep them on properly.

I drive kids in a car pool and we drop kids off a few houses from ours. My youngest kept taking off her seatbelt at the last stop before home. Of course I made her put it back on, but she would pretend to do it and have her hand holding the pieces together. So one day I hit the brakes hard, I did not slam them on, just hard enough to make her have to let go of the seatbelt and put her hands out to keep from hitting the seat in front of her.
She's kept in buckled ever since.

This is actually really normal for many kids. My 3 year old get's herself in and, for the most part out of her car seat on her own, she also opens the car door, she's a fiercely independent little girl.

When she first started pulling her arms out of the straps, I would try the intimidation route, but it didn't work. so I planned a trip for the park, made a big deal about it. When on the road and the straps came off I pulled over and told her to put her arms back in. Your son not being very verbal has no effect on this cause I am sure he understands you just fine. We did not move, until her arms went back in, while waiting I would say how we were going to miss the park sitting here, that this was no fun and eventually the arms would go back in, and off we went. Repeat, and repeat, but make sure you really have the time to sit there. Don't try to do this when you have a doctors appointment lol

One other thing to remember as others have said is that your reaction is what will fuel him, if your reaction is kept at a calm level he looses the 'fun' in it.

When he does it,stop the car and refuse to move until HE puts straps on. Be prepared to spend lots of time waiting. Don't give in.

ETA: Oh my word. People. Get over it. DEPRESS THE BRAKES. TAP on the brakes...sorry no one can understand the point to be made. I'm sorry, I forgot...we have people on here with perfect children (dripping sarcasm) - rolls eyes....APPLY the brakes...does that work? I forgot...people on here take things "literally" sometimes.
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He keeps doing it because he has your undivided attention. Doesn't matter if it is good attention or bad attention - he has your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

Spanking him for this isn't teaching him anything. Time outs aren't either. How can he "connect" a spanking or time out with pulling his arms out from the car seat?

You need to explain to Oliver the importance of being buckled up for safety.

If he can slip his arms out from the straps? He is NOT strapped in correctly. go to your local police or fire station - they usually have car seat safety inspections. They can tell Oliver the importance of being buckled up for safety.

A hard lesson would be to slam on the breaks when he does it. If he slides out of the seat and hits the back of your seat? That would be a lesson. Would he connect it? he JUST might. Is it harsh? yes. Yes, it is.

So what are you going to do? be factual - matter of fact. When Oliver does this - disengage with him. Pull over. Strap him back in. Don't talk to him. Don't do ANYTHING OTHER than strapping him back up and making it tighter. DO NOT say A WORD. DO NOT look at HIM. DO NOT give him attention. Just fix it. Then drive again. The more attention he gets - spanking, etc. will just give him the "will" to do it more...2 to 4 are the hard years as kids learn boundaries, test their independence and see what they can get away with.

Good luck

I am assuming he's pulling the chest clip down to escape?

When my son was about that age, he kept pushing the button and undoing the strap. A mama on here suggested I cover the button with the scratchy side of velcro. It "hurt" his fingers to push the button and he stopped. Eventually, I was able to pull the velcro off and the behavior never returned. I wonder if you can't cover the whole chest strap plate with velcro to deter him from messing with it?

I know there is some small debate about after market harness overs (the little covers that go over the straps), but I wonder if that wouldn't help. You can usually contact the car seat maker and buy some intended for your particular model, if this concerns you. My daughter is in a booster and kept shoving the seat belt under her arm, because she didn't like the way the strap felt, so I bought some of those covers. Strapped them on the seat belt with the soft side out and she no longer complains of moves the strap.

If the cover doesn't stop the escape act, I wonder if you can't put them under the chest strap. Then he won't be able to push the strap down.

My friend was able to find an episode of Dora that talked about car seats or seat belts. That worked for her....I don't think the fix would be that simple for my kiddo though. But it might reinforce your talks.

What is the statistic...something like 1 in 3 kids isn't properly restrained? That's a LOT. Have you read your car seat manual cover to cover and are SURE he is in it right? Are the straps tight enough? If it all checks out, maybe the seat you have doesn't fit him? There's no way either of my kids can get out of their seats. They can get in, but not out. They have ZERO wiggle room once I tighten them up.

My DD - same age - has started doing this as well.
Apart from shouting at her to put her arms back in, which sometimes works, I haven't found a solution either.

I'll be watching this one for suggestions.

You may need a different seat. MY daughter did this for a few to. I just tightened them up n she stopped also the chest clips are supposed to be between the arm pits no lower

My middle daughter, who is now 10.5 years old, goes through phases with this sort of thing and always has. Most of the time she felt secure in the 5 point harness, but sometimes her sensory issues made it impossible for her to tolerate the straps. As she got older the problem got/gets worse. Now she uses a seat belt, and we still occasionally deal with this.

What do I do? I pull over and explain why she needs it. When she was in 1st grade Girl Scouts, a few of the girls had the same issue so they had a police officer who used to be a Girl Scout come in and talk to the girls about car safety. That made an impression for a while. Ever since then, whenever we get into a phase where she can't tolerate the straps, I ask her if she needs to talk to Officer Girl Scout again and offer to take her to the station. ;-) I really will do it.

Our kids are always rear-facing at 2.5 and due to the nice recline, very tight straps (we pull them super right) there is NO way he/she could get out of them.
If he's not rear-facing already, please consider this. A 2.5-year-old child's neck will snap forward in a frontal crash (most common type), but rear-facing, the child's neck and spine stay supported from the car seat.
Leave forward-facing for when his bones are stronger to withstand
a crash, and when he's mature enough to not be taking his arms out of the strap. Many of the newer seats can fit kids rear-facing to age 3, 4, 5, etc. Diono, Foonf, Nexfit are a few that come to mind.