Can't We Put off Our Own Needs for a Few Years?

Amen to that! I work part time and try to spend as much time with the kids on my days off as possible. Although I do catch myself trying to do dishes, laundry, other chores, etc., and then the kids start getting into trouble and being cranky! That's when I say OK! I didn't really want to do the dishes anyway!

I completely agree with you, R.. And I don't think you're judging at all! So many people love the idea of having babies and families, and while it is important to have "personal time" when a parent, your children should always come first.
People who are commenting mean things- she's not attacking you, nor saying that ALL alone time is bad. She's specifically talking about people who completely ignore their children. If you're so defensive perhaps you should re-evaluate your own life. Yes I'm sure this will make you hate me, but it already seems you are immersed in hate so it won't bother me.
Way to go, R.. Way to stand up for the children and babies out there who don't get enough time with their parents.
:)

I worked at a daycare and had moms that dropped their babies/kids of at 6 am, picked them up at 6 pm, and used the time they were not at work to go work out, shop, and do other things. It's so sad to me. Sure, everyone needs a *little* alone time, but don't people WANT to spend time with their kids too???

I have to agree with you! I cannot do anything about having to work, for us it is an economical necessity, but I do spend every minute that I am not at work with my daughter. I personally don't understand people who have children and then want to spend time away from them. For me the happiest hours of my day are those that I am with my daughter.
They are little for such a short time... I can do all the yoga and marathons I want when she prefers hanging out with her own friends over my company...

If your children are happy with you having your own interests and not being with them a lot and they are smart, well adjusted kids - then I don't think you are the ones R. was talking about. lol I agree that we have to take SOME time for ourselves or we won't be refreshed enough to be good moms. But I also have known lots of moms that literally only see their kids about 2 awake hours each day. They work full time, then spend 2 hours in the gym, come home long enough to feel their kids dinner, then shuffle them off to someone else again while they go to a class or girls night out. And they do that every day of the week! And when they get a day off work, instead of spending it with their kids - they hire a babysitter the whole day so they can go shopping without the kids. (obviously I'm referring to a specific example I've seen personally.) so sad. Do we need time to persue our own interests? sure! But parenting DOES take sacrifice. Can you really say you still get to do every single hobby you used to and still have time left in the day to spend unrushed with your kids? I think this is what she was talking about. And like I said - if your kids are fine, then obviously you are spending enough time with them. I think she was referring to people who squeeze every available moment in the day for themselves and then wonder why their kids have emotional, sleep and eating problems. Those of you who commented that your kids are fine with all your extracurricular activities - I'm sure if they suddenly weren't fine and wanted more time with you, you would be willing to cut back a little for them.

Sometimes parent's can get a bit busy with their own lives, but I don't see anything wrong with a parent that takes time for themselves. I love my child with all my heart, but she is not the only person in my life or my sole purpose for living. Sorry if you disagree. My husband and I chose to have our daughter and she is a top priority, but there are other things. We did not have a child so we could spend every waking second together or teach her that she is the center of the universe. I think today's helicopter parents are doing a great disservice to their children, constantly hovering and never letting them figure things out for themselves. These kids are going to be so lost in the real world where they can't always get their way. My job as a mother is to raise a happy, healthy, productive adult. Not a self-centered brat that thinks the whole world should revolve around their every need. I am still a human being and have wants and needs just as my daughter does. My daughter is happy and feels loved, even if I go out for the night or take a yoga class. I don't agree with the notion that a parent has to be just a mom or dad 24/7. I am much more than just my daughter's mother or my husband's wife. life is about balance. I have been a SAHM since my daughter was born, but I have also not forgotten myself and my interests. My daughter will be a better person for a having a healthy happy mom. Honestly, my heart breaks for the kids who are so ill-equipped to deal with reality when they have been programmed to be thankless, rude, and self-centered. Those are the kids you see arguing with mom in the grocery store when they don't get their way....mom is too afraid to just say no and the kid is bossing her around! You don't have to be a martyr to show your children you love them. I am wondering if your kids must be napping right now? You wouldn't possibly be taking 5 minutes of their precious time to post on a message board =)

I do agree that sometimes parents forget that thier kids need thier tome just as much as the parent needs time for themselves. I also do think that we as parents need to remember to take time for ourselves to be healthy both physically and mentally. So basicly we just need to learn to balance our time.

And you should also teach your children not to judge. I recently trained for a 1/2 marathon because I had blood pressure problems that I could not control. I am not overweight and seem healthy but I found that the only way I could control it was to run and the only way to keep running was to have a goal. Of course I tried to do it during nap times, etc, and I do agree that there are alot of people that do alot of unneccessary extracurricular activities that take away needed time from their children, but don't be so quick to judge also. There is alot going on in families that you can never know when you are not in that family. There are alot of different situations that work well for some families and not for others.

I totally agree!! I have done both, worked FT with my first daughter and then did the SAHM thing with my second. The key phrase that some people below seemed to miss is the "work full-time and spend free time doing things without their kids . . ."

I clearly have no judgement for moms having to work FT, I am currently in that position. I can't justify spending anymore than the 40 hours per week away from my children. Just look at how the time breaks down when you spend your free time without your children:

Job - approx. 40 hours
- this leave you approx. 3 hours in the evening for dinner, bedtime, etc.
- if you workout, go shopping, socialize with friends after work, you might cut your time with your kids in 1/2 or worse.

Seriously, we all understand we have needs and we try to balance that with work/home but wanting to spend 3 hours in the evening "around" your kids should be a top priority. I would love to go to happy hour, don't get me wrong, but not when it sacrifices part of the very little time I have in the evening with my children.

**There are always extenuating circumstances, that is NOT what she is referring to (ie. if you have health problems, other things that MUST be taken care of, etc.). It is when you have a choice how you want to spend your free time and you choose shopping with the girls over being around for your kids when you are already out of the home most days.

Some parents do put their own needs above their children, but from personal experience parents do need to get off from their kids once in a while. I don't mean to take it to an extreme. I spend a lot of time with my kids and I love them dearly. I would do just about anyting for them. However, I need time to myself once in a while to relax and unwind. If I don't I find that I am a little more likely to fly off the handle about something that usually wouldn't amount to anything in my book. Majority of your time should be spent with your children, but there is nothing wrong with some alone time or some one on one time with your first love. Also, I am trying to go to school so that my children have a better life. If I can make more money in the same amount of time I put in to my job now we can do more things later. There is nothing wrong with trying to make my childrens life better.

WOW......so you think having personal time mean s our children are not getting enough love. I do have needs to be a wonderful mom. IfI didnt go to the gym or out with my girls friends once in a while. I would not be a happy camper. I need to let lose and enjoy adult time. My children have never felt slighted or neglected. I am a strong women not just a mom. They know that an hour or so at the gym I come home happy and stress free, ready to do what ever needs to get done. I spend lots of time knowing, raising healthy smart children. And believe me they do not want to spend every waking moment with me. They have talents and interest of there own. We share experiences and make experiences together. I am my children s favorite person.

i do agree that in general peoples' lives are too scheduled and busy these days. and i can't believe it's good for children to be raised that way. but there are also different kinds of people. some need/want less time with their children than others. we can debate whether that makes them better or worse parents, even whether some people should have had children at all, but we don't really know what goes on in their houses. maybe their kids don't really need as much guidance and love, time, as ours do? i don't know. luckily we are all free to raise our children how we feel is best :)