Can't Get Grandma to Agree to End Naps

Have him have quiet time for 1hr. Have her set the timer and he can do puzzles,or read, any quiet activities- she can still get her nap, and he can rest-but won't be up late in the evenings anymore. Its a win-win. Good luck!

Molly

If he's napping at her house, that tells me he's tired. Maybe she can shorten the nap a bit (and NEVER let him sleep past 4:00 in the afternoon)?
Also, try doing a set routine and get him to bed earlier--sounds crazy, I know, but once they pass the point of "drowsy--all bets are off & they will GO forever. I'd say shorter naps & earlier bedtime.

my daughter was doing the same thing. She'd come out after 2 minutes and tell me that it's too hard to sleep. So I gave her the option of taking 2 stuffed animals and playing quietly in her bed if she cant sleep. It has worked very well for the last week.

What are the weekends like? Does he take a nap on Sat/Sun?

One idea...Start bedtime (a full blown routine...bath, books, water, potty, hugs, music) that happens the exact same way every night for a few weeks. But the key is to start REALLY early. As in 6:00. Leave the room. Retuck, re-hug as needed on ever lengthening cycles when he cries. At 3, IMO letting him self-sooth is totally OK.

Hopefully, after a couple weeks he is used to the new routine and is sleeping before 10:00 and is therefore less tired when at gramma's.

But I am kinda a believer that sleep habits are at least partly genetic and may be hard too break. When someone say's they are a "morning person" or a "night owl"...Often this is encoded in their DNA vs a habit they've gotten into. I have two very different sleepers (my 9 yr old still steals a nap when he can) but I realized I have ALWAYS craved sleep like I crave air and my husband feels refreshed with 5 hrs and thinks a 15 nap is energizing. If I had a nap interrupted after 15 minutes, smoke would come out of my ears.

BTW -- You don't say how old your mom is but I assume she has logged at least 5 decades on this earth and a nap seems to be fair recompense for her efforts.

Updated

What are the weekends like? Does he take a nap on Sat/Sun?

One idea...Start bedtime (a full blown routine...bath, books, water, potty, hugs, music) that happens the exact same way every night for a few weeks. But the key is to start REALLY early. As in 6:00. Leave the room. Retuck, re-hug as needed on ever lengthening cycles when he cries. At 3, IMO letting him self-sooth is totally OK.

Hopefully, after a couple weeks he is used to the new routine and is sleeping before 10:00 and is therefore less tired when at gramma's.

But I am kinda a believer that sleep habits are at least partly genetic and may be hard too break. When someone say's they are a "morning person" or a "night owl"...Often this is encoded in their DNA vs a habit they've gotten into. I have two very different sleepers (my 9 yr old still steals a nap when he can) but I realized I have ALWAYS craved sleep like I crave air and my husband feels refreshed with 5 hrs and thinks a 15 nap is energizing. If I had a nap interrupted after 15 minutes, smoke would come out of my ears.

BTW -- You don't say how old your mom is but I assume she has logged at least 5 decades on this earth and a nap seems to be fair recompense for her efforts.

He's not over tired is he? with a 2 hour nap, I probably dont think so but just asking!!! because when a kid is too tired, they get wound up, and I do mean wound up and full of energy, just like the energizer bunny! When that appears in my son, I know I need to move his bedtime up earlier, at least for a little while.

I so miss the days long gone when he *would* take naps! He quit before he turned 3.

My other thought, sneaky and not one that would endear me to your mom, is to arrange an away trip and let him stay overnight with grandma. Grandma will understand you're not joking when he's going strong at 10 pm and you're ready to sleep! I suspect she'll adjust his napping after that! Even if only to move it up earlier, or to wake him up after an hour would be good.

I'm a grandma and when my daughter and I disagreed on an important issue like this (ours was housekeeping. She thought I wasn't doing enough.) she found a different sitter. One that she had to pay. LOL We have worked this out and I still babysit for extra activities.

I hope that you and Grandma can discuss this and come up with a plan. I don't know how your conversation has gone so far. If this doesn't apply, ignore it. Sympathize with her need for a nap. I agree that he doesn't need it, even just based on his age. How soundly does she nap? Could she have a room in which it would be safe for him to play without constant supervision?

I was able to snooze when my granddaughter was that age while she played quietly nearby. She would wake me some of the time and her mom and I both felt comfortable with this arrangement. I was a light sleeper and woke up easily especially when I heard a noise I wasn't used to hearing or even when it was too quiet.

She also may be wanting him to nap because he gets cranky near the end of her day with him. If that's the case perhaps discussing other ways to handle that would help. I frequently gave, and still do, give my grand children a late afternoon snack, knowing that they won't get dinner until 6.

LATER: After reading other posts and being reminded that kids this age rarely take a nap when they're not tired I have a couple of other ideas. I hesitate to suggest this but I went to an in home daycare where the caretaker gave the children a children's antihistamine so that they would all nap at the same time.

Another idea is for you to do some sleep training. I like the SuperNanny plan in which you put him to bed after a soothing/relaxing bedtime routine. Tuck him in, tell him goodnight and that it's bed time. He doesn't have to go to sleep but he does have to stay quietly in bed. Then, each and every time he gets up, calmly take him back to bed without comment. Plan to do this several times for a couple of nights or longer until he understands that he's to stay quietly in bed. Be compassionate but consistent. Never waver. I've seen it work.

So... how the heck is Grandma getting your 3 year old to nap... for 2 hours, anyway?
If he is not tired then for a nap during the day, he won't nap either.
BUT he is napping, for 2 hours, at Grandmas.... so he must be tired... .

Perhaps, adjusting the time he naps.... can Grandma do that? An earlier nap... ?

Or, maybe at his age, a preschool part-time may be great for him.
Maybe Grandma cannot keep up with him.... so she naturally does need the kids to nap... and you have 3 kids....
It is not easy for a normal aged adult to be home all day with 2-3 kids... and she is older, a Grandma... it is not easy.

Boys, also need LOTS of runaround time during the day, they are very physical and have lots of pent up energy. Does Grandma take him out... during the day for play time and runaround time???
I have a son and i do this with him every day.
And my son naps everyday, and sleeps just fine at night at a normal bed time by 8:30.
My son, just made 4 years old.

all the best,
Susan

my sis had the same issue and my mom wont give in so it is hard. MAYBE Gma just needs a break herself: god knows I love nap time. you can suggest ways that they can chill/rest for 30-40 min and that might be a good compromise. lilke: TV, having him play quietly in a safe room by self w/ gma close by for that time, having him read or listen to books on tape for that time. stuff like that. It will help you if you can find stuff about how much sleep LO needs having educational proof is very helpful. try to google sleep lady she has that on her site. good luck

If Grandma is your source of child care while you work, you may have to work around her naps. Do you have a neighborhood park or field? The neighbor or I will take all the kids to the grass fiend in our development and let them play tag for a bit before bed. They go right to sleep after that.

You and your mother in law need to come up with another way for him to have quiet/down time that gives her a break, but doesn't involve him sleeping. If you're comfortable with it, allow him to watch an hour or so of tv in a separate room (you choose the show/movie) so that he's resting and quiet and your MIL can spend some time alone as well (napping or resting as needed).

If you don't like TV, find a quiet game/toy that he can play with completely by himself, in a separate room. Maybe a Leap Pad or a learning laptop - something that will keep him entertained for awhile and doesn't make noise that will wake the baby.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao - great toys, games, books & cds for babies and kids of all ages

Our daughter took naps in daycare until she was 5.

But they started preparing for lunch around 11:00 so they would eat and be cleaning up by 11:45 and down for nap with a quiet story at 12:00. Then the kids would start waking up by 1:20 and by 2:00 they had playtime inside, a snack and then afternoon outside play till picked up by the parents.

Our daughter was asleep by 8:30.

If you are paying her, then she needs to do as you say, if you are not you can't blame her for taking a break as my kids exhaust my Mother and she needs that nap time to be able to rest to make it the rest of the day. Soon enough if the child doesn't actually need the rest at that time they will refuse the sleep. If you are simply exhausted and can't either afford to pay her or another who will follow your parenting direction then while not a great idea, but on days when you are too tired to stay the course a short video with instructions that they must stay in bed after it is done and go to sleep. Also make sure that once you pick them up dinner and plenty of family exercise...good for you and fresh air and exercise will tired them out. Make sure they are using big muscle groups with either climbing, running, biking, jumping.

I wonder if it's an issue of him needing to learn to fall asleep on his own, rather than having one of you laying next to him. My daughter is 3, still takes a 2 - 3 hour nap every day, and is still able to go to bed by 8 or 8:30. he could be overtired which actually makes it harder for them to fall asleep.

I agree with the Supernanny approach of simply returning him to his bed every time he gets up, without comment. Another good idea that I learned somewhere is where you tell them that they are need to stay in bed, and you are going to step out, but you will be back to check on them in 5 minutes. Because 5 minutes doesn't sound so bad and sometimes they are willing to wait alone if they know it's a short period of time. So you do go back in after 5 minutes, let them know you are just checking on them, then leave. If they start fussing, tell them you'll check on them again, but this time make it 10 minutes. If they get out of bed, bring them back and start over. My daughter is really good about going to bed because we have our routine established, so I haven't really had to do this yet, but sometimes she asks me if I will come back to "check" on her. I tell her I will, this seems to reassure her, and every time I've gone in to check on her 10 or 15 minutes later, she's zonked out.

That's a tough one! I also have a 3 and 1 year old, and I can totally appreciate that break during the day that you get when both children are sleeping. That being said, I cannot get my 3 year old to sleep anymore, so he just has "quiet time" in his room. And admittedly, it's worked out great because I still get some "me" time during the day, and he now goes to bed easily and early! I love it.

I wonder if you could talk your MIL into giving him "quiet time" instead. If he is put in a room by himself and given the option of some toys or books, and he still falls asleep, then I would take it as a sign that he still needs his nap. Otherwise, he may happily play for an hour or two, giving your MIL time to grab a snooze or just have some down time, and he'll still crash early enough at night to allow your husband and you some private time or earlier bedtimes yourself.

Good luck!
K

Listen, I get paid to do childcare and I am NOT giving up that tiny little bit of down time in the day. I definitely don't get to catch any winks, but I NEED that little bit of quiet. It's absolutely unfair and wrong and irritating when people blame the nap on the kids not wanting to go to bed. I've done this 24 years and I can tell you that your child is manipulating you or you are not doing what you need to do to wear them out.

When you get home you need to give your child a romp in the park, pull back the furniture and dance, buy a small moonwalk that fits in the house, or even teach the child to walk on the treadmill. Without a doubt, my children that play harder sleep harder both during nap-time and at night. Some of my kids aren't as willing to be physical. But it's important to keep encouraging that. Especially with the rate of obese children as we have in this country.

Your child sleeps during naptime if they are tired. If not, they will lay awake most of that time. Resting is tried and true concept in some cultures. Here in America we apparently believe more in working ourselves into early graves and having acid reflux, ulcers, and heart disease long before our time.

Buy your child some headphones and a leaptser and several cartridges. Ask Grandma to allow him to use that in his bed at her house with the strict orders that he can't laugh and holler at the games. If he can't be quiet while playing them he needs to be sleeping.

I know that you are tired and can't see past your own needs. But your mother-in-law has needs too and it's unbelievable that you believe your needs trump hers.

Sounds like it's time for new childcare.

The way to know if the afternoon nap needs to be cut out is pretty simple: if your son was going to bed w/o any problems before, you obviously don't need to change his bedtime routine or teach him to learn to fall asleep on his own - his lack of sleepiness at bedtime is b/c of the afternoon naps. However, if he always had an issue at bedtime and hard time falling asleep then another bedtime routine does need to be created.

If he is taking a full 2 hour nap during the day he must need some sleep time during the day. If he isn't sleeping the entire two hours, he may only need an hour nap. If she can create a safe environment during nap time while she is asleep, that would be the optimal situation. That would be my only concern though, if he isn't sleeping while she is sleeping, he could possibly get into stuff he isn't supposed to or get hurt.

Children are human beings not to be manipulated (w/ drugs -antihistamines- or anything else) just b/c their their physical needs are changing and they no longer fit into our schedule. Children are not meant to be 'worn out' so they can go to sleep, they just need to be tired/sleepy. I never had to 'wear out' my kids to go to sleep - I adjusted their nap time.

Is your MIL at an age that this is getting to be too much for her? If he doesn't cut out his nap now, he will need too in about 3-6 months anyway and most likely by age 4 b/c of the same reason you stated. If your MIL needs an afternoon nap no matter what, then it may be time for a new sitter.

**One of the responses below is way out of line with her response and she is absolutely and completely wrong, please disregard her post. Everyone involved, the parents', the MIL's and the child's needs need to be taken care of regarding sleep.

What's funny is we dealt with the opposite issue- our caretaker quit giving naps and we still wanted them. In a twist on what someone else suggested, perhaps she needs quiet time but could she put him down for a brief 45 minute nap OR could he watch tv or a movie for a couple of hours while grandma rests. We do this with our 5 yo because he refuses to nap. We do have friends that still put their 5 yo down for a nap BUT bed time is a nightmare at their house!

Sounds like the only fair option is to find another sitter for your 3yr old. Grandma is probably a little older, and two children- thats enough to exhaust me and I'm only 27!
I'd say its about time to look into daycare or a friend... or even another relative who is younger and has more energy.
Save the short babysitting needs for gramma, then she can have them over but they won't tire her out too much. :)

I agree with many of the others about maybe moving toward a "quiet time" where he can read books or color but still be in a confined area. However, I have to think he is a bit tired if he is sleeping for two hours. Maybe the naptime could be moved up a little? I would also try to have a consistent bedtime (around 8 for that age)...it is his choice if he sleep at that time but he has to be in his bed. I still have a mandatory quiet time during the summer for even my 11 year old (he reads usually); most days even my six year old will nap. Good luck!

Maybe it's time to seek alternative childcare. If grandma isn't honoring wishes with something as small as this, there are going to be bigger problems on the horizon. I would say to , "Mom I appreciate so much how you help us out by taking care of the kids but we insist that you shorten up Joey's naps. If you can't honor our wishes, I'm going to have to seek alternative childcare with someone who will understand that those two hour naps are having a huge effect on our family later on in the evening." Now I know that sounds a bit direct but if you've ask her all ready and she's not getting it, as hard as it is to not want to step on toes, it IS your son and this DOES effect your family and YOU need to be the bad guy sometimes for the good of YOUR household.

I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids, and that transition from "nap time" to "quiet time" can be really, really hard to get used to. The afternoon nap/break is so ingrained into the routine, it was really hard for me to accept things inevitably had to change. So I understand your MIL's reluctance to change. I agree with the other posters. See if you can get Grandma on board with introducing "quiet time" because is a big boy now and doesn't have to nap every day. This is a good time for special quiet toys, puzzles, coloring books, leapster, hand-held games, TV or DVD that he only gets to use when the younger sibling naps. See if you can get Grandma to compromise a little. If she's totally unwilling, I would start looking for other childcare. I do remember the plus side when my 3 year old gave up naps, we were able to push bed time up to 8:00 (vs 8:30 or 9), and she would fall asleep immediately. Good luck!

I didn't read your other responses, so sorry if this has already been suggested. =) Maybe your MIL could wake him up after an hour, that way she still gets some downtime, but it could help with your struggles at bed-time. My son is only 2 but when he sleeps more than 2 hours it is a battle at bedtime. He's cut back to an hour and a half most days on his own, and I also had to move his naptime back a little, like before he wouln't go down till 1:30 or 2, and now it's 1pm and he naps till 3:15 or 3:30 and then bedtime at 8:30 goes much more smoothly. Anyway, those are just some suggestions. Good luck!!

My 3 almost 4 year old still takes a nap every day. For awhile we were staying at someone's house while we were in limbo about buying our house, and for about 3 weeks he didn't get a nap. It was a NIGHTMARE! He was sooo tired that every thing led to an emotional breakdown. He's back to his normal schedule, and sometimes I hear him just playing in his room, but most of the time he still sleeps and still goes to bed at his normal time. I guess what I'm trying to say is he probably does need the sleep if he's taking a nap, and you'll just have to put your foot down, and tell him, I'm the parent, and it's bedtime. I mean, don't be a jerk or anything, but you are the boss, ya know?

This age is SO hard b/c they transition so much and become independent little boogers. Good luck!

It wonderful that grandma is able AND willing to keep them during the day. You could always do another childcare place during the day for him but I'm betting that will be more of a cost item. If I (and I'm younger than being a grandmom) keep a 1 and 3 year old all day, heck yes, I'm taking a nap with them. Sounds like he needs more activity in the evening. Consider a karate class, football/baseball, evening swim team, etc., etc. Since grandma is keeping him during the day, I am thinking he probably doesn't get the same level of outside activity and playtime that even some daycare children get who pretty hard outside both in the morning and evening and are busy running around with others their age. We also let our son (when he was 3-4ish) lay in his bed alone and play with his little spider men figurines until he felt sleepy by the light of a bedside nightlight that gave him a cozy dim light so it wouldn't even interfer when he dozed off. He can lay there and play QUIETLY but he can't get up. He loved the feeling of that independence. I told him if was going to get up or make noise, he would have to put the toys aside and get to sleep. Ours did karate most evenings so between that extra exercise and playing alone time in bed, he slept wonderfully and so did we. Good luck!!