I posted a post awhile back saying about praying for two people and my stepdad. My stepdad has a swollen nodule on his neck. They put him this morning and took his tonsils out and and while they were in there look at it or whatever. Well it did came back as cancer. :( I had my half brother(who's about to be 12) all day since 3am. My mother called and told me this afternoon that it was cancer but she didn't want me to say anything to him because she wanted to talk to him personally. Which I totally understand. She said he's going to have to have chemo treatments for about 4 months or so?? Does that mean its that bad b/c they having him on this treatments that long? Or what?? This is the first that any of my close family had cancer. I feel bad for my brother because i know he's going to freak out and cry. He was like this before when they told him that he needed some test done. He cried to mother and didn't want his dad to die etc etc. Can anyone fill me in and what can i do to help my stepdad,mother and brother? Is he going to be out of work these 4 months or so while getting treatments? I need some advice or whatever because i don't know what to say or do during this time. Thanks!
Thanks for the feedback. My mom didn't tell me exactly yet what kind it is; just that he has cancer and might need chemo for 4 months or so. My step father doesn't smoke or drink which is good. I plan on helping anyway i can and be there for him,my mom and brother. :)
I had cancer, it was caught early and all is well since 2009. I commend each person ahead of me who wrote. Cancer is at various stages, people react differently and there is no set answer about how to deal with it. I have had friends who continued with work, some who were very sick and well, tell the truth and you will go through your own journey with it. Prayers going out for you. superhugs
Chemo goes in cycles depending on what kind of drugs are being given...the length of time is not really related to how bad it is but more about how the medicine needs to work.
Probably one of the best things that you can do is to help them with your step brother. Cancer is bad enough but worrying about how it is affecting the people that love you-ESP your kids-is the worst. Any normalcy that you can provide this boy will be greatly appreciated. Offer to take him places to cheer him and to get him out of the house so that your stepdad can relax.
Ther are all kinds of things that you can do to help someone going through chemo. I only know the breast cancer ones and I am not sure if they are different for the different medicines for different cancers. Here are the ones for BC but I suggest you look up for his specific cancer too.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/706846?p...
Marilyn has given excellent advice here. "Cancer" is a scary term but there are so many amazing stories of people who have done so well and are cancer-free, so that is what you aim for.
Chemo treatments vary tremendously, and stretching them out over 4 months doesn't indicate the seriousness or extent of the cancer. There are very specialized treatments based on the type of cancer, first of all, and there are different "chemo cocktails" for each type.
Nutrition is key. There are some amazing clinical studies done by oncologists showing great results with certain highly-absorbable supplements that are easily digested (very important during chemo, when nausea is a common problem) and which help with energy (critical during both chemo and radiation). I can send you one if you message me. The more energy and strength the patient has, the better able they are to manage the effects of the treatments as well as keep a near-normal schedule in terms of going to work and participating in life's activities. And all of that helps the mood and creates a positive outlook. For example, a friend of mine has a mother diagnosed with multiple myeloma - and her chemo dose is quite low (the cancer is responding and her "numbers" are down) yet the woman's energy level is better than ever.
You can be there for your mother by going to some appointments with a notepad, and taking notes. It's hard for people in the situation to remember everything that the doctor says.
You can also help by getting educated but be very careful about scaring the pants off yourself! Until we've been personally touched by cancer, the disease is a big scary monster. But individual cases vary so much, and the success rates are incredible. Use the patient and family education resources at the cancer center (and to any on-line resources they suggest), and resist the urge to wildly surf the internet, where you will find everything in the universe, and not all from reliable sources. You can also join a cancer support group - the cancer treatment center may have recommendations. You can educate yourself about the benefits of an alkaline diet and cancer.
And you can help your brother by being positive and keeping his life as normal as possible. He may not freak out and cry - if you all take the attitude that his dad is going to get through this, he may not be so scared. That's really important, not only for a 12 year old as he enters his tween/teen years, but also for your stepfather, who's going to be worrying about his family when he needs to concentrate on his own treatment and recovery.
What to say and do: DO NOT act like this is a death sentence. DO tell your stepdad you are there for him, for your mom and for your brother. DO send him things to do during treatment - puzzle books, light reading (whatever he likes), maybe a play list for an iPod or MP3 player, etc. DO make up a few meals for the freezer so your mom doesn't have to cook if she doesn't feel like it. Go for small portions in case your stepdad can't eat too much at one sitting - that can happen and it's not a bad thing. Drive your brother to activities and keep his life as normal as possible. DO NOT stop having family activities, holidays, birthdays, or your own life. That doesn't help anyone.
It's important to be forward-thinking with a positive attitude. In the "chemo world", 4 months is not a long time. It's a finite treatment plan with a beginning and an end, and that's good!
Try to be positive!
I've had carcinoid cancer (been cancer free for 10 years) and my cousin/housemate is currently getting treatment for metastasized melanoma. This means the cancer is spread thru out his body. Treatment may postpone death, but he will eventually die from it. My aunt had cancer in her neck 40 or so years ago. She lived another 30 years after treatment. I don't know what kind of cancer hers was but think she received chemo therapy.
The only person who can accurately give you answers is your step dad's oncologist. Your mother should ask to make an appointment for all of you to talk with him.
As for what to say and do, just be yourself. Be willing to talk about what is happening. Give hugs and ask them what they'd like for you to do. Say whatever is on your heart. I suggest crying together if that is comforting. For me, when I've been overwhelmed with grief, crying with my mother was comforting. I really miss her now. I suggest that being strong may not be the best way to be. Grieve together.
What is working for my cousin and me now is friends and relatives allowing us to continue with our normal routine as much as possible. We don't need anything, yet, but know that they'll be there for us when we do.
You need to know what type of cancer your stepdad has. They all have different treatments and prognosis. You need to be strong for your brother, but still have time to process your own emotions and get more information.
Sometimes people can work through treatment or at least up to a point.
He will be weak and require help getting to treatments and back home. It's good to have nutritious food. Just reassure your SF and mother that you will help when necessary, especially with your half brother. Be calm. Educate yourself on his type of cancer. There are better treatments than ever before. All hope is not lost. Keep praying.
I'm sorry you stepdad has this battle ahead of him.
First if all, I suggest you stay off the Internet.
Get your info from your stepdads doc, mom, accompany him on visits.
Different chemo drugs/drug combos and different cancers call for different chemo schedules. My guess ( guess. ) is that because his cancer was in a lymph node, they are doing chemo as a preemptive strike against any rogue cells that have spread elsewhere in his body.
He may have O. week of chemo, three weeks off for 4 cycles.
My neighbors dad had daily chemo for prostate cancer for 90 consecutive days.
As for work, it will depend on how he feels. Usually the side effects are cumulative, with the worst symptoms during the last cycles.
Help them out however you can--shopping, cooking, meals, cleaning, rides, companionship, etc.
If there is a "community" that would benefit from updates, meal schedules, etc., I recommend starting a care page at www.lotsahelpinghands. It will save them a zillion phone calls, repeating the same info over and over, etched.
Just be there for your stepbrother. He needs to know that his dad is very sick, but the doctors are doing and are going to keep doing all that they can. Be there for him to express his fears, concerns, and hopes.
If this was found early, that's extra encouraging for him.
All the best to you, your stepfather and your little stepbrother.
Just hold him and give him your love and support. I think you could best support him by helping with cooking, cleaning and driving him to treatments. I'm so sorry. Cancer is so hard...
One thing my dad & step mom really appreciated is that when he would be at treatment I went to there house and cleaned but not just regular cleaning, I lysoled all the door knobs, remotes, cupboard handles and basically the things that have the most bad germs. Change the bed so dad comes home to fresh sheets. Help with laundry. Also mabey make dinner (which dad may not want after treatment) for mom & brother. This will be a very stressful time so the less household stuff they have to worry about, the better. As for brother, lots of talking and understanding. Someone should also let brothers teachers know whats going on because he may act out at school. I know my brother did when my dad was sick. Good luck to your family.
You've been given wonderful advice here. My heart goes out to you and your family and I hope for the best possible result with the doctors' abilities and expertise.
Hugs, KJ
Dawn
