Can You Help Me Get Some Sleep?

Maybe make her a pallet by your bed until she starts sleeping all night again and slowly tiptoe her into her own bed and she probably wont wake up in the night anymore. She just needs to get her rythym back.

B.,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having these difficulties! I KNOW how important sleep is to every mom, especially one with a nursing newborn. I just had my third child and I've really tried to get him in the habit of napping while the other two do. I started this pattern by putting him into his swing with soothing music while I took the others upstairs for their naps. By the time I came back downstairs, 90% of the time he was fast asleep! Then I could nap or get a relaxing shower or enjoy some form of "me" time.

As for your almost-3 year old, it's hard to make suggestions because you obviously know your child best. However, when our oldest was 3 he began waking up occasionally. We'd always go to his room and talk to him but we were pretty stern about it. I'd say, "I know you just woke up but you really need to go back to sleep now. Dadda and I were fast asleep and you woke us up. It's very important that we all get our rest so that we can get up in the morning and have energy to play together." I always made it clear that what he was doing wasn't "nice" behavior (waking others up). I'd tell him to think about his day and what he wanted to do tomorrow and that eventually he would fall back asleep. And for the most part he always has. If he woke me up again that same night, our next encounter wouldn't be as friendly. I wouldn't yell at him or anything, but I'd let him know that I was not happy with his behavior.

Another thing we've always done is tell him he can't get up or out of bed until the sun comes out. More recently, when the sun was coming up earlier and earlier we got him his own digital alarm clock that is color coded. He can read the hour numbers, so he knows what hour it is. He now knows that he is not allowed out of bed until the green seven (7am). I don't know if your daughter recognizes her numbers yet but this is something to think about in the future. I am not a morning person so this has worked wonders for us! Even if she doesn't recognize numbers, you could try to find a clock with the hands on it and put a sticker or star near the number on the clock near the hour when she's to wake up. That way if she wakes up sooner she might realize that it's not yet time to get up.

One last possible suggestion. While everyone has their own opinions, my husband and I are dead set against having our kids sleep in bed with us (unless there was a VERY good reason). We just view this as our personal space where we can be alone and uninterrupted which we feel is important in a marriage. Having said that, I've met someone who suggests that if you are going to let your child come into your bedroom at night, that you designate a spot on the floor for her. Maybe just have a little sleeping bag or blanket and pillow in a corner or area of the room designated for her. The idea is that the child does not have to interrupt you, but just goes to that area. The idea is also that the child will realize that that area is not near as comfortable or appealing as their own bed. I'm not sure about this idea, personally because I think it just means that you will have to work on transitioning your child back into her own bed (which sounds like more work to me). BUT if all other options fail, you could give it a try ?

Anyway. Best wishes to you, B.! Go easy on yourself as much as possible. Maybe try to sneak in a few hours of sleep earlier in the night (like as soon as your kids go to sleep) knowing that you might be up in the night. And remember--- this too shall pass! God Bless.

Has she noticed that when the baby cries, you go to attend her? Because 3 months is NOT very long for a toddler to become used to a new baby.

My daughters BOTH wake up at night and crawl into bed with us (we have a king though). It's getting a little cramped though with a 4yo and 2yo sprawled across the bed :)

Night terrors are terrifying - both for the child and parent! My daughter's had them and they're pretty obvious. Nightmares are a different story though. And if your daughter has a speech delay she can't articulate what's going on and just cries. During the day, explain to her about dreams. Tell her that they can be scary, but they're not real.

I wonder if it is night terrors. I would ask a peditrition.

On the other note....we all have to surrvive and deal with the outcome later. So if a mattress works for her room, I would try it and get caught up.

I would get a night light that has figures that shine on the wall like they did for infants ? Maybe find some really neat things to enhance the joy of her room at night ? Go with her and pick it out. Maybe a little distraction would help her get out of whatever she is feeling.

I wish you luck.

I feel your pain, B.. My toddler will also be 3 in January, has always slept thru the night and recently started waking up and calling out to us. We also have a baby so I was becoming a sleep deprived, frustrated and disgruntled mama which we all know is NOT good for anyone! My daughter was wanting silly things like to be covered. Or would say there was a monster in her door. Silly little things. So I started putting her in a sleep sack again (something we quit doing when she moved into her big girl bed) and I put it on her backwards so she couldn't unzip it and take it off or her pajamas off because she was doing that too. Then I explained that she was covered and would no longer need us to cover her again. She seemed fine with that. I also told her she was a big girl now and she needed her sleep so if she woke up during the night, it was no big deal, just put herself back to sleep like she has always done. And on the nights she didn't get up she would get to put a sticker on the calendar for that day. Once she gets so many stickers she gets a treat, a special outing or a little toy or whatever. She has done amazingly well and I am getting more sleep...YAY!! You may try that or think along those lines to see what may work for you. I hope that no matter what, you are able to get some sleep. Best of luck!

What you really need is a sitter or a relative to come over and watch the kids while you catch up on sleep. Once or twice a week will be a great help until things settle down in the sleep department. You're doing everything right, but it can take awhile once they start having nightmares. If they ever nap at the same time, drop everything and head for bed yourself.

We just went through this.

If she is able to be comforted, I have been told that it isn't night terrors. I think that they are starting to dream, so it could be that. Ours started with difficulty getting him to go to bed, I was called in over and over, and then the crying at night.

I had to start the tough love and let him cry it out. It is actually harder for me with him than my 5 month old. He is now going to sleep better. The crying out at night was new to us, so I was going in every time, and realized that wasn't helping, so I would let him go. Sometimes he would go back to sleep, sometimes he would get worked up. I think it took about 1 week of letting him go a little longer each time before he started sleeping through the night again. There is still the occasional wake up, but it is much better. 1 week sounds like a lot, but without that, I'm sure I would still be doing it every night.

first make sure she doesn't have an ear infection. Then make sure this isn't a teething thing. 2 year molars are a pain for some kids. Perhaps give her some ibuprofen before she goes to bed and see if this helps. If it isn't the teeth or ears then it is a phaze that she has to grow out of. You are doing what you can. Go in comfort then say night night. That's it. It passed with my son, but every now and then he'll call and wake us all up. He used to sleep without a nightlight on until about two years old. I used to go in an turn it off. But now I just leave it on so he can see in the middle of the night and isn't scared. He doesn't wake me up if the light is on, but will wake me up if he wakes up in a pitch black room. Try to find out what is bothering her. If she can't use words then use pictures... Good luck. I wouldn't sleep in her room ... that is a hard one to break. She may just be scared. We also secured a curtain over my sons bed, it is against a wall and we drap it over his bed like a tent. He feels really secure in it. From 2 to 3 they are being introduced to all sorts of new things like monsters and ghosts is cartoons, books, etc.

I know you probably don't want to hear "read this book," but that is what I would suggest. The Ferber Sleep Solutions book is an amazing reference. I was having issues a few years ago and I was so tired I started crying when telling someone about it. She told me to get this book and it has been my sleep bible! It has worked with both of my kids for several different issues. The solutions are common sense and loving but there are definite ideas for every issue you could have. You won't get a simple answer for your question because there isn't one. Read this book, trust me!

Honestly, I think you're just in a bad spot and it will pass. If your husband can help her sleep by staying with her for a couple nights so you can catch up, I think that's a good solution. Once you aren't so sleep deprived, this will all feel easier.
As far as "training" methods, I liked the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. There is a version for babies and one for toddlers. However, having used the advice in the books, it really just made me feel like I was doing something to fix the situation, when actually the fix is time. Time passes, babies change, their sleep changes.

just because you are nursing doesn't mean that you can't let someone else feed the baby.....in fact, I think it's time to share the wealth, which will encourage your baby to be more adaptable. & the baby should be pulling more than 30 minutes for naps! Time to make some changes which will then make life easier for all involved!

Once you get the baby turned around, nap when they nap in the afternoon. This will help ease your feelings of stress....which your daughter is feeding off of! & please don't put her in bed with you......she's been in her own bed long enough now to prove that she can do it. I also recommend that you do not use an air mattress & sleep in her room!

To aid in her sleeping, make sure that the daily afternoon nap is adequate & timed right. It should be after lunch & last (hopefully) about 2 hours. To provide the setup for the nap, you need to make sure your child is getting enough physical & academic stimulation thru the morning.....& then again between naptime & bedtime. All of this factors into a good night's sleep!

Hugs to you. The no sleep thing just plain sucks. My son, 36 months, just started sleeping through the night after we did a serious CIO thing with him. We're big Ferber fans, and never had any problem putting him TO bed, but he was a big night-time waker and so I feel your pain.

I don't think you are really doing anything wrong... Just don't go in. Before she goes to bed at night tell her that everyone needs their sleep at night and that you aren't coming back into her room until morning. Make sure she has everything she needs (for instance, my son now sleeps with a box full of pacifiers because I'm not coming back in to get one when it falls out of the crib). Also, we've added leaving the closet light on in addition to the nightlight. That has helped tremendously. Then, don't go back in. No one is going to get any sleep for a couple of days, but she will give up when she figures out that you mean business.

During the day, when she's calm, talk to her about her fears. With my son, he never was really even waking up that much, he just was a "sleep screamer" and was used to having me get him soothed back to sleep. He wasn't really afraid of anything in particular. She'll move past this (it seems to be a phase 3 year olds go through), just don't set up bad habits in the first place. And see if you can't take turns with your husband-- one of us usually goes to the guest room when we are in a bad sleep patch so SOMEONE has had some sleep. :-)

She has definitely learned a bit of manipulation by having you go sit in her room for a while in the past, and also by the fact that you will go to her if she escalates the crying. CIO works if you don't cave, BUT she is 2, and used to you caving at times, so it will be challenging. DO NOT START SLEEPING IN THERE, she NEEDS to self sooth.

Whether she is really scared or not, there is nothing to be scared of, and she needs to learn that. Focus on the fact you want her sleeping happily and securely, not on the crying she's doing now. Realize your sleep is important, and so is your husband's, and don't feel guilty.

BEFORE you take the hard line, I would use a week to start feeding her more all day long. She may seem fine, but she will eat more if she's sleeping this lightly. It will take her body a few days to register the extra calories, but it will defintitely make her sleep heavier and longer.
Watch her diet. Make sure she only gets NATURAL sugar in a little juice (watered way down) and a little fruit eaten early in the day. No fruit or juice late in the day/evening and NO SWEETS! Give her a natural carb, piece of whole grain toast plain 1/2 hour before bed or some NON SWEETENED whole grain o's. This will help her sleep.
Be sure she is active in the day time and can get some sun whenever possible.
Once you've established these elements for a week with a nifty bed time routine, put her to bed and DO NOT GO TO HER. She will learn to self sooth, but only if she has to. Your sleep is SO important, this is no joke. Be firm, good luck! When she goes in the hall, put her right back in bed with a firm warning not to get out. A consequence would not be out of order.

As for your 3 month old. Stuff her too! A baby's sleep depends entirely on eating enough during the day. She's just about ready to make it through the night. See if you can store extra pumped milk, or supplement formula, and add a little cereal all day. The more you feed her all day, the longer she'll sleep. I would put her on the sleep, eat, wake cycle in On Becoming Baby Wise. Feed her every time she wakes, (and a few extra times as well as before bed which I found out on my own). It will get her into a schedule of sleeping longer at night. It worked with all 3 of mine.

Yes purchase Melotonin it works great.