Can Toddlers Sit at the table...ever???

Put the high chair back at the table and tell him he can sit like a big boy or a baby and as soon as he gets down put him in the high chair. It may take a few days or maybe a few weeks but do not give up, be firm, you will probably need to listen to a lot of screaming at first but he will learn.

When mine throws a tantrum in the high chair i just ignore it. then when the playing with food starts i assume she is done. is he throwing a tantrum after eating? if so, he may just be done. if he is hungry enough he will stay in the booster or high chair. anyway, hope that helps. good luck.

Well, if money is not a major issue, the Tripp Trapp is a great chair! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000H7OUQQ/ref=ox_ya_oh_...
My toddler, once he was too big for the booster (and baby sister needed to use it), went to this chair and absolutely loves climbing into it. And he gets strapped in, and I love how it grows with the child. Good luck!

We set the standard right away with our kids that they have to sit to eat. When they get up, they are done. I don't know if that is why we never had this problem with our 3 or not. I would say for safety reasons and for table etiquette that will take him through the rest of his life, I would endure whatever you have to and go back and retrain him properly in table manners. I would start now with having him sit in his high chair or regular chair for the entire meal. Whether you start now or later, they don't magically start sitting properly at the table at a certain age, they have to be given directions at some time and even if he is 7 when you decide to do it you will still go through retraining and constant reminders after years of letting him do what he wants to do. Make it easy on yourself and start now! :) Good luck.

I think toddlers can be trained to sit for a reasonable amount of time and learn manners -- but YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND have to know exactly what you want him to do, what is acceptable, what is not acceptable and AGREE on the consequences when he does not obey the first time you tell him to do something.

There is a pamphlet available online called "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio that emphasizes how important parental consistency is to raising responsible children that other adults love to be around. I highly recommend it.

M.,
Yes, you do need to be firm about sitting down at meal time.
Yes, he will throw tantrums a couple of times until he gets the idea that you and your husband are in charge. If you allow him to "stand" in his chair, and then play muscial chairs, etc. he will feel that it will be acceptable behavior even at someone else's home. Then when you are at a restuarant the same thing will happen. I am a preK. teacher and it is just not safe to have kids not sitting down at the dinner table. it is time to eat, not to play.
When you have to do the heimlick because there is a choking episode due to food in the mouth and running around, you will understand why sitting down is such an important aspect. Good luck. If you are consistent, he will understand your rules.

You must be consistent - no getting up from the table, no exceptions. His choice is to sit nicely while mom and dad finish eating or go to his room, when he can behave he can return - but you must be consistent. The only reason my boys are allowed to leave the table is to use the restroom. Also, try looking for a Kaboost. It is only available on-line but hooks to the bottom of your regular chair to boost it up - my son loves it, it makes him feel like a big boy. (it was kinda expensive -$40)

You have received some good advice. It was important to me to encourage my toddlers' curiosity and to model and encourage the type of behavior we wanted to see. It is VERY hard work in the short-term, but the long-term payoff is immeasurable! It sounds like you're already very good parents and trying to help your child transition from the high chair now that he has decided he is ready to do so. It was at this age that I bought two different things: (1) a child-height table and chairs from Target and (2) a Stokke Kinderzeat. For their own snacks and not a big-deal meals, my children could set their little table and sit down to eat and then clear the table and wipe it down. Yes, I had to do a lot in the beginning to make this easy for them, but soon it was easy for all of us. Some meals are meant to be enjoyed together with adults, though, and if your family is in the habit (or wants to be in the habit) of enjoying a family dinner, it is important to provide a safe and comfortable place for your child to sit. Adult dinners are about so much more than just eating...and take much longer than a toddler can keep still! The Stokke Kinderzeat (and there are other similar products on the market now) is a wooden chair that supports up to 200/250 lbs and is wonderfully adjustable for anyone from about 18 months to adulthood. It has a seat and a footrest and instructions on how to determine the proper ergonomic placement for your child's current size. It also comes with straps that can be used for now and removed when he is older. My girls still use their seats (now 6 & almost 10) daily! Think how hard it is for us as adults to sit still when we are terribly uncomfortable (when your feet are falling asleep from kneeling, don't you want to get up and run around?). Good luck!! I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for your family. The toddler years are physically exhausting, but great, too! Enjoy!!

I agree with Barbara T.

Have him sit in the booster seat to eat, don't give him any options, he will stop tantrums/meltdowns in a few days. Remember who makes the rules. He will seem unhappy at first, but he will get over it, trust me. You don't need to dread mealtime, we eat too often for that! Good luck

Be firm. Show him who is in charge or he will be running your life when he is in his teens. Consistency is the key.....

My boys started sitting at the table at this age also. We were VERY strict about mealtime manners. They are quiet when adults are talking, don’t touch anyone else’s silverware, beverage or food. It isn't playtime for us, it is family time to talk about the day and fun things that we did.

They are not allowed to get down from the table unless they ask if they can be excused… this was a hard one but has really paid off. A couple of times, my fidgety younger son (at about 20 mo) would jump down and we had to create a rule where if you get down, you are done and time to draw a bath (I hope that doesn’t sound mean).

Now at ages 3.5 and 5 they are perfect gentlemen and are fun to take out to restaurants and over to friends for dinner. We are often complemented on their manners at the table.

Good luck, sometimes you just need to be tough or it will definitely not get any better!

E.

My daughter went from the highchair to a booster chair that sat in the regular chair and had a strap that strapped her in. I think we spent less than $20 for it at Walmart or Target. We continued to "strap" her in until she learned that we did NOT get up from the table without asking to be excused. She just turned 6 and understands completely that we do NOT play at the table.

D.
SAHM mom of three: 20, 19, and 6.

imho, yes, being firm about sitting in a chair - strapped in - will prevent his behavior escalating to something requiring correction. however, his recent history of being allowed to get down and get the circus started might make for some additional confusion and frustration at the idea of sitting in a chair. when my husband and i realize something we've been doing isn't working and we're ready to 'crack-down,' we try to implement some sort of line of demarkation for the kiddo in question. we do something that makes it clear that while something used to be ok, it is no longer, and usually we accompany the idea with a tangible item (i.e. a sticker chart; in your case, a new (or newly decorated?) booster seat or high chair would probably work well - something to make it visually obvious at the get-go that something is different in addition to easy-to-understand verbal cues. we've also had muuuuuuch smoother sailing in the long-run when we're firm and *consistent* even in the midst of changing environments and conditions (i.e. for you, restaurants or visiting). i see absolutely nothing wrong with a chid sitting in a highchair for as long as he fits, and any restaurant that doesn't have highchairs is not looking to serve kids anyhow.
hth!

I had a mini table for my son at that age. He would eat an hour ahead of our meal. My nieces and nephew live with me. I feed them dinner first then they can play while we are eating dinner. I bought a booster seat for my 2 year old niece. Once she tries to get down, her meal is over and I take away the plate. It took a few days for her to learn if she wants to eat she must sit. I made sure she had no snacks afterwards or dessert. So she learned that she has to eat all her food at the table. It takes alittle patience but kids are smart.

We transitioned from the high chair to this booster (well, the 2007 version) from Fisher Price at about 18 months:
http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2011&e=detail&...

My son is just over 3 now, and we still use this seat. He wasn't happy about being strapped in at first, but now it's just part of the dinner process. In fact, he'll tell us if we forgot to buckle him in.

I think you have to be firm and endure his fussing for a few nights...with some discipline and consequences involved. Otherwise, this will just continue and get worse - him running the show and making y'all miserable. If you want to have family dinners (which was important to me since my family didn't have them growing up), then the small table and earlier dinners for him won't work.

Just the opinion of someone who's been there, done that - and who now cracks up when we sit down and hear from our 3-year-old at dinner "so Daddy, how was your day?"

Good luck & God bless!

I completely understand. Have a daughter who went through the same thing. We have a booster seat that straps onto the chair, so she was able to get into it with just a little help from me in the beginning. Also, it has a little seat belt, so once she was in I could buckle her. It's amazing how much difference that can make. If they are buckled in then they don't get as frustrated about getting up and down. I don't know if they just feel secure, and know they can't win so they don't try or what.

If that doesn't work or is not an option, I also remember we used to use one of my husband's belts with our son. He wasn't good about staying in his seat, so if he continued to get up, the consequence was getting strapped into the seat itself. Sometimes just having a consequence like this in place (or using the booster seat as a consequence) will help. You might have a couple of hard meals, but once he knows your serious, I think he'll come around. just make sure to talk it out with him throughout the whole process. He's old enough to start understanding manners and such, on a simple level of course. And, as with any attempt at molding a new behavior...BE CONSISTENT!

Enjoy this time...soon enough he'll a big ol' mature boy and you'll wonder what happened to those crazy meals!

Try a small table and chair. Also give him access to his own plates, bowls and silverware for each meal. Let him choose a plate and even if he isn't using silverware give it to him anyhow. He sees you using them, why shouldn't he have some too. I know they end up on the floor. Also a napkin and/or whatever else you use at the table. Back to the table... The type used in day cares. Some kids just want to feel like they are in control. Offer his food and ask him to come sit and eat. If he is walking he can get in and out of the chair. Maybe he wants to feel like a "big boy," he sees you in a chair/table. If you are worried about a mess, it is no different than when they begin to throw food from a high chair. Since he is close to the floor no dangers in falling 12". We use a picnic table, fisher price, $89. If you are interested in the topic read up on Gerber and/or Pikler methods. They suggest not using a high chair at all, for many reasons, but one of them being that a high chair is too high. You childs "world" is low, or viewed closer to the ground. Therefore they should eat down low at their level. Not at yours. It is an interesting concept. Also giving your children some control. By letting them "come" to the table at dinnertime and get up when they are finished. The methods talk about getting your child to the table, keeping them there and teaching them to help clean up. It also goes into great detail about what to do when your child doesn't choose to cooperate at meal time. We started this at 14 mon. Now at 16 mon she eats at the table for breakfast and lunch but at dinner my husband insisted she be at the table with us. I would suggest a booster with straps and a tray, we bought one for $19 at Target. We are trying to teach our daughter how to set her table and giving her a damp rag to wipe the table. Everything is low enough for her to reach. Okay, so at this point, the plate doesn't actually make it onto the table and the cleanup rag into her mouth... but the concepts are there and she watches me and "tries" to imitate. She also does an okay job at staying at the table it really depends on her mood and how interested she is in her food... the more she likes it the better she sits. We don't have trouble with the booster nor the highchair. Strap him in and he will get over it. Dinner should be about eating and togetherness. When you stop giving into him he will see that. You give an inch he will take a mile.

I think dinner time at the table is so important! be strong about this and set a good standard for the rest of their time at home with you. we were letting our toddler stand at the table but whenever we would go out to eat it would cause major problems. so we switched to making her sit in her toddler seat. it took a few days of fighting and we had to buckle her in a few times but after that we were over it. now she sits just great in her booster seat. she gets to be at the table with us and we don't have any problems. the other rule i have is that no one can get down including our three year old until we are all done with dinner and are ready to get up. i also don't let the kids sit in my lap while i am eating, but that is just a selfish rule so that i can eat my food in peace. be strong and be in charge he might fight it for a while but then everyone will be glad for the consitancy. it will help when you go out to eat too. better to have the screaming over at your own house. l0l.

Um, my 3 year old still sits in a booster seat most of the time, in order to prevent the roaming. They just dont have a choice. I say that you explain to him this is the rule, and that if he choses to pitch a fit, he can be excused from the table. If he continues, no dinner..period! It might be tough at first, even for a few nights, but this is something you should not give in on. Really, he is just too young for that kind of freedom. Best of luck to you, it will work:) ~A.~

I have been there with all 3 of mine...they want to do everything we do and have all their own freedoms including at the dinner table. Have you ever gone to a friend's house or restaurant and seen a table that has kids at it and they are walking around eating, changing sets, going under the table, being too loud and the parents look like they are having a horrible dinner experience? That is what happens when basic (age appropriate) rules are not set. It depends I guess on what to you is acceptable and what you would like to see him doing in another 6 months and into toddler years. Some might say he is young, let him be but how much easier is it going to get the longer he is allowed too?

My motto is give everything 2 weeks before giving up! Seriously, nursing, potty training, table training, transferring to a toddler bed etc....Set the rules, make them easy and CLEAR, no choices, it is the way YOU want it and that is it, end of story but you have to hold steady for 2 weeks (it may seem like forever). They will surprise you after they lose the battle night after night after night. Decide with your husband how you want to start. SHOW him what you expect and use Daddy as an example..."see him sit, see him eat, hear him talk nicely and quietly, watch him use a fork" etc.

Good luck...we have 3 boys and dinner time is still complete chaos BUT everyone is seated and tries to use their best manners!

I agree 100% with Amber. If he wants dinner, then he must follow the rule of sitting at the table with the rest of the family while he eats. When he proclaims he is done, then he can get down and play by himself until everyone else is done. His dinner is over once he gets down. Just my opinion--hope it helps!!

Just love your question and all the responses. Your child, obviously, will not be one of the five year olds running wildly in the restaurant with a piece of bread in his/her hand. Thank you!

Keep the high chair close by, right at the table as before, and use his dread of it as leverage to get him to learn how to behave, so that at some point in your lives, you can once again go to a restaurant! LOL. As in..."if you can't stay in your big-boy seat, you'll go back into the high chair!" Then make it stick, at home where the stakes aren't so high, getting him used to the idea that in order to stay out of the high chair, he MUST conform to the expectations attached to the big boy chair. Expectations, after clear communication about them, and undauntable consistency of consequences, will gradually refine his table manners. Of course, the fact that he is growing up, beginning to develop the ability for self-control to achieve things he wants, will also help over time.
Best wishes!

You have to deal with the meltdowns until the rules are established. That's called parenting.

He is still young. I would stick with the highchair for a while longer...another year, maybe. It is like letting them sleep in your bed, once you allow it they want it every night. Once you start letting them down, they want down every meal. I suggest being firm.....or giving in....the consequences on your meal time are obvious. Good Luck!

My son is 2 and has been in and out of his highchair since about 18 months. For easy to eat, non-messy meals like a piece of toast or a waffle, I allow him to sit at the table or at his little kids' table in the corner. He doesn't like the booster either, but we do have a cushion that allows him to be comfy on his knees in our wooden chairs. No standing. For messier type meals where food could easily get spilled on the floor, he still sits in his highchair. Instead of just being really firm and having him throw a tantrum, why not promise him a reward for sitting in his chair the whole time and make dinner really short for a few nights, so he can more easily accomplish this goal. Do you have older kids? It is really helpful when they show a younger sibling how we act at the table during mealtime. Maybe his own little table and chairs set would be something you might get him for Christmas. I would definitely not allow grabbing of silverware or glasses at the table. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

We had booster seats but they were clanky, slid around in the seat, had to be held down to allow the child to sit in it. Our solution was a step stool with 3 steps.
Our kiddo could climb it herself and it was tall enough for her at the table.

You may want to try a Kaboost. I can't remember what age we started using it (I think around your son's age), but it was for exactly that reason - he didn't want to be in a booster anymore. He wanted to sit like everyone else.

I think standing in the chair may feel "temporary" to him, so maybe sitting with the Kaboost will help. If he's too much of a wiggle worm and he gets up, you may want to also use a Wiggle Wrapper (http://www.philandteds.com/wriggle_wrapper_index.htm). We had something similar I got off Etsy but only ended up having to use it for a short while. He got the concept pretty quickly.

Good luck - it will get better!

try getting him a smaller table that he can get into the chair and sit like a big boy. My kids sit at both the big table and a little table, for the big table we have 2 barstools so they are sitting on the chair and are high enough to reach the table.

Try with his own kid size table and chairs and set it up by your table at mealtimes and snack time. he will be able to get on the chairs his self and he will fell more like a big boy and soon graduate to the big table. good Luck.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm still struggling to keep my girls in their seats at mealtime, and they're 4 & 6 years old! :) Hang in there. With all this great advice you've gotten, I'm sure it'll come together. Wish I had thought of some of these ideas and gotten a head start sooner. I'm just happy to see mine eat, even if they're standing on their heads! lol

Cheers,
K.

Thanks for asking this question...I've been struggling with this also. Great responses.