Can Someone Talk Me Through Sending My 7 Yo Out for a Sleep Over??

I have a phone that my 10 and 8 year old share, it's a prepaid and rarely used, they don't call friends on it ect. But it goes anywhere they go where I may not be there. This includes the grocery store, in case i send my 10 year old back for something I forgot a couple of aisles ago, scouts, gymnastics, sleepovers, the zoo (in case we get separated, because yes I'm that paranoid and ya never know). baseball games ect. It has really helped me feel better about giving them some freedom without stressing myself out.

...I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you have a 7y/o son who has never seen Star Wars!

~Star Wars is very big in my house! :)

***I figure I should try to answer your question too...I am terrible, my almost 8y/o has only been on 1 sleepover! I just made sure to cover all the rules REALLY well and then remind him that he could call me at anytime and that I would be there in 5 mins! I was also THAT parent who called every couple of hours :)

I know it is not easy but ya gotta let them go and get big and do big kid things sooner or later! As I said, I am NOT one to talk...my son's only sleepover was at a boy's house who he had been in K + 1st grade with + 3 years of preschool with + on 3 baseball teams with...so yeah, we knew the parents!!

Our daughter started going to sleepovers at 7 and did great. She wanted to go.

And of course there will not be an 8:30 sleep time, they will stay up later, probably eat pizza popcorn, cake, ice cream punch.. It will be a great time.

Be prepared for him to come home on Sat and be totally exhausted so do not plan a big day. He may want a nap! Bonus!

He is going to school so he is a bog boy mom. I would not send him with a cell phone, he can use a land line, and for goodness sakes, DO NOT call him during the party. Instead you call the mom the day BEFORE the party and get the scoop about the party. Give her the heads up it will be his first sleep over, so that she can keep a special eye out for him.

He is going to have a great time. Enjoy the fact that he is a good boy and can speak up for himself.. Never underestimate your child, they will blow you away every time..

From everything you said, I would not let my child go. These are the reasons:
1. You don't know the mom.
2. There may be older children there, who you don't know.
3. You know they will be watching a movie you don't approve of
4. You have questions about the mom's judgement

You are right, you can't dictate, and you can ask her what's going to happen, but since you don't know her, you have no idea how firm her answers will be. If you don't know the mom, you prob don't know the dad, or the older siblings/cousins.

I know people will tell me to "lighten up" and have already said you just have to let go, but your son is only 7, and as far as I'm concerned, but conditions are just not right for you to let go confidently. My opinions is that sleepovers in this day and age should be minimal, because the conditions have to be just right, and you have to have total confidence in the people who are supervising your child, taking into consideration who else might be in the home as well.

trust your instincts. he is your son and it's your responsibility to protect him. if you feel you need to "hope and pray", it's probably not right.

Take a deep breath and let him go a little bit. Really, he'll be OK. Star Wars is totally appropriate for his age (he's really never seen a PG movie? Why?). There's nothing even remotely scary in Star Wars that I can recall, but if he had a vivid imagination or a very timid personality, I second the idea of him watching it ahead of time. It's a party, so you can't worry about what they're eating. And it's a sleepover, so bedtime won't be 8:30.

If I were you, I would just let the mom know that this is your son's first sleepover, you don't know if he'll stay the night, he can call home any time and you'll get him, he's a little timid but looking forward to this, etc. You would probably consider my kids to be on fast-forward compared to your son but I am sensitive to the fact that not every kid is ready to head out into the world with no fears or reservations at this age and if my boys have a play date with someone who is a bit reserved, I do pay extra attention to that child and make sure he doesn't get lost in the shuffle or overwhelmed.

I don't think a cell phone is necessary - just let him know to ask the boy's mother if he needs to call you.

Kick back, have a glass of wine at home and relax. I bet he'll either have a great time or will be OK and decide to not stay over all night, which is certainly not a big deal. Don't project your nervousness on him or he'll think there is something to be afraid of. Sleepovers are a parent's best friend - my older kids have someone over here or are at someone else's house literally every weekend and the nights that they're not here are heaven!

My daughter, for her 7th birthday, had a sleep over at our home. 4 other girls were invited.
It was with, her GOOD friends, which I also know well and know the parents well. They have come to my home, many times before.
So it was fine.
We are all, pretty much the same way, as parents.

I really don't know what you should do.

You can tell the parent your son has never stayed anywhere before.
You can ask about supervision at the party.
Who will be there etc.
What is the activities etc.

Any "Host" of a sleep over, would understand these questions and gladly answer them for you.
IF the Mom, does not respond very well to your questions/concerns, then I would opt out.
If the Mom is flippant about your concerns, I would opt out.
If the Mom, seems irresponsible, I would opt out.

BUT, you need to understand, going to a sleep over means:
The children will do things, that may not be, what your son does.
Even bedtimes will be different.
Foods/snacks may be different.
Supervision may be different.
etc.
etc.
etc.
This is the nature of a sleep over.

When my daughter had her sleep over... they slept very late. I'm talking very late. Midnight.
They were like chirping birds all night. Chatting.
They are good girls.
I am a good Mom who supervised everything.
I let them have fun.
I MADE sure, the other Moms knew... they would most probably sleep late. They were fine with that. It is a sleep over. Kids are active.
None of the Moms, had a problem with the sleep over. They know my daughter and I, and trust us.
It is an exception, because it is a sleep over... that kids can sleep a little later, eat snacks, and be silly. Which girls are and do.

It was fine.

But in your case, you do not know the Mom very well.
So I don't know.
Also, older cousins will be there, too.

But you cannot, control everything, at someone else's party.
So again, you should talk to the Mom, hosting this sleep over.
See, if she is okay... in answering your questions.
Use your instincts, and common sense.

This is a big step. Congratulations?? :) My youngest son is also 7, and he just went on his first sleepover a few weeks ago. Fortunately it was with a close friend, and I know the family well. We have similar parenting styles, but my big concern was that my son has night terrors, and the host mom wasn't familiar with night terrors. I spoke to her about my concerns and let her know that I would be home in case she needed to call me.

I think you should do the same. Speak to the host mom about your concerns, especially about the movie. Let her know that your son isn't accustomed to watching action movies and he may be uncomfortable. That way she'll be aware and will be ready to step in and smoothly offer an alternative if need be. Also ask her if the boys will be staying at the house all evening, or if they will be going to another friend's house down the street. You can discuss how they will be getting back and forth, and it will ease your mind.

I have a 13 year old son also, and he has sleepovers all the time and goes to sleepovers at friend's houses often as well. It is very normal for parents to talk at the beginning of the evening or even before that and go over any concerns. I hope your son has a great time!

I would not send him. You don't know the family well enough.

You know, seven is early for a sleepover, for all the reasons you just described. I didn't have my first sleepover until I was at least 8 or 9, and the family was friends with my folks and had similar values.

I think it will also be harder for a younger child to assert themselves out of fear of rejection from his peers. He might decide to watch something that would give him nightmares or something that you wouldn't permit in order to not be teased/draw attention to himself.

I struggle with the same question. I think I'll send my son (4, now) out for sleepovers when I know he's comfortable asserting himself, AND it will be a friend's family I've gotten to know pretty well. At 9, a child can sense when it's time to call home for adult help (when things don't feel right) , at 7, that's not a sure bet. I personally question the wisdom of parents who would have more than 5 kids over for a sleepover so young. But that's just me! :)

Added: ah, ladies, are we *really* going to give this mother a hard time because her kid hasn't watched Star Wars yet?:) Some kids are more sensitive than others, and some families have different values. We do no shows with violence or guns at this point. My son is four and most of the movies other kids his age are 'fine' with would really upset him. Be nice!

My daughter's 8th birthday party was a sleepover. I don't think this is too young. Her first sleepover was when she had just turned five, with good friends of ours.

I think it's fine to talk with the mom about their plans and rules. We talked with each of the parents of the girls coming over, at least briefly. We didn't allow any leaving of the house (well, it was March so not so nice out in MN that they would've wanted to play outside). But yes, they stayed up late, and watched a movie that was probably rated PG.

Maybe it's time to occasionally bend the rules about bedtime and such with your son, so he will be more able to handle new situations. But I bet he'll be fine and have a great time.

Honestly, I think 7 is too young for a sleepover party. But that's just me.

I think you either have to let things unfold as they will, or have a serious chat with the mom about *exactly* what the plan is and bring up any issues you have as they come up. I wouldn't just go by what your son is 'reporting' - get the info straight from the mom.

I don't know, I think 7 is young to be going to sleepovers, too.

There are plenty of parents who feel that not much good happens at sleepovers. In my experience, I was exposed to horror movies, gossip, occult activities, smoking, talking about sex and plenty of girl drama. For what? I wasn't a happier kid for it.

Other parents feel that this is how kids learn about all of the above and it has to happen sometime. To that I say: It will, with or without sleepovers!

Go with your mommy instincts. If you want to ask questions, ask them. If you don't feel good about it, don't question your intuition. No harm ever came to a child because his or her parents were more conservative with these things!

Have you thought about letting him watch the movie before going to the party? It's not a scary movie, my 4 year old loves it. But, what I've found with my kids is that a movie watched at night IS much scary than it would've been if watched during the day. We tried to watch Ghostbusters one night & they didn't get even half way through. But, when they watched it the next morning, they loved it.
As for the rest of it, just ask her what she has planned for the kids.

My girls have sleepovers at my best friend's house. She's a wonderful parent and her children are amazing children. They're family to us... she's been my best friend for 27 years. If I'm not sleeping over too (we have family sleepovers and Mommy sleepovers :-) ) and it's just the kids, I do feel nervous. She's a bit more permissive than I am and more laid back about certain things, but we have an agreement. If they're going to do something I wouldn't ordinarily allow but she thinks is appropriate and the girls could handle, then don't tell me until after the fact unless it results in a trip the ER.

Yes, I'm being flip, but I'm only slightly exaggerating. Only half of it is about trusting the other parent. The other half is trusting my children. I trust that if they're uncomfortable with something, even if it's a movie being shown, that they'll speak up for themselves and ask to do something else until it's over (and yes, this has happened). My girls are great advocates for themselves and for each other, but they're also friends with good kids.

I also know that I can't protect them from every single little fear or worry or hurt, and I shouldn't. It's not healthy for them. Now is when they have to practice coping with these situations and emotions or they'll never be able to handle them with they're adults.

Ummm, seems like I am not among the majority here, but my kids love doing sleepvers. They have been doing them since they were 5 years old. Of course we also have sleepovers every weekend at our house! The more the merrier! But its up to the child, if he is not ready they usually know and will tell you.
Talk to the mom, tell her your son still needs supervision outside. Tell her its his first sleepover and YOU are nervous. Ask her what you can expect from the night.
And make sure you talk to your child about what CANNOT Happen at a sleepover (no one touches their privates etc.....)!!!
Keep us posted how it goes!

You have this many questions about these children & sounds to me that their not who your child should be hanging around with then don't let him attend.I have yet to send mine to a sleepover they are to young to attend yes 7 to me is young they can wait a while there are too many what if's & i'd rather not take that chance.Yes give him your phone I would think by now he would know how to use it.No my children don't have one I do but they know how to use it including my 4 yr old.He will survive he will have fun but if watching a movie is scary to him have him take a book to read

I think letting on your fears may only make your son uncomfortable while at their house. I think that sleep overs are a good way for kids to learn how other families ''LIVE''. I think you should trust that she has gotten her kid this far. If you send him and he has a bad experience, he wont ever have to go back.

There couldnt be anything done that could not be undone. So, I would say try and see how it goes.

My six year old has requested a sleepover at his buddies house from school. I know the mom very well, but still have some fears about letting him go. I just have to keep telling myself..''He wont die, just because I am not there to look after him''.

I completely agree w/ Laurie G..
I was just listening to some statistics on children who are exposed to inappropriate material and how it usually happens in friends homes.

I have been giving this topic a lot of thought lately because we have been having something of a issue in our family right now. Resulting in the constant need of adult supervision of DD and her cousin (5 and 7). :(

I absolutely LOVED going to sleepovers as a child w/ my best friends. I was very fortunate though-our mothers were best friends too.

From the situation described, I would not send my child.

Maybe you could have a fun night at home complete w/ watching the original Star Wars! :) He will love it! Though be warned there is that one scary scene when Luke goes back home-if you have forgotten or never seen it.

IF you do choose to send him, I absolutely would send him w/ your cell phone.

HTH! GL! Oh yes, and always trust your mama instinct! ;)

I can't believe your son has never seen star wars! My boys (9 & 4) are star wars fanatics!

That said...I think 7 is too young or sleepovers if it were my child I'd say go to the birthday party part of it and you will be picked up before the sleepover activities start.