Can I Get a Ride? Part 2 - Conroe,TX

My answer would be "no, I'm sorry that doesn't work for me". I have things to do and that is not convenient for me. Maybe next time.

I'd say something like "I'm going to be working right up until I leave for the game so I can't have people at the house. We'll have to get together another time. Thanks anyway."

Wow this person is persistent.

You don't need to justify, excuse, or explain yourself.

You can simply say no:
"That's not going to work for me tonight,"
"Thanks for the invitation, maybe some other time,"
"Sorry, I can't,"
"I'm going to have to take a pass,"
"I'd like to go alone, but thanks anyways!"

Or anything of the sorts. Clear, defined, assertive, kind.

Ugh! Thought the white lie would be OK! LOL Sorry.....

Looks like you might have to level with her.
Tell her you're unable to pick her up and drive her home for every game (could you agree to once per month?)

I remember being in a quasi-relationship/friendship with someone who was a sales rep to me at my work (BIG MISTAKE EVER GIVING HER THAT FIRST JOB!!!) and had it turn out she lived within spitting distance. She drove us NUTS . She's call and say "I have doggy ice cream for your puppy--be there in 5 mins!" or "I have that proof (at 7 p.m.) is it OK to pop in so you can have it for work first thing?"

LOL--we used to HIDE from her! Not answer the phone!

Then, really, you have to stop and think....life is too short to be jacked around by someone who is not really a "friend" and is manipulating you and affecting your family life!
Option O.: Maybe being completely honest IS the way to go?
Option Two: Just say "No, sorry, that's not going to work for me." or "Maybe next time" until she connects the dots? In this instance, say "Well, that would get you here but we really can't take you home after."

I know it's hard cause I hate to be "mean" too, but you're going to have to tell her that if she wants to go, she'll have to find her own round trip transportation. It is too far for you to do. She is not a friend, and is abusing your nice-ness. There is nothing to get out of.

C.,

You tell her.... " I'm sorry, I thought I made myself clear the last time, that will not work for me. I would like to spend time with my grandchildren and family ALONE. I would love to set up a time to get together with just the two of us---how does next thurs sound? You will have to keep repeating NO. NO. NO. That will not work for me. etc. until she gets it. Whatever she says, no matter how crazy, how pathetic, how lonely, how whatever, you have to say it over and over again. NO. that will not work for me. She will eventually stop. But she is the type of friend that walks all over someone and will bulldoze their way in to get their way every time. She isn't respecting you or your boundaries--that isn't a true friend. Set her in her place and don't worry about how she reacts. Ignore any texts/calls after you tell her that NO. That will not work for me. Good luck and hang in there!

M

Tell her that you would rather not have to drive her home and that perhaps you can see about arranging for her to join you in a few weeks. Or tell her that you won't be able to meet with her on the day of the game so if she catches a bus to near your house you won't be around to entertain her or pick her up. If she doesn't get the hint at that point you are just going to have to tell her that you won't be taking her with you in the future because she talks too much and you cannot concentrate on the game and you cannot keep being her mode of transportation.

Wow.
I don't know about where you live, but gas here is back to $3.99 a gallon.
I couldn't drive 24 miles round trip to take someone to my son's basketball games. Twice a week.

She really sounds needy......in need of a friend.
I had a friend who drove me absolutely nuts because no matter what we had planned for a specific time, she would show up two hours early and I might be in the shower. One time she even sent her kid to go through my back gate and through my back yard to check to see if my back door was unlocked so they could let themselves in because I didn't answer the front door.
HELLO! I was in the shower and still had two hours before she was due to arrive. And I had her kid IN my bathroom wanting to know why I wasn't ready.

I would just tell her the truth. It takes a lot of time out of your way and your day and with her riding the bus that takes two more hours off of what you need to do.
Tell her YOU are working really hard on your sceduling and juggling everything you have to do as you've found that you're stretched a little thin. You need to simplify things for yourself a bit as you've noticed that you've stretched yourself too thin..
That doesn't make her a bad person and you hope she doesn't take it that way, but with everything else on your plate, all the driving is just too much. And the bus doesn't help because then that's another two hours added to what you need to do.
Tell her you are overwhelmed.
It's not her...It's YOU and you hope she won't be offended in any way, but for now you have things happening she isn't aware of and it's all just too much for you.

I also think the thing about needy or lonely people is that they don't really have a compass to gauge that other people aren't lonely, bored, or needy.
You don't want to hurt their feelings, but you do have to set some perameters.
Is there a woman's group or kids group if she has kids that are close to her home? Maybe just helping her expand her horizons a bit where she is could be of a help to her.

I don't know. I have a hard time turning people down, but I'm also the type that doesn't appreciate the pushy routine.
Some people are bothered by people being late.....
I find it far more rude when people show up way too early.
But that's just me.
Especially if I'm naked in the shower and they let themselves in.
Through one door or another.
If my back door had been locked, I guess they'd have sent the kid through a window. Who does that?

I think this "friend" likely counts on this routine and you will just have to gently let her know that the "routine" has to change. There is no need to make her feel bad, but you can tell her in such a way that seems like normal life getting in the way of going OUT of your way for things. Don't make it about her, make it about you and what's been working out isn't going to work out for the next while.

I HATE hurting people's feelings, so you have to find a way to be diplomatic about it so she doesn't beat herself up over it.
Sometimes, you just can't say yes to everything

I wish you the best.

This is what happens when you tell a nice white lie to get out of something, it always backfires!!! So now you need to just say, "Sorry, that won't work for me." If she says "Why?" You say, "I have a lot to do". If she says, "Like what?" You say, "a lot of errands I've let pile up." You just keep being vague. I mean unless she's got really big balls to keep it up, she should eventually get the hint and let it go. Then the next time she calls and wants to ride to the game you tell her the truth, "actually, I kind of liked that it was just me and the family and I didn't miss the extra driving to and from your house so I'd like to keep this special time with my grandson." And leave it at that. What can she say? Argue to go out of YOUR way to entertain her? Nope, but firm and stand strong!!!! Good luck!!!

C., I think you are just going to have to tell her "no." It's not working out for you. If not, she is just going to keep coming up with schemes like this one. You are a good friend and nice person to her, but you can't let yourself get caught up in this. You are not responsible for her life or happiness.

Sorry X, I'm just not up for going to all the basketball games and practices any longer, it gets to be too much expense and too long of a day for me when I need to get some other things done. I'm going to cut it back to once a month (or whatever).

She's really asking a lot of you to do this for her, you can cut back a lot without totally cutting her out. She needs to expand her social circle a little and not continually depend on you for so much.

Hi C., You are in a pinch!
You are a great person. BUT you keep getting yourself in these odd predicaments because you don't stand up for yourself. The neighbor guy, your neice, and now this lady. You need to learn how to say "NO" and mean it!!
Good Luck!
D.

Go to the library and check out a tape of a book that is being read out loud. Tell her when she gets in the car that you have decided to listen to books being read while you drive. Turn it on and don't waver. Maybe she'll get in the spirit of the book as well.

Dawn

Yikes. I know someone who's like that, they're not like that anymore but it took several people to tell this person I know that they didn't want them around. Each time this person just wanted friendship or just to keep from being lonely/wanted friendship, they didn't know they were putting the other person 'out' by wanting to be invited so she'd call & try to impose or invite herself along. Sometimes she would get invited by people to go do something just to get stood up so I can understand where you're coming from on both perspectives. Sometimes people are just lonely b/c they either don't know any better not to invite themselves or just don't have an outgoing personality which makes them seem undesireable or isolated in a way. So now, this person I know doesn't call anyone anymore b/c she always get rejected. Harsh reality but sometimes you just hafta be adament & yes, often times blunt to get your point across. Sad that this person doesn't have the personality that other people like or want to be around but it does cause a burden on you to hafta play the good neighbor roll, that can only go so far. I like other posters' suggestion in trying to invite this friend to a game or friendly outing once in a while. Good luck.

Just tell her, No, Id rather not this time. gotta go, bye, and hang up.

No.

This constant giving in is called "playing the victim".

Offer to meet up with her at another time during the week. She can take the bus to a middle ground and take the bus back...you can drive to the middle ground and go without taking her anywhere!

Solves your issue with picking her and taking her home
Solves her loneliness issue and makes you look like a true friend
Solves missing out on important plays during your grandsons games.

Everyone wins!

Thank her for her trying to be considerate but tell her it just doesn't work. You can tell her that you now realize with the offer to chit chat before you leave and how she wants to chit-chat during the game and while you guys eat with your grandson, that this just isn't the venue for the two of you to get together. Let her know that a better time for the two of you to chit-chat would be when it's just you two. How about next week on ______? If she asks any questions or feels bad, just remind her that you value her friendship but that you really want to focus on your grandson and his game. Just keep repeating that it is not about her being whatever but that you just really need to focus on him and that you'd really like to do lunch or whatever ___ times a week or month. And be sure to set up a time immediately.

Tell her basketball season, baseball season, hockey season & soccer season have all be canceled due to budget cuts. If all else fails, tell her your grandson doesn't play basketball anymore because he was tired of you going to the games and not paying attention.

Sorry, we FEEL your pain - really. Some people just can't take a hint!

I think you should just be honest and tell her you really don't want to do it. If you wouldn't mind occasionally, tell her that, but otherwise, just no, I really don't want to have to make the drive. Then offer to get together with her for lunch next month (if you want to).

You have to decide if this is someone you want to remain friends with. Ask yourself if she's important to you. If yes, keep driving her. If no, then firmly tell her that it's not going to work out and that you're very sorry. Don't give her a reason because then she'll come up with a solution (like the bus). Just tell her that you're not going to be able to bring her along to your grandson's games anymore. It's tough, but sometimes you just have to be blunt.

Denise and Shane B said it best. I'm just like you in that I hate having people upset with me but at some point you just have to say "No, I'm sorry, that won't be possible."

Dave Ramsey keeps talking about a book called "Boundaries". Maybe we BOTH need to read it.

I wish you the best of luck with this one.