Can I Afford to Be a SAHM?

Hi M.,

When I was working, I was the main bread winner, with all the insurance and other benefits.
After my first was born I went back to work and worked 3 years while he was little. I missed him so much it was extremely hard, not seeing him every day.
Once I got pregnant with our second and my daughter was born 3 years later, I said that's it. I'm not going back to work. I could not leave two of them, it was too hard.
I knew I would have to give up certain things, certain luxuries and live a little simpler life, but it's so worth it.
My husband makes enough to support all of us, we have food on the table, we pay all our bills without using any credit cards, our only dept is our mortgage and we have maybe $400 left at the end of the month that gets put away. We don't go out to dinners or lunches, we don't go to the movies, or expensive vacations.
We don't have crazy expensive cars, just used cars paid for with cash, so no car payments...
For vacations we go camping. For fun we go to the zoo, museums, parks, pools etc.
We got insurance through the state - All Kids, there is a small monthly premium based on your family size and income, but it's a lot cheaper then private insurance or even cheaper then what I was paying through my work.
I do have to stay within a budget when buying groceries and I can't go shopping for clothes for myself just because I feel like it. No manicures, pedicures, expensive hair salons etc.

Leaving work was scary and it seemed impossible for us to be able to make it without my salary, but guess what, you make adjustments to the way you live and now almost 3 years later here we are, I'm still home with them, we're alive and we have another baby on the way, so it can be done.

Being home, seeying my little ones every day, spending every day with them and not missing all the little things they do and learn every day makes it all worth it. It makes me sad that I don't remember any of those things from when my first one was little.....
I get paid with hugs and kisses from my little ones and I wouldn't want it any other way....

My husband wanted to add something to this:

It's all about how you spend, and what you think is a necessity. Cut the cable, cut the cell phones with monthly charges(get prepaid and use only for absolute emergencies). If you have cars, pay them off and don't get anything with a payment. Groceries, if it's not on sale you don't buy it, period. Shop at the cheaper grocery stores such as Aldi and Butera, avoid the expensive Dominick's, Jewel-Osco etc. Buy groceries that are on sale, no necessarily the ones you need. Work your meals around sales. For cheeses and lunch meats there is an awesome deli in chicago called Kurowski deli. It's around the streets of Central Park/Milwaukee. They have lunch meats usually around $3/lb.(cheeses $3-$4lb) awesome great tasting stuff and fresh too, not the preservative filled tasteless junk they sell at mainstream grocery stores. For $50-$60 you can get enough stuff there to last for 2 weeks. It's kind of far to drive just for that, but if you are in the general area I highly recommend that place.
Also, avoid any expenses that are not necessary. No going out to movies, or restaurants, not even once a year. Cancel netflix or blockbuster, cancel cable or satellite, rent movies and books free at your local library(which you pay for in property taxes anyways). Maybe they don't have all the latest hits, but it's free, so be happy. Review your car, life, homeowners insurance, try go find cheaper rates at other companies. For our car insurance, Geico has been great, although they did raise a few % this year, but incredible value still. For home phone, get skype on your computer for unlimited calling for $30 per year, and change your regular home phone service to a minimum packet with no frills. Get rid of caller ID and all the other junk, like linebacker etc. that you will never use. Caller ID, yes nice, but at say $10/mo extra that is over $120 per year, for what really. Cut all the small stuff and you will learn it adds up to a lot of money for the month. Money that you not only you don't have to spend, but more importantly money you don't have to MAKE. Also, learn do do stuff that is free or nearly free, use your imagination, be inventive. It's easy to spend money, hard not to spend when we are bombarded with advertising all the time, telling you that you have to spend to do stuff. Resist the brainwashing. For savings, do not use credit cards, and save what you can every month and slowly build up the 6-12 months of expenses in case of something. Put it in a online savings account, like ING Direct, or Dollar Savings Direct, etc. They don't pay as much interest as they used to but at 1.5-2%, still better than normal banks with branches paying 0.01% per year. To better asses your situation it would be necessary to add up your absolute must fixed expenses as well as your absolute must variable expenses for the month, and determine what you spend on stuff that is not absolute must every month, i.e. discretionary stuff. But main thing is live BELOW your means all the time, no matter what you make and carry adequate insurance and you should be ok 90% of the time. Finally, consider not only your gross salary, but total take home pay, and remember the more you make as a family the higher % of your pay you give up as taxes. Thanks to the progressive tax structure of the government. So really by making more, you end up with less than you think. Good luck and hope you are able to stay home.

we don't have that much in savings (8 months). I'm a SAHM and super super super happy and FORTUNATE to be one. the scarey thing is if you only have a couple 100 in savings... if your husband loses his job: what will you do? If you have an answer for that you'll figure everything out. If you don't have an answer, the safety of your kids/family would be too risky for me. good luck

I agree with a few of the PP. You need to take what Suze says with a grain of salt. However, I totally disagree with Julie V. Just because you are not a SAHM does NOT mean that someone else is "raising" your children. you and your husband need to decide what is best for your family. Good luck!

Hi!
If your monthly income is 4,000 with just your husband working, I would say you could afford it. I saw that episode about having 8 months worth of savings and, yea, that would be nice, but time with your kids and not dealing with childcare is worth it. I stayed home this year, my husband brought in less than $4,000.. it was tough, we have a little bit of debt for the first time in our lives (aside from a mortgage of course) but I am going back to work in the fall, I am a teacher. There's a lot we couldn't spend on, but if my husband made that much a month I'd contine staying home....still on a tight budget, but more doable... We have figured out that a little more than half my monthly income will be spent on childcare for two kids, it really bums me out, I want to cry everytime I think about leaving them in the fall... but we'll see how it goes and if its just too tough or not worth the hassle, then I'll stay home again. I'd also suggest doing something to make a little extra cash just to help out, I should've done something! LIke offer to babysit someone's kids part time... but at the same time we liked our freedom!
Sorry I have rambled, I hope I helped!

Well, I don't make nearly that....I did work up till my 2nd son was born. I was making about $30k, driving 45 min each way to work and home, and paying a little over a third of my paycheck to have one child in daycare. Now, granted, he went to a nice place, but I am not going to send my kids to some place that I don't feel is benefiting them. We have very little in savings. My husband makes about twice what I was making and we just felt with the extra expense of another child in care, plus all the money I was spending on gas the little bit extra past that that I contributed towards household expenses just wasn't worth it. Now, we just barely get by, but my hubby isn't in any danger of losing his job. We have made it work for about a year now and it's been ok. I tried to go back to work part time at night so we wouldn't need childcare and after one week where I worked 3 nights in a row, my youngest was sick and up all night the days prior to me working and then we were going the next day to take a trip to visit family and....I just couldn't do it anymore. I was getting maybe 2 hours of sleep on the days I was working if the baby napped well and I just didn't feel like I was there for my kids, I was a miserable zombie.....

I feel like I am much more "there" for my kids now. My older son has sensory processing disorder and developmental delays and because I was home we were able to get him in the school district early childhood program which has benefited him him IMMENSELY. I am always there for my little one when he needs me and despite the frustration I sometimes feel having kids on me all the time, this really is best for our family.

To me, it sounds like you would be able to. But everyone's comfort level is different and I am sure some would say no way.

Oh yeah...and my older son tells me repeatedly how glad he is that I am home now....and even said to me the other day that he wants Daddy to quit his job too so we can all be together *smile*. I had to explain how Daddy has to work or we would have no where to live, food to eat, etc. He told me shortly before I quit the night job too that I should stay home at night and get some sleep, that I was too tired. Sometimes kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

i personally feel that you have to do what is going to make you happy. I would be a very very unhappy person if I had to return to work right now while my daughter is little just to make sure i had enough money in an emergency fund. If my child were in school and i were staying home then that would be a different story. She will only be little for a few years and I feel that I am willing to risk having an emergency fund so that I can raise her. If my husband were to lose his job it would be awful but that worst thing that would happen is we would lose our condo and have to live with my parents. I personally believe that is a small price to pay for our happiness. Just my opinion. Some would be happier making sure they had an emergency fund a extra money to vacation with and do other things. Thats fine too..you just have to decide what is right for you!

Suze is concerned with money in her response, and normally I love what she's got to say. Normally. Here I think she misses the point...

The truth is they're only young once and you'll miss it if you're stuck in an office somewhere. Obviously some people really cannot manage on one income, but if you think you might be able to, I don't think you'll be sorry. My oldest left our nest last year and we both cannot believe how quickly he grew up and got out on his own. It seems a blink of the eye. We're so grateful that we were able to be there for him, with me home to take care of him to give him a foundation that allowed him to be a young man we're proud to call our son! We still have two at home and wouldn't miss out on their youth for any vacation, new car or home upgrades.

There are some things that you cannot put a price upon, particularly the value of having mom at home with the family. From a socialogical aspect, research shows kids do better in a home with a parent home, time and again they find this to be true.

In our home we go without some material things, but we don't go hungry. We live in a home we can afford, nothing fancy but not a shack either. We recently got a new van but drove used for a long time, our daughter goes to Catholic school, we always have food, shelter & clothing, though I, like you, would be thrilled to have $831 left at the end of each month. We have zero savings as well as no credit card. We live within our means and when things come up, we handle them. Sometimes it's a scramble, but we handle them. Sure we have other debts, particularly medical, but we deal with things as they come. Occasionally my kids will want something we cannot afford and I ask would they rather have that kind of stuff or me at home and they honestly say they wouldn't want me to be at a job rather than picking them up for school, cooking good family meals and being there when they need me.
I'm no D. Reid, but I'm handy with a first-aid kit, and love to be a soft place for them to fall.

Thanks for your post. Reality set in for us when my hubby lost his job this March. I watch Suze every weekend, and when the layoff news occurred, knew we only had 2-3 months emergency fund. We were blessed that my hubby did find something else within a month, but making a little less. 2 years ago, we lived in a small house that we had less than a year to completely pay off. We decided to upsize, and were able to put almost 1/2 down on a beautiful house that people our age would love to have. My husband is constantly having buyers remorse now and keeps saying we need to sell because we are living paycheck to paycheck. My husband said he would like to go back like we were - a smaller house with no mortgage payment so we can do other things as a family (vacations, purchases, etc). I told him that things will be tight right now with our 2 kids in daycare, and me only working part-time. I plan to pick up an extra part time job on the weekends to help contribute, cause there are many days I too feel guilty about our large purchase and now being in the situation of paycheck to paycheck. To me, selling my house in this market is not an option cause we will LOSE so much. Plus, why should I have to give up my nice house when we can afford it --- it is just tight finances month to month. When I ask my friends, none seem to have the 8 month emergency, and many say their kids have more in their savings account than they do. I know we could be much worse, cause we have no student loans, no credit card debt, etc.. Plus we are all healthy - and that is priceless to me.

I have to agree with the previous posts. I've been home with our daughter now almost 2 years & couldn't be happier with my decision. I thought when I first had her, I'd continue my career & her in daycare. After her first week in daycare at (1 1/2 mos. old), she developed a horrible flu bug & ended up in the hospital. I ended up being home 2 weeks to care for her. We tried other daycare options, like home daycare & nothing seemed to work, she was constantly sick & I was calling in to work. My point... is it worth it for a LITTLE extra after you pay out most of your check for daycare?? In our situation, completely NOT worth it. Not only are you taking time off anyway to take care of your kids, but the level of care they receive will never compare to a Mom being there for them. I have seen my daughter thrive at home & only 2 illness's in the past year. As far as affording it, we also cut back on some things & make the sacrifice's. Once she is in school, I'll go back part time around her schedule. Enjoy your children & feel good about your decision. Make some sacrifice's now and the payback will be soooo worth it! Good luck!!

In my opinion, you can afford it. We are living paycheck to paycheck and paying off credit card debt with absolutely no savings or emergency fund. I work 2 days a week, while my mom babysits. Daycare for 2 kids would not be worth me working full time. If there are no worries about your husband losing his job, go for it!

You need to see if your hubby's salary can cut it. With out using CC's (that are not paid off at the end of the month). You have to look and see how much you and your husband will have for retirement.(you can not get this time back to put more money in later) Can you put the money into a retirement savings with out you working. You have to see what kind of job you currently have, what if you need to go back to work because of an accident where your husband can not work? I do not think you need to worry about college for the kids, as there is FA available. I have to work because I hold the health insurance. But I was able to take extra time off with my little one when I had him. I feel he is in a great daycare and learning a lot. I am not sure that I could provide that type of learning for him If I was home. So I think this is a great decision. If you feel comfortable with the answers to those questions then you need to make the decision that is great for you. FA are great, but sometimes do not look at the whole picture. I am more okay with my little on in day care than I thought I would be. He likes the socialization with the other kids. Good luck with your decision.

I don't think it has anything to do with SAHM. We have two incomes and make quite a bit on paper, and we don't have 8 months salary in savings. If we did have that much cash on hand (8 months worth of income) it wouldn't be in our savings account at .75% interest anyway - we would invest it in improvements on our house or put it in our retirement plan.

If you enjoy being home with your kids, don't need to keep a hand in your field while raising your kids, and your husband's job is secure, then I'd say "Go for it" and be a stay-at-home mom!!

It was so awesome when my little guys were young to be able to spend time together. I was in grad school and worked a few hours each week (in order to keep my license in my field) for a couple of years when they were 0-4. It ate up our savings, but hey, it was worth it not to have to stress about childcare and to be able to see my babies grow.

Now, I work 20 hours a week and it seems to work, although we still live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, aside from our 401K plans and a small amount in savings. We are careful about spending, don't take fancy vacations, we cut coupons, buy used cars, etc.

Suze Orman can be a bit over-the-top in pushing everyone to work, work, work, and misses the big picture sometimes, I think. This time with my kids is most important and we just cut corners everywhere else to make it work. Not everyone would be okay buying clothes at garage sales and having homemade birthday parties, but it works for us.

I think a family can function quite well on $4,000 a month! You could always pick up some part-time work evenings or weekends if that appeals to you, but I don't think you have to go to work full-time just so that you will be more secure in 40 years time! Good luck!

Okay that woman is just living in fear is what it comes down to...we aren't exactly paycheck to paycheck anymore but our emergency fund is non-existent. I think as long as the bills are getting paid and you like your kids it's an amazing thing to be able to stay at home!
3 months salary is standard...but really who can keep that together?
Enjoy your kids, you can never get their childhood back and life isn't about money.