Can Anybody Help Me???

I guess you could give him choices. If you have to do errands or need to be out for whatever reason you can suggest he pay for a babysitter to be with you or at home. I remember those days. Some people just let them run. I do not think it is a good idea these days because of safety. I did not use a restraint. I did as few errands as I could, went with other parents, had a babysitter on rare occasions, kept her in the stroller, went to places where I could see her easily at all times, wore her in the Ergo, kept her in the grocery cart, went out only when I was up for the run. I kept her out of the car seat as much as I could, used Marta. The more she can experience free movement the better. It is a very physical time for the whole family to keep up after a toddler. Maybe he could do the errands and you can just take her to the fun toddler-friendly places. It is really a short time considering she will be more able to listen and respond appropriately within a year or so. It is a life adjustment for now.
Hope this helps. Blessings.

You are not a bad mother - he is a bad father. He is selfish, uncaring of your needs or the children. He is like most men and will continue until YOU stop it. Dealing with children, you need all the help/devices you can get. If he was "the mother" he would recognize it. Do what you think best, use whatever devices to make yourself comfortable and will help you. Tell him to go JUMP!!!

i know i'm late responding, but read this to your husband, ro better yet, let him read it. this is a very true story:

friend of mine, w/ her 20 mos old daughter, at the mall walking during christmas shopping. my friend has Rheumatoid arthritis so can't carry the weight very long. DD was walking along side, not running away, but staying close.. friend felt something brush against her leg, and when she turned around SOMEBODY ELSE HAD HER DAUGHTER SQUISHED TO HER CHEST WITH BOTH ARMS, AND TURNING TO WALK AWAY WITH HER. when friend (stunningly) asked what the woman was doing w/ her daughter, the reply was that she was 'taking her to her mother over there'. the woman had a big black coat on, and had the child tightly gripped. a couple sentences into the 'conversation' and the woman put the child down and said 'you should keep your child from running around so much'.. well, she wasn't running around..

i wasn't there but if that were to happen to my daughter, i probably would have gone wild on the woman. so very very scary - and it COULD happen. no matter what someone may think, it could happen.

please, consult your husband, and inform him htat you WILL be using the harness when shopping alone.

i agree that it sounds like he's got control issues, and that seperately needs attention. you could very well get to the point where you can't handle that on a daily basis. i urge you guys to get counselling to help him. it can't be fun for him either to 'have' to control everything.. where is there room for happiness? i know the answer to this as i grew up with someone with that same quality. i urge you to urge him to get help to let him see how much happier life can be when he can take things a bit more easy - on himself and on everyone around him.

prayers to you and he. and keep your child safe!

It is so easy for a child to slip away (or for somebody to grab her). Leashes weren't necessary years ago when times seemed safer and other people would watch out for your children. Now, I think a leash is a matter of safety. Your child is obviously too young to understand the dangers that await her outside of your protection. If you are distracted for a minute it is so easy for her to slip away. It has nothing to do with you being a bad mother or your child being wild. Children are curious and want to explore. Not goo in a busy situation. I used a leash for my daughter and would recommend it to anyone who needs to keep track of their daughter in a busy situation. As for your husband, he needs to realize your marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. Everything is not always going to be how he wants it, he needs to learn to compromise. Sometimes he needs to do things for your piece of mind. Make him responsible for keeping track of your daughter when you go out and I bet he will understand what you are dealing with! Good luck:)

First off you are not a bad mom for wanting to keep your child safe. I have three kids and while I dislike the things I can see why they would come in handy. Some children no matter how well you teach them are going to run off a the first sign of being down, they are just too curious and they don't understand the danger's of wandering off. Your husband needs to chill and trust that you know what is best. Marriage is all about compromising, but it should never be about your personality being made to fit what your husband wants. If my husband tried to tell me what to do all the time he would drive me crazy. It is not fair of your husband to expect you to act only the way he want's you to if it goes against what you believe. Yes! your child needs to learn not to run off, but that does come with time and lot's of hard work. If this helps the child learn to stay with you then what harm can it do. I still have to constantly watch my kids and chase after them, the toy isle is the worst. Try a reward system when the child does stay with you; let the child pick out stickers, candy a little toy or books. At first set an easy achievable time limit that the child has to stay with you for. I started out with a minute, then I worked up to the whole time we are in the store. Yes! It won't be easy and it will most likely drive you up the wall. Remember that your child is a good child, just active and curious. Good Luck and sometimes as parent's we need to step back, count to 10 and take a deep breath.

You're husand would be a lot more hateful if your child was kidnapped or hit by a car because you blinked and she was gone. Use it whenever you feel you need it. We used them with my children at Disney World and they were a Godsend. I was terrified my children would get lost there, and using them helped me. Please don't let your husband dictate what you can do to allay your fears about your child's safety!!!

Dear E.,
It sounds to me as if what you are really needing here is not opinions on the backpack device but someone to tell you it's okay to want to be out from under someone else's control. And I'm going to get to that. But as a mother of 7 children, let me cover the backpack issue quickly. The backpack devices are fine. Since you've lost your child once before for a few minutes, I know that's a few minutes you never want to experience again. If the backpack gives you the peace of mind you need when your husband isn't around to help, then that is YOUR decision. YOURS! If you were out with just your child and your child was taken, I'm pretty sure your husband would see it as just your fault. YOURS! And so, it is your decision. You have equal rights as a parent to do what you see fit to keep your child safe.

As far as your husband seeing it as something for lazy parents.... sounds like he's worried about what others will think. Who cares what others think? Here's some words of wisdom for him (and for everyone) .... "What others think about you is none of your business." In other words, you must live according to what YOU think is right, not according to what you worry others will think about your decisions.

Okay, down to the controlling husband thing which is my specialty. Let me warn you now, I'm a very controversial writer and one of my passions is to teach women to empower themselves. So, here we go.

No one has the right to tell you what to do. Your hubby can certainly advise you (and you him) in a respectful way... and you can consider his advice, but the decision to take it is up to you. Put your foot down now, to yourself, that you will not live another moment of your life being pushed around by another person. Not your husband, not your parents or siblings, not your clergy, not your boss. You are as an important person as anyone. People who try to control others do so out of fear. Stand up for yourself and your opinions. You matter. You can judge an entire civilization by the way they treat women and the elderly. In this aspect, our country is much better than some but we still have a way to go.

Everyone should live their lives in joy. Let go of those things that do not give you joy or peace and focus on the well-being of you and your child! People will be aghast at what I'm about to say... and I don't really care, lol... but the best advice I ever gave my daughter before her wedding was to remember that she doesn't have to stay. The age old advice about sticking it out and working things through to make your marriage work has caused millions of women to suffer through a lifetime of hell and given millions of men free license to treat their wives any way they please. And I'm not a man hater. I'm madly in love with my second husband. I'm also not a "feminist." I believe in my "female-ness." In other words... I love being a girl. But I also believe in joy, peace, love and happiness... mine... and yours!
Love and light to you, E.,
Lightflower (L.)

Hi, we loved them when we are were crowded places...it gives them a sense of freedom that they LOVE. They are not "jerked" around at all and are not treated like wild animals. So many things can happen to them that it's safer knowing they won't get too far from you rather than having them run into a parking lot or run or have a stranger snatch them, etc. It's certainly becuase we're not lazy-we cannot possible carry two sets of twins around. We don't use them anymore on our older set because our kids are a little older and listen better (most of the time :-) but we will use them again when our younger set starts running. They are a life saver!!!! Good luck dear in whatever you decide!

Just my opinion here, but it sounds like your husband is being quite unreasonable, and yes, controlling. In relation to the issue of the backpack leash, I see nothing wrong with using it when you are out without your husband. Some children are more prone to scooting away than others! I am the type of person that would absolutely hold my ground and let my husband know that out of respect, I would not use it when he's there, but when I am out with the kids by myself, I am going to do what I need to do to keep everyone safe. It does NOT make you a lazy parent--if you were "lazy" in every area of your parenting, then you might take a look at yourself and make sure that you aren't always just doing what's easiest for yourself, but I did not get that impression from you in what I read. You sound caring, attentive, and unselfish.
Good luck!

It sounds like this is so much more than an issue about a backpack. You sound like such an intelligent and articulate woman. Marriages in my opinion should be 50/50 and yours does not sound that way. I would suggest that you and your husband possibly get some counseling for the control issues. You don't want your daughter to grow up and fall into the same pattern. You may also want to get separate counseling to deal with your own self confidence concerns. I wish you the best of luck!

I have one that looks like a harness and yes I use it. I don't when my hubby is with me because he doesn't like it and there are 2 people to chase him down. I have used it since he was 2 years old. He is 4 now and there are days when I need to get it back. No amount of discipline has worked to make him stay when he wants to run. I have tried EVERYTHING to make him stop. He has his good days but there are times when I tell him I'm going to put it back on him. Do what you need to do to keep your child safe and with you. I got mixed comments about mine but I felt better knowing that when I turn back around after 2 seconds, he's still there beside me.

I'll try not to get involved but here's a penny of my thoughts,

I suggest you try to explain to your husband in another way, or do a compromise, that you would use it only for busy stores, not a park or school or anywhere else, just busy stores like the mall or grocery stores, and look at it as a set of reins instead of leash so that the kid can walk around independently like her Mommy and Daddy. Tell him to give the harness a try the next time your daughter throws a fit in the store and see what he thinks?

I think you should wait till your husband is more comfortable with the idea bec I don't want it becoming more bitter between the two of you if he is not ready yet. Just continue to talk to him little by little, get him comfortable with the idea... then go for it.

Thats my idea? do whatever you think is best..

They remind me of animal Lease! Sorry!

Ask your husband this. Would he rather someone else have your child or you have control of your child? Until they learn to stay with you, sometimes you just have to do it. You obviously are a good mother because you care. Who cares what anyone else cares of you. They wouldn't sell them if it made your kids like an animal.
I have used them with my children. The only other thing I can think of is to make your child stay in a cart.
Don't doubt yourself, go with your gut! Good luck.

Hi E.,

Yes, I use one of those regularly. I do receive some unwelcome comments from people, however I don't think they've really thought it out.

My son LOVES the backpack. He asks for it often ... he sees it as increasing his freedom, not reducing it. Why? Because it means he can walk everywhere, holding my hand when he wants to and asserting his independence by not holding my hand when he chooses.

He is 18 months old and has refused his stroller for the past two months. I can understand why ... he loves to walk and he experiences so much more by doing so. The backpack allows us to walk around malls or other busy areas without fear of losing him. It is also wonderful when you are checking out, or when you've finally made it to the front of the line at the post office. If your child doesn't want to hold onto your leg or be picked up, it can be very hard to pay your bill/transact your business while they run around. This way, he knows he can't stray too far.

I know some people will condemn the backpack, but it works for us. We've always practiced attachment parenting, so we are in the habit of treating our child respectfully. We've given it a lot of thought and the evidence from our own son clearly shows he doesn't consider himself being treated as an animal, nor are we lazy parents.

Hope this helps!!
V.

I say, go with your gut!!! I have three and went through this with my 14 and 12yr olds about 11 years ago. Thankfully, my ex is out of the picture but I had to do it on my own. I'm tough but I once let others dictate how I should feel. I had no car and was grounded on the Marta bus and train. I utilized all my resources, mapped a route to their daycare and my job and took endless numbers of trains and buses every single day! There were weak days when I didn't know how to control my daughter who ran up and down the train corridor and I had my infant son locked in his stroller. I felt paralyzed until one day a mature older woman (probably my age now, lol) stepped in to scolded my daughter very direct and very firm. I felt, not embarrased but humbled. She was behaving like a wild child and I didn't want to look bad or appear out of control either. Guess what? I realzed I can't control how another soul chooses to see me, only God can judge me.

My "spousal equivalent" and I have a three yr old and I find that I am not always assertive, or aggressive but I am direct and consistent. I will let him fall out inside of the Target entrance because he doesn't want to get in a basket and then I will look him firmly in the eye and tell him what he's going to do for me. My spouse is a pushover and will pick him up. He was bullied as a kid and admits he let himself be bullied as a kid until he was a certain age. I love him but I told him I can't communicate those values to our son. I can't control his style of parenting. You can't control what any person wants to do with their child. Why should you? Back in California, many more people than here in Georgia utilize those devices. Walk through any mall and you will see more people with them than here. It's a matter of personal choice. Go with your gut!

E.,

I appreciate people who have a handle on their children in public, whether this is with a monkey pack (which I think are absolutely adorable) or by other socially acceptable means (not smacking a child). In this day and age there are so many "scary" people that can snatch a child literally within seconds. I think it's unfortunate that your husband can't see the safety issue with this matter. You are not being a "lazy" parent, just trying to keep a handle on a rambunctious child. I think you sound like a fabulous mother and you should indeed stand up for yourself regarding this matter and anything else you feel as though you are giving in on.

Regards,
A.
www.MyBigGreenBiz.com

I have 2 young grandsons and their parents use these with them. I think they are wonderful! Wouldn't your husband prefer your child to be as safe as possible? As I see it, the restraints keep them close at hand and also safe from possiblly being swiped by a passerby. It also gives the chilkd a little freedom to explore their surroundings and gives your back a break. I think it is your responsibilty to keep your children as safe as humanly possible at all costs!

We all have to do what works for us and will keep our babies safe. Not all children are alike. This in no way says you are a bad parent but to me it says you are a parent whose safety for your toddler is far more important than what someone else thinks. Your baby could have been snatched in these few minutes. Of my 4 I had one like that and I just could not go shopping alone as someone always had to have hold of this one. Some babies are so innovative and curious they must be in a playpen if you have to turn your head for a minute or so. I had one who even climbed out of her crib by 9 months of age. Iwould tell my husband that I had to do what would protect this baby regardless of anyone elses opinion as this is most important. My usual comeback to hubby has always been - "Well,I just have to do what works for me". You can not agree nor obey him without being disagreeable. V.

Your heart and mind is in the right place..... The SAFETY of your child.
A child can wiggle loose in seconds and can be very dangerous in parking lots, easy for strangers to snag a child. Too many people are on cell phones these days and are distracted when driving. The backpacks are cute. Use it and keep your child safe and keep your sanity.

I am always scared my youngster will run off into the street or in a parking lot and get hit by a car. I think the backpacks are cute and at that age, toddlers dont really listen because they are too young and just want to go go go because they have discovered their legs!!! If it works for you, I dont see the problem with it. Men care too much what other people think...Tell him it makes YOU feel better about safety. You dont want your child running off getting hurt, or kidnapped...and they are hard to control at this age.

Hi E.,

Your husband is very fotunate to have such loving, caring, and devoted wife. I'm sorry, but that is just a little over the board with such rules by your husband. I commend you on using preventive measures for the child's safety. I think most mothers would resort to the same safety measures. Once we become mothers, we have to become creative not only for the safety of the child, but to also to decrease the frequency of our stressors, and to avoid being overwhelmed. And last but not least, please have a talk with your husband, and express your feelings of emotions to let him know how this is affecting you. Please, don't be afraid to speak up, your husband should be very understanding to your needs, and not concern how using a backpack will be viewed in his eyesight or by the public during your outing. Hope this was helpful. Thanks!.......S.

I think that in some circumstances, the backpacks are a great idea. If you can assure your child's safety while also letting them roam somewhat, that's great for your child's curiosity and energy level AND good for you that you can keep your child safely beside you. If,however, you are using the backpack so you no longer have to watch your child, then you are being lazy. I don't think that is the case from what you said. I have a very busy 19 month old, and I'm seriously considering buying one of those backpacks because I am having a very hard time holding on to her, she won't sit in a stroller or cart long, and she LOVES to get out and walk. I can't, however hold her AND push a shopping cart, and she doesn't like to hold my hand all the time either. A backpack w/strap would be great for her to be down and walk while I still have control of her. I know other moms that use them too, and after seeing their kids using them, I believe the kids AND the moms are happier, calmer and the children are safe. Just make sure you approach your husband carefully. Don't accuse him or make him feel bad about it. Just explain your side, why it would help you and your child, that the child won't get lost if you take your eyes away for 2 seconds, and that its NOT just out of laziness that you want to use it. If he doesn't want to budge, maybe you need to have a more serious conversation about how you are tired of pleasing him and everyone else all the time. You are a person too with thoughts and ideas that deserve respect just as much as everyone else. I'm a pleaser, in general, also, but I do draw the line when I feel I'm being taken advantage of or not ever getting my way. Good luck!

Hi E.. I completely understand wanting to know where your child is and to feel like you don't have to hold them all the time. I know it's frustrating that your husband is demanding of "how" he wants things accomplished. I have 2 suggestions that may help.

1. My husband and I ended up getting a backpack that your toddler can be put in and placed on your back. I LOVE it. I can grocery shop with both hands and not worry about where his little hands are. Also, he likes being able to see what I see, so he's very content in it. He thinks he's in a amusement ride half the time. Here is a link to one of the ones I've seen. The one we have doesn't have a metal brace of any kind.
http://www.dickssportinggoods.com/product/index.jsp?produ...

2. I think you should pick a time to talk with your husband when you are not in the middle of doing something. You need to let him know how you feel without blowing your top. He's much more likely to respond well if you can explain how his actions make you feel.

Good luck and I hope these help a little...

:)
R.

It's fine not to use it when your husband is with you, he can watch the child when you have something to do. However, when you are by yourself and can't keep the baby in one place then I think I would much rather have some judgemental person find fault with me and keep my child safe. It's ok for people to think whatever...they are going to anyway, but at least you know where your child is. Imagine what they would say if you lost track of your child for even one minute.

My approach to parenthood, do whatever works best for my children. People are going to judge you anyway, no matter what you do. Most people who are going to find fault are not in your situation.

PS nip that husband controlling you in the bud, or you are going have some real battles on your hand when the children get older.

Take it from a mom of 3

I'll try to help here... first, no, I do not think those backpack devices are a problem. If you think about it, a child using one has much more freedom to explore than a child who is being held in your arms or a stroller, or even one who is holding your hand. It does not indicate lazy parenting, it indicates a parent who is concerned about her child's safety. But of course the larger issue here is your husband's controlling nature. Since I don't know the history of your relationship, I won't speculate on how you should handle it, but I'll give you a couple of things to think about: First, have confidence in yourself and in your decisions (easier said than done, I know!). But know that you are loving and capable and have your own valid ideas. Stand up for yourself when you know you are truly right. Also, try to think if there's anything outside your relationship that is making your husband act this way-- does he feel out of control at work, so he needs to feel in control at home? Or has he always been this way? That might be a sign that you need to have a long talk or look into counseling. But do trust yourself, and know that you are a good mom. Good luck!!

I agree with Kimberly B. This is much more than an issue regarding a backpack.

From your description it sounds like you are continuously walking on eggshells and modifying your behavior simply to please your controlling husband. You are obviously doing the best you can with your daughter and your husband probably knows that but finds issues to criticize you. Sounds to me like he makes mountains out of molehills all of the time which is typical controlling behavior.

As hard as it may be, try and stand up for yourself. I don't agree with hiding things from him because he can use that as fuel to criticize you when he eventually finds out. You may need the help of a counselor if (like me) you have trouble standing up for yourself in front of your husband.

Best of luck!

We have been using the backpacks (kiddy leashes) for several years now. And yes, they are much cuter than before! My daughter is 3 and I am proud to say that I have NEVER had to deal with losing her in a crowd, or have to chase her down an isle of a store. I feel that by restraining my child I am being more responsible. Many parents will even ask where I bought our little Monkey pack. Sure, I will get a few sour comments here and there, but those are usually from someone who's never had to care for a child or know what it feels like to lose one. I could never imagagine the horror I would feel to not be able to locate my child or wonder if she walked off with a stranger. The kiddy restraints are by no means lazy...they are responsible. Lazy is letting your child run around without guidance. Lazy is not even caring whether or not your child stays near you.

Our monkey backpack child restraint saved my daughter from being hit by a fast moving car in a parking lot. I was loading my son into the carseat and getting ready to put her in and out of no where came a vehicle travelling too fast...she darted out, (she's 3 remember)...but luckily I had her restraint on my arm and I pulled it back. I don't even want to think what could have happened had I not had quick access to her. I love my monkey and he's wonderful for her to hug during long car rides. They are great.

Unless your husband is home with your child or does most of the caregiving for her, then you do what YOU NEED TO DO to care for your child responsibly. Your child should come first.

There is nothing wrong with these backpacks. They are a wonderful way to give your child a sense of freedom, while giving you a peace of mind that your child is close by. Developmentally, it is not good for your daughter to be carried or to ride in a stroller every time you are out.

I think you have the right idea. When your husband is with you, you don't need the backpack because you can both look after your daughter. When you are on your own, you need to do what works for you and makes you comfortable. If your husband gives you a hard time, tell him that you value his opinion, but you feel your daughter is safer when you use the backpack. Her safety and your peace of mind come first.

On a side note, has your husband ever taken your daughter out on his own without the backpack? I have often found that when my husband disagrees with how I do things, if he then tries to do the same things on his own with the kids, the majority of the time he quickly come around to my way. Occasionally though, he does find a better way to do something, and I always try to be open to his suggestions.

If it makes you feel more comfortable, use it. If he doesn't like it, he can be responsible for the child while he's around. Honestly, I didn't like them until my niece was born and started walking. After that, I understood why parents need them. My son is only five months old but my husband and I have already agreed to invest in one when he gets bigger.

Bottom line is this--I don't care what anyone else thinks when it comes to my niece or child, including my husband. We disagree sometimes, but he knows I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure they're safe. I'll tell him what I think. Sometimes he may sway me, but I'm usually adamant if I think it's a safety issue. The only way he'll make me change my mind then is if he sees a danger or drawback I didn't see. These devices help with safety and security. Kids can disappear in a split second. It just takes a moment's distraction. If you employ these things, you know where your kids are.

I think your husband doesn't understand because roles tend to be so different for men. They have no idea how hard it can be to shop for necessities or otherwise, or just to get things done in general, and keep your eye on a busy child all at the same time. This is simply because women are the primary caregivers in most situations. Maybe he needs to give it a go. He may be stubborn enough to never admit it, but I'll bet he'd see the need for those products.

I use one for my almost 3 yr old girl because she is a runner when we are in public. I have 3 children (ages 4, almost 3, and 8 mos) and the only way I feel comfortable taking all out to a store is if she is on one because I know she is a runner. It keeps her safe, free to explore, and me peace of mind.

I do get comments, but I just ignore them because I know I am doing what I need to do to keep my child safe. They are not in my shoes and I am sure they would make comments if I did not have one on her. She also does not mind wearing it!!! I don't use it much when my husband is with me because he is my extra pair of hands.

Keep up the good work! You are doing a great job!!!!

Hi E.,
I had a similiar situation like what you are going thru now. I bought a back-pack for my oldest daughter. She would take off the moment you set her down. My husband didnt like it because he thought of her being tied up like an animal.
It's better than her taking off and getting grabbed or hit by a car.
No, you are not lazy whatsoever. You are a good mom and wife.
I used it and didn't care what him or anybody else thought. Of course we fought about it, but you know what, he got over it. She still enjoys to wear it around the house like its her friend.
My mom used to tie a rope around me back in the day.
As for your husband, I hope I'm not being too frank, but he needs to get over whatever issue he is dealing with.
You go out of your way to please others, when are you going to start doing stuff to please yourself?

I have one of those that still looks like a harness, not the cutsie type. I can't say I use it a lot, but mainly because I forget to bring it! There are many times I wish I had it around. I have 4 young kids and when I am alone with them it is way too easy to lose my 18 month old because I'm talking to the three year old or something. I thinkit is ridiculous that people take issue with these things. All they are is another way to keep your child safe, not a way to ignore them or treat them like a puppy. When I use it I really don't care what people think, and I notice the comments most often come from people who DON'T have children or from people whose children are long past that stage. I think they've forgotten the panic of losing your child, even for a few minutes. If hubby was responsible for keeping track o your little one in the outside world, alone, more often he might get the idea. lol

Hi E.,

First of all, let me say you are not a lazy parent or you wouldn't try to find ways to make your life better.

Second of all, you have two VERY separate issues here. Issue #1: Your controlling husband and Issue #2: Your decision to use the "leash" for your toddler.

I USED THE LEASH with my older son, and if need be, I will use it with my youngest. My older is 12, and they were not cute nor popular back then, but I didn't care. If I got stares or rude comments I simply responded: I would rather see him on a leash than a milk carton (they used to put pics of lost kids on milk cartons--don't know if they still do). It sounds to me that you have already decided to use it, and are now just dealing with the negativity of your husband. It also sounds like you know the solution...use it when you are not with him, and when you are with him, have him do the chasing so that he can see what it is like.

Regarding your relationship with your husband...this is a MUCH bigger issue than the monkey back-pack/leash. This is not a small problem, and it will not change on it's own. I try not to offer up a lot of unsolicited advice about marriage, but I will repeat what Dr. Phil says: You CANNOT change a person, you can only change how you REACT to them and how you allow them to treat you. Take that for what it is worth.

Good luck!!!

It is far too easy for a child to get lost, taken or seriously hurt. They can disappear in a half a second I would use the example of her getting lost in a store. I would bring it up and list things that could have happened to her all because she disappeared even out from under his watchful eye. A LOT of things can happen in 5 mins. I used one for my now 7 yr old when she was a toddler and thats when they still looked like harnesses and weren't yet dressed up to look like cute animals.

They are not for wild children they are designed to keep children safe. It takes 2 seconds for them to disappear.
I'd tell him that he's flat out wrong on this one. Stand up for what you think is right.

I have one of these and use it often. I love it. My son is about to turn 3. He weight 30 pounds, I am 95 pounds. There is no way I can hold him everywhere we go. Kids this age want to walk and explore, that is in their nature, they also have a lot of energy they need to get out of their system when in public.

My husband was not wild about the idea, but we used it at a fair, and he saw how it helped me deal with the walking and not having to carry our son. After that day he reminds me to take it when we go somewhere with large crowds or hiding places. My son loves his and wants to wear it around the house, but will only walk if I am holding the tail.

Explain this to your husband and tell him that you are unable to carry her everywhere and this will let her get some energy out so she will sleep better at nap or night so you can spend more time with him.

You need to do or use whatever is needed to keep your child in your control. Not being able to find a child for 5 minutes is absolute hell and unnecessary when there are methods to prevent such. Your husband is unreasonable. If you have two kids and one is always trying to get away, you need a way to keep track of her. I used on of the older versions when my now 16 year old was young and it was a way to give him a little freedom(walking himself, looking at things) but where I still had controll of him. When he got a little older I got a verion that was basicaly a strap on his wrist and a handle for me. That worked til he figured out how to undo it! There I times when I wish they made a version for 16 year olds! since they still want to wander off. One for husbands to get lost in hardware stores would be great too-now we call them cell phones! Go luck. Maybe let you husband take both kids to a store or mall by himself and see if he changes his mind!

I used the old "leash" version on my boys and I would not have it any other way! I knew where they were at all times and they were able to walk instead of ride through the mall or park of whatever.
My thought on this is- I'd rather face the criticism that is sure to follow on the "leash" than to be on the news reporting a lots/kidnapped child. My husband didn't like either idea but agreed to the safety factor.
Now, my older son didn't like the leash much. So, we told him that in order for him to NOT lose us in the crowd, we needed to connect us together. He was fine with that and often asked us for the leash not the other way around.
Yes, I have also lost a child in a crowd of 10,000! Scared out of my wits and while we found him (almost 10 min) later, we were able to find something to help keep him tethered to us for the remainder of the day. For the next year, he wore a BRIGHT yellow vest we were out.
Use it. Tell your husband that it's a safety issue. If he doesn't like using it when he is in the group, then he is responsible for the childrens whereabouts. He may not realize just how quickly a child can displace visually when he isn't with you in the mall or other crowded areas often.
good luck!!

Sorry to be the one that doesnt agree. I think your husband was raised differently than you, in the aspect of how to raise a child. Just my opinion, but i feel that some parents use those to control their child instead of good old dicipline. I work in a hospital where i see lots of kids being jerked around on this leash like a dog. I think its cruel. One child was even jerked back and curled up into the fetal position. I just found this dispicable. Is there any way you can place her in a stroller of some sort or the cart your shopping with. I'm not saying your a bad mother or lazy but i think people should find a better way.

-Working mom in the military with 3 year old.

Yep, I used to think those things were horrible! Who would put a kid on a leash like an animal?

Then I had my own child.

That's when the nightmares started of losing my child in a crowded airport or mall. NOTHING is worth that risk, so I invested in one that looks like a dog backpack. Here's what I discovered: Not only was it a great comfort for me, it afforded my toddler a LOT more freedom. His sphere of activity was limited by holding my hand. The tail (leash) gave him a much wider circumfrence of freedom to explore the environment in a safe way.

As far as I'm concerned...the "leash" is not only safer, but expands your child's world and gives him/her a better chance to build experiential background, a vital prereading skill.

Not only are you NOT a bad mom for using them, you're an unusually conscientious one!

First, NO, you are not a lazy parent. If anything, you are a very loving parent for wanting to keep your child out of harm's way while you cannot physically hold her in your arms. My daughter, now 19, once kept getting away from me in a fabric store. I told her after the second time's escape, that if she did it again, I'd tie her up so she couldn't get away again. Well, she did. So I went to the cords and ribbons section, chose a nice rope type cord (like you make drapery tie-backs) took it to the counter and had the lady cut me three yards. I then went ahead and paid for it while explaining to the cashier why I needed to pay now instead of waiting till I was finished shopping. (she laughed) All this time, my daughter was looking at me like she didn't believe that I'd really do this. I stooped down right in front of the checkout counter, looped the cord around her chest in an 'x' fashion and tied it in the back making a chest harness for her. She wore it the whole time we were in the store. Needless to say, she never left my side again - she knew I meant business when I told her to stay with me.

Tell your husband to walk around one day with his hand up in the air (like a much bigger person was holding on to him to keep him from running away) and see how he feels after that. Your daughter, when being held by the hand and walking beside you or him, will get very tired and cranky from having her arm in the air for so long. It is more 'humane' to have her wear a harness for her safety and comfort. I'll pray for his attitude on this.

E.,
My heart goes out to you. YES, you are a good mom and a good wife. But, regardless of how many other people tell you this, until you believe it, and feel it to be true it won't matter. You will continue to question.
I have worked with other women who felt this way, and put up with behavior and disrespectful language from their husbands. (Yes, the two are connected.)

I would love to speak with you about how to turn this around and be in a true relationship. Marriage is meant to be a partnership, and that means, in part, being willing and able to talk with your partner and express your needs.

If you won't do this for yourself, consider going to counseling for your daughter's sake. She is watching and learning how men and women act towards one another from your husband and you.
If you are interested, or maybe just curious please visit my website: http://www.alexandrar.com or call me at ###-###-####.

It is never too early or too late to live the life you were meant to have.
God bless,

I thought the same about using these devices before I found it necessary to use myself. If they didn't have these cute backpack monkeys, dogs, lamb etc...I probably would not consider using. However, our family took a trip to Washington DC over Spring Break and having 2 other children and a toddler, I purchased this cute backpack/leash and it was the best investment ever!! It took a lot of the stress off of me. Toddlers can only ride in a stroller for so long, so no matter where you are: shopping, festivals, etc. It is a great way to keep them nearby and in sight. My daughter actually likes it. We start off in the stroller & keep the backpack with us. We tell her that at any oint if she wants out, the rule is she wears it. After your experience of looking for your child for 5 minutes, frantically, I'm surprised your husband still has not changed his mind about using the backpack leash!! I would tell him that it is easiest for you esp when you are by yourself to use the backpack for yours & your child's safety!!! You cannot blame a toddler for being and "explorer". Good luck & I hope the other responses will be encouraging to your decision.