Can a Three Year Old Boy Be Expelled from Pre-School?

I would consider letting the potty training wait. It sounds like he really needs you to focus on some other things in his life right now. Potty training might be adding too much stress. Just a thought.

Twin boys were expelled from my daughters preschool years ago. They would act out and run all over the place. They chased my daughter, she fell and cut near her eye on a metal sink edge. My daughter cried every day for the rest of the year :( She is nine now and still has a scar.

I am so glad that you are noticing a problem. Aparently these boys mother thought her kids were acting normal. I hope that you can resolve this.

You've gotten some good answers here. People often treat twins the same and expect them to behave similarly, when in fact, they're two completely different people with different personalities and needs. Could it be possible that although Zach was totally ready for this new structured pre-school, Gabe was not and might benefit from some more stay-home-with-dad time? And if Zach is doing so well, could it be possible that the teachers are comparing the two and setting the same expectations for Gabe instead of trying to figure out what *Gabe's* learning/playing style is? It seems to me that your little guy had a lot on his plate (new pre-school where his brother is a star and he's not, unsuccessful potty-training, etc) and maybe cutting back ONE thing might help him cope. Or it might just be typical terrible 3's and it seems so much worse because Zach is easier....?

Honestly, most of that just sounds normal to me. Just because he is a twin doesn't mean that what works well for one works for the other. My son used to have a hard time at dropoff. I used to have to go 20m early just so that I could sit with him through the 'wake up' time.

We used to also noticed that if he didn't like the what was served for breakfast or lunch he just wouldn't eat. On these days he'd be crankier because he was hungry. We'd get a copy of the menu, and there were some days that he wouldn't eat breakfast OR lunch. 8 hours of daycare with only 2 cookies for snack. No wonder he had issues. On these days, we'd make sure he had a special pre-dropoff breakfast, and have a big healthy snack waiting at pickup.

M.

It sounds to me like there are some issues going on other than simply changing preschools. There's always a reason children act out, so I would try to get to the bottom of it and if that reason can be found and fixed then it will go a long way into helping correct his behavior. It feels like there's a lot that's not being said in your post. How are things with the little boy and his mother? What's the relationship like with your fiance and his ex? How often do the boys get to see their mother? Have there been any changes in the family dynamic?

If he started being destructive to the classroom or hurting other kids (biting, pulling hair, hitting) then he could be expelled. Being mouthy and non-compliant typically doesn't warrant being expelled.

This is a phase. He's realized he has the power to say no and refuse a request. He may also be needing more attention from you/dad/teachers; often if a child needs attention, they will often opt for bad behavior and negative attention, since it gets him some attention rather than none. This isn't to imply he isn't getting attention from you, however all kids are different and he may need more 1-on-1 time than his brother needs.

Yes, kids absolutely can be kicked out of preschool. Ours was due to his ADHD symptoms.

That said, I'm not sure talking back to the teacher is enough to lead to expulsion. It depends on the tolerance level at the school. The aggressive pushing, though, can be a problem, esp. if the kids he pushes have parents who put up with nothing and file a complaint against your son (this really does happen; speaking from experience, people do file complaints against kids as little as three).

My best advice is to stay in constant communication with the school about what you're doing to correct the bad behavior. Also ask what they're doing on their end so you can be consistent. You may also want to bring up the situation with the pediatrician and ask for advice. We found in our son's early behavioral struggles, the pediatrician was a good source of information before we had to seek help from specialists.

Good luck!

You would think that the whole purpose of pre-school is to help train the child and that they would be equipped to handle all types of situations, but unfortunately, if a kid doesn't fit the model mold, they let them go, - real sad. If you don't think he is ready for that environment, then keep him out until you can discipline, guide and train that behavior yourself.

It really sounds like this is the start are something that could grow quickly. What types of disipline do you use at home? Timeout works well for his age, one minute for every year old they are and the time doesnt start until he is seated. You might also want to bring this up to his Pediatrician. I know you said you were his "step mom", what is the situation with his mom? You dont have to answer that on here, I'm just curious if he is doing this for attention that he might not be getting from her. Also sit down and talk to his teacher and the director of the school with your fiance and evaluate the situation.

I think the larger concern is why he is doing this. Clearly that is not a good place for him and he's not ready for it. Take him out. They sell preK curriculum books--daddy can do a page or two a day with him one on one. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to do so and prek is not necessary/mandatory-- just convenient for people who have to work and need child care. You might also look into Kumon workbooks (Barnes and Noble).
Could something have happened to him? After all, you probably don't know the people he's being left with. Pls be sensitive to his individual needs.

It sounds like Gabe needs a stronger structure and more hugs & love. No is not an option. As for potty training, his mind is saying no, but his body is saying yes. Ignore his outburst and award him with lots of love when he has finished his business.

We still go through this with our NOW 5 year old. She has a lot of fits on family days, insisting she have her way. We send her away to another room until she can get it together and ask her to come talk when she is finished. I will usually ask her if she is ready to have family fun, so everyone else can enjoy the day and then remind her that there was a lot of time wasted while she was throwing a fit and now our fun time will be shorter. Sooner or later they get it.

My younger sisters are twins and they switched personalities back and forth. We never had total peace with both of them, one or the other was always the cryer.

Best wishes.

It is a phase, but on that needs to be dealt with. Be firm and consistent in correcting bad behavior. He is not to young for time out, the rule of thumb is 1 minute for each year of age. My boys do theirs with their nose against the wall, it seems effective.

reward chart and let him make a choice (between 2 options that are acceptable to him (which pants to wear, which milk cup to bring??) Firm, consistent discipline. Sounds like he can do it, but feels loss of control. Is he getting compared to Zach? Kids hate that. Find things that he is doing well, and catch him doing those things and praise the good stuff.

It sounds like he is not ready for school yet. If possible, allow him to come home with Dad for another 6 months and the try again.

Maybe a very structured preschool is perfect for Zach, but maybe for Gabe it's too stuctured?

My kids have some differences in what kind of environment they feel comfortable in. My oldest has struggled with school since kindergarden because the way most schools are typically set up- the traditional way, that is- just doesn't fit some kids. He goes to a really good school, but hasn't been especially happy there- not completely miserable- he's only not liked one teacher (who was super structured and a bit inflexible- long story :/ ) and has some good friends. His brother, on the other hand, loves it and never complains about going to school.

My oldest will finally be old enough to start at a charter school in our town (grades 6-12). It's the 1st time since pre-school that he's really excited about school! They teach everything (math, science, etc.) by using art and technology- right up his alley- he can't wait!

He was very happy @ his pre-school because it was a pretty laid back environment. They encouraged kids to try things, but didn't push- and they did lots of fun things (they went to observe the beaver pond, for ex., which was on the school's property and only a short walk). There were only 8 or 9 kids in his class, and 3 teachers who were all fabulous.
Here's some information on pre-school adjustment problems that you might find helpful:

http://www.suite101.com/content/preschool-adjustment-prob...

About the potty training, someone once posted a link to this website, and I thought it had some really good information.

http://betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/ToiletLea...

Hope it helps. Very best wishes!! :)

Hopefully I'm not of base here but I wonder if Gabe may be Austistic and Zack isn't. I'm not sure if one twin can be and and one not. But from the discription of his behavior it sounds like maybe.

I have a book suggestion that might help, it's called "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years". It has some great tips for teaching discipline in a logical way.

Hi, I would make an appointment with the administration of his school. You can discuss his behavior together to make sure that you and his teachers are on the same page. If everyone is consistent with discipline and working on the same issues you will have a lot greater success! Good luck!!

If this is a good pre-school, and you are involved parents willing to work with the teachers, your chances of him getting expelled go down. The preschool our daughter was in said that they almost never expelled a child, because that would just mean another school or daycare would have to deal with him.

This may just be a phase, so do what you can to support him in this change. And talk to and work with the teachers.

It is a phase and I am sure they would not expell him for these kinds of behaviors....now kicking and hitting his peers and teachers or biting, that is another thing altogether. I know a kid who wouldn't quit biting got expelled from Pre-K. Some kids don't adapt as well to change -- it sounds like Gabe might be going through that. It will take some time. As for the bad reports from teachers -- we started taking away privileges from our daughter (now a bit over 3.5 years old) at the age of 3 if we got a bad report from her Pre-K teacher (like taking away her barbies and she had to earn them back, taking away her leapfrog for a certain period of time, no TV at all -- we don't watch much but it was total elimination, etc). I think 3 is an OK time to have additional consequences other than time out. Time outs are best reserved for when the act is CURRENTLY going on -- so the kid really gets a time out to sit and think and quit the behavior....not for after the fact. It has worked for us (most of the time) :) Good luck!