Can a 13 Month Old Really Be Mean???

Biting and hitting in a child from around 1 year to 3 typically means that they are frustrated with their so far accumulated vocabulary - in terms of feelings, they don't know how else to always communicate fear, frustration and anger. As to the hitting, try getting ahold of her wrist and tell her we do not hit in this house. Don't allow her to control the situation by hitting to express and then you back off or flip out, thereby giving her control over the moment. You have to calmly and firmly tell her that it is not acceptable (nice at that age).

Good luck.

I would just swiftly pick her up and say "oh-oh, looks like someone is going to get a little bedroom time, you can come out when your sweet again" and after awhile when she comes out just love on her "I love you, I'm glad your sweet again and can be with me". She'll catch on real quick that her bad behavior will seperate her from everyone and she'll change quickly. We have been using Love and Logic by Dr. Fay with our little one and everyone is amazed at how we handle things and how well it works!

She is NOT mean!!! This is totally normal and age appropriate- welcome to the terrible twos!! Thought that didn't start until age two? No way!

She is doing what baby/toddlers do- test their limits, try to influence the world and do things in the only way they know how and are developmentaly able to do. This is where you come in- tell her (a million times it will seem like...) that is not acceptable and you won't let her hit/bite you (or other kids which is also totally normal for her age). You did not teach her to do this with one little swat on the hand- so don't guilt yourself there. Kids just know it and do it. Put her nose in the corner for one minute if that works for her. Or turn away and say "Mommy does not play with girls who hit/bite." HOpe this helps!

P.

HI I am a SAHM of 3 (11,9,and 3). when my children did something like slapping me or being mean to there siblings we would act out the emotion of how we felt when they hurt us because by telling a 3 yr old dont do that it hurts doesnt really register sometimes w/them because since everyday is still a learning day they need to be shown rather than told. Your child might understand it better next time she hits you if you take her by the hand squat down to her level and calmly say that hurts mommy please dont do that and begin to pretend to cry by showing that emotion of sadness she most likely will respond with a hug. If she continues to hit just have patience w/her and do the hug/crying thing again until she gets it. It might take more than 1 or 2x's but whatever you do dont fly off the handle w/your toddler just know we are examples to our children. Hope it helps

My son does the same stuff and I know he's not mean. I think it's just something they innately do at this age to test their boundaries and their motor skills. She may bite and hit hard, but believe me she has no idea to her own strength. She's not doing it to be mean, she's doing it because she can. To her, it's a new skill, like crawling or walking. She doesn't know the difference between right and wrong yet, so you have to tell her, over and over again. When she hits/bites, tell her "ow that hurts" or something to that effect. I always do it and now my son doesn't seem to hit as much and when he hits himself he says "ow." He bit me once when I wasn't looking and it caught me off guard and I screamed and I think it scared him because now he really doesn't bite anymore.

And you did not teach her to hit by swatting her hand once. That's ridiculous, that's like saying she picked up the biting because you bit her. I'm sure you've never bitten her, right? So where did she pick up that habit? They just know. Don't waste time worrying that you're teaching her bad habits, because you're not.

When my 16 month old daughter started this I would put her in time out. I have a rocking chair that I put her in when she is doing things she shouldn't do including hitting. I also tell her ouch firmly that hurts. I know she understands because she will make a sad face and put her head down. Also I do not play with her for a few minutes to re-enforce that she hurt me and my feelings. This works for us. Tip-you must be consistant..do not let family members let her get away with this or other things you are working with her on!

She is so young at that age its hard to disapline because sometimes they just don't get it. And your right she picked up the hitting because you did it. Two things I would try get her a teether toy something neat that she can carry around with her maybe that vibrates and let her chew on it, its a sensory thing. Also if she bites or hits remove her from the situation and put her in her crib for a "time out" dont yell or get emotional then shell know she got you. Just explain camly that we dont bite or hit and she needs to go to her bed when she does it. Most kids do these things for attention of some kind good or bad and if she gets no attention for it then it should stop.

I do believe that hitting your children, even on the hand, shows them by example that it is OK to hit. They don't necessarily understand that the hitting is "different" because it is for discipline, or that they don't have the right to "discipline" you in the same fashion. They know that they did something that you didn't like, so you hit them. They assume that you do the right thing.

Likewise, I feel that biting your child is a bad idea. Haven't you ever heard the "he bit/hit me first!" argument going on between two children? They don't seem to remember who *actually* struck first, they just know that pretty soon, they are going back and forth; first one attacks, then the other, then the first "retaliates", which brings on retaliation from the other. Just because someone does something to you doesn't make it right to do it back to them.

The first response, about immediately picking up the child and putting them in Time Out, is IMO, the best option. This teaches your child that hurting others results in removal from others. No fun. Playtime stops. Believe me, Time Out works. I use it on both my boys - one is age 3 and one is almost 16. The 16 year old is considered one of the best behaved, politest, hardest working kids in our town, and is well loved by his teachers and friend's parents. My 3 year old is well on his way!

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=child-training

Sounds like you have a toddler, who's in to cause and effect (hitting), growing teeth (biting). I've never hit my children anywhere other than their rear end, and both started going for the eyes at about 15 months. They quit before they were two.

Your daughter might also be picking up on your anxiety at 'single parent' and 'mean baby' dilemmas. If it would make you feel better, you might take a parenting class or read a book or whatever - but it sounds like your child is a little bit on the experimental side of normal toddler behavior.

I am going through a similar phase with my daughter, and the best advice that I have received is to remove her from the situation as often as possible. If you are at home, put her in her crib or playpen or somewhere else where she will be alone but cannot get hurt. Then leave her alone for a while until she calms down. If you are at a function with other people, I would suggest (learned this from my daughter's daycare) attending to the other child first to make sure they are ok, telling your daughter that what she did is not ok, and then removing her and keeping her away from everyone else for a little while. I know she may seem a bit young, but I believe that if you are consistent she will understand the idea now that if she hits or bites, she has to be alone, and when she's older she'll understand more what you're saying. Either way I think she'll get the message! Good luck!