Bummed Out

I agree with the other parent(s) who recommended a separate evaluation, in addition to the school's evaluation.

Go to the school and discuss proper tests they should be able to assist you and they should be able to help get the tests done.

I just want to say I think you have a beautiful attitude. Instead of going off on the teachers or denying that something may be amiss with your daughter, you are asking what you can do to help her! Hearing that your kid isn't "normal", "on track", "average", etc is one of the most difficult things for a parent. It may turn out to be something like a simple learning disability and the fact that you have staff helping instead of blindly passing her forward is great. It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be, working with her and accepting the help from the school. Hang in there and keep up with the positive attitude.

You should not have to be in fear or feel bad if she has some developmental issues. I was very up front when my second child needed Early Intervention. I'll bet he will need speech therapy when he starts KG. Be confident in that you have a loving and healthy daughter who just has some challenges to catch up! Be proud and confident about whose class she'll be in next year and hold your head high. I applaud parents who take a proactive approach to their children's development and education. Be calm and matter of fact about it....If someone is judging you and being critical then they aren't worth the effort nor are they your friends!!! When I spoke of early intervention I was very much supported and encouraged by friends and family. My son is doing great. your daughter will too!

I understand completely how you feel. My daughter has had similiar issues. She would get "spacey" as well. Due to other issues, my daughter has been diagnosed to have ADHD. Not so much the hyperactivity part but more so of the attention deficit. Unable to focus. We opted for medication along with behavior modification. She also had some learning disabilities and a speech delay. Because of all this she had to repeat kindergarten and this was after being in the head start program. At the beginning, I too like you, was very sad. My dtr is not like the other kids. But over time, I came to realize that it's okay she isn't like them. Every kid learns at a different pace, that doesn't make one smarter than the other. Some need more help than others and that's okay too. My dtr is now in first grade and is flourishing. She was in regular first grade classes except for math and language. They had her in the special ed class for math and language but recently she has graduated out of the math class and has joined the regular first grade class for math. She is still in the language special ed class but they are working with her to get her to the next level as well. Eventually she will be out of the special ed all together. So see over time, she will catch up with the others. We still have our issues but acadmically she is doing so much better. We do believe that the meds and the behavior modification have helped tremendously. All you can do for your child is be there for her. Help her along the way. I would see about maybe getting her evaluated by some outside professionals. We took our dtr to a place called the Child Study Center of Fort Worth because we didn't want to just to take the word of the school. Talk to your pediatrician to see if you can get some referrals. Explore all your options. You are your child's best advocate. We want to provide the best to our children. Don't be too disheartened that she needs the extra help. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Let me give you just one more example, my sister had severe learning disabilities as a young child. So bad that the teachers had the gaul to tell our mom to not ever expect her to ever be able to do anything for herself, let alone graduate from high school. Well not only did she graduate high school she went to college and got her degree and is now a special ed teacher. So there is hope! She caught up and passed up many of her peers. So don't get too bummed. Your child will do just fine as long as you stand by her side which sounds like you are doing. ((hugs))

I would take her to a behavioral specialist or have her otherwise evaluated outside the school. I agree that we all want our kids to be average at a minimum and no one wants to hear their child needs extra help. It sounds like there may be something more going on though if she seems on par with other kids while playing and at home but is so drastically different at school. If I were you I would talk to her pediatrician about what's going on so they can direct you to the right sort of specialist.

If it's not something medical going on, it's okay if your kiddo needs to learn at her own pace. Perhaps she needs a different type of school, one more like a Montessori or something. Sometimes our kids just need a non-traditional style of learning. Good luck to you momma, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job helping her at home.

Have you had your daughter evaluated by anyone else but the professionals at the school? I would not assume that they are correct until you get more information or have more people look into it. I would also look into alternative schools. It may just be that she learns differently than other children. Did they suggest getting a tutor? She may get anxious or self conscience when there are other children or adults around asking questions. If she seems to "get" simple tasks when you are asking her to do them, then maybe she just needs a little extra attention one on one with someone to get her confidence up. Have you talked to her about how she feels at school when she doesn't quite get something? Tell her a story about when you were young and didn't quite get something. Ask her if that ever happens to her? She sounds like a wonderful little girl and I think it is too early for her to be labled. Did they suggest holding her back at all? Anyway, I would keep searching for answers and get more information before I let her go on to the 1st grade. Good luck. You sound like a wonderful Mom!!

I have a special needs child, he is a 2nd grader and has high functioning autism. I know how it feels to have the image in your head shattered, it can almost take your breath away.

Here is my advice, and it's totally fine if you disagree with everything I say, we all handle things differently! Give yourself a time and place to cry. Try to set a limit on the heavy duty "grieving" you are going to have to do. Give yourself today and tomorrow, for example, and then on Sunday, try to make a conscious effort to be excited about the new things that are to come. Your precious little girl has some type of learning issues - spend Sunday focusing on how fortunate you both are that this has been identified and addressed by what sounds like some exceptionally caring professionals, and that she is going to get a leg up at such a young age, rather than struggling through 5 or 10 years of school. As far as what to say to others, you need not address that for quite some time, if at all.

Take a few deep breaths, cry some, regroup, and prepare to set your daughter up for success!

I don't have much real advice for you but just wanted to share my story. When I was in third grade I was put in a special class. It wasn't an all-day thing; I just left my class at a certain time every day and went to another class. Looking back on it now, it seems that a lot of it was geared toward very basic comprehension and focus skills. I remember always looking forward to it and thinking it was fun. No one made fun of me for going. I only had to go for third grade and that was it. In fact by sixth grade I was in the "smart kid" classes where they taught us on an eighth grade level. So what I'm trying to say is, don't worry. It could be a short-term thing, and good for her in the long run. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. As far as your friends go, if they ask about your daughter's class, just say "Oh she's in Mrs. So-and-so's class" and don't offer any explanation beyond that. If they're rude about it ("Isn't that a special ed class? What's wrong with her?") then put the onus back on them for acting that way.

Each child is unique and special. My middle son, who is in 8th grade now, started kindergarten and couldn't identify his ABC's. He was in preschool/daycare and I thought he had learned them. He knew the song. I was so shocked to find out he didn't really know them. He was very tall for his age and I knew he wouldn't pass kindergarten. I bought flash cards and study with him for hours. He learned them very fast, when he was in second grade he made it to the gifted program and been it ever since.

Now let's move onto my youngest son, he really didn't speak until 3.5, he knew the minimum words needed for his age. He hardly would speak that much compared to my other two. He's 4 years old and in preschool now for speech delay. In between 3.5 to 4 he just blossom with vocabulary. He still has so shyness about him, but the school has helped a lot. We live in Texas and a child has to be 5 by September 1st to start Kindergarten well his b-day is in September so he still has to wait another year. This bummed me out for the longest, but now I see he may need more time to develop and be better prepared when he starts.

Now let's move my my youngest sister. She is working on her PhD right now, has been a very successful nurse, turning it into director of a few hospitals and now colleges. She failed Kindergarten. She had to go to summer school before she went to 1st grade or repeat. My parents sent her to summer school One reason she failed is she was daddy's little girl and had helped him on the farm and wanted to continue to help him, so she didn't like school or want to be there. No attention span what so ever, didn't do what they wanted her to do. Now, she's very successful.

I have 3 kids, none are exactly alike. They all have different strengths, and be proud of this. Raise her right, teach her right from wrong, spend time with her, continue to read to her. You are a great mother, she's a great girl, continue to give her positive reinforcement.

She will surprise you in the end!

Have you considered giving homeschooling a try??? Perhaps she would be able to flourish more in a one-on-one setting than in public school.....

Good luck! Be proud of your daughters' accomplishments no matter when or how small they are!

Don't be bummed. She sounds a lot like my daughter. Mine is in first grade and is struggling and receiving a lot of extra help at school and at home. I know how hard it is to realize that your child is not going to be super smart academically, but find her strengths and learn to celebrate those. Try not to compare her to others her age - every child is different and learns in different ways. It can be especially hard when friends and acquaintances go on and on about how gifted their kids are, or how they are getting straight As, etc. Keep doing what you are doing and keep in contact with her teacher to find out if there are other things you should be working on with her. Remember, first grade is 6-7 months away and so much can change in that time. Know that you are not alone, a lot of us are dealing with the same things. Please feel free to email me if you'd like to chat more or need some support :)

Is this the first time you have ever heard or thought yourself that there is something going on? Maybe you can find a professional over the summer and work with them to figure out where she needs improvement. at my sons school, they have a special needs class, but "normal" kids are also integrated into this class. I am guessing that your daughters classroom will only be special needs. I would really look into it though, because if it is only special needs and your daughter is on the very mild side, she may not get the education she will need because the teachers are dealing with other students and their issues. Aside from all that, do not be embarrased or ashamed! Kids all learn at different levels. Be proud that you say your daughter is well behaved and gets a long well with others. And if I were your friend, I would not judge you or your child. Good Luck

I think you need to evaluate a few things before you just move her to first grade in special ed. It will be very difficult to move her out if it really isn't the best solution for her. You didn't say in your post if she was young in her class or older. If she is very young (spring/summer birthday) for her class she may not have been developmentally ready for school and maybe she should just repeat kindergarten. She could also have ADHD and isn't paying attention at all so she doesn't know what she should be doing (my son's problem) which is not a special ed. You can have ADHD without hyperactivity - its call ADHD with the unattentive subtype (may not be the exact wording). I would consider having her evaluated independent of the school teachers. Our health insurance paid for it. A friend of mine had a son who couldn't read well in first grade. The teacher's wanted to hold him back. She took him to sylvan for an evaluation and it came back he was extremely intelligent and would read fine in time - he had a June birthday. He in now in a gifted program. He was reading at a 12th grade level when he was in 5th grade. I had my son evaluated by a psycologist and they did investigate the possibility of aspergers/autism as well as ADHD. He never paid attention in elementary school and is now doing fine. Straight A's in Jr high school and is taking HS classes in 8th grade. He does take ADD meds.

I have a friend with a child with aspergers who was in special ed. He is in HS now, and hasn't been allowed to take the math he needs for college because of the track the district put him in. He is very intelligent, mainly has social issues and could have handled the work. You need to be your child's advocate and fight for the best placement and solution for your child.

Hi HB,

I think your feelings are completely normal and I validate every single one of them.

Please try to remember that your daughter is not a reflection of you. I may be projecting - but I had to get over this hurdle when my daughter was diagnosed with a learning disability in 2nd grade. Somehow I thought I had failed her or it was my fault and then I was plauged with guilt because I was disappointed. But just like I can't take credit for the fact that she plays the piano well, I can't take credit for the fact that her brain processes information differently than what is 'typical' for her age.
It's also hard to have that nagging in the back of your mind and then when it's confirmed - it's hard to deal with.

Having said that.... It is what it is what it is! Time to move on and get her the help she needs to be successful.

I think explaining her placement is about you getting yourself to the point where you are CONFIDENT it's the best place for her to be. So I work on coming to terms with it so that you can be comfortable with the decision.

I can tell you what I did:
When another mom said "I heard your daughter is pulled out of class twice a day" I said "yes, and I'm so excited the school was able to arrange support services for her. Not everyone was going to be able to have support so I am just very excited that she is in the best place for her academically so she can be successful".

Really..... what's the other mom's response to that... other than "that's great".

It sounds like your daughter may end up in a completely different classroom, which might be some of your hesitation?
I would cut that off right at the pass and call up some of your daughter's closest friends moms "Hey - susies going to be in Ms xyzs class next year so I really want to get them together for playdates on a regular basis since they won't be spending so much time together in the classroom. I know Susie and Janie really like playing together and I'd love to see that continue. Can Janie come over this saturday?"
That way you've told her up front that Susies going to the other class and you've let her know that you want Susie and Janie to stay friends.

Good Luck!

I would agree with the person who suggested getting a private evaluation. My child's school seemed to believe that my child had ADD/ADHD and thought I should persue medication via our ped. Our pediatrician thought it was ADD/ADHD as well, but it just didn't sit right with me; so I requested an evaluation. We went through our local Children's Hospital and found our child has mild sensory processing disorder which often diverts his attention from learning to sensory seeking activities. We are currently in treatment with OT twice a month and our child has an IEP through the school to help ensure he has every opportunity to flourish. (every public school is required to furnish an IEP as they are state funded) Hope this helps you. Keep your head up!

I don't have better advise than you've gotten but just wanted to say I understand how you feel. It seems like every time I turn around, I'm meeting some other "gifted" child and so many of the parents seem to think it's bc they themselves are so intelligent too. It's nauseating. Just know that the really smart moms out there know that no matter how great their child may seem now, anything can happen tomorrow to change that. That "gifted" child may get into drugs one day and completely mess up his/her life. That "gifted" child may get so overcome with pressure to be so special that he/she starts cutting or develops an eating disorder. I know plenty of people from HS who were below average students who are doing just great - better than some of the "really smart" kids. Sometimes emotional intelligence is more important than IQ in life. No one knows what's in store for their child and anyone who thinks she does is an idiot. Happiness comes in many different forms and the only or best thing is to just hope for happiness for your child. I don't know where my children fall in academically yet and I feel the pressure to have "smart" kids too but regardless where they settle out, I just hold my breath that they're "okay". There are plenty of moms out there who won't judge if your daughter is in special needs class and unfortunately, some that will. Do your best to ignore those that do. They're just not worth it. I do agree with others to get your daughter really evaluated. It's likely best to know what's going on so you can take the best approach. Best wishes.

I don't think any parent wants to hear that. just keep working with her like you are. My son is in special Ed. The day is more structured, less students and they do get one on one teacher time which can be good. She'll probably be on IEP so you'll get to set her goals for the year and it can be changed at any time. My son goes on community outings 2x per week which is also nice. He goes out to lunch one day and a store of some sort on a different day.
there is nothing wrong with your child. She does everything "typical" later than the "normal" age. Cherish every mile stone. I am sure that she is a wonderful, loving daughter. Your doing an awesome job to me. Your not alone either.

you just discribed a sweet sweet little kindergartener that i know. It's ok to be sad, but can you also be a little bit glad that you have lots of people who care about her and can help her and really want her to succeed! Also, stay in contact with the school and ask what you can do at home and really be a part of it.
something you might consider is making sure she is getting enough sleep. maybe a 7:30 bedtiem and healthy food.

Lots of kids need extra help academically. It doesn't mean they are not smart kids. My son was in special ed in preschool, but when we started KG I chose to go mainstream and then had a hard time getting him the help he needed so he fell behind.
Special Education is not like it used to be. They will put your child in the least restrictive environment and yet give her the help she needs to succeed. Really, other kids will not even know she is a special ed child, so you do not have to say anything to anyone about it.

Often, the child just needs some help with processing how things are taught in the school environment and then they will be put into regular classes again. You will be involved in the process. Don't be afraid to speak up and ask questions at the meetings. It is really important that you advocate for your child so she can succeed.

Don't feel bad about her situation, Be glad the school is wanting to give her the extra help she needs. She'll be fine. It sounds like you are a loving, involved parent, so just keep doing what you have been and keep loving her the way you do.

If you want to have a fair and unbiased opinion take her to a developmental psychologist to test her and help you decide what she needs supplemental. Otherwise the school district will do the least they have to. It could be something like dyslexia or something that she needs specific therapy for. YOu have to be your own child's advocate. It will more difficult as she gets older.
Mom of a child on the autism spectrum and a child with asperger's .

Big hugs. This is nothing to be ashamed off. Just being there to support her will help her so much. You're already doing as much as you can for her.

My oldest son has developmental delays and it does hurt. But those special ed classes he receives have helped him SOOO much. When I was first told 6 years ago he had these issues I didn't want to face it, I told myself everyone was wrong, but I finally admitted he needed extra help and now I'm glad I did. He too was behind in so many things but I didn't realize it because he was my first and I was isolated at the time. However, now, his school is awesome about this. They're really good coordinating the times he's removed from class so he doesn't miss anything (math during math time, etc.) as well as supporting him in the other areas needed.

I must admit though that I was completely caught by surprise this week when it was determined by the school my second son also needed special ed. I was concerned about him since he's not progressing in his reading, even with Title 1 although the peers in the program with him were. So I had the school psychologist do some evaluations. Basically she was able to show me that he's really smart and we know most of the info is getting in there but he has trouble retrieving it and he is also a slow processor. I was told that I would need more patience with him, especially since the very things he had been doing to stall & give himself more time to retrieve the info we had been disciplining him for. But we had no idea is was a coping mechanism and now we feel bad so lots of adjustments to be made. We were also told he's just not picking up on social cues. Now that everyone is aware of his needs, steps have been taken in the class to get him the support he needs such as preferential seating, extra time to work on things and multiple question tests vs. fill in the blank, etc.

Have you had her hearing checked? With my oldest son it was discovered his hearing is perfectly good but coupling that with some things his speech therapist had noted raised several flags there may be an auditory processing disorder. He's not been officially diagnosed with one since the test takes all day and is quite a drive away. But it's certainly a large possibility that his "brain" isn't hearing/responding right which may have lead to some of his other issues. I would also have her independently evaluated by a psychologist just so you would have a better idea what may be going on and why she's a little slower. She may even qualify for an IEP which would be a big help getting her the services and support she needs.

Good luck. :)

Hang in there! You will get through this! I have a daughter that had some issues that the put into place a plan where she received assistance through the school with her work, extended time on tests/quizzes. She is not a freshman in college. I have another daughter in 5th grade with some learning issues and she tutors once a week after school. She is unable to get assistance as she is just about the level to be considered. We just do what we need to do to get through things! You are a great mom, just keep working with her at home. She will find her place. It is not always easy to hear about other peoples children and how wonderful they are doing. Good Luck!!!