I am laughing because after your update, I thought it was funny that you think she is jealous. I bet, instead she is just strong opinionated women (hmm, I can't imagine) that is used to just running things. She has strong opinions about everything and voices it. ALL of my friends are chiefs! We all are used to making decisions and ordering, I mean asking others to do this and that, so when we are all together, watch out, we can roll over everyone and anyone standing in the room.
This is great for some people, but obviously it is driving you crazy. So how to nicely tell her, thanks for your suggestion, but I am just going to go with what I have planned. If she is bossy and loud and opinionated like me, she will be fine, it will not even phase her, but will think you are making a mistake not using my great taste.. hee, hee..
FYI, Most Lesbians do not want a wedding, they want a house.
Get a Bridal hat/veil so that when you are all together you can say, "Ok I am the bride, I get to make all final decisions." Of course be polite and listen to others, but remember, this is your event and YOU need to be happy. Let them know I am making the decisions so I promise I will not be disappointed,
I do a lot of Special events. Weddings can cause a lot of communication problems. A good BM, (I love using it for Bridesmaids) will just be happy for the bride and go along with what the bride wants. But there can be reasons she is fighting you.
First of all, does she not like the dress because of the style? Could the cost of the dress be out of her budget?
Is it not flattering on her? does she have large arms< wide waist, not enough breasts? I have had to tap a bride and explain that just because most of the wedding party is shaped a certain way, does not mean it is flattering or comfortable for all of them. There is no rule that all of the BM dresses have to match in style. Maybe the same color and fabric but a different style?
Also could it be the price is a L. out of this BMs budget, but she is too embarrassed to say? When I got married I paid for all of the dresses, hair and makeup for my attendants, we also paid for all of the Tux rentals. This seemed to keep the comments about my choices to a minimum, since they were not going to left with something, they did not care for or would never wear again.,
Also destination anything, showers, bachelorette parties, weddings add up. We do not always know what other peoples budgets are, so you do need to be a L. concerned that all of this is not too much for your good friend.
I also just saw a sneak peek of the new "Bridesmaids" Movie.. It is completely over the top, but did touch on some of what you are speaking of. The cost of everything, the stress placed on the participants.. Of course this movie is not highbrow (it was directed by the guys that directed the Hangover), but the entire theater howled the entire time..
http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/universal/bridesmaids/
When it comes out get your girls together and treat them to this movie.. it is hilarious.