Bridal Shower - Los Angeles,CA

Hello, I would cut off all money. I would also not throw her a shower. This person is not a friend, she is a user. I would cut her off completely.
Good luck.
K. K.

Life is just too short to have toxic folks in your life. Every minute that you spend dealing with this toxicity is one less that you can spend on the stuff that really matters to you. I found after having children that I really had to prioritize since I work full time. That meant that I did drop several friends that were more work and aggravation than anything positive in my life. Sure I have less friends, but I would rather have that than the toxcity in my life...

I don't think i would invest much time in this friendship. She seems to be using you to help her or buy things for her. I would not give her a shower especially for a third or fourth wedding. They are not even establishing a home together. Learn to say NO!

Just Say No.
khairete
S.

I am a little unclear... you paid her for what?
Does she work for you?
Anywaaaay, regardless..... I have come to the conclusion the older I get, that I don't have to be friends with everyone. If someone is manipulative or has some kind of character glitch that offends me. I have boundaries. I wish I had learned that a long time ago. I think that as you mature in years, and gain confidence in who you are, you will understand that you only need the handful of friends you gather through out life. Most people can count on one hand, life long friends that are those unconditional souls you know will always be there for you and who you would drop everything for to help as well.
The users and random friends that come and go through out our lives will be just that... As you get older, you gain a sort of friendship guage. If you have to go on a site like this... I can guarantee that this friend has your friendship radar raising a red flag! Use your instincts and cut this one off at the knees! You don't have to be rude or hurtful, just start being unavailable. There was one friend in my life that came in like a storm and tried to take over my life... she called me about 4 or 5 times a day and if I didn't answer would leave these long rantings on my message machine and take up space so that if my family needed to leave a message they couldn't! I finally had to be blunt because that was the only way and I told her: "This friendship is way too high maintenance for me right now and I am breaking up with you!!!! Please stop calling me (I worked at home) I need to put in 8 hours a day. If I were at work, I would get fired with all of your calls."
I tried to make it light and funny by saying I was breaking up with her but I was firm enough for her to "get" what I meant and she got the message. People like who you are talking about and the one from my story, don't have life long friends... I guarantee it.
I am not in the habit of hurting people or blowing people off but some people are toxic and you have to protect yourself because no one else will.
My vote is to just tell her that she should probably find someone else to host her shower. No lies needed... if she presses you, you can be rude right back (How rude is it to ask you to give her a party???) Just say: You are not that into it. If she gets mad. You don't need that one as a friend! Sometimes right and wrong are just right and wrong and I feel that you are right to question her and she is just plain wrong at so many levels! Asking you to have a party for her and then leaving you out when she was getting lunch is just the beginning.... You already know she is at the very least not very thoughtful. But to all of us it sounds like she is a total user. Do yourself a favor.... listen to your own radar!

I think the fact that she expects (and solicits) a bridal shower for her 3rd (or 4th) marriage speaks for itself. You have to decide if this is a "friendship" that you want or not.

Stop being abused. Why do you think you need to be a punching bag? Some people will use people as long as that person allows. Stop it now! Tell her that you can't throw her a bridal shower and tell her it's because you can't afford to do it. You REALLY CAN'T afford to do it - monetarily OR emotionally. Save that money for a trip or a spa day for you. Maybe mention that her daugher might want to throw her one? LOL

Also, as far as helping HER at work - you need to be busier and stop answering your phone the first time she calls. If she asks for cash, tell her sorry, you have none right now.

You are clearly NOT going to chat with her about her behavior, so just change yours.

Penny I hate to sound incredibly negative but this is a no win friendship if this is how most of your situations go. This is not a friendship this is someone that seems to be taking what she can from a kind hearted giving person. Look for the people in your life that appreciate your generosity and leave the "extra" time to her. She seems to not be a horrible person but maybe does not realize how to treat good friends. If you are willing to discuss this with her and share your frustrations then that may work but otherwise you might just want to distance yourself and become very busy with others.. :)

You have to learn how to say "no." She's not your friend. She's a user. If you say "no" she'll find somebody else to work on. I would leave her in the dust. There are so many nicer people you could be friends with.

Take the time you spend with her and invest it in your kids and husband instead.

First of all its rude to ask ANYONE to host your shower, bridal/baby etc. Second of all, very rude not to offer lunch especially when you're there to help her out at work. Dont go anymore.

Really look at the friendship and figure out if it is more of a one way relationship-you give, she takes, kind of thing. If she's come through for you in significant ways and you really value her then pick and choose your battles with her while maintaining that you will always be friends. It's just a matter self preservation. She sounds a bit inconsiderate, to me, so I don't know if I could make it last, myself, but i don't know how deep your friendship is. As far as the shower is concerned: you can have a wine and cheese/cocktails and appetizers thing at your place for a few friends. That way you don't need to spend a grip on her bridal shower.

Overreacting??? You're UNDERreacting!! Drop this "friend". She is using you, and you are letting her do it. You went to HER work to help HER out for FREE, and she had the nerve to expect you to spend your money on her??? You have got to be kidding me. You say you paid her?? For what?? And she expects you to throw her a bridal shower for a 3rd or 4th marriage to an absentee groom. Why would someone marry someone in ANOTHER COUNTRY if they're not going to eventually live together? Have you ever met this man?? And I mean face to face, not just pics. Anyone can download a pic on a computer. He probably doesn't even exist. She sounds like a scam artist and you are her latest victim. If anyone ever tried to do this to me I would laugh out loud in their face.