Breastfeeding - Have I Done Everything I Can?

Updated on October 19, 2010
K.R. asks from Arvada, CO
26 answers

At about 5 weeks of age (after having surgery to correct pyloric stenosis), my son starting having lots of digestive issues (lots of gas, difficult and infrequent poops, etc) and was clearly uncomfortable and not sleeping. My ped and I decided that he probably had milk and soy protein intolerance. We put him on Nutramigen and I pumped for a few days until my milk didn't have these proteins anymore. My ped said I could try nursing him a couple of times after about 72 hours of eliminating milk and soy from my diet, while a lactation consultant said 7 days. I tried nursing 2 times at 72 hours and he still had issues, so I waited 3 more days and tried again. I've been easing him back into it, with a nursing session then a formula feed the next time he was hungry. He seemed to do OK for a couple of days and then began to have the same symptoms again (after having milk out of my diet for 13 days and soy for 10). I have been extremely careful with my diet and don't think I have eaten anything containing milk or soy.

I'm starting to get really frustrated and I feel awful that my son is so uncomfortable. He was a completely different baby when he was on the formula alone for a few days. I feel like I've done everything I can to continue nursing - between this and the surgery, when he was unable to nurse for a couple of days, I've been primarily pumping for almost 2 weeks. And with him being so uncomfortable and fussy and not sleeping, I'm getting really run down and low on patience, which affects our whole family. So part of me thinks that everyone would be happier if we put him on formula full time. However, I'm having alot of sadness and guilt over the idea of quitting nursing. My first baby and I really struggled with it - it wasn't enjoyable for either of us most of the time and I had to stop at 5 months due to supply issues after returning to work. This time it was different - my son really like nursing, it was easy for both of us, and my supply was much better. I was hoping I would be able to keep nursing at least through the winter, even after returning to work.

I feel like I've failed at nursing (again) and it's almost harder this time around b/c I'd be stopping at 7 weeks, both the baby and I enjoyed it, and I know that in most cases it's the best thing for the baby. In this case, though, it may not be, since he's so much more comfortable when he's on formula.

I guess my question is, have I done everything I can? Is there something else I can eliminate from my diet? How can I work through these feelings of guilt and sadness if quitting is the best thing for everyone?

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J.P.

answers from Denver on

What about gluten? That also is a common cause of problems for little ones. With both my kids I had to cut out gluten, dairy, soy, peanuts, tree nuts, shell fish, eggs....and even things like cinnamon , strawberries, and a few other things. I found a doctor in Denver that has a non-invasive diagnostic technique perfect for babies that told me exactly what the problems was and how to get the baby in balance. I would totally recommend going this route because you will get answers immediately, instead of having to guess. If you'd like to go this route I can get you his number---I swear he saved my sanity and my baby's health. I've referred him to dozens of people, and they all had amazing results like I did.
Oh, and I was able to breast feed with no problems after I knew how to change my diet. I can help you with that as well--it's daunting at first, but easier than you might think.
J.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

You ARE NOT a failure if you are feeding a happy healthy baby. If formula is the way to do that, then that's what you do.

I could go on and on, but I won't. Don't make you and your son miserable because things aren't working out the way that you wanted them to, especially if they really are working some other way. Perhaps an apt metaphor for motherhood in general.

Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Sacramento on

Don't be so hard on yourself. You tried!
I would try going to formula if that seemed better for him.
You did breastfeed him so I would not beat yourself up.
If he is uncomfortable, not eating enough nor sleeping right, is happier w/formula, I would switch.
It is okay. Being a mother means doing what is best for your child.
It will okay. I had a friend go through this and she was sad. She beat herself up but she finally accepted it and both she and baby are fine! :)

3 moms found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

From my understanding it takes longer than even 7 days to eliminate the proteins from your system. Check out Kellymom.com. I know the info will be on there. It can be done but it takes work to watch your diet and learn what is ok and what to stay away from. If you want to go that route learn as much as you can-and there is a ton of info out there and keep pumping to keep up your supply.

But it can be taxing for moms to stay on the elimination diet. And that is completely understandable if it would be too hard to stay on it.

I'm very pro-breastfeeding but when it becomes too much and baby has health issues, you have to decide what will work best for you, baby and your family in the bigger picture.

Best to you and baby, you hard-working mom!

3 moms found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Reno on

If your goal is a happy, thriving baby and nursing is not achieving that goal, then giving up nursing, while no one's first choice, is probably the best answer.

As for the guilt and sadness, only you can let those go. I share with you something my husband told me when I had to give up nursing sooner than expected. He hugged me and said there was SOOOOOOOOOO much more to being a good mom than producing milk. I took those words to heart and never gave it another thought. At 12 and 16, my sons are strapping, healthy, happy young men.

Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dear K.,

Well, I don' t know what to tell you about the elimination diet, and whether you're son will be better able to digest your milk in the future.

I can encourage you to cut yourself a break, though. You have been through so much to try and make it work. At whatever point you decide to stop, remember that you have done everything you could. I did not produce enough milk for my son, despite the lengths I went to achieve this (pumping multiple times a day for months on end, medications, etc, etc) I felt like the world's worst mom for not being able to provide such a basic thing for my baby. I was so worried about him missing the health advantages of my milk, but you know what? He's the healthiest kid I know, and super affectionate.

So, if you can BF, wonderful. Bottom line, though, is that you need to do what's best for you, your child and your whole family. There are so many ways for you to be a great mom to him, and develop the closeness of nursing him. So, yes, you'll be sad (aren't we all, no matter what age our babies stop nursing? :-) ), but be good to yourself, and tell yourself all the encouraging things you'd say to your best friend, if she wrote this question.

Best of luck to you!
C.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Wichita on

If he's better on the formula, then you're doing what's best for him. You've tried very hard and to me, sounds like you've done your best.

2 moms found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

I would think it's not the dairy or soy 'proteins' in your milk, but something else. Generally, formulas are either cow or soy based... Are you taking any medications which may change your milk supply? Many medications are safe to take, but have some precautions to watch for in newborns. I have the Medications and Mother's Milk drug guide - if you want to message me.

It may be the way you are positioning the baby when you hold him... do you allow him to sit up immediately after breastfeeding and stay up at least 30 minutes? Do you burp him for more than 1 burp each time? This may also be a short phase while his body adjusts to the back and forth between formula and breastmilk.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

All I want to say is that I was surprised at how many women who had children around the time I had my daughter had absolutely no inclination to even try to nurse. It just seemed like the most natural thing to do for me and my baby and I didn't understand their positions. But, they were really good and loving mothers who's babies were strong and healthy in every way. Breastfeeding is not the sole definitive criteria for being a good mother.
It sounds like you have really tried everything and if your baby is happy and feels better on the formula, then perhaps the formula in this case is best for him.
Please don't feel guilty. I can understand the sadness though. My daughter was done with the breast at 4 months and I wasn't ready to be done. So, I do know how you feel in that regard. But let the guilt go and concentrate on what makes your baby healthy and happy and enjoy him.
You're not the only mom who has had nursing troubles.

I wish you the best.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

I quit breast feeding at 5 weeks cause I wasnt making near enough milk and the doc told me to quit. I didnt fail cause I cant change my body I had to do what was best for him. I couldnt let him starve. my guess without breastfeeding very long and having allergies and not being a doc would be there is something you are eating he is sensative too. you would have to keep adiary to find out what it is.

did I feel guilty for quitting of course. I didnt want to make the same mistakes with my baby as I did with my oldest who wasnt breastfeed and has allergies. but you cant control what your body and his body doesnt allow. you cant keep from getting sick. do you feel guilty when you are sick. you shouldnt so how is this diffrent?

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R..

answers from Austin on

The main point of breastfeeding is supposed to be that it is supposed to be healthier for the baby... If it is causing that much stress for you AND upsetting your baby, I would definitely switch to formula. It's not as if formula is BAD for them or anything! There are millions of babies that thrive on formula. Who cares what your baby is eating as long as he is healthy and happy? When you start to feel guilty, just remind yourself how much better he feels since the switch, then give him a tickle and let his cute, healthy little giggles lift your spirit. :)

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

You are a good mom, you had surgery that put you two on a different road. You have eliminated the dairy and the soy from the diet and still have problems. You wanted so much to nurse this baby because you were not able to do the first. Well, you have been a successful mom. It's just that nursing as long as you wanted to or planned did not happen. It is a bittersweet moment when you realize it is over but remember you did the best you could do. Don't go beating yourself up. It is now on to the next stage in your baby's life.

Be a proud momma and know you did the best you could with what you had and don't look back with regrret. My hat is off to you for trying to continue to nurse.

The other S.

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D.S.

answers from New York on

Breastfeeding does not define you as a mom. I hate that so many people put guilt on mom's who just can't. My daughter thrived on Neutramagin and I would have done anything to give her peace and put her out of pain. You are doing the right thing, you are doing what is right for your baby. Please do not look at this as a failure, it just didn't work out for you, no big deal. Your baby will be healthy, happy, smart, beautiful, and content. I hate it that you feel this way. Why is there so much judgement on mom's who just can't do it. Don't be sad, be happy that you can do something to make your baby comfortable, sometimes babies have to go through so many different formula's to find relief. I consider you lucky that you were able to get his relief so quickly. Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

I am certainly not an expert at these type of breastfeeding questions but I can tell you where to go online to talk with some caring, knowledgable people who just might be able to give you some great advice!!
Go to Mothering.com http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=363
and post this question...see what kind of helpful answers you get!!
Good luck and God bless you

1 mom found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Bakersfield on

I'd say you've done everything you can and you need to do what's best for your baby, you say he's totally different when on formula only so you may as well go for it. Do your feeding from formula but maybe let him use you as just a pacifier .... see if that works.

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D.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I wish I had some suggestions for your diet and his tummy issues. I did just want to say this to you. You are an amazing mother for trying as hard as you can and seeking help where you can, how ever you can. Breastfeeding can be a huge challange for many reasons and for many people. You were, if you were to stop today, able to nurse for 7 weeks. 7 weeks!!!!! That is huge and looking at the challenges that you have faced with it, lesser people would have given up. You are not being a failure in anyway. You are being a fighter, for you and your son. That is larger than nursing. I have not read the other responses to your question but I hope that some people have offered advice that helps you. I will ask a few of my lactation specialist friends and see if they have any advice. Good luck and have hope and keep trying as long as you feel you can. Hang in there!

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

It sounds like you really want to continue, so definitely talk to a lactation consultant or LLL. Go in knowing that LLL is VERY pro-breastfeeding, so they may pressure you a bit. Knowing that ahead of time will help you let it roll off you if you need to.

I know of many that have had to DRASTICALLY change their diet, but it only lasted for a few weeks, and they were able to breastfeed for over a year. You need to do what is right for you.

If you are still unable to do it, know that you gave it your all and that you are doing the best thing for both of you. Make sure that you cuddle tight while feeding formula and don't lose that closeness. It won't replace the nursing, but it can help with that bonding feeling.

D.M.

answers from Denver on

I am curious as what formula you are using that is neither milk nor soy based? It sounds like you are working with your doctor on this so I am probably way off base, but my first thought was that maybe it was something else in your diet - something like nuts or strawberries or seafood. Or it could be gas (my babies that nursed were always more gassy after the breast than a bottle).

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S.L.

answers from Grand Junction on

My first child had awful digestive issues . . . gas, constipation followed by severe diarrhea. At one point, he had to have a barium enema after a midnight ER run. Nothing was physically wrong with him, is what my doctor said. They told me he was colicky and it would pass. Noone ever mentioned allergies to me. In desperation, I tried some milk-based formula and he immediately broke out in hives, just from the bit that touched his face. I weaned him at 6 months and put him on soy formula. He was a completely different kid, happy, pooping normally, sleeping through the night. At 12 months, we took him to a pediatric allergist for allergy testing. They found him to be allergic to all dairy products, eggs and peanuts. While I wasn't surprised, since we suspected it, I was angry that his doctor never thought this was a possibility. The thing is though, even if we had suspected allergies, I doubt I would have figured out the milk, eggs and peanut without an allergist. You may consider doing the skin-prick allergy testing. It's not fun for the child, and your Dr. may discourage it at such a young age, I don't know. I consider it a life saver for my child, since we had no idea he was allergic to peanuts (which is an analphylactic reaction for him). My son is now 5 years old. After avoiding dairy and eggs for 2 years, he was negative for those allergies at age 3. Now we only have the peanut allergy left (the most dangerous and least likely to outgrow)
Anyway, you could try an elimination diet. You can get info. online, some even have charts of which foods to start with. (I'd do a search on "Breastfeeding elimination diet"). There are a few ways to do it, but you can basically take everything out of your diet except for those least likely to offend (e.g. chicken, veggies (but not gassy ones like broccoli). If he's doing great with just that, add something like dairy and see what happens. Don't add a bunch of things at once or you won't know what the offending food is. And write everything down so you remember what you ate and how it affects him.
That being said, it's OK if it doesn't work out. This is difficult and stressful to figure out and in the end it may not be "worth it" (I say that carefully, because breastfeeding is so healthy for our babies, but I also believe the whole family needs to be healthy). When I had my second child, she didn't seem to have any allergies, and I thought "finally, I can nurse a child as long as I want to/she needs to". When she was 4 months old, I was at doctor after doctor for a suspected muscle disease, and needed massive amounts of sleep. The best thing for my family was to wean her, so that my husband could feed her often. I was honestly too exhausted to even pump. I felt like my body wasn't even able to take care of itself, let alone provide nutrients for a baby. As soon as I quit nursing, I had a bad muscle flare-up (skeletal muscles were actually damaged), had difficulty walking, but within weeks, things subsided and I while I will likely never be back to normal, I function fine, and was never diagnosed with anything (I still believe it was related to hormones). My point is that it didn't work out for us and that's OK. I can be criticized by breast-feeding advocates, but it doesn't change the fact that it did not work out for us in a very serious way. My daughter is healthy and well-adjusted socially and emotionally.

Also, if you don't agree with your doctor (you can like him and still not agree with him!), find a different one, if you can. I realize sometimes insurance and location doesn't allow this, but if it's a concern and an option, find somone else!

I am now pregnant with #3 and am already "scared" about breastfeeding. I will do everything I can and I really hope it works out. But, if it doesn't, it's not the end of the world, and I haven't failed as a parent!

Blessings to you!

B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would say its more your letdown than food intolerances. Is your letdown forceful? What do his diapers look like? Are you switching breasts while nursing?

His poops should be yellow and seedy, like dijon mustard. If they are mucousy, green adn stringy like wet lettuce, then he's getting too much foremilk, which will make him hurt, cry, and be very uncomfortable.

If you are switching breasts while nursing, STOP! He only needs to nurse one breast per feeding so he can get the fatty hindmilk. Without it, he's only getting foremilk which is not enough for him.

Breastmilk has three stages, foremilk is watery, thin, and quenches thirst. Second comes transition milk, its a bit thicker. Last is hindmilk, its thick, full of fat and everything a baby needs from vitamins, nutrients, fats and it also fills baby up. If you switch breasts during a feeding, your baby will miss all of hte hindmilk, which is the milk he NEEDS.

you will know if your letdown is forceful, it will spray out, you can maybe hear it,baby will choke or swallow gulping milk and air at the same time, he may pull off or milk may dribble out of his mouth. If this happens, let him latch until you letdown, then unlatch him and catch the pray in a towel until it slows or stops, then relatch him and let him nurse one breast only per feeding. What this does is allows him to nurse, but by not suckling during letdown it tells your body its too much, slow the letdown. It will take a few weeks but this will basically make your letdown easy, gentle for him.

I think its letdown, not food problems. Both my boys had issues with my letdown, I had to suppress ti both times.

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S.M.

answers from Denver on

You might try giving him acidophilius, you can find it in health food stores its what's in yogurt. You can find dairy free versions. I gave it to my babies and it helps the digestive system tons!! If you are concerned about giving it to him (shouldn't be, but..) Then you can take it yourself.
HTH,
S., RM CPM

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A.M.

answers from Denver on

If you want to continue nursing, which it sounds like that would be the best scenario for you, I would try really limiting your diet further. With both of my babies, I had to limit onion, garlic, cruciferous vegetables (like brussel sprouts, brocoli, cauliflower, etc), beans and common allergens (nuts, eggs, corn, shellfish, dairy, soy, peanuts, wheat). This probably sounds impossible and I have a ton of allergies in my family so maybe you wouldn't need to go this far. I also found doing a food diary helped. There may be some foods you are eating that you notice he is worse on. The other thing to keep in mind is that babies intestines are very permeable and sensitive only for the first few months. By 3 months they are much less permeable and by 6 months most babies do pretty well with most foods in the mother's diet. If you do find that eliminating a lot of foods from your diet is an option, it will be for a short while. Of course you will figure out what is best for your family, but I think it would be a shame to wean so early if there is a way to alleviate his distress. I was thankfully able to nurse my first daughter until she was 2 1/2 and I loved that time with her. Keep asking questions and going inward to try and figure out what your son needs and I think you will figure it out. Best of luck!

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J.D.

answers from Denver on

Hey K.-

What an amazing job you are doing! I would suggest 2 things, call your local LLL people in Arvada:

# Meghan: ###-###-####
# Kim: ###-###-####
# Grace: ###-###-####

There is also a really active breastfeeding group at the Boulder Foothills Hospital every Friday at 1 pm. I know Boulder is a drive, but it was really helpful for me. There are lactation consultants there to help with everything! I had very similar problems with my 2nd daughter who had reflux. Are you off all forms of calcium? I had to go off not just dairy & soy, but also all calcium--which is in a lot of things. Hang in there & drop me a note if you want to come to Boulder--I'll give you some more info.

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M.L.

answers from Denver on

My 2nd son has a bunch of food intolerances & was sensitive to all of them through breastmilk. It took 4 weeks for dairy to clear both me and him. There were definitely changes in his behavior & how he felt (he nursed all along), but he had blood in his stools until the 28th day. That started us on a journey of trial & error with food that had me eliminating dairy, soy, egg, wheat & more. I kept nursing. (Over 2 years now.) If you decide to stick with it, know that it might take a while longer to figure out all of the food issues...if there are more of them. It took us about a year to figure them all out, but he wasn't miserable that whole time!

If you do decide to stick with nursing, there's a book you might want to look at. It's called 'Is This Your Child?' and it's by Doris Rapp. She talks a lot about food allergies/intolerances and explains how to do an elimination diet that will help you narrow down the foods your little guy might be sensitive to. (Dr. Sears has one, but it should probably serve more as a guideline, not the definitive elimination diet.)

I think it's important to give yourself permission to do what is best for your family...whichever way that goes. There'll be people who try to lean on you in either direction, if you ask (I never asked...LOL). There are some great support groups online (there's one on Yahoo that I really like--it's called Terrific Kids with Food Allergies). Best of luck to you in whatever you decide!

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H.H.

answers from Denver on

Is it possible that other foods may be causing his stomach upset? There may be foods like broccoli, etc. that could be causing his gas. More importantly, you don't have to make a choice between nursing versus formula. I supplemented breastfeeding with formula feeding for two of my children and it was successful. So I would nurse and then if they were still hungry I would give them formula to finish off the feeding. You never know--the combination of the two in his tummy might even ease some of his stomach upset. It would give you some time also to decide whether you want to stop nursing or not. It is a little more time-consuming but in the long run it was worth it for me. Your baby will be fine either way--but you need to be sure it feels right to you. I know how sad it is to feel that you can't provide what your baby needs--but try to remember that you are making choices based on what seems best for him and that's what makes a good mom--not whether you nurse or bottle-feed. Take care.

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S.P.

answers from Denver on

Eliminating dairy is tricky...you have to also watch for milk proteins casein and whey which are often on the list of ingredients for packaged foods (e.g. Bisquick). And it does take more than even 2 weeks. Kellymom is a great resource: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/food-sensitivity.html.
I second the probiotics, but can't give you a specific source. There are some out there that are made specifically for infants now...http://store.milkalicious.org/index.php?product=Tummy+Del....
That said, if your decision is to wean, celebrate what you have accomplished with a very challenging situation.
suep
bosombuddies.com

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