Breastfeeding Dilemma

C.,

I hear you, and I hope you try anyway.

I know you don't want to but this is what I did: I had not thought about breastfeeding at all. I was bottle fed with all my siblings. I was asked repeatedly until I finally just said (and decided) to TRY it. It put an end to the uncomfortable questions, and shorted the inquisitive ones.

I tried it, and I knew the VAST benefits (so much more than those people who let their children cry it out, but that is another book!) and I just made it from day to day. After about 2 months, things ironed out. Most babies don't take that long. :)

http://breastfeedingonline.com/newman.shtml

This is just one site - read as much as you can (tolerate) and I hope you feel easier about breastfeeding soon.

Congratulations, and good luck!
M.

It can feel overwhelming, I breastfeed all 3 of my boys but my hubby really isnt a big fan. He knows that its good blah blah but he wants his "ladies" back. The one thing I have learned about being a mom is that YOU have to do what works for YOU.

Don't do it exclusively if you don't want to. Try it.. you may love the feeling of closeness you get with the baby.. or you may hate it.. but try it.. You'll wonder later on.. if you would have liked it or not.. but buy bottles too.. and don't let anyone tell you that you have to do only breast feeding.. a lot of people go back and forth. Especially the first two weeks are really healthy for the baby. I adopted my 2 children.. and would have loved to been able to at least try to breast feed.. you are lucky.. you can try it.. so try it.. and also get formula to bottle feed.. so you aren't tied down to doing breast feeding only. good luck... have fun with the new baby..

Happy mom = happy baby. Do what feels right for you. I have a friend who pumped exclusively for 6 months. It is definitely possible, though a lot of work! Breast milk is, of course, super healthy for your baby. But many babies have only formula (or a combination of the two) and do just fine.

Your husband should NOT be pressuring you into doing something that causes you this kind of stress. A new baby will be hard enough, and you are (and will be) completely hormonal to boot! Lack of sleep, huge life changes, and baby crying all night...it's enough to deal with, without guilt or a pissy husband.

Some will say that nursing is all about bonding. It is, for some people! (It was for me.) But you know what else is all about bonding? Cuddling your baby while you give him/her a bottle. Carrying your baby in a sling or baby carrier. Talking to your baby, tickling your baby, kissing your baby- a million other wonderful things to do with your baby!

Do what's right for both of you. Your baby will be healthy and happy, and so will you!

C., this is a woman's choice, and her choice only! Breastfeeding can be difficult and if you aren't comfortable with it to begin with it will just make it harder. Your body will respond and won't let down your milk. I breastfed all three of my children, but trully believe that this is your choice and either way you will bond and love your child! You don't want any bad feelings mixed in with the joy of having a child, you don't want to resent your husband or the child later for doing something you don't want to do! Follow you heart!

C., You sound exactly like me, I just hope you don't get the postpartum depression I had. If you do, make sure that your hubby, or you have someone over to help you take care of the baby in order to get your rest. I never wanted to nurse (The old fashioned term for breastfeeding.) our son. My mother-in-law and hubby really tried hard to push it, but all that pushing did nothing but stress me out and make me cry. When I finally had the baby, I was fortunate enough to have him in a "mother centered" hospital. They viewed the mother as a queen, because she is the most important player in this event. They didn't believe in pushing the mother to nurse, because they found that mother's who didn't want to or who were stressed out by it, had the most problems with nursing. The hospital even gave us a couple of cases of premixed formula when we went home. They also didn't believe in circumcision, but would do it upon request.

Anyhow, the main point is that my son only ever had formula. He was never breastfed, so my husband and mother-in-law got to feed him too. We didn't have any problems either. He hardly got sick and has a very strong immune system. No ear infections, but I will admit to telling him not to put his fingers or anything else in his ears when he was a toddler. (Scared the poor guy by telling him about all that nasty bacteria that hides under the nails.) He's also gifted, so I really wouldn't want him any smarter...It would drive me insane. He started school a year early and is now in 5th grade, but is in 8th grade algebra. I will admit to him eating more yogurt and broiled salmon than the average kid. So, yes it is VERY important that you do what you are happy doing. This is your show and not anybody else's.

It doesn't matter why you feel this way - it just matters that this is how you feel. Don't let this get in the way of enjoying the experience of getting to know your baby. No matter what people say, food does not equal love.

With that said - the nutritional issue is most important. There is no doubt that your milk is better for them than formula. If you can pump it sounds like that would be an ideal solution. However, do know that it's not an easy road either. It is doable, just not easy.

I personally feel that you can bond just as well with your baby feeding from a bottle. If the bottle contains milk, all the better!

Good luck!

Basically, i hate this topic. It's so personal and people always try to push their feelings and beliefs on to you. And I HATE when husbands weigh in and have such strong feelings on it when it really doesn't involve them at all.
I had no interest in breast feeding and wasn't even sure if I could because I have very dense, fibrous breasts. So when my son was born, we put him on, he didn't latch well, I wasn't producing much,even with pumping for an hour five times a day... Long story short, my son is turning three next month, has had no more colds and illness (thank goodness) than his exclusively-breastfed friends, and we bonded just as much as (maybe more than) my friends who breastfed and their kids. i find that my friends who breastfed were devastated once their kids turned away from the breast.
Bottom line: you have to do what's best and most comfortable for you and the baby. You can't bond if you're miserable, and you shouldn't turn feeding your baby into a horrible experience for either of you. Have no expectations! Just go with it- if the baby latches well when he or she is born, you try it. If you like it, you continue. There's nothing wrong with pumping AND giving formula, so that he gets the antibodies and good stuff from formula but you're not a slave to your breasts and a human milk-factory. There's a happy medium - you just have to find the one that works for your family. And don't let your husband bully you. It's your body and you have to be comfortable, too. The surest way to post-partum depression is pre-birth anxiety.
Be well!

Hi C.,

It is definitely possible to pump without the baby - my son was a preemie and never took to the breast. He is six months and until we started him on cereal was on a 100% bottle-fed breastmilk diet.

You will need to start as soon as you give birth and at first it will be only a few drops but it will gradually increase - just be sure to pump right before your babies feedings every 3 hs or so. I had a lot of help from the lactation consultant at the hospital who gave me great tips.

I second what another mom said about getting a good pump - the hospital ones are great but not practical if you are planning on going back to work and pumping there. I have the medela backpack version - I think it is called free style which was about $270 and was worth every penny.

Good luck and congratulations!

I will second attending La Leche League meetings...before the baby comes if possible. It is totally possible to pump all of the baby's milk but you are going to need a lot of information and support. The La Leche League Leaders are fantastic and will give you support without judging your choices.

Breastfeeding was the most natural feeling I have ever experienced and I loved every second of it. I never knew what to expect before I tried it, nor what a wonderful bonding time with my son. Although we have long stopped nursing, it is one of my warmest memories of my baby and my first weeks together. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. The baby had issues latching on, and I had severe sleep deprivation and PPD. Here is the thing, you never know what your baby will do, nor how you will feel after giving birth so try not to worry about it now. The negative feelings are not helping you or the child. Just relax and know that whatever comes naturally to you as a mom is the right thing to do and once you see your baby everything will fall into place. The baby will be amazing in every way, breast or bottle will not be the be all and end all, the baby will grow up either way. Enjoy this time and your last few days of couplehood. You are about to enter a new world of decisions and forget all about yourself for a long time. Feeding is not a huge deal - just love the baby and become the best mommy you can imagine being.

It's such a personal choice! So many comments are making it sound like you can't stand the thought of the baby actually touching your breast. I'm sure that's not it at all. For me it was the thought of having to nurse in public, and others possibly seeing my breast. That's enough to make some people cry. I hated breastfeeding. I have 4 children, and attempted to nurse the first 3. It lasted a few weeks with each one, but I couldn't stand the thought of being stuck away in another room when we had company. Forget about the thought of trying to feed baby if we went out. With the 4th one I didn't think it was even worth the effort to try. It's your body, not your husbands. Formula today is made just as nutritious as breast milk. And if someone eats like the woman who recently mentioned being on a rice and milk diet, then it's pointless to even nurse. Obviously her baby was getting no vitamins there! Some people aren't cut out to nurse a baby, and your husband needs to understand that. Tell him point blank you aren't going to do it. If you want to pump and feed your baby your milk with a bottle then that should be enough to satisfy your husband. Forcing a woman to nurse a baby when she doesn't want to is only asking for depression issues with all the hormones issues you're already going to have. I don't even see why you should be forced to pump and bottle feed if you don't want to. Tell him to take a poll of people he knows and see who was breastfed, and who was not.

Hi C.,
Although my situation was a little different, I think I can understand. There is so much pressure to breastfeed that it can be intimidating to admit that its just not for you. I tried to breastfeed (the old-fashioned way) my son but wasnt able to and can honestly tell you that some people (including my husband) made me feel like a failure about it. I felt myself going into a bit of a depression. When my son was about 10 days old and a confirmed bottle baby it finally occured to me. Im the mother of this child...I love my child and no one can tell me that the way I nourish my son makes me less of a mother or a woman. So I did it my way...The way that was easiest for me. I pumped and supplemented with formula until a few weeks before I had to go back to work then I made the complete switch to formula. My son just turned 1. He's very healthy, happy and loved. He hasnt had an ear infection or allergies or all the other hundreds of thing they tell you will happen if you dont breastfeed. Its your choice...tell your hubby what I told mine. Dont like how I do it? Go get some t*ts and do it yourself. He got the pioint :) Good luck and take care of yourself!

C., I'm sorry that you are experiencing stress over this dilema. I speak to you from both my positions...as a mother who breast fed and bottle fed, and as an alternative therapist. If you do not WANT to do this...DON'T.

It will be detrimental to your baby in countless ways if you do not have your heart in breast feeding. You may come to feel resentful doing something you don't really want to do; and that can become anger, and anger becomes guilt...and all these feelings will be transmitted to your baby and give him/her a poor emotional beginning to life.

If your husband knew how bad forcing this upon you was for your baby, he might be forcing this upon you.

R. Conte, CCHT

C.,

You need to do what's right for both your baby and yourself. If you are anxious and unhappy, the baby will sense that and feeding could be difficult. Even though the studies say breastfeeding is best, bottlefed babies, overall, are just as healthy. I didn't breastfeed my daughter. She is 2 years old, has only had one ear infection, is rarely ever sick and has no allergies. She is just as healthy and intelligent as her breastfed peers. In the end, only you can make the right decision for yourself and your child. Now I know I may get flamed for saying this, but your husband, while having the right to his opinion, should not pressure or force you into doing anything you don't want to do. He is not the one who will be directly affected.

I hope this helps a little.

Hi -- this is an interesting topic because many people have strong feelings about it. Having breast fed my daughter I can tell you, it's a very personal decision. You either want to do it or you don't. If you don't, being forced to do it by your husband, society or anyone else will only make you resentful. Ignore people who suggest you should examine the reasons why you don't want to. The feeling is either there or it's not. And if it's not, being forced to do it by your husband is just wrong. You want to enjoy your time with your new baby and if you're forced to breast feed you are not going to look forward to feeding time and you baby will know it.

You can absolutely pump rather than breast feed. It is time consuming, but you get into a rhythm. You can even pump just a few times a day if that's all you want to do. It doesn't have to be after every feeding.

I had to pump exclusively for the first few weeks as my daughter had problems latching on. I would feed her a bottle, then pump immediately after she was done. In fact, my fridge and freezer over flowed with breast milk, which turned out to be great when I went back to work as I couldn't pump more than once during the day, so it gave me a nice supply. My daughter had breast milk exclusively for the first 8 weeks, then we introduced one bottle of formula a day and by the time she was four months, both she and I were done breast feeding and she was exclusively on formula. The doctor always tells me how healthy my child is and how well she is developing.

Good luck!!

First of all, yes, you can pump without ever having physically nursed.

Secondly, take the pressure off yourself. :-) YOU are the one that has to be pregnant, go thru labor, and deliver that child. YOU make the choice if you want to breastfeed or not.

I have nursed all 3 of my children. I am still nursing the last one (he is 15 months old). That does not mean *everyone* should nurse. If it's really not for you, then don't do it.

If you want to make a compromise with your husband, try nursing the first few weeks. You may change your mind and want to continue, or you may realize this is definitely something you don't want to do. Don't put so much pressure on yourself before the baby is even here. Just play it by ear. There is so much adjusting when you go from childless to mother, there is no reason to freak out about one more thing. Relax. When baby gets here, you will know what you want to do.

Just one note, keep in mind the first month is the most difficult with breastfeeding. Combine that with the sleep deprivation almost everyone experiences with a newborn, and you've got the potential for a very uncomfortable situation. Just remember, that baby needs love above all else. If you want to use bottles and you still give that baby love, you'll do just fine. It doesn't make sense to continue forcing yourself to nurse if you are resenting it, though. That's not good for you or the baby.

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy and delivery. Please feel free to message me if you need breastfeeding support when the baby is here, I have worked with many moms. (I am not a professional lactation consultant, just an experienced nursing mom.)

p.s. Oh, one last thought... don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide not to.

My husband felt the same way. I was completly against breastfeeding while I was pregnant- i wanted my body back to myself, want to disconnect with the baby a little, needed a break from being the only care giver. He (and my doctors) put pressure on me, so I agreed to do it in the hospital, and if it worked and I liked it, I would continue. I told them as soon I as I felt that breastfeeding was causing me negative feeling in any way, I was stopping.
Long story short, i loved it and look forwad to doing it again. I did not love pumping, however. I never thought in a million years that i would love breastfeeding!
Do what you feel comfortable with. What a previous post said, Happy Mom=Happy Baby. That's all you want out of the experience of your first baby!

I didn't breastfeed either of my (perfecttly healthy, now teen aged daughters). The breasts are yours. Therefore the decision of what to do with them is yours. Hubby will have to deal with your decision and get his butt out of bed to feed the baby in the middle of the night sometimes too.

I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my son (now 20 mos) that I would be a bottle-feeder. It was a very personal decision that my husband respected 100%. Brendan was bottle fed and is perfectly healthy in every way. It did not affect our immediate bonding in any way, and if anything, the decision to bottle feed helped my husband bond with him quickly because he was able to participate in many of the feedings!
I can't speak for people who have breastfed since I have no experience in that area. I will say that it's YOUR choice and you must do what you are comfortable with. Those first few months are hard enough without doing something you're not happy about!
Good luck in your decision and congratulations!
Lynsey
PS- in regards to a few of the responses I just read...I dropped my baby weight just as quickly without breastfeeding, and I'm not the least bit worried that my son won't be as smart as b/f babies. I wouldn't let comments like that aid in your decision. Every woman, every pregnancy, every baby is different. I wish you the best of luck!!

Hi C.! First congrats on baby #1!!! how exciting! in regards to breastfeeding, you need to do what YOU feel comfortable with, not your husband! It's your body and I'm afraid that if you breastfeed and really dont' want to, you may come to resent the baby and your husband alot! Breastfeeding is extremely demanding both physically and mentally. I tried with my first, didn't work for me and I didn't even try with my second. They were both bottle fed and are fine, healthy and smart! As my midwife told me, "we were all bottlefed and we're fine!!" Feeding your baby is supposed to be a happy, bonding time. go with your heart and do what YOU want! IF your husband wants to breasfeed, I"m sure medicine can find a way for HIM to do it!!! LOL good luck!

C.,
You're the mom and you need to have some sanity during those early months/years!

I never wanted to breastfeed my kids - thought it was completely gross. Until I talked with friends and it grew on me.

I was heartbroken when my 1st refused to latch on and I struggled so much that I pumped exclusively and gave her milk in the bottle. This was nice that I pumped according to my schedule and myself or others would feed her the milk through the bottle. I did this for 6 months and ended up having 3 extra months of frozen milk, so it was nice that she had my milk for 9 months...
More info can be found on kellymom.com - excellent resource for "pumping exclusively" if this the way you want to go. BUT - it felt like I was feeding twins sometimes - I'd pump, then clean up everything, then feed her via the bottle, then clean the bottles - so it was a pain sometimes...

Then my second came along - I was READY to nurse and had the name of a contact from La Leche League and the name of a wonderful lactaction consultant. We struggled in the beginning and then it was absolutely amazing!! I loved nursing and it was SO much better than pumping exclusively and then I started hating pumping!! I just liked how the baby got my milk. Yeah, it was a bit weird to go anywhere with the baby because I did not like nursing in public. But I used dressing rooms or timed it so or whatever...
I nursed her for a year - and I don't regret anything that I've done...

I would have a heart to heart with your hubby to see why he feels the way he does. No judging or anything.

Many moms nurse for just a little while - see how it goes. I am curious to know why you're so upset about nursing - is it something you're freaked out about?

Good luck and please know it is your decision and no one else's...
:)

Dear C.,

Congratulations on your baby-to-be! You didn't state your reasons for not wanting to breastfeed, so I can't speak to that, but strictly from a health standpoint, it's by far the best option. As others have stated, breastfed babies have much stronger immunity and higher IQs (though the results are a little more conclusive on the former than the latter). Moms who breastfeed have significantly lower breast cancer rates. And there's a strong correlation between formula feeding and obesity. (Not that all formula-fed babies wind up being obese, but statistically, it's a significant risk factor.)

I breastfed my own son exclusively until he was four months (when I returned to work) and then pumped. Let me tell you, from my experience anyway, breastfeeding was peaceful and (after the first two weeks, when N. was sorting out his latch) effortless and painless. Pumping was fairly miserable -- I felt like a cow in an industrial dairy. And for some reason I felt much more "exposed" while pumping than while breastfeeding. Now that's just me. Some women have wonderful relationships with their breast pumps. But in terms of sheer time commitment, no breast pump is as efficient as a baby, so you have to spend more time pumping than nursing to get the same amount of milk. And storing the milk, and keeping the pump truly clean and sterile, are both very labor-intensive. And, finally, some plastic bottles have dangerous chemicals, chemicals that are banned in most other Western/industrialized nations. Look for the Born Free brand.

Speaking purely from a health standpoint, most infant nutrition experts list the various options, from best to worst, like this:

1. Breastfeeding
2. Pumping / breastmilk from a bottle
3. Breastmilk from another woman (sounds weird here, but it's a common practice in many parts of the world)
4. Formula

But, all that said, the only "ingredient" babies really need in order to thrive is close, loving contact. As long as you can hold, snuggle, and rock your baby as much as he/she needs, you'll be a wonderful mom.

Best of luck,

Mira

P.S. Reading over what I just wrote, I fear it sounds a little lecture-y, or like I was trying to make you feel guilty. That wasn't my intention at all! But I do think it's really important to go into a decision like this fully informed, and infant nourishment is so important, I wanted to give you the information I had.

Pumping exclusively is more difficult than breastfeeding because you don't make enough milk. The baby's sucking is much more efficient than a pump could ever be. You will probably have to supplement with formula. Plus, you will waste so much valuable time pumping, when you could be sleeping or taking care of your baby.
Why are you so against breastfeeding? Are you concerned about it hurting or about the changes your breasts will go through? (Your breasts are already changed by the pregnancy- the damage is already done. Breastfeeding can only help them- it helps prevent breast cancer)
I think you may need to talk to a lactation consultant (get a recommendation from your OB) to discuss these issues. I had a lactation consultant come to my house and help me out the first few days I was home and it made a huge difference. I won't lie to you, it can be difficult for the first few weeks, but if you have support, it is much easier. Once you and the baby figure out the technique, it feels like the most natural, normal thing in the world.
Why make a decision about it before even giving it a chance? Your baby deserves the best- it makes a huge difference in the baby's health. Motherhood is all about being selfless and doing the very best for your child. Give your child the gift of good health. Don't let anyone tell you that formula is just as good. Do you ever wonder why there are so many overweight people and people with allergies who get sick so often? It's because most people were not breastfed. Just as an example, my husband was breastfed, but his older brother was not. His brother is overweight, with high cholesterol and has even been diagnosed with fatty liver at age 34, despite trying to work out regularly and trying to eat healthier. My husband, by contrast, has always been thin and healthy, even though he does not have time to work out and eats a TON! My mother also breastfed me and I have always been extremely healthy- I rarely get sick, have no allergies and have never had a problem with my weight. I lost my pregnancy weight pretty easily and I think this has to do with the fact that I breastfed my son.
It sounds like you husband is trying to give his child the best. You are lucky to have such an involved husband who will make a great dad. Why don't you make a deal with him that if he gets up with you and changes the baby's diaper at night then you will try breastfeeding.
At the very least, you need to talk to you OB about these feelings and make sure you are completely educated about the techniques and at least give it a try. You don't want to have that regret in your heart years from now.
Its normal to be nervous about it but I can honestly tell you that I enjoyed my time with my son, knowing that my body nourished him and that he received all these health benefits from me. It's an amazing feeling that you should at least try.
For some really good advice, get The Breastfeeding Book by Dr. Sears and check out the La Leche League website and http://www.kellymom.com

Hey C.,

I completely understand where you are coming from. Breastfeeding did not to appeal to me either. I think you need to realize that as parents this is only the beginning of disagreements between you and hubby. The secret is communication and really expressing your feelings without diminishing each others opinions or feelings. Just like he doesn't understand why you don't want to you can't understand why it is such a big deal. So I think you need to really explain why you do not want to and try to make him understand how him insisting is making you feel. Many babies are raised on formula and have grown to be healthy productive adults. I own a childcare center and if you asked me just by looking at or spending time with the babies which is bottle fed and which is breastfed I couldn't tell you any difference. They both cry, poop, have gas, get sick, get ear infections, have the same needs, are reaching milestones that are age appropriate in my opinion no difference. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding this is your personal choice. You may end up giving in to please everyone else and end up resenting your baby. Your baby deserves a happy environment with two loving parents I don't think breastfeeding is the only way to achieve this goal. Good luck and try to remain calm when talking to your husband. Why don't you go out for a nice dinner where you can really talk without distractions. Congratulations on the baby I am sure you will work it out.

While I was not in the same situation as you. I hope my experience can help you a little. Due to medical reasons (my son was a preemie) I could not breastfeed my son for an extended period of time. During this time I pumped and my son was tube fed then eventually bottle fed. I had wanted to be able to breast feed but he never took to the breast well enough to get the nutrition he needed so I ended up pumping and bottle feeding. You can absolutely do just this. You should not be pressured to do something you absolutely do not want to do and this is a good compromise. If it is not for you don't continue. You will read that you should breastfeed your baby for the first year of their life but I honestly don't know many people that do that - I only made it 5 1/2 mos. For those who have no interest if you can at least do the first week or two. That is when the most important nutrients and immune fighting elements are passed on to your baby. Think of it as your helping your baby for the rest of his or her life. Honestly after a week or two - you may change your mind and continue. If not stop then and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - at least you gave your child the most important part. Good luck in your decision!

I breastfed all 4 of my children and it is alot of work, but it is very good for the baby. I had the opposite problem with my husband he didn't want me to breastfeed what his reason was is beyond me, but I did what I felt was right for me. It is your body and it should be up to you. If you really don't want to do it then thats what you should do, and don't beat your self up about it millions of mothers didn't breastfeed and the children are still happy and healthy.

I'd look at why you are so set against it. Its a great thing to give to your child, and if you can breastfeed, even for a little while, there are SO many benefits. I have an 8 1/2 month old daughter and another one due in July and I have breastfed her and will breastfeed the next. I never wanted to be one of those "people" who bared my breast in public....to me it is a private thing that benefits my child. I will hide it as much as I can and only do it in public if I need to....but that's just me. Breastfeeding can be a challenge, but so rewarding....financially, emotionally and the nutritional benefits to your child. Plus, feeding during the night is SO Much easier than going to get a bottle and getting it ready.

My sister did not breastfeed. We were not brought up breastfeeding, and I think it was too "weird" for her to do. I think that's how we grew up -- that it was weird....but I thought I'd try it when I was pregnant and I'm glad I did.

I'm curious why your husband wants it so bad. I think many men think its erotic and I can see why that would turn someone off of it (I don't know if this is the case or not). Its not erotic. Its you providing for your baby.

My suggestion would be to at least try it....try it for a few weeks, and if it is really not something you want to do, then by all means, bottlefeed. Its not something to get upset about, its just something to try.

Hi C.. Do what you feel is right. It's ok for your husband to be for it, but you have to be the one comfortable with it. Give it a try though, it is the best for your child and you may surprisingly be ok with it. Keep in mind that you will have to feed the baby every 2 hrs or so when it's born, often it's easier to just sit in a chair and put the baby to your breast, rather than pump (which takes longer to get the same amount of milk) and then have to take the baby and feed it anyway. It's like double the work when you're pumping and feeding the baby. I don't know how much your husband is willing to help you, especially at night, but if you're going to wake up at night to pump then you may as well do the feeding, otherwise both of you don't get any sleep. So really it is double work. I know from experience because, although I tried to breastfeed and did it for a while, my baby never really lached on properly, I had to use one of those nipple protector shields and that still would make my nipples hurt so finally I switched to pumping. I did what I had to, but it was taking a lot of time, and I had to get up at night at regular hours anyway, so I ended up taking care of the baby so my husband could get some sleep. Then in the morning, I would get some sleep while he would take the baby and bottle feed her, then I'd get up and pump again and so on.

So try it out and if you hate it, don't do it, pump instead. You have to love it to do it. Good luck!!!

I tried breastfeeding for a couple of weeks when my son was born and found that it didnt work for me or the baby. Both of us were much happier with a bottle and we formed a very loving close relationship anyway. From what I've read, the most important benefit of breastfeeding is the closeness formed between mother and child, but if you're going to lovingly give the baby a bottle, you can achieve the same closeness. Generations of us were bottle fed and many have healthy loving relationships with our parents. Good luck!

One more thing to keep in mind is that you lose weight very quickly post pregnancy if you are breast feeding. I'm sure you would enjoy some of the benefits of that if you are pumping but I think that it comes off faster if nursing.

This is totally up to you. Once the baby arrives, you will be exhausted & might find that BFing works better for you. Either way, I think it is really important to have maximum flexibility by introducing the bottle early and trying nursing too. I suspect that if you try both you will fall into a routine that is right for you. It's nice that your husband is concerned but YOU are the one who will be doing the work in this area. Good luck!

Absolutely you can pump without ever actually nursing. My daughters were premie and never got the hang of latching on. Both were exclusively breast milk fed by my pumping until they were 6 months old.

Try not to stress over it. I found that so much of being a mom is theoretical until that baby's in your arms. You might think you'll do things one way, and then change your mind when faced with the situation. I was sure I wanted to breastfeed for the health benefits, but I didn't think I would like it--I thought the sensation of it would drive me crazy. It didn't. Anyway, just try to relax and enjoy these last days--you will figure things out for yourself and what's right for your family. To answer your question about pumping, I've heard of people doing it exclusively, but I myself hated pumping (double work), and wasn't able to get nearly as much pumping as the baby could. The baby is more efficient, and they change their suck as their needs grow and change--the pump is static. So many women have trouble keeping their supply up solely by pumping. Plus, pumping just never made sense to me--I felt like it tied me down, so I only did it when I had to.

Again, you'll figure it all out. Good luck, and just be open to the possibility that you might change your mind about lots of things.

my advice is try it, you might like or you might not. i formula fed all 3 of my children although i would have liked to breastfeed for a bit but i has issues with milk production. for me, it got to a point where pumping was adding to my stress as a new mom, so i stopped. don't let any one pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, including your husband. you'll only resent him for making you do it.

While I know breast feeding is recommended ( and I even did it) perhaps you can talk to your doctor about it. By no means should your husband dictate your choice. Yes, it's his baby, too, ...but it is your body. What you eat, the things you do- will all effect breast feeding. Breast feeding is a HUGE, HUGE! commitment. The first 3 months or so were extremely trying--baby is eating constantly so you are either nursing, pumping or both ALL the time. You get no time for you. My son never took a bottle at all so for months, I couldn't leave the house for more than an hour at a time. While I ended up sticking with it for 15 months --and enjoying it--, you need to make your own decision. Maybe if you explain the situation to the doctor, he/she will better be able to talk it out w/hubby. Seriously, don't be forced into a choice you aren't 100% comfortable with.

I think if you aren't comfortable breast feeding it won't be a enjoyable or beneficial experience for you or your baby.

I have a friend who exclusively pumped and bottle fed her baby because she wouldn't latch on. She tried the pump-in-style and found that it wasn't strong enough for her to get good milk production. The pump she recommended to me was the symphony by medela, which you can rent at babies r us (and probably other places too). She said getting her supply up in the first month was difficult, but well worth the effort for her (just stick with it). After that she pumped 2-3 times a day to get enough milk for her daughter and was able to give her breast milk exclusively for 6 months. Although renting a pump is a little pricey (~$60/month), it is still cheaper than formula and is better for your baby's health. It also means that anyone can feed the baby and although you have to pump regularly you can get your husband to help with night feedings and other people can feed the baby if you want to go out for a day or something.

Good luck!

C.,
Congrats on the honeymoon baby!

It would help to know why you dont want to BF. A friend of mine exclusively pumped for a year. It is hard. You end up doing twice the work, pump, clean parts, pack and bottle feed, and then clean bottles as opposed to popping the baby on the boob when and wherever. Also she always worried that the baby would need more than she had. If its a modestly thing, you can nurse at home just as you would pump at home. If its a too much baby holding time, studies have shown that BF babies need less holding because you are doing 2 jobs (feeding and holding) baby when she nurses. It is the dependency thing, you can always pump extra and have someone else bottle feed baby once and a while. BF and/or pumping takes a ton of commitment especially in the first few weeks.

I think you should seriously think about your true reasons why you dont want to and talk with hubby. I am pro-BF but ultimately it is your body and "if mamma aint happy, nobody will be happy". This is just one of several "issues" that mommy and daddy will have to be on the same page with.

it's up to you, it's you who will be on baby duty at all times if you nurse. i nursed, i know. however, if you pump the baby will not need to be on your breast at all, but you will now be on pumping duty and bottle duty all the time. it can get stressful. i was on meds after my daughter was born, so i pumped and threw out the milk and then fed her with formula until the meds were out of my stytem. it's a lot of work, however, for me, it was worth it.

I was the same way. The thought of breast feeding was never appealing to me. I pumped with my 1st one from the beginning, without a problem. I got a lot of grief from people for not actually breast feeding, but it's whatever you feel comfortable with. You can bond with your baby just as much during bottle feeding. Go with what's right for you, a newborn is stressful enough as it is. Good luck!!

C.,

I think that you and your husband need to agree to put the topic aside until the day you give birth because it is just going to cause you and the baby too much anxiety and stress that is not needed right now.

In the meantime, privately decide if you are going to try to breastfeed and for how long--and also decide who you want in the room with you when you do try at first---maybe just you and the lactation consultant and baby--no hubby or parents.

Breastfeeding is not something you can practice, research, or run out and try tomorrow and because of that there is no way of knowing how things will go for you should you choose to try. Due to this, I think all the stories we hear about the negative aspects of breastfeeding (not latching on, painful breasts, cracked nipples, etc) it all plays into our anxiety and fear in our head. But you just have to give yourself permission to let go of all that and realize you have plan B (pumping) and plan C (formula).

Personally because of all the stories I had heard, I felt like I was doomed for failure for some reason--but I tried and at the very first feeding my child latched on and we went from there.

Whether you breastfeed, pump, or use formula both you and your husband will need to embrace the process, be flexible, and adapt to your baby's needs as the days go on.

My hope for you is that one day you and your husband will look at your baby standing or crawling in such amazement that breastmilk vs. formula will be such a NONissue and you'll wonder why you ever stressed over it at all! Put your feet up and relax!

C., Congratulations!!!!!! You must be so thrilled. I did not read all of your responses (so many) but I can tell you that I didn't want to breastfeed either. I tried it because I knew it was good for my baby. He would NOT latch on. We ended up bottle feeding and when my milk came in, I pumped. It works for some women and not for others. I'd say give it a try, but DON'T let anyone pressure you into doing it if you're really uncomfortable. I'm expecting my second son in late April/early May. I will bottle feed and pump for as long as I can, but I won't let the lactation consultant/nurses make me feel guilty for my choice this time. The good thing about bottle feeding (even with breast milk) is that your husband gets the joy of feeding your baby too. This is a happy time. Don't let this issue bring you down. Enjoy your new baby. Good luck and let us know how it all goes.

Hi C.,
I totally agree with Diane S. Breastfeeding is your personal choice. You can pump with out breast/baby contact. I had to with my first daughter for 3 weeks, who was 6-weeks premature. She never had any breast contact until I brought her home and got sick of pumping.
I breastfed both of my daughters and enjoyed the exprience for the most part, very much. I am going to tell you you are going to miss out on the most intense closeness you could possible get with your baby if you don't.
I can certtainly understand why you wouldn't want to breastfeed and it doesn't mean that you love your baby any less. Lots of babies thrive off of formula, but please explore the option of breastfeeding.

Firstly, try the breast feeding, if it's painful then go right to the bottle. No one has the right to tell you, that you must breastfeed. I tried it myself and found it way too painful. I have 2 beautiful healthy smart children, that were bottle fed. Your husband has no right to tell you what to do with your body, especially your breasts. If he can't respect your decision, than he is not respecting you. Your carrying a baby for 9 months, and caring for it thereafter should be enough for anyone. Your human, not wonderwoman. It sounds like you'll make a great mom. Your very caring and you have obviously looked into it.

Hi C.,

I have a 10 month old baby girl. I was never opposed to breastfeeding when I was pregnant, but once my baby arrived, she preferred the bottle as opposed to the breat so I ended up pumping and bottle feeding. I had great success with this and would pump every 4 hours or so. I did this for about 8 weeks and then stopped. By doing this, my husband could also share in the feedings

I think you need to do what you feel comfortable with. They will also pressure you in the hospital to breastfeed as well. You may also change your mind once the baby is here. But again, do what you feel is right.

I tried to breast feed my first born for a couple of weeks then I gave up, didn't even bother trying with my second child and tried again with my third (breast feed for 6 months). My niece just had a baby in Oct and tried to put the baby to her breast and opted to pump instead of actually breast feeding naturally (she is very happy with pumping). It really is a wonderful bonding experience so if you can just give it a try, you can always pump (breast milk is excellent for newborns). Good Luck!
B. M

Hi C.,

First of all congrats on your pregnancy. Are you a first time mother? I have a 22 month old baby boy that is the most important person in my life!

I nursed my son for 17 months and I only stopped because he was so big already that my back hurt. I am obviously for breast breastfeeding and I encourage you to give it a try. It was difficult at first but I would never regret this once in a lifetime experience. If you want to know more about my experience feel free to ask me.

As far as your pumping question, the best person you can ask is a professional lactation consultant. These people (mostly women) are like the doctors of breastfeeding. Most hospitals have them on staff in the hospital. You can probably get a referral from a gynocologist. I think it is probably fine to get opinions from other people but no one will be as knowledgeable as a lactation consultant!

Please let me know if this was helpful and if I can answer any more questions for you. I know that when I was pregnant I was a ball of emotions with a million questions.

Y.

C.,

Breastfeeding is a completely personal decision and really should be the decision of the mother. I have breastfed both my children and really enjoyed it, so you should definitely consider it since it's both cheap, convenient and an amazing bonding experience; however, if you are stressed, disinterested or reluctant, it will not be a positive experience.

My advice would be to try it at birth since you may feel very differently at that time - plus your husband may be a great resource to help support you since having that support is critical in the very beginning. Then if you are still not interested in it just tell your husband to respect your decision as it is your body and you will be affected more than him or anyone else.

Don't spend your last few weeks of pregnancy crying over it though - its a precious moment in your life that doesn't last forever, so enjoy the baby growing inside of you and don't think about it until the day you meet your precious little one!

Good luck!

Hi C.,

In answer to your question, yes you can pump without having contact with the baby. Mothers of preemies & sick babies do it all the time. A baby is much more effective but if you get a good pump and relax you can be successful. Most hospitals have breast pump rentals if you don't want to spend alot.
In your "husband respecting your decision" it is his baby too so I can see his point. If you have your mind made up, "trying" may not really work because you are already wanting it not to work out. Part of nursing is emotional. I would suggest going to a La Leche League meeting and talk with some breastfeeding moms. Obviously, they are pro-breastfeeding but you would be surprized by the various opinions & stories. Not all of them started out on the pro side. Even at the least you may find out some tips on pumping. (Usually the evening meetings have working moms who can tell you alot about pumping)
Best of luck with the new baby.

just curious....why are you so against it? pumping is a lot worse than breastfeeding.

Hi C.,

Maybe your mind may change once the baby is in your arms, or maybe not. However, I did both and I do not believe you have to put the baby on your breast. Just the milk itself will be healthier for the baby. I was told the first three months are the most important for developing the brain cells. I did it for a 1 year. But, its all up to you. Good Luck! :)

Hi, C.,

Good luck with the birth of your baby -- coming soon! I breastfed my twins and it was really great for my family for several reasons, not the least of which was my being able to comfort them essentially instantly by nursing them -- without having to take the extra step of mixing formula or getting bottles ready. So I hope you will try it. But of course you need to do what works for *you* and your family.

Anyway, the reason I'm responding is to let you know about something that could help you out a lot with pumping, if you go that route. (I pumped as well as nursed, so my husband could help with feedings, and then more after I went back to work.) It's a bustier-type thing where you can pump both breasts hands-free, so you can do other things like read or eat or whatever while you're pumping. I found it helped me keep up the pumping for longer each session, which of course means more milk. Check it out. It looks weird but it's comfortable and I really recommend it strongly:

http://www.easyexpressionproducts.com/

-A.

sure you can pump only, but I assure you it will be a pain in the *ss. Sometimes it can take forever and you'll never get out as much as the baby can get out. Why don't you want to breastfeed? Do you want to get up 5 times a night to warm up a bottle or just take out your breast and give it to the baby? I would try it for a little while. You can always stop, and I guarantee you'll miss it when you do. You don't realize how much you love something until it's gone.

I agree that pumping is definitely more work than breastfeeding. I nursed my first for 4 months and am currently only nursing at night for my 5 month old. I pumped while at work for both. I think nursing is much easier and much faster than making a bottle, especially if you are out. Anyway, you don't say why you are dead set against it...possible that you just feel weird about it? A lot of people do. If you want to give it try just to say you tried, know that it is also a lot of work in the beginnning and most likely will be uncomfortable even painful the first few weeks, but then after, you really don't even notice or feel anything. If you choose not to have the contact, and wish to nurse make sure you get a really good electric double pump otherwise there is not point. If you can give you baby breastmilk at least for the the first two months or so, that would be great. When my little one was just 3 weeks old, I got really sick for 10 days and since I was nursing and giving him my antibodies as they were developing, he didn't even get a sniffle. My now 4 year old never got sick until after he turned two and we opened a business exposing him to hundreds of kids (and germs), and then really has only 2-3 minor colds and a couple ear infections. Good luck with whatever your decision!!!

C.:

Let me start by saying that this should be your decision. I am 100% pro breast feeding however let me tell you that it is huge commitment and it is also a not so wonderful experience for the first 2-3 weeks, from engorged painful breasts to cracked bleeding nipples. Also let me confess that I nursed my first daughter and while I went into breast feeding for all the wrong reasons, I really wanted to loose all the prego weight quickly, nursing helps a lot with that as you burn 500 cal a day by just producing milk. However once I got through the hard part I absolutely loved it and it was very convenient no bottles to clean or sterilize nothing to carry when I went out with baby other than diapers, it was so convenient and free. My hubby would pick her up and diaper her and then I would just put her to my breast and keep on sleeping trust me it was bliss to the point that when my daughter winned herself out at 7-8 mo I was so heartbroken. Now here is the other side I just had another girl just 1 week ago and nursing is not going well she doesn't want to take the breast she just wants the bottle I guess b/c the flow of milk is quicker and more abundant from the bottle than from the breast and she doesn't want to deal with it. I will only breast feed that was my decision so I have been pumping exclusively and bottle feeding expressed milk so I guess this answers you question about expressing milk and bottle feeding, however this won't prevent any of the other sympthoms that come with lactation, engorgement, sore nipples, and sometimes the cracking. This is just to let you know that whatever you decide it won't be a walk in the park, if your husband is supportive it is great help. Then you will have all the cleaning to do bottles, pump and you will need a good one, electric one.

This is not to scare you or turn you away but I feel people always highlight only the good and there is some frustration that comes with it as well, which will require you to be commited, as you can see my experience with my two daughters has been completely different one was fabulous and the other not going so well requiring me to be more committed to the whole thing, trust me I feel like giving up every minute of every day just b/c of the amount of work with the whole pumping thing which is new to me based on my first experience. Hopefully this will help you to make and informed decision that works for you. Good luck with whatever you decide!!

C.,
I was able to breastfeed my son for just a few days. After that I pumped all his milk for a little over 3 months. I was lucky in that I produced a lot of milk so I didn't have to pump during the night. I think there are a lot of pro's to pumping. Mainly you feel good that your baby is getting the best nutrients possible. Research shows TREMENDOUS health benefits for mother's milk vs. formula. I felt that I wasn't as tied down as breastfeeding mom's b/c I could pop out the bottle when we were on the go. I also had a good system going. I had 6 borne free bottles and I would have them filled to whatever oz he was drinking at the time (always do a little more than they are drinking so they decide how much they want) and ready to go in the refrigerator. Then I would have milk in the breastpump bottles and some in the freezer. Once he drank I bottle I would pull the next one out so it was room temperature by the next feeding. At night, I would have the bottle on my nightstand warming up for the next feed and I would feed him in my bed and then put him back in his crib. Another pro is that it takes less time for them to eat.
The con's!!! Missing out on the intimacy/bonding. Being able to do the side position as the baby feeds in the night and be able to close your eyes again (somewhat). Pumping gets tougher and tougher as the baby gets older. My son was a very high maintenance baby and I found I wasn't able to pump as often b/c I was taking care of him and eventually my milk supply was going down and I had to start supplementing w/ formula. I had the pump band which made it a little more bearable but it's still very difficult to pump and take care of your baby especially when they are being fussy.
I was pretty freaked out about breastfeeding. I don't know what your reason for not wanting to do it is. Hopefully it's something you can overcome once the baby gets here. They change a lot of things about you once you finally meet! Maybe it would help if you saw someone breastfeed? It really is such a natural thing. Pumping everything is really tough!!! I originally thought I would pump everything for at least 6 months. I quickly learned that was not going to happen as it's too tough (unless you have a nanny!).
It's your decision but please at least try. You might like it!

I never enjoyed breastfeeding like everyone around me seemed to, but I did it anyway, one year with each child. It was a great day when my breasts retired and I celebrated enthusiastically.
You don't say why you are so dead set against it, but the advantages are more than just to the child: Some studies show a reduction of breast cancer in women who have breast fed, it is truly cost effective, very important these days, and when you are sleep deprived with your baby, which you will be, simply pulling out a breast at 2 am instead of warming a bottle while the baby cries in hunger will seem much more appealing. I pumped as well, and that does not make it any better, trust me. Added to that was the fact that my second child absolutely refused to take a bottle, or pacifier for that matter.
This is perhaps not what you want to hear, but I think you might want to revisit your aversion to it and see if it something you can overcome. That does not mean you have to enjoy it. But just like giving up wine or beer during pregnancy was sometimes diffcult: it is an investment in the future.

Every hospital has a lactation counselor which you are entitled to see and return to see when and after you have your baby. Be sure to take advantage of this, and insist on seeing her before you leave the hospital.

Mother's can breastfeed by pumping only if that is what works for you. Everyone needs to figure out the right set up for themselves. If you can pump and feed, even for a short while it will be beneficial to the baby (but you already know all this). Many women pump and feed as a result of trauma, etc. because they are just not comfortable nursing.

I wish you luck. And congrats on your new baby!

You can pump without ever having the baby/breast contact. You will just need to begin pumping right after the baby comes to stimulate your milk to come in.

I tried breastfeeding with my son - so there was some contact - but after several days and much frustration - I began pumping and continued to pump for 11 months and fed him via bottle which was good in that my husband could help with feedings.

Though pumping has its own disadvantages - it made me feel tied down. Whereas if I had been feeding from the breast I could have went out whenever I wanted and if baby was hungry I could have just fed him but I had to plan my whole day/life around when I would have to pump.

After about 4 months I had it down to pumping 3 times a day - once in the morning - mid day - and right before bed.

I am really happy that you are having a baby and I am excited for you so please don't be offended. I am somewhat concerned by your desire to avoid "baby/breast contact". Breastfeeding is not for everyone, certainly. But it seems like you are not really open to trying, you are just trying to appease your husband and not sound bad. Its none of my business, but for your own sake as well as your baby's, explore why it is that you are so against such a beautiful and natural gift. I hope you have a baby that likes bottlefeeding because mine refused to take the bottle at all and just cried all day long if he wasn't nursing. Please explore this issue now, not when he or she is born.

It is not a problem to pump only. A few of my girlfriends did that. The only issue that they had was that it is very time consuming and they felt isolated. I did both. It is very convienient to breastfeed without the pump but if you have an issue with it, use your pump. Hey, it also gives you a break because others can help out with the feedings :) Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I breastfed for 11 weeks and some people thought that was too short. Until they are in your shoes...Good Luck!

My husband was also very set on breastfeeding and I was not. I was very worried about the way it would feel, the commitment on me, and about a million other worries. I to agreed to try. I was lucky I guess and nursed very sucessfully, never had any problems, and remember everyone likes to tell there horror stories iif you worried about what other peple are saying. I nursed my son,now 3 1/2 for about 10 months and just now i am weaning my daughter who is 9 months. It really is a bond that you would never know if you do not try. It is an amazing gift that you can give to your child and there are many ways to make it work for you. Yes you can only pump and never have the baby latch on, but to me that seems like a lot of work, feeding would bascily take twice as long you would have to have one time to pump then bottle feed the baby aswell. That being said you must do what is right for you and your family. Good Luck

Hello, I am a lactation consultant and parenting educator. I have found that there are many women who do not want to breastfeed their babies.You could pump your milk and feed it to your baby if you really do not want to put the baby to your breast. However, have you explored the reasons you do not want to breastfeed. Is it fear of pain? is it the fact that you feel that you would be confined? I nursed all 11 of my children and at times I did not want to breastfeed but, when I would ask myself why I did not want to I could address the issues and deal with them.
Breastfeeding is really benefical for you and the baby however, if the thought of breastfeeding is depressing you to the point of tears, this will not be good for either of you. I would encourage you to put your baby to your breast after giving birth to stimulate you breast to produce milk. This may also help you to feel more positive about nursing.

Hi C., and congratulations!
I agree with Beata P. who said that she is somewhat concerned by your desire to avoid baby/breast contact, and I think you need to ask yourself WHY you want to AVOID it and speak about THAT with somebody. I also agree with everybody who said that you should wait with the decision, because it is hard to understand your emotions toward the baby before the baby is really there.
Being mom-to-be for the first time is very confusing, but once the baby is there it will be different. I know this from my experience, and believe me, I was the same as you! But exploring the feelings behind the opinion you have now will definitely help you later.
Wish you the best, and happy parenting, with or without breastfeeding!
S.

I was also apprehensive about breastfeeding. I wanted to try, but had a large impatient infant after a c-section and he never really latched on.

I decided to pump and supplement. I would do about 5 bottles of pumped milk a day and then use 2-3 bottles of formula for the late night/ early morning feedings. This was great because dad could do the night and/or early morning feedings some times so i could sleep and i didn't worry as much about pumping at night.

It was really hard in the beginning when they eat every 3 hours. I felt like i was either feeding him or pumping. But as the number of bottles per day went down, so did the amount of time pumping.

When i stopped pumping at about 3.5-4 months, i was getting enough milk for the day and a little to save pumping 3 times a day. I would have kept doing it but I got sick for several months and wasn't able to anymore.

Hi there,

It's hard to tell someone what to do. I breastfed, my sister did not. all babies are perfectly healthy. From my experience, pumping is way harder and much more uncomfortable then feeding directly from the breast. Could you try to breastfeed for the first day or so(so baby gets culustrum- giving it antibodies that help build the immune system) and if you hate it then switch to bottles? Yes there are tons of benefits to breasfeeding as i'm sure you know, however a miserable mom is tha absolutely worst thing for a baby so you need to do what is best for you. It can be easy and it can be very hard and it's quite a commitment.

On a side note- one big old positive for mom is that i dropped baby weight way faster then bottle feeding moms casu eyou burn 500-800 calories a day breastfeeding.

i agree with the woman who suggested that you should talk it out with your husband, especcially if you are crying at the thought of breastfeeding, let him know how you feel and explain to him why you don't want to breastfeed while also listening to him why he wants you to.

Yes, it is ultimately your decision, but it is both your baby and i think he has a right to an opinion as well.

Perhaps try going to a breastfeeding class to learn a little more about it

I would advocate you at least trying it out...you might like it. It has so many advantages...yea..you are the one who has to get up in the middle of the night for all the feedings, but once the baby is latched on...i would put my head back and fall asleep...nearly everynight. it is so relaxing.

you could try pumping and bottle feeding, but i think you might find it more of a hassel than its worth and formula feedings will win that battle. and formula fed babies turn out just fine...

Good luck and congratulations!!

Hi C.,

I currently have a 1 year old boy and a 4 year old girl and I breastfeed them both for about 8 months each. I felt very good about it as I knew it was beneficial for them and for me however I won't deny that it is a real commitment you make with your baby once you start. It is also exhausting and can be emotional. You need to eat well and sleep well as breastfeeding drains alot of energy from you so that you can continually produce. A bad diet or not eating enough can affect production in my opinion, and I think that's why you sometimes hear from women that they didn't have enough milk, so keep this in mind.

The emotional side is that you can bond beautifully with your child if there are no issues with the feeding but a girlfriend of mine had a difficult time and she beat herself up so much about it when it didn't go smoothly. It was not her fault at all and she tried her best. I think breastfeeding is a very personal decision and it's one that YOU should make (in consultation with your partner) however if you feel strongly about not wanting to do it, then you shouldn't have to. You need to sit down and have this discussion if this is how you feel. No husband truly understands it because they are not the one going through it. I don't know your reason for not wishing to breastfeed but I believe it is your call and if you are crying about it now, it suggest you don't want to and someone forcing you to will not go down well in the long run, as you may be resentful later on. On the other hand, you may try and find it's all OK? You have to go with your gut feel. Of course there are benefits to breastfeeding but only if YOU are comfortable and willing.

I hope this is helpful to you and enjoy your baby as it's the best thing in the world. Good luck with it all.

i wanted to 100% bf both my boys for as long as i could. i did with my first for 8 weeks and only 1 month with my 2nd who is 4months old right now. i stopped because i felt like it was a job aside from the fact that i had issues with engorgement. i felt that i would be a better parent if i stopped-if that makes sense at all-when i was bfing i was just feeding them and then laying them down-i wasnt interacting with them in any other way. with my 2nd son i bf for 2 wks then pumped and bottle fed and then out of my own guilt i went back to bfing and then went to formula. you have to do what feels right to you because if your uncomfortable the baby will be also. good luck and congradulations!

C., I just have a minute to give you my 2 cents worth. Breastfeading is a personal decision. I decided to try with my daughter. It lasted about 6 weeks and we supplemented with formula along the way. My husband was supportive, but ultimately he told me it was my decision. My daughter is now 9 years old and happy, healthy & pretty smart. I wouldn't change anything I did. Don't stress about it. You're going to have a beautiful baby regardless.

PS - tell you husband that if he wants to breastfeed the baby himself, he's welcome to it. Sorry, but that's why it's your decision. Good luck!

You should at least try it. If you start you may find it much more rewarding,easier, and economical then you think. You then can decide if you want to continue or if it just doesn't work for you. On the other hand, if you don't at least try it, you can't change your mind,your milk will dry up(it's a use it or lose thing)and you may regret that decision.When my son was young and every relative wanted to hold him I used to say it was a good thing I was nursing or I'd never get to hold him! I do have a friend whose son had nothing but breast milk for several months and ALL of it was expressed.

I C.,

I chose not to breastfeed and my children age 7 and 10 are perfectly healthy. You have to do what is right for your body. The baby will feel your stress. Maby a nurse or someone on your healthcare team can talk with you and your husband, which may help him understand.

Sarah

HI! I think you need to figure out why it is so stressful to think of breast feeding your baby. Does it gross you out? Are you afraid it will hurt? Not work? etc! Be honest with yourself and then your husband. Then go to (or call)the hospital you will deliver at and talk to the Lactation Consultant and BE HONEST with them. Tell them all the reasons you DON"T want to BF. If fear is a large factor then they may be able to help relieve the fear. I loved breast feeding and plan to with baby #3 due in July but IT IS NOT FOR EVERY ONE!!! God made it a natural way to feed your baby but if it freaks you out it will not be a good bonding time but something you become bitter towards. Also your husband should be told clearly why and he will have to accept whatever you choose. They are YOUR breasts and unless he can lactate then that decision is ultimately yours. Please call the Lactation Consultant ASAP. They are suppose to help you and baby learn to breast feed AND decide if it is right for you. Either way you can have a happy, healthy, well fed baby!!! Congratulations!!! A.

C., I am very pro-breastmilk, whether you pump or give directly from the breast. Other than your milk being superior to formula, it is an important bonding time for you and baby. If you are going to bottle feed, I suggest that you will hold the child in a nursing position when you give the bottle. I think that pumping is a nice compromise for you and your husband. Your milk probably won't come in until a few days after the baby is born. This is the tricky part, because before your real milk comes in your body makes a clearish liquid called colostrum that is chocked full of nutrients and immune boosting goodness that is priceless. I'm not sure if you can pump this. Can you ask your OB at your next appt? There should be a lactation specialist at the hospital too. You may want to try nursing at the hospital and see you you and the baby do. My daughter was a natural, but a lot of babies have problems latching on. You may feel uncomfortable, or you may be surprisingly comfortable. Another thing to consider is that breastmilk is free (minus cost of the pump) compared to feeding your baby formula. Best of luck!

To be honest, pumping totally sucks! It's creating extra work for yourself, and you sleep even less if you're getting up at night to feed the baby AND then pump.
I've nursed (I choose to say nurse rather than breastfeed - seems less gross) all 3 of my kids for a year, but never really thought I would (not that I was against it, but it just seemed wierd and disturbing to see others do it in public). It was really important to my husband because of the health, immune system, & brain benefits so I gave it a shot. My 1st son wouldn't latch so I pumped for the 1st month. It was a really hard month and I almsot gave up so many times. Thank goodness my husband kept me going. It is THE most rewarding part of motherhood for me. My 3rd child is 5 months old and the thought of never nursing again saddens me. The bond that it brings to the two you is incredible. And even though the midnight feedings are tough, it's those tough times that bring you closer. I also loved the convenience of not having to make a bottle in the middle of the night (less crying too since they don't have to wait), and in this economy the price is ideal, plus I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight by my 6-week check-up with all 3.
However, if you're so totally against it, you shouldn't even try it. It's incredibly painful for the first 1-2 weeks and your nipples get so cracked - it's just excrutiating. So if you don't go into it with a positive attitude, you'll likely resent your husband for "making" you do it.
The perks to formula are that your husband and the baby will be closer than they would if you were nursing. You will also get more sleep since someone elso can do late night feeding.
Good luck to you. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.
Angi

About me: my kids are 4, 2 & 5 months. The first were nursed exclusively until they started daycare at 4 months old, then took 3 bottles (from 9am-5pm) a day. I pumped at work at first, but it is so time consuming that I switched to formula. I nursed each for about 1 year. My 3rd is exclusively nursed because I now stay home. I have never nursed in public - I either bring a bottle or find a bathroom.

Hi C., I am really sorry you are going through this at the end of your pregnancy. Everything you feel goes through to you baby and your husband should know that. Even though I breastfed all 5 of my children and found it wonderful, your feelings are your own and cannot be changed. I would say try but if you really do not want to the baby will feel that too and will be unhappy. About the pumping, I believe you can without baby contact. Some moms pump because of issues with their nipples that don't make it easy for baby to suck. In any event, I will pray that you can resolve this issue with your husband and try to enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy. A safe delivery and a healthy baby. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

C., I am so sorry you are feeling this anxiety. Have you looked at why your husband is pushing so hard for this. Yes, it is a good start for the baby but if the new mom is anxious you could have problems with you milk coming in,

Do you know why you don't want to do it? Although it is a very natural thing - in the beginning I was a little nervous and shy about it myself. So, are you shy about your breasts being touched? Is that a problem between you and your husband?

Have you talked with a lactation specialist? Most hospitals have them and you can ask to speak with one once your baby is born - I have a good friend who is a maternity nurse and she does lactation counseling with new moms.

You have alot of emotions going on right now and it is hard to figure out where they are coming from - but in the end you have to do what is best for YOU. Your new baby does not need any unhappy, stressed out MOM. Good luck and keep us posted, B.