Ok Moms..I have a 5 month old baby and she is exclusively breast fed. I work full time, but only leave her once a week as I work from home 4 days a week. That one day, she takes a bottle and not very well. She gets awful gas, doesn't sleep and cries most of the time. Its not a good day for her or my mom (who watches her that 1 day a week).
My boss has announced that there will be a retreat all staff in North Carolina (I am in Chicago) for 4 days and 3 nights in April. I don't want to go. We had a retreat 2 years ago and it was a complete waste of time. We got very little done.
Here are the facts though....I might be able to pump extra between now and then to get four whole days and nights, but that would be a lot. I would also have to pump (and dump) while I am there, because I cannot chill it and bring it back with me on the plane (and this would pain me to no end to pump and dump for 4 days and 3 nights). My fear is also that I would lose my supply because I know that the pump is not the same as actual breastfeeding. And, the thought my baby having 4 days with a bottle is also painful to me because I know what awful days she has with the bottle now. (I have no issue with bottle feeding, my 1st child was only bottle fed because he was a preemie and never latched on...I pumped for 14 months). Quite honestly, I have some anxiety about being gone for that long. I know my husband would do a great job with the kids (we also have 2 older kids, 4 and 7) and we would be able to work out day care for the baby and my 4 year old (who is in part time preschool), but the fact is that I just don't want to go.
How do I tell my boss that I can't go? I realize that the obvious answer is to just tell her the truth, but the other issue is that she's a big corporate type and has no kids and is not really a "fan" of kids, has no desire to be a mother and probably doesn't understand breastfeeding. AND, of all of the directors who will be on the retreat (there are 7 of us across the country), I am the only mom.
If anyone has any tips on how to approach this, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks for the responses. I realize lots of you had some different opinions and I appreciate that...even if you didn't agree with me. You've given me a great deal to think about. I had no idea that I could take breast milk on the plane. That was one of my biggest concerns!
You can't just say "I don't want to go. The last retreat didn't work for me, and I feel I'll get more work done here, I'll hold down the fort." type of response?
You don't HAVE to mention you enjoy being a Mother too much...
I worked pt with my first and brought my mom and baby on those types of events...it's worth asking, my company was very accomodating.
I'd get a terrible case of the flu the day before leaving.....how can they argue with that? No one wants you coughing all over them and spreading the illness....
Your baby is tiny and needs you and you need him. Four days would be too long for me!!!! Breastfeeding or not!
People, especially corporate women, never experiencing motherhood may NOT understand your reasons...its something only another mother can understand.
Why not take the hubby and baby too. You will have some free time in the evenings and at least some time free during the day to have breaks. If your job is at risk if you don't go then you need to suck it up and go because jobs are very hard to replace right now and may be hard to find for quite some time. Otherwise you might just have to do the best you can and take the chance that it will be the end of breasfeeding like now, still some but less.
Also, just because the other directors aren't moms doesn't mean they are giving up something to go to this retreat too. They may have mothers that are needing them to take care of them or other life situations just as important as yours, or maybe even more important. We cannot judge others by what we think is going on in their lives.
My company generally does not send nursing mothers traveling.. but one option is to have your mom come with you and have her watch the baby in the hotel room during the day.. and then you would be there to feed in the evening night..
If you have a good quality electric pump you won't lose your supply in a few days. You pumped for 14 months before so you know how to do it and get your body to respond. And God bless you for pumping for 14 months. I had to do it for 12-13 weeks till I taught my preemie how to nurse and I know how hard that was.
Maybe try a different bottle. The Playtex nurser with the slow flow latex (brown) nipple was my life-saver when I was working to get my son to nursing from the hospital bottles. It was very soft like the breast and helped the transition from hospital bottle to me. You'll probably have to do some hunting for the latex nipple since it seems like everything is the hard silicone! Don't they know we breastfeeding moms needs nipples that are like us for baby!?
And we all know how hard it is to be gone especially when they are little but it sounds like you kind of have a dream job with being upper level, getting to work from home and be with her 4 days per week. I think I'd play along and keep a job that you might have a really tough time replacing.
Does anyone ever like these retreats?... I mean that in a sympathetic and why bother with these things way but it also probably means no one really wants to go. So by not going or asking not to go, you're asking for special treatment. I've basically done that at my job since I had kids though. My boss is super nice and he seemed to value me enough to make some exceptions. Same time, it's likely cost me in advancement somewhat. I don't care though because I figure it's true that you can't have it all. Something has to give and for me, it's been work. So I think you need to make a choice. Unless you think she'll really fire you over it, you can go and basically say it's just not feasible for you to travel this year. You apologize and will be ready to go next year but just not this year. And then you have to accept that she may treat you differently. If you don't want that, then I think you have to go and start working on the bottle more. Maybe if you start giving it to your daughter more vs your mom, she'll start accepting it easier... You may be a little panicked now but you do have 3 months. A lot can change.
You can tell her you do not want to go, you can tell her you won't go, but you had better be ready for any repercussions should they decide you no longer have the "commitment" to do your job satisfactory.
hi there- i didn't read the responses below, but wanted to fill you in on what i do. I travel alot for work, and when I couldn't take my baby, i would pump and save the milk. I had no problems putting it in double envelops (incase of leaking). the morning of my flight back, i would take my milk out of the hotel fridge (wich most hotels are extremely accomodating), and put it in a small cooler. When i go to security, i would immediately tell them i had breastmilk, and put it threw the scanner. they would then also ask me to open 1 envelop, waived this test strip over the bag (never touching my milk) and test it that way. Then let me through. I would then go to starbucks or something, and ask for a couple cups of ice (with lids)and place that in my cooler. If I was on a long flight, would ask the flight attendants for more ice, and replace the ice once i landed.
I hope this helps you decide whats best for you and your family. Good luck with your decision and bosses :)
Listen to your heart. You are obviously uncomfortable leaving your infant for that long, and four days is an awfully long time. You know what's best for you and your baby. Don't let a job get in the way of your ability to mother. I'm sure you can speak with your bosses to work something out. Even non-parents understand the strong connection between a mother and her infant. Good luck to you.
This is one of those times, that you will need to be willing to take the consequences of your decision.
I do not blame you for not wanting to go because of your baby, so consider just mentioning that as the reason,.. do not bring up your feelings about retreats in general..
I am assuming you cannot afford to have your mom or husband go with the baby and you up there and you can pump and give them the milk there? They could stay in your room and maybe the company could get them a good deal (you pay) for the flight..
Could be your boss will give you a pass, you will never know till you try.. And also saying you will make it up at a later date with some special event, more hours in town or a later trip the following year..
So I totally pumped and took the milk back with me on the plane in a cooler (and I didn't have a baby with me). Why is this not an option??? I did this about 2 years back, so I can't imagine that it has changed that much since then. I just packed a little soft sided cooler with a freezer pack and told security when I was flying back. No problem.
as a mom who nursed and traveled for work...you just find ways to do it. it is one of the downsides of nursing. you should be thrilled that you get to work from home 4 days a week...i have an hour commute EACH WAY and would just make it home each night in time to feed my daughter before bed. if traffic was bad...forget it! suck it up and take the good with the bad
As much as it may be a waste of time, go to the retreat. Taking your Mom to babysit is a good idea, but if that's not possible, it really won't be too bad to leave for a few days. I think as long as you make time to pump in the middle of the retreat and have a good pump, your supply really shouldn't diminish - if it does, it will only dip slightly and you'll be able to resume once you get home. Also, I don't think you have to pump and dump. If your pump has the little cooler, request a mini-fridge in your hotel room. If they cannot accommodate that, I've brought breastmilk baggies and put them in the cooler, then asked the hotel to put my cooler in their freezer. Remember, breastmilk can be at room temperature for up to 10 hours. So the day you are leaving, pack the frozen milk with your cooler - if you have pumped too much, buy an insulated bag (the types meant for picnics) and put them in there. My son was exclusively b'fed and my husband and I went on a five-day trip to Costa Rica to celebrate our anniversary. My little boy was 3 mos. at the time. I ended up bringing more than 100 oz. back in my insulated duffel with cooler packs. I didn't have any problem at customs - so I think you'd be OK with a domestic flight. Good luck!
As a supervisor and a mother, whatever you do, DO NOT call in sick for the retreat. Not only is wrong to call in sick to avoid a work commitment anyway, but canceling at the last minute for an out of state retreat will cost your company money. They will have already paid for airfare and at least part of the hotel, etc. If there is anyway to make it work to take your baby and a caregiver with you, do so. If you think you can't afford it, could you afford to not have your job? You may need to think of it as a career investment. It sounds to me that you have a pretty good gig - you work full time but only need to leave the house once a week? There are tons of parents who would love to have that option. As for the retreat itself, please go with a positive attitude. As one of 7 directors, you are in a leadership role in your company and can help set the tone for a successful retreat. All that said, I do think it is okay to appropriately bring up the challenges you have with attending an out of state retreat. Your boss might surprise you with her response but if she wants you to go, figure out a way to make it work. As a mom of older kids (14 and 11) I've experienced many situations over the years that make it difficult to balance parenting and career - a sick child, an important sports activity or performance, a birthday, taking your child to college, etc. Such is the life - and the necessary choices - of being a working parent. Good luck to you. You'll make the right choice for you and for your family.
As a working mother, who travels for work and exclusively breastfed my two kids, i can totally sympathize. I once had to pump in the back seat of a rental car while traveling with my boss and co-worker. Talk about awkward! Regardless, I think you should plan to go. It sounds like you have a pretty great job (you work from home four days a week with an infant there - that is great!) It would be awful to jeopardize your stability and flexibility in the company by skipping mandatory events. If it will upset your boss and your peers (who probably want to skip too!), you should go.
Also, keep in mind that April is over three months away - your baby will be 8-9 months old and better adjusted to taking a bottle.
good luck! K.
