Hi T.,
I haven't been in your exact situation, but when my son was an infant (a multiple-allergy infant, I should add), this was more or less my diet:
BREAKFAST
Oatmeal with raisins, honey, and rice milk
LUNCH
Dark leafy green salad w/ a protein (I used grilled chicken, but assuming no one has gluten issues, you could use seitan)
DINNER
Protein (again, seitan might be your best option if you need to avoid soy and wish to avoid meat) cooked up with some curry paste (just check the label for soy), with rice, maybe shitake mushrooms, and -- again, dark leafy greens
DESSERT
Fresh fruit (I had this intense craving for mangoes during this period -- no idea why, and it got kind of expensive, but maybe I wasn't getting enough potassium, I don't know...)
Anyway, from what I've read, you're better off getting the majority of your calcium from dark leafy greens than from a commercial milk substitute. Mushrooms are good for vitamin d, and there are actually a lot of wonderful vegetable sources for vit. e -- avocados, etc..
The oatmeal is also really key to this diet b/c you need something filling in the morning if you're breast-feeding. I honestly never really craved the "forbidden" foods and I lost the pregnancy weight like *that.*
Oh, and my son is almost 4 now and still can't have dairy (though he can have eggs, soy, etc.) Every morning he and I make a "green smoothie," -- just throw orange juice, one fruit (peach, mango, etc.), a big handful of spinach and maybe a squirt of honey in the blender). This gives kids as much calcium as a glass of rice or soy milk, only w/o all the sugar and preservatives.
That was sort of disorganized -- sorry -- but I hope it's helpful.
Mira