Breast Feeding Remorse...

My son has (is) always been breastfed. Two weeks ago he had to have tubes put in for his ear infections. (Has been the best thing by the way) He is just recovering from a stomach bug.

Well, I breastfeed and my daughter has had an ear infection, runny noses, and a cough that won't quit. Kids just get sick!

My daughter was only breastfed for one week. my milk didnt come in so she was bottle fed. She has never had an ear infection. she has only been sick a total of three times and i believe it was mostly brought on by teething. she is now 27 months old. The reason i believe she hasnt been sick very often is because she is not around very many children. kids carry viruses and they spread fast. It has nothing to do with being breastfed or bottle fed.

L.,
You can tell your husband that the formula has nothing to do with it. My daughter is adopted so she was on formula from the very beginning. The only time she ever got sick was when Daddy would go do reserves & be gone. She later started getting sick more after we put her in pre-school & she was around other kids all the time. Before that she was a very healthy kid, hardly ever got sick as a baby.

I am sorry to hear, I took a lot of flak from my husband over breastfeeding although in a different way than you are (actually I took flak related to anything parenting) and it's hurtful. Moms take everything to heart, and if we could trade hurts and illnesses so our little ones didn't go through them we would! Here's what I can share-
I breastfed my older son (now almost 6) until he was 26 months- although by then it was only bedtime comfort and not nutritional. I hadn't wanted to go that long, but I got no help from my husband in weaning him, and my son just took that long to move on. BUT he suffered ear infection after ear infection, and had sinus infections thrown in here or there to the point I kept asking my friends, "Where's all this immunity from breastmilk I kept reading about?!" I don't know if your son is in daycare, but that too will expose him to more and while it's no consolation it is a natural thing. My pedi explaned that he was getting it all over with now so he won't miss a day of kindergarten, and that's been true. My younger son breastfeed until 19/20 months and had no ear infections but did have a RSV and an unknown virus that put him in the hospital at 14 months. So it's easy to say your not breastfeeding is the culprit for your baby's illnesses but it's in no way accurate! Each child is wired differently and will react to exposures differently (there's biological factors, environmental factors, etc). Don't let your husband beat you up more on something already sensitive for you. You might try finding some articles to print that supports the fact that children do get sick regardless of diet. Then be sure to tell him too that his comments hurt you because you tried and feel he's putting salt in your wounds and blaming you for something you are not at fault for.
One piece of breastfeeding advice - babies were born with stored reserves of food energy (baby fat!) and are expected to lose some weight initially as they adjust to life outside the womb. Again - this is expected and they were born with food reserves. This is important because they generally do discharge at slightly lower weights than their birth weights even if bottlefed. What is important is that they take to eating and return to their birth weight or a bit higher at the two week appointment. First time moms' milk takes longer to come in as our bodies haven't done it before. I was in the hospital 4 days with my older son and it didn't come in until the morning after I was discharged (came in the following morning with my #2). In the meantime, the clear colustrum your baby gets packs an immunity punch so you did do well giving it to your son in that first 24 hours! Breastmilk is all about supply and demand and the hospital (who gets a lot of $$ from pharmaceutical and formula companies remember), did you a disservice not helping you through that time as once you supplemented, your baby and body didn't get to sync into providing the amount your baby was needing. You were not supported in breastfeeding so if you have more children I encourage you to work with a lactation consultant if breastfeeding is something you would want to try again. I don't know where you're located, but Women's Work in the Rice Village has wonderful staff who help with all things related to breastfeeding and you can meet with a lactation consultant or rent/buy a pump or meet other moms who've been there. My hospital had me meet with a lactation consultant while there because my older son was only 5#11 and a preemie and had no interest in latching on - and I flat refused to give him any formula. It was tough and I felt terrible but he and I both got supportive "training" and as I said he went on happily nursing over the next 26 months!! Good luck to you in your communication with your husband, that's what is really needing to be resolved.

As mom that breastfed three kids for a total of nearly 6 years, and as a breastfeeding peer counselor, I say you did the best you could with what you knew. Your hubby blaming you is (I'm sorry to say) stupid and childish. Maybe he thinks that he couldv'e done something himself and can't think of what so he's gonna try to make you feel bad so hide how he feels?? I don't know.. I do know that if you wouldv'e had the right resources, maybe it wouldv'e worked out better, who knows. I have seen babies that were breastfed and they got sick all the time too. My daughter was in the hospital for a week from Pnumonia, another timw she had a Uniary tract infection, ear infections, and plenty of cold to go around. She was breastfed for 16 months and never gotten formula. My other daughter has had NUMEROUS extremely high fevers (I'd say on average once a month since birth (the fevers were over 103-105) We never could figure out what was causing them, she was breastfed for 28 months. She got some breastmilk, which is better than some parents do. Some moms have said, "that's nasty!!" or "are you kidding, these are mine!" or "I'm allergic to milk, how am I going to give the baby milk?" My response to that one was "do cows drink milk?" they said yes, so I had to try to figure out another way to talk to them. Breastfeeding only helps, it does not stop any illness. If you need more info, talk to your local WIC office, they normally have breastfeeding counselors. They should have info to give to your hubby, if not they have acces to a lactation consultant, who will have info. Hopefully that will make him realize that you done the best you could, and that these things happen sometimes, no matter what you do. Good Luck.

Mary

Being breast fed or not has absolutely nothing to do with it. My son (who will be 30 later this year), never had a drop of breast milk. From the time he ws born til the time he was 18 he was "sick" maybe 5 times.He was a very health kid. Granted I was a stay at home mom in the beginning.But He was around other kids and people. I hate it now a days when people blame everything on "not " breast feeding. Breast milk does not keep them from getting sick. My son NEVER had 1 ear infection.....so breast feeding is not to blame. Don't lay them down and prop up the bottle, that doesn't help.There are lots of reasons kids get ear infections, etc... Just hang in there. Kids are gonna get sick no matter what. I consider myself to be very lucky. I took mine to the dr. once a year around his bday til he was 19, just for checkups . Of course he started out healthy at 10lbs 5ozs.
You are not to blame.
After reading some of your responses I can't believe how many women believe breast feeding is the right thing to do. And then feel so bad when it doesn't work. Isn't a healthy child more important than saying you breast fed? I have no remorse or problem telling anyone I didn't breast feed. I didn't even try it. I see by all your responses that I made the right choice. I sure saved a LOT of Money on dr. bills, and time with a sick child. I thing everyone needs to quit reading books on the "new age" child rearing. There is nothing wrong with the way things used to be. My son is proof of that, I will encourage his wife to do the same when that time comes.....

Well, you can't change it now but if you have another child, give it a try.
My daughter lost 10 oz. her first few days of life before my milk came in. The nurse suggested supplementing with formula but the doctor said 'no, no, no'. I was just reading an article about this yesterday, in fact. If the baby doesn't suckle at the breast, the milk doesn't know to come in. Sadly, it makes your body think the baby was stillborn or died so you don't need the milk.
For the next one, just refuse to supplement with formula - get in touch with La Leche League before the baby is born and they will give you so much great support!!!
I'm sorry your husband is blaming you or you feel like he's blaming you. You're doing the best you can - just like the rest of us mommies!

Well sweetie, my little man is 9 months old and has been breast fed since day one and he is just getting over a double ear infection and the sniffles which started off with a nasty little fever. Of course we all love breast feeding and we all think it is just great but it just doesn't always work out and that is absolutely nothing to feel bad about or be ashamed of. I think you have to have a heart to heart with your hubby when everything settles down and get to the bottom of this issue. Since I am not there and don't hear the comments he makes I can't really give an opinion about whether or not he is blaming you. But you guys are a team and have to get on the same side. I know for my part sometimes I really take my husband wrong, he is logically stating what he thinks and I take it personally and you know sometimes he is just being a butt and sometimes I am being the butt!! BUT,(hee,hee) the most important thing to do is talk it out and get it resolved because you need his support and he needs yours. AND, no regrets on not being able to breast feed let that end today. You did exactly what you should have done, no milk OK time for formula. No problem, good job :) Have a great weekend and keep enjoying that little one!

Nursing is such an intimate, personal experience, no? And the mom's here are very supportive, thank goodness! It's easy to guilt ourselves (or to be guilted) to death about any and all nursing -related issues.
I even think it sometimes is a source of envy for men, that they cannot supply that type of subsistence to their young. It's out of their control, so they think they can pass judgement on this extremely personal experience.
Nursing moms feel protective of each other- I know I do. You've come to a good place for support. It's NOT your fault. You can tell your husband that there's probably about 14 million women that'll stand by that (I'm not exaggerating). Further, blaming each other only serves to divide the two of you during one of the most important times in your life, his life, and the life of your son. Hopefully you two can have a heart to heart and both of you can realize that creating a pattern of division now could be very detrimental as time goes forward. Best of luck. You're doing the best for your baby, no doubt. Loving him and sticking with it and getting him through the infections is all you can do.

No matter how much we all say he's wrong, it always hurts when those close to us blame us things that are really out of our control. Yes, breastfeeding can lessen the chances of illness and ear infections, but it's not a guarantee. Keep your chin up and try to find some comfort in knowing that you did the best you could. He can only make you feel guilty if you did something wrong. And you didn't do anything wrong.

L.,
Looks like you have gotten a lot of great advice. I too am married to a man that "questioned" everything I did with our first son. Oh, it is so hard to feel confident as a mother when your husband second guesses your decisions. Hang in there...just keep reminding him that you are a first time mom too, and that you need a partner not a coach. (By baby #2 my husband learned to trust my decisions and backed way off! # 3 has been a breeze for him)
I am a mother of 3 boys. I only breast fed each of them for 2 weeks. (Not enough milk) Each one was very different in their development. #1 boy (now 10) - pneumonia at 2 weeks old (I was still breastfeeding at that time) and 2 ear infections around 4 months old. From that moment forward... he hardly ever gets sick! #2 boy (now 8) - 22 ear infections and 3 sets of ear tubes by the time he was 4 (found out it was all seasonal allergy and development related) not another ear infection since he was 4 and rarely gets sick now! #3 boy (now 4) - finally ended up with 1 ear infection at age 3 years, otherwise perfectly healthy and happy. (They are all very smart and top of their classes. They are also above average on the growth charts)
It's amazing how different they each ended up being as babies... Save yourself the guilt over not breastfeeding. Hug him and love him and enjoy him! You are doing a great job.

I had problems breastfeeding also and being a 30 something first time mom,felt very guilty that I was unable to do something everyone considers a given normal function. My midwife told me that breastfeeding depends on Mom AND Baby. My milk had problems coming in because my baby didn't have a good latch or a strong suck. You can stimulate milk production with a pump, but it is very time consuming and tiring for new moms. Formula is a god send because in the old days, if the milk didn't come in or you couldn't find a wet nurse - the baby died. Your son is happy and growing and that is all that matters. All kids are sick alot as infants and toddlers - its the way of things- when he gets to school age, he won't miss as much school, because he's already got immunity to the usual kid bugs. Tell your husband to can the comments - his job is to support you in taking care of his son, not be a critic.

Hi L.,
I too had trouble with breastfeeding my first (of 3). I did not know during those 1st 2 weeks that my little one had a broken clavical, and so every time I tried to feed her, she was probably in so much pain from positioning her. I even had the leche league and a nurse come in to help me; plus I tried all kinds of positions, but it didn't work. I finally had to resort to pumping milk and then bottle feeding the breastmilk to her. Needless to say, that at her 2 week appointment, things became more crystal when the doctor found the break (this is not uncommon in big babies that don't fit thru the birth canal-little did I know)...And pumping lasted only about a month. My husband was all over me about NOT breastfeeding during those first two weeks b/c of the agony he observed. It seemed the harder I tried, the worse off I was. He didn't want to see his baby so frustrated and "in pain" and not being fed after all that effort. He was more comfortable with the bottle. In an ideal world I would have loved to have had her latch on and simply breastfeed! but it didn't happen. I think I was traumatized by the whole thing.
I too had to listen to a lot of bolony from my spouse (according to my situation)... and yes, it doesn't feel supportive, loving, caring, and all the above! Now, I have 3 kids, and I didn't get the 2nd one to latch on (and pumped only about a month) and the 3rd one, I didn't even try b/c I was taking medicine. They are all just fine!

I could only recommend pumping and feeding it that way..plus the pumping will stimulate the breast to make milk...but the trick is to do it atleast every 3 hours without fail...Yeah right with a newborn in hand! That is why I only lasted a month! Another recommendation is that your son has gotten all his vaccinations...This is top notch loving care for kids today. To prevent what truly can be prevented is a duty that must be done. The PVC vaccine helps prevent recurrent ear infections, but there's still a chance your child will get one on occasion. It is given in a series of four shots, at 2, 4, 6, and 12–15 months of age. The vaccine became a part of the routine immunization schedule about 8 years ago, so make sure your baby is getting this!

Hang in there...the ride is going to last a while...like for the rest of your life! Ear aches are small potatoes compared to things to come...like Rotavirus or broken bones, or god forbid, taste testing the dessicant packets at the store which got left in the grocery basket. Things are bound to happen, and your husband needs to realize this...it is all part of life...and rather than taking his frustrations out on you and stressing you and your marriage out, he needs to be supportive and help you get through these times. (I know you know this...but let him know how you feel!)

I had to sit my husband down and straight out tell him- hey, I am not wanting for these things to happen; I can't shelter my kids from the world. Regardless of breastmilk or no breastmilk, they are going to get sick...and sickness will build immunity, which the child needs. No, I don't wish illness on the kids, but it is a Natural part of life which is going to happen! It is rough enough tending to the baby...help him recognize he isn't helping! If dealing with the reality of having children is not something he is able to do, you really need to reconsider your stand on the prospects of having more children.

I got tired of dealing with with how I was the target of all his frustrations. I just wanted to tell him: Grow up and be a good dad and man about it...you are the example to your kids...so make it a good one. (Now I'm venting!)

Just be thankful for a healthy child...I see so many parents come in to where I work with kids that have some serious illnesses and problems. I am so truly blessed that these little colds and ailments are really nothing to gripe about-which is what I tell my husband when he gets on my nerves!

Hope this helped...I think it was more therapeutic for me than anything!

L.--rest assured whether or not you nursed I don't think has a lot to do with him getting ear infections, the flu etc. I nursed my first child until she was 11 months old--from the time she was 7 months until about 3 she constantly had ear infections. I nursed my second child until she was about 10 months--and she had ear infections so bad they put tubes in her ears. And when I say nursed--that is exclusively nurse they didn't have formula up until then. And my husband and I are pretty healthy--we rarely catch the viruses going around and I think I have great immune system. None of my friends even tried nursing and none of their children have had the problem with the ear infections that we have had. Ear infections are the result of the eustachian tube sitting horizontally rather than at an angle and the fluid from the sinus collect there, if they don't drain, will cause the ear infection. As the child grows the eustachian tube will develop into more of the angle which will help reduce the ear infections.
Also, if your son is in any type of child care he is going to catch all the viruses in the beginning. This also happens to kids that stay home with mom or dad and then start kindergarten, if they have been exposed before they are going to catch it then.
Don't blame yourself! This will pass and the ear infections will be less often.

Hi L.,
I have breastfed my now 3 year old daughter for her first year of life. She was extremely healthy and never even had her first cold until she was 10 months old! I thought breast feeding was the ticket to healthy babies with no ear infections or colds. I am currently breast feeding my soon to be 1 year old. However I have not had the same results. She and my whole family have been non-stop sick this year. She has already been diagnosed with pneumonia and possibly asthma. I know how you feel for your husband to blame you for your child's sickness. My husband doesn't blame me necassarily but he will make comments about me taking my girls to play dates and that is why they are always sick. That may be true but better now than when they start school I think. Also it is just a BAD year for viruses and such. Don't get down on yourself there is nothing you can do. They just get sick. Hope this helps. Good luck and take care!

Tell your husband that if he wanted you to breast feed longer then maybe he should have sprung for a lactation consultant or bought you a Medela nursing supplimentation system. (That is a little bottle that you hang from your shirt, it has a TINY tube that you attach to your nipple and baby nurses and gets formula at the same time. I am surprised the hospital did not give it to you but some hospitals are not exactly supportive of breastfeeding. And they have a tendency to jump into hysteria mode.
Ok perhaps turning the blame isn't the best idea but definitly sit down and talk to your husband and tell him how you already feel bad because you were not able to breastfeed. You did what the Dr's and you guys thought was best for your son at the time. If you son is in daycare he is going to pick up everything. This sucks now but it is making his immune system stronger in the long run. If he is constantly sick then maybe switch daycares (they may not be enforcing the no sick kid rules or parents aren't caring for their children properly) or take your son out of daycare and see if you can be a SAHM for a little while. Or your husband be a SAHD.
If your husband constantly blames you for things that are NOT your fault (such as your son getting sick) then I suggest counseling.
You have done nothing wrong. Lots of women breastfeed and their kids still get sick. Lots of people formula feed and their kids don't get sick. It is just luck of the draw really and short of staying in a bubble,the child will come into contact with germs and things and get sick. Good luck.

hi Sweetie, don't even worry about it. My mom had 3 babies,nursed all of us, was a HUGE fan of nursing, and my youngest brother still had asthma TERRIBLY-it landed him in the hospital a few times, he was on breathing treatments and steroids (prednasone?) for the longest time. He also had ear infections and had to have tubes put in his ears at a young age, and get regular allergy shots (I guess that was an 80's thing to do? not sure). So, I don't think breasmilk is all that magical. And I have a story to relate to your husband issue. My daughter one day at 10 or 11 mos old burnt her hand on the oven door while I was in the kitchen. I got yelled at and berated and accused of all kinds of crap for her accident. I think men feel so helpless and probably can't help themselves and their worry for their baby comes out in frustration and of course the mom probably takes the brunt of it. Good luck. I bet he'll be more relaxed if you have a second one (baby, that is.)

Well, if your milk did not come in - then it did not come in. I thought that I would breast feed my daughter when she was born. I tried and tried and she seemed to cry alot. Finally, even though she was gaining alittle weight, I realized that she was unhappy because she was hungry!!! As soon as I started giving her formula then she was a very happy baby. Now she is almost 13yrs old and almost 6ft tall. You can read and get info about everything - but in the end you have to do what is right and feels natural to you. These babies are precious and we only have our children a short while before they are on their own. Take this time to not be so worried and enjoy. Maybe next time there is a doctor's appointment maybe your husband can attend with you and then ask the doctor if your not being able to breastfeed has anything to do with the ear infections. I have a feeling what the doctor will say. S.

L., I tried breastfeeding. My milk hadn't come in, my baby was hungry, I was a first time mom and stressed out anyway, not to mention recovering from 25 hours of labor and a c-section. I refused to let my baby go hungr. I decided to breasteed. My son had one kidney infection around 2 years old. He had a few sinus infections but once his enlarged adenoids were removed to allow proper drainage, he never had another one. He will be 9 years-old next week.

My daughter was adopted as a newborn so breastfeeding wan not an option for her. She has never been sick with the exception of one bout of stomach flue last year. She also has had no vaccinations.

We, as moms, do the best we can. A man who hasn't been in our place defeintely shouldn't be passing judgment. Good luck with everything.

P.

L.,

This is why I hate the whole breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding issue. As long as you take care of your child and he/she feels loved it shouldn't matter how they receive milk/formula. A little background information: I breastfed my son until he was 13 months old. However, I'm not a saint for breastfeeding him. I chose to breastfeed so I wouldn't have to get up in the middle of the night and make a bottle. Furthermore, there is no way to say for sure whether or not your son would not have gotten sick even if you had breastfed him. You should tell your husband to keep his thoughts to himself. You are feeling guilt that you shouldn't have to. It only creates more needless stress in you and your son's life. Chin UP! Don't worry about what others think. It sounds like you are a wonderful mother. Keep up the good work.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Even breastfed babies get ill. I breastfed my last child for THREE years and she was hyperactive with ADD and ended up on Ritalin - so much for the breastfeeding!
I say it doesn't matter whether breast or bottle, as long as your child is thriving what does it matter? The main thing is that your baby boy feels loved, secure and contented and it sounds to me like you are doing a splendid job.
Breastfeeding is not the B all and end all of everything.
Don't allow anyone, not even your husband to sit in judgement of you as a mother.

The formula probably did you in. If you have another child, just nurse, constantly if you have to, to get the milk to come in. If you have milk,you can have enough, the act of suckling encouraging more milk.Those who nurse for many months go through several periods during which they feel they have insufficient mild. This is because the infant is going through a growing spurt and needs more, which you can arrange for by just nursing often, often for a day or so. . .It's worth it, L., as your infant will indeed get immunity in your milk. My daughter weaned herself at two years and had her first illness a few months later. It's heaven having a well child.

Hi:
My daughter was a preemie (I had an emergency c-section due to health reasons) and I will say that I can understand you feelings of guilt. Even with breast milk for the first 12 months(I pumped b/c she was born so premature that she didn't have the ability to suck and then later she wouldn't latch b/c of receiving the breast milk via the bottle was too easy) those first 2 years were filled with ear infections, lung infections, severe colds. Two suggestions: stay home and keep folks away as much as possible; and don't put him in any type of day care of mother's day out. I know it sounds hard (and at times it was frustrating and/or isolating) but it stopped the "germ" cycle and gave my daughter's immune system time to catch up and "kick in". Good luck

Dear L., it is obvious that you love your son and want the best for him. Having tried your best to breastfeed your baby when the milk didn't come in, you did the next best thing-formula. Nobody wants their child to be sick. Your inability to nurse the baby Did NOT make him sick. Anyone can look back and see how they might have done something differently, but it is useless and debilitating to find fault with what was/wasn't done. Perhaps the reason for your husband's need to place blame is that he couldn't have breastfed the baby no matter how much he wanted that for your child. Like my grandmother used to soothe me, "You did the best you could. That is all an angel can do." Love, C.

I can relate. I was only 3 months into breastfeeding my first when my milk started to dry up. Come to find out, I was pregnant - again! :-) Then, after my second was born, my body just wouldn't product milk at all. My OB said it was too much strain on my body being pregnant two years in a row.

Then, 3 1/2 years later, along came my third. By that time, I was too busy chasing after the first two to even consider having to sit still to nurse for 30 minutes at a time! Bad mommy, I know, but it is a personal choice I felt was best for our situation at the time.

I do everything else I can to sustain their good health. We have an entirely green home. We eat good, healthy foods with lots of fresh fruits and veggies. I give them natural vitamins. They're all 3 very healthy kiddos!

Don't allow anyone (including yourself) to make you feel bad about something that was totally out of your control. Concern yourself with the things you DO have control over! :-)

L.,

Wow, I feel really bad for you. That's really crappy of your husband to push the blame on you. Babies have weak immune systems, that's life. I'm sure you would have liked to have breast fed for a longer period of time, but I am sure it was also very painful for you to make the decision to stop.

Your husband should not be bashing you at all, especially in front of other people. That's just disrespectful. He clearly has no respect for you and the almost 10 months of aggravation you went through being pregnant, and then the added irritation of not being able to succesfully breast feed. You brought his son into this world, and this is the way he thanks you?

Talk with him and tell him that you don't appreciate him bashing you, especially in front of other people. Tell him you feel like he doesn't respect you, or whatever it is that you are truly feeling. He may not realize what he is doing to you.

Good Luck!

DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! With my first, I had a similar situation, where I actually didn't have my milk come in for a few days. By the time it did, there was no way my son was going to bother with the breast; he was completely bottle fed. I felt so guilty about it, and was constantly second-guessing my choice, thinking that maybe it would have been different if I had just tried harder. My husband was very supportive, but that didn't change my feelings of being a failure.

I decided I would do whatever it took with my second child, so, even though I never produced enough milk to breastfeed full-time, she was 75% breastfed.

Interestingly enough, my son (100% bottle-fed) was never sick. We would only visit the doctor when he needed a check-up or a shot, and he would get a cold about once a year. My daughter, on the other hand, was at the doctor's office at least twice a month for the first year and a half of her life. She had constant ear infections, colds, the flu and other problems. She almost knew her doctor's name before she knew mine!

In the end, it has balanced out. My son's a healthy 12 year-old, and my daughter is 5 and (mostly) health. So, as you can see (and you might want to point out to your husband), breastfeeding guarantees nothing. You just do what you have to do to get them fed!

My daughter had the same problems. I didn't breast feed by my choice, as I was going back to work. Have you tried a pacifier. I don't like them, and she wouldn't take it, but my peditrician said that alot of the ear stuff is because the sucking strengthens the muscles and helps prevent that. Of course that was many years ago, but it might me worth trying.

Don't feel bad I breast fed all three of my children. They all had colds, flu, every viris known to man as well as all the childhood deseases. So there, so much for the case for breast feeding. I liked doing it-no bottles or problems in the middle of the night- just pick them up and feed. However it was no cure all.

ALL kids get sick! It IS the WORST thing in the world when your BABY gets sick...but it's just part of growing up. My 3 year old son had a SEIZURE (from high fever) a few weeks ago, and I would not wish that on my worst enemy! It SUCKS when your kids get sick, but...better NOW than in kindergarten! Don't feel bad about the breastfeeding thing. It's NOT your fault. Men just don't understand how difficult it is to be a MOM. Try not to stress. Your baby will be well again...and sick again...and then well again. Count your blessings :)

First of all, all babies lose weight in the first 24 hours and many lose more than 9 ounces. Generally for first pregnancies, your milk does not come in for 5 or 6 days, so there would have been no need to supplement. I know that breastfeeding is very difficult and very stressful, so keep this in mind for your next baby. It takes a while for the baby and you to learn and be comfortable with the process. The more the baby is at the breast in the beginning is what stimulates the milk production. I nursed all three boys for one year and they all had ear infections (two with tubes), they all have allergies, and they all have asthma. Yes, that is frustrating because we hear that the breastfeeding is supposed to help with that, but not for every kid. Formula kids are just as healthy and just as smart, so just smile and know that you are a good mom because you are tending to his needs the best you know how. My first son got ear tubes at 3 years old and we wished we had done it sooner. My third son got them at 9 months and will probably need another set, but it was well worth it. He was then able to sleep and started making a lot more sounds because he could hear!! Tell your husband to read more!! Breastfeeding is wonderful, but certainly not the cure all!!

I use lavender Essential oil from Sequim Valley in Washington in my 6 month old son's bath and lotions. This seems to help him not pick up every single illness his sister brings home from school. I do sell aromatherapy but I would recommend you buy 16 fl oz or so. It is great for burns (use straight on skin) and is a good antiseptic that doesn't mess up their natural healing processes. Here is where I buy mine for wholesale. ###-###-#### Sequim Lavender Farms. It is not your fault at all. The ear infections come with breastfeeding too, as I found out with my first child. It has to do with the shape and position of the eustatian tube connecting the back of the throat to the ear. Make sure he is as upright as possible when drinking. It is due to the ear infections that they are more prone to getting other illnesses since their immune system is already taxed by fighting the ear infections. Mostly forgive your husband, we all hate the helpless feelings that come from not being able to fix things for our babies and men really don't know what to do with those feelings.

oh i'm so sorry your dealing with that. i went through the same thing when i had trouble breastfeeding and people looked at me like i was crazy! you should not be blamed for it whatsoever! it's especially hard when your hubby's not on board with it but just chalk it up to his ignorance if he starts pointing the finger. i pumped for 6 weeks with my 2 little ones and it was hard work and sacrifice and they turned out fine. and the thing is you don't know if breastfeeding would have prevented the ear infections and a flu. you have moms that dont breastfeed a single ounce and you have moms that start weening when the kid's 3 years old... don't feel guilty about the decision that you had to make months ago.

I understand both you and your husband's points of view. As a mom who nursed for a year, I get the importance of patience to make it work, but I also get that it's one of the most stressful things at first and that people's comments are not taken lightly. To make your husband feel better, I'd sit down (you probably already have, but) and really lay it all out how much his comments hurt and that you need to be a team in all matters to make this parenting thing work! To make you feel better, know that although my son nursed for a full year AND didn't go to preschool, he had 3 ear infections and always seemed to have a runny nose. We just can't win! haha. Also know that my mom "gave in" and gave me formula and I have one of the best immune systems of my family and friends! Again, go figure. Hope this helps. :)

I am sorry that he has done this to you!

You can only do what you can with what you have at the time. My daughter "fired me" at the age of 9 months and she has been in child care since she was 3 months old - she has caught everything that has come down the pipe... Kids will get sick if they are around sickness and germs - I have been told - that my daughter "won't be this sick later" - we shall see.

Don't let anyone tell you that you are to blame for your child getting sick!!!! YOU ARE HIS MOTHER and YOU LOVE HIM more than anyone else ever will!!!

HUGS!!

J.

I had the same trouble feeding my first son, who is now 7. He lost over a pound his first week home because I couldn't produce. He screamed, cried and would not sleep because he was hungry. Used formula from then on and never looked back. He gained proper weight and slept through the night from that point on. Don't blame your son's illnesses on a lack of breast feeding! My son was nearly 3 before he had even a cold. With my second son, 2 1/2 now, I didn't even bother trying to use the breast because of my frustrations with the first, and he is rarely ill as well. For anyone to blame you, especially your spouse, is uncalled for. Breast-feeding isn't the end-all-be-all of existence. Sometimes it just isn't possible, and thank goodness there are alternatives, or there would be more starving children in this world. Millions of women do not breast feed and there is nothing criminal or unnatural about it. Breast feeding is not the only way a child acquires immunities. You love and comfort your child, you feed and nurture him the best you can, and you seek medical attention when necessary; you're a good mom. If you relied only on your breast and tried nothing else, you might as well live in a cave and your child might not survive.

Just so you know, I have breast all 3 of my children for over a year each (they never had an ounce of formula), and they all have had lots of ear infections. My middle child started having ear infections before she was 3months old! A lot of it has to do with how their inner tubes drain. Breast milk is the best, but it doesn't cure everything!

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!! I have 4 kids, all were breast fed, my daughter weaned herself at 9 months, all 3 boys nursed for 18 months or longer. my daughter was never sick as a child, rarely had ear infections, and has always had fewer allergy problems. my oldest sons had many allergy problems, both took allergy shots for several years, both had frequent ear infections, one had tubes in his ears. being breast fed didn't help either of them avoid ear infections or allergy problems. i was also breast fed as a baby, and had many ear infections growing up, and still have allergy problems. breast milk may be the ideal, God designed food for babies, but you do what you have to do, and every mom can't breast feed. you will have plenty to feel guilty about as you raise your child, don't beat yourself up over this one. oh, and my big kids are now 18-21 yrs, they are all healthy, and have minor allergy problems that they treat with OTC meds. most kids get over all these things and do fine.

Men can be so insensitive, like they knew anything at all about breastfeeding! I can imagine how hurt you are. It was mean to say such a thing. Breastfeeding is difficult in the beginning and once the bottle is given, well, that's often the end of breastfeeding. Often times, we don't have enough milk becuase we're not getting enough rest. Was he right there, when you needed him the most?
Don't let what he said upset you beyond forgiveness, a mean thing said can stay with us for so long. Don't let it happen, most men don't know what they are saying most of the time. Forgive him now and go on. Don't focus on it. Remind your husband that as much as the baby needs caring for and nuturing, you also, need to be cared for and loved and accusing you of making your child sick is just mean.

Nursing can help immunities but isn't a guaranteed cure all for everything. Tell your husband or have a parent with older kids that he respects tell him that in parenting there are no sure answers and each child's mental make up and physical chemistry is different. (or have him read this-I have 3 kids 10 andolder).

Have your husband become part of the solution-wash his hands everytime he comes into the house and see how many of these little illnesses go away. Inform him that teething children normally have more colds, congestion and ear aches due to the excess fluids they produce. The flu is a virus and even breastfeeding babies get it, just like adults. He may have even brought the germs in himself! Next year you can try a flu shot or swab.

On the upside, your baby is building his immunity. Most kids do this when they hit preschool or kindergarten if they're at home until then. They seem to come down with every little thing for a while and then it's over.

Again, wash those hands and see what happens. Pay extra attention to where hands go too, such as door knobs, car keys, chew toys.

Have your husband talk to his female coworkers. They love to talk babies and will help him understand by telling him their stories. It worked for mine!

Dear L.,
Please don't feel remorse. If anything, your husband is striking out out of anger and frustration. Knowing that this was important to you, he may be using it "unknowingly" to strike out at someone else so that they feel his pain too.

I breastfed from day one. Our daughter was ill several times, and she even developed RSV at one month. She was not a preemie, was of good weight and height, but contracted it at daycare.

You can put your child in a bubble to safeguard against diseases, but he will not develop immunity to many of the numerous viruses, etc. out there.

Talk to your husband-pick a good time. Don't blame, but do tell him how much his feelings hurt you. Communication is the key here. God Bless.

L.,
Kids get sick. Now they say that kids who are breastfed seem to get sick less often and have fewer ear infections. That is not always the case, because genetics play a role in it. My best friend (who breastfed both her girls for 18 mths and a year)had sick kids. Both of them suffered from ear infections and the oldest has tubes in her ears and the youngest is getting ready to have tubes in her ears. So, just because they're breastfed doesn't guarantee that they'll be less sick. Did you or your husband have ear problems? If so there you go. Don't worry you did the best you could and that's all anyone can do. Just keep your head high and know you did your best.... who knows it might be your husbands "genetics" to blame :)

although I am an advocate of breastfeeding and feel it gives your child a great start - do not feel like your lack of breastfeeding is the problem. Rather - i am guessing it can be something a simple as caretakers washing their hands. Back in 1981 when my son was born, I asked my pedi (after I read all the manuals) what advice did they have to give. My pedi laughed and said no one ever does it - but - everyone who touches the baby should wash their hands before and after touching them - including both parents. She said she was not a germophobic - but that people just dont realize how much stuff is transmitted. I enforced this - and my son was almost never sick (although all my relatives thought i was a nervous new mom). Now - I work at a hospital - and the hand washing is promoted very strongly. So - take a look at what has been the procedures for those handling the child - and see if you can implement some more stringent procedures. Good luck!

So I have breastfed 2 children for 10 and 11 months each. They have both been robust, happy children . . . BUT, they both had tubes in their ears by 11 months for the many, many infections they had. One of them had been on 12 different antibiotic courses in 8 months. These are children that did not receive any formula until they were 6 and 7 months old and continued to receive primarily breastmilk. Your "loving hubby" is just trying to find someone to blame. Breastfed or not, kids still get sick! Is your child in daycare? I think that has been my major culprit. Good luck, yours will eventually grow out of it. My oldest child (4) is rarely sick, but my baby (15 months) is still in the midst of multiple infections.

L.,

Everybody's an expert when it comes to what someone else should/should not have done - especially if you're talking about motherhood and kids and ... organic/not organic/locally grown food, cloth v. disposable diapers, breastfeeding v. formula .... many have their own personal agendas (and egos) so invested in these cultures ... and some are even zealots so trust yourself. Kid's Eustachian (sp?) tubes are not fully grown or angled so they DO have a propensity to get ear infections (no bottles or sucking motions while lying down will help minimize). Flu virus is around and even if you are a Monk-styled crazy-making anal-retentive, you or your child can still get sick under the best of hygeine. Best message to your husband: "Honey, I appreciate and need your support and confidence ... and I am the least stressed and best mother that I can be when you are supporting me in this experience".

Good luck - believe in yourself no matter what.

My 10 month old son is still being breastfed, and he currently has an ear infection and is recovering from a cold (his second one). So no, breastfed babies are not immune to getting sick, and your husband should get his facts straight.

Becoming new parents is very stressful on a marriage. You are doing the best you can. I had difficulty breastfeeding my first child. If you and your husband decide to have a second child, try joining Le Lache League. They meet once a month and offered tremendous support. If this happens again, there are two herbs I recommend: fenugreek and blessed thistle. You can ask the hospital for a lactation consultant to get the recommended dosages for each. You can get both of them at a health food store. My first pedi didn't support breastfeeding. My child had severe jaundice and he told me to give her formula (bad advice) because of this. Fortunately, I had already joined Le Lache League. Boys do get more infections and your husband may be correct. For ear infections, try garlic oil and willow bark. It is a ear oil that works like a charm. I got some at the health food store and my daughter fell asleep on the way home. You put 2-3 drops in each ear. I also gave her homeopathic pills called Ear Support, that takes away the pain. One of the best things you can do now that your son is starting to eat solids is feed him healthy foods. Children's food patterns start early. One book that I absolutely love is Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. Even if you don't make your own baby food, you can get some wonderful and healthy nutrition ideas. Your body forms healthy cells, by what you put in your body. It is also important to talk to your husband and tell his how you are feeling. You may be pleasantly surprised after your conversation on what a terrific mom you really are! Good Luck!

L., it must be so hurtful to be blamed! I'm sure your husband is just trying to find a reason. It's not your fault. The formula did not cause this. I breast fed my little boy until he was 11 1/2 months. Prior to that, he had 7 ear infections, croup and at least 2 colds. I'm a 30-something first time mom, too, with a 17 month old boy. Good luck and enjoy it!

L.-

When I first had my daughter, I mentioned to someone that I thought I'd be better at being a super mom. She said, "Welcome to motherhood. We never feel good enough." It seems we self-inflict blame for everything that is not perfect. Breast feeding, to me, is part nature and part choice. Sometimes our body overtakes our mind and we have no choice. Even having nursing my daughter for a year (never using formula), she is still getting ear aches and colds and whatever else is going around. You did the best for your baby. Be proud of what you did and what you do on a daily basis.

Hi L.,

First of all, I am so sorry that your husband was so insensitive in saying what he did. I also had a hard time producing milk, and even though I tried and tried to breast feed with both my girls (10 years apart), it just wouldn't happen. Both girls were very nearly dehydrated because there was just nothing there. They were put on formula before we left the hospital. Fortunately, they are extremely healthy, from infant to teen years, they have always been healthy. I don't think that the breast milk your son didn't get is the big issue with his illnesses. I remember going through the horrible guilty feelings when I could not provide my babies with what I felt was the most important nourishment a mother could give. I am sure you probably fel the same, and the fact that your husband doesn't understand that is a shame. I hope you can realize you are not alone in feeling this way, and it is highly doubtful that your child's ear infections and the flu is the cause of a low immune system. Maybe check both of your histories, were either you or your husband sickly as a child? There are so many different causes of ear infections, it could be the shape of the child's ear and direction of the canal that causes fluid buildup, anything.
Sounds like he is looking for someone to blame because he might feel like there has to be a reason for his son being less than perfectly healthy, and you are his scapegoat. I think you should sit down and tell him how heart-piercing his comment was and that you are doing your best to be a great mom to your son, and his illnesses are nobody's fault. (Unless of course, he wants to take the blame for bringing the flu home to baby!) Hopefully he will be more sensitive in the future and consider the fact that you tried, and if your body did not respond the way you hoped, there is nothing you could do. And next time, he can give birth and breast feed, if he thinks he could do a better job at it! Good luck, keep up the good work, Mom, and never doubt the importance of your job, whether you succeed every time or stumble, you are the ONLY mother your son will have, and NOBODY will do that job as good as YOU, and your son will see you as PERFECT!

Please don't feel guilty. I breastfed both of my sons. The oldest until he was 9 months and he has been sick a lot. He had RSV at 3 months and had to be hosptialized. My youngest son was breastfed until he was a little over a year and he had to have tubes put into his ears for recurrent ear infections. So....just because I breastfed my sons didn't mean they would be "sick-free".

I think our kids will be a little better off when they are older because I have heard the more illnesses they have when they are young helps strenghten their immune system...I guess we shall see....

Hope this helps.

Oh L., I am so sorry that you are going through this. Let me tell you that I have had 4 children. I breastfed all of them. My kidos nursed until they were about 2. Even so.. I have one son who had so many ear infections that he lost feeling in the ear...ie: no pain with ear infections after that!!! The only way I knew that he had one was that he would "read " our lips, and turn the music up loud or the tv when watching a movie. He had NO hearing when he had an ear infection. I asked the doc about it..knowing that nursing is supose to help keep that from happening... he said there are always those that will get them...some times due to seasonal allergies. I know how hard it is to see our children hurting. Please remember that men have a hard time with "things happen", they are always looking for a reason, something or someone to blame. Remind him that there are some things in this world that only God has control over? I pray that things calm down for you. It might help if you found a group at church of young parents (I say young.. should say parents of young children), it helped us to be more reasonable about our expectations! God bless, W.

Hi L.,

I am a first time single mom to a beautiful 18 month old little boy. I have breastfed him from day 1 and am still breastfeeding him. Do not blame yourself or let anyone blame you for your son's illnesses. My son lost about 6 ounces within the first 24 hours and I WAS breastfeeding him constantly...babies just lose a little bit of weight when they are first born. My son has had ear infections, some pretty bad colds, congestion, etc and all the while having breastmilk...and he'e never been in daycare. I work from home so he is at home with me and never around other children who are sick. I have been his primary food source for the longest time..actually having a bit of trouble getting him to eat solids...so with all that being said, please don't take the blame for your son getting sick. All children can get sick regardless of their food source!! Being a parent is a pretty tough job and there will be many other things that you can and will feel guilty about but not this one. It's not your fault you had trouble getting your milk to come in and it's certainly not your fault that your little one gets sick from time to time!! Keep your head up!

Your husband does not appear to be acting fairly towards you. I could not breast feed my daughter either due to medications from a doctor error during childbirth. She was formula fed as well. She had numerous upper respiratory infections as a newborn and toddler. It was a very stressful time because medications for babies do not work well at all. Now she is 12 and NEVER gets sick (I am knocking on wood!). I feel these types of infections can actually build your resistance and immune system. So tell him to chill out, quit blaming you for nature, step up and be a great dad and supportive husband. Enjoy motherhood.

Don't feel remorse!! I NEVER breastfeed and our daughter is super healthy! Your partner in life should be ashamed of himself for giving you guilt and grief over your son's health. You really need to sit down and talk this out or it will fester and hurt your relationship more in the long run. Make sure to use "I feel" statements. Don't use the 'you' or it will feel like your attacking him. Some kids get sick early. Keep washing hands and cleaning. Good luck.

Don't ever feel guilty for what you weren't able to accomplish. I chose from the beginning never to nurse my two girls and I got many looks and people were actually rude to me because my girls were going to be "losing out". I have to tell you, now they are 7 and 5 and incredibly heathy. In fact, I know several people who nursed for a year or longer and their kids are always sick and have ear infections. Kids will get sick reguardless of what happens to them as newborns. I never felt a moment of guilt, and you shouldn't either. I am sure you are a fantastic mother. Hold your head up high and be proud of all the good things you do for your family!!

Don't let him or anyone get to you and don't beat yourself up about it. If you had tried to continue breast feeding and put yourself under all that stress and such and ended up having more problems in relation to that... it isn't worth it. I'll also let you know that my nephew, who was EXCLUSIVLY nursed (wouldn't take a bottle) has more ear infections and ailments than my son who was only given breast milk for about six weeks. Neither of them were in day care or anything like that, he just happens to pick up things from various places... neighbors, people bring it into the house in various way. You are right you can't stick him in a bubble and protect him very everything (as much as every mother out there including me would want to). Yes I understand that there might be some relation between the two and such but not completely. There are a lot of other factors that go in there too. Yes breast feeding is good for our babies but a mentally healthy mom is just as important and this is coming from one mom who has tried nursing both of her children and for two different reasons, had to be done nursing by the second month. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP!! I had a nurse who was one of my nurses in the hospital and she went to my church. She is one of the most amazing, Godly women I know and she even told me not to get all that upset if nursing doesn't work out. She adopted both her boys at birth so neither of them had an ounce of breast milk and they are both pretty healty. It can go either way. I will be praying for you and your family and I pray peace and health over your home. God bless.

Hi L.,

Just so you know, I nursed my son all the time and he still ended up getting tubes and having tons of ear infections. And every boy in his daycare class ended up getting tubes at some point whether he was nursed or not. Boys are really prone to ear infections for some reason.

Don't feel bad about not nursing. You made the right decision for you. My mother had the same issue. Her milk never came in like it was meant to. What is most important is that your child received love, attention and nurturing from you. Your son may be going through a period of catching everything there is but it's only going to make him stronger when he gets older. He will have a great immunity when he's school age.

Please don't feel like this is your fault. Kids get sick. I didn't breastfeed my DD because of a similar situation. She has just now gotten her first ear infection (at 3 1/2 years old) and has had only 1 cold per year.
Each kid is different. Some are just more susceptible to illness. Your little one may be lucky that way :). If so, even if you were still breastfeeding, there is no guarantee that he would be getting sick less often. Don't let others make you second guess yourself. All you can do is your best. You didn't choose the situation with your milk not coming in...but you did what was in the best interest of your son. Who knows, maybe since he is getting sick now, he won't have it so bad when he starts school (he'll have all kinds of immunity built up). Good luck!!

My 22-month-old was bottle fed from Day 1 because I never got enough milk, either. She is healthy as a horse. She has never had the flu; she has gotten flu shots both winters of her life. She had one ear infection, but that was due to allergies while traveling unexpectedly for a funeral and sleeping in my grandparents' musty old home. Formula makers have done an excellent job supplementing their formulas with all the goodies found in breast milk, so says my pediatrician. We're working on No. 2, and I plan to bottle feed again. Tell your husband he can breast feed your next one! :)

Don't waste your time feeling guilty, we all do the best we can. I breastfed my daughter and she rarely got sick; I breastfed my son and he got sick all the time.

Hi L....I'm a mom of three boys...now grown. When the first one was born breastfeeding wasn't a big thing so he was a totally bottle fed baby. My second two boys were both breast-fed until they were eight months old. My oldest did not have allergies or ear infections and was by far the healthiest of the three when young. My middle son ended up on steroid shots for allergies by the time he was 3 years old because ear infections were damaging his hearing. Needless to say breastfeeding did not guarantee perfect health. They all had runny noses (caught from other children) from time to time and they all had chicken pox, etc. Catching illnesses from other children is bound to happen so please, don't ever feel like its your fault your son is sick. You said you tried to breastfeed. That is all you could have done. Keep up the good work! I'll be praying for you!

Let me tell you!!!!!! My daughter is 10 months old AND breastfed and I just got back from the doctor's office (being there for 4 hours!!) My daughter has a fever of over 103F needed blood work and to be catheterized for urine. They ended up giving her an anitbiotic shot and we go back tomorrow for another. How's that for a breastfed baby?!! Breastfeeding doesn't ward off all evil spirits if you know what I mean. Don't beat yourself up and someone needs to knock your husband in the head for his insensitive remarks.
You're doing a fine job. Keep doing what you're doing. Your child will get sick no matter what unfortunately. It's a right of passage!
Good luck!

Aww I feel for you. I breastfeed my daughter to this day (she's six months old) and she still is sick all the time. She had her first ear infection not too long ago and she's always got a cold or cough. I dont think breastfeeding is a sure fire way to keep your kids healthy. I think it helps but your baby is still going to get sick even if you do breastfeed. I breastfed my first daughter until she was 18 months old and it was true, she NEVER got sick. I think it's a combination of things...exposure to germs and air quality being the main ones. My first was super healthy and breastfed but my second isn't so healthy. The things that have changed is that we've moved to a new area (known for not great air quality) and she's in daycare (i was a stay at home mom with my first). Dont let them get you down. You did the best that you could.

Hi L.,

PlEASE don't feel bad for not being able to breastfeed! I was in a similar situation. My poor baby lost weight in the hospital because I had very little milk and he had trouble latching on. Later I found out that you can get a pump at the hospital to help your milk come in. Since I'm a first time mom with no one to give me advice, I lost out on that opportunity. I went through several lactation consultants who told me to keep trying but I was worried about his not gaining weight. Finally, after leaving the hospital, I ended up pumping for six weeks which was a total nightmare. Because I had little milk, I also supplemented with formula. Pumping was painful, frustrating, tons of extra work sanitizing the equipment etc. I made the decision not to continue the pumping because I was barely getting any sleep and exhausted. Well, my son is now 15 months old and in the past 7 months he's been sick at least once a month with ear infections, stomach viruses, and flus. It has nothing to do with us or a lack of breastmilk. I have done extensive research and doctors are saying that babies are getting sicker than in the past because of the numerous "super viruses" out there. Also, doctors overprescribe antibiotics which makes our children's immune systems weaker. I finally decided not to give him anymore antibiotics and his ear infections went away on their own. This was after seeing an Ear nose and throat specialist who recommended tubes. As I'm writing this, he's sick again with another cold. Doctor's I've spoken with tell me that its natural for babies to get a cold a month during flu season. I'm also a first time mom. Luckily, my husband was supportive of my decision although he criticizes me constantly for being overprotective. Good luck to you and keep being the wonderful mom that you are!

L.,

I'm so sorry. I wish I could talk some sense into your husband. It's not fair that he's putting the blame on you. And, yes...children will get sick...those breast-fed and those bottle-fed. I pray grace and peace over you in this time and that your husband will come around so you don't have to feel alone in this. In the mean time perhaps you will want to keep a journal and just tell the LORD what you are feeling. He cares. He sees. He is with you. Supporting you. Loving you. Giving you what you need.

Oh,I have some news for your hubby. I strictly breast fed my son until he was about 11 mths old. He never was bottle fed. I had to have tubes put into his ears twice. He had constant ear infections and a reflux. So on top of him crying all the time cause his ears hurt he threw up everything he ate. It was a nightmare... But I did everthing I was supposed to and he ate good and took care of him and he turned out just fine (5 now). I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter what we do as a mom if they're gonna get sick, they're gonna get sick. I think you are doing everything you can for your son. Breastfeeding is over rated, however I did breast feed 2 of my children and bottle fed 1. Coinsidently the one I bottle fed has been sick alot less then the other two. Keep up the good work mom! And make sure your husband reads this. Perhaps maybe he could be the one to walk around with the bubble around him.

You breast feeding or not has nothing to do with your son getting sick now. My brother and I were both formula fed by my mother from day one... we NEVER drank breast milk... and neither of us ever got sick as babies. Don't feel guilty... you did NOTHING wrong

When I had my first son I breast fed him until he was 8 months old and he was never sick. He is 9 now and only had 1 ear infection his whole life. Well, when my 2nd son was born I had some problems at first with latch on and he only needed 2 formula bottles in the hospital. He was able to breast feed until he was 9 months old. Well, from the time he was 11 months old he had bad allergies, constant colds, and chronic ear infections. He had his first set of tubes put in @ 15 months, 2nd set @ 18 months, 3rd set @ 30 months, and his 4th set put in @ 5 years old. He was care flighted to Scott & White hospital for an asthma attack at 2 years old. I use to tell people how breast feeding was best, but I feel this is not true anymore. My son is proof of that. Everything they say breastfeeding prevents he had. Dont feel bad about your feeding choice. Now a days the formulas are very similar to breast milk. Breast feeding does not work for everyone. Some things you can do to help him is to ask his dr about vitamins. Also see an allergist. They specialize in immunology and can help with colds. My son takes allergy injections once a month and it has helped greatly. Most kids dont need shots until they are at least 2 years old, but there are some medications that can help greatly. I'm a nurse and I thought I was doing the best for my child, but the outcome was not what I expected. Do what you can, and dont let your husband tell you its your fault. Kids just spread germs no matter what. Best wishes and good luck!

Bless your heart! I breastfed my son and I am of the opinion that the research isn't always accurate on how it makes your child healthier. My son had horrible allergies, ear infections (4 sets of tubes by the time he was in 1st grade; the first set when he was 10 months old.) He was even allergic to my breast milk. We figured that out after about 24 hours after I stopped and he miraculously was 100% colic free after months of torment!!
If there was an illness he caught it. I quit my teaching job to stay at home with him for the first year. Nothing helped!! Don't beat yourself up. Other than the wonderful feeling that I had from breastfeeding my child; He did not receive the health benefits that researchers seem to enforce. I think every baby and mother are different. We were one of the exceptions to the rule, so don't beat yourself up. My daughter came along 3 years later and she never had any major illnesses like he did. I breastfed her the same amount of time as him. If she had been my first child I would have agreed with research...since she was not and I experienced such a hard time with him...I don't agree with all the research on breastfeeding!!!!
Hope this helps!

Tell your uneducated husband/others that it does not matter if a child is breast fed. A child is going to get sick either if it was breast/bottle fed. My sister-in-law breast fed both her children and they were constantly sick. My daughter was on the bottle. Never sick. I think it depends on the cleanliness and how a child is maintained in regards of getting sick.

L.,

I went through the same thing with my milk! I was told to supplement as well with my first baby and then have continued to do so with the 3 others. I was able to pump and still give breastmilk and formula for awhile until just going straight to formula. I've had four babies in the past five years, and honestly the one baby that I breast-feed the longest was the sickest as a baby! I'm NOT saying that because I breast-fed her she was sick. THAT IS NOT THE REASON. The decision the formula feed or breast feed is a decision that every mother has to make on her own. Don't feel guilty. Kids get sick. Breast-fed babies get sick. It is really upsetting to see how other people will put down a mother for formula feeding! I know if it wasn't for formula my kids would probably be suffering the consequences of malnourishment at an early age, and they might not even be here! With my third baby, before my milk finally came in, I had nothing for three days!! My mother and mother-in-law both reminded me that before formula, there were wet nurses to help the mothers. But, most importantly I say you need to let your husband know how much his comments hurt you and undermine you as a mother. I think you really need to address this issue. For him to be making those comments, especially to others is not something he should be doing. The MOST important thing you can do for your child is have a good relationship with your husband. Best wishes and God Bless!

Yes, they do say that a breastfed child will be healthier in general than one that is formula fed. That being said...it is NOT always the case! A close friend of mine is an avid breastfeeder and her little one has pretty much been on antibiotics since Christmas because of ear infections. Genetics plays a part just as much as breastmilk!

You did the best you could and speaking as someone that wanted to breastfeed but wasn't able to until her 3rd child, I know how good we are at guilt. When the time comes for a second child, look for a lactation consultant a bit prior to birth so you have one picked out. Once the baby is born, you can work with the lactation consultant to figure out what may or may not work for you.

I always had low milk supply as an issue above and beyond anything else that was happening. With my 2nd, I found out about my supply issues but my son had a muscular problem that made it hard for him to nurse. Once I had my 3rd, I knew right away that I needed to start medication. I had to suppliment for the first 2 months but after that she was a pro. Always small, but a pro none the less. Now she is 2 but is still right on course with her weight so it may not have been me with this one?

L.,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with things. I had a similar experience as yours. My milk never came in and I did everything to help bring it along... I pumped along w/ bringing my daughter up to the breast, I drank "mother's milk tea" (nasty, unless you like licorish which I don't). I had a lactation consultant come in and spend a full day with me and d.d., trying to help us along. Nothing worked. My daughter was losing weight like your son.

After going through this for over a month I had to make that agonizing decision to stop trying to breast feed. And it was an agonizing decision. I wanted to breast feed my daughter more than anything. But, her health and my sanity had to be first.

My husband was more than supportive and I wouldn't have survived that without his help. I did however have a "friend" (someone I considered my best friend at the time) who judged me harshly for my decision to quit. When her judgments were made known they devastated me. Not the same as a spouse, but kinda close.

Talk to your husband. Let him know how his words hurt you. Tell him how you "feel" in the most non-judgemental way possible. Sentences that start with "I feel like" and then insert the rest... "I feel like you blame me for our son's earaches. That really hurts and I need your support." That's just one way to get started. BUT, do not do this when you are even the slightest bit emotional or you two are in the midst of an argument. You both need to be calm to discuss this issue. Parenting is difficult. You two need to work through this and get on the same page.

Your husband probably doesn't realize how much breast feeding is an emotional issue for women. When a woman wants to breast feed and can't there are so many things it brings up for her. The one that hit me hardest was that I felt like a failure as a mother. Generations of women before me have been able to feed their child and I couldn't.

Obviously, breast is best. Right? We've all heard this pounded in us from the moment we found out we were pregnant. You are prepared for alot of things before baby arrives. What you aren't prepared for is how difficult breast feeding can be. Or that you may not be able to breast feed at all. Even though breast is best formula is much more advanced now than ever before.

I was fortunate enough to have a friend donate milk to us. We gave it to our daughter for a while but it was difficult for her to keep down. She had terrible reflux and actually did better w/ formula. We used Infamil's AR formula, it was pre-thickened. Our daughter was healthy other than the reflux, the occasional cold and flu one time. If your son is exposed to anything or anyone then he is bound to get sick.
And like you said, you can't keep him in a bubble. Besides, these illnesses actually will build up his immunity to future illnesses.

Hang in there. Things will improve with your son's health. Be honest with your husband and let him know that what your son is going through is a natural part of being a baby. And, that formula is considered as good as breast now a days.

i'm sorry for the remorse and guilt you are feeling. while i am a big breastfeeding advocate, i do understand it can be hard and there are problems. here is what i can offer for your situation, take what you can...
1. try taking your son of pasteurized milk products for a while. wheat products as well. see if that helps. pasteurized products are hugely mucus forming and cause all kinds of problems. we use only raw milk from a dairy. i understand most people are a little freaked out by it, but i encourage you to do the research. it will surprise you and the milk is yummy!
2. there is a book called "smart medicine for a healthier child". i love love love this book. it gives every possible childhood illness/sickness/disease and gives conventional, nutritional, homeopathic and herbal remedies. my child has only had one ear infection and the remedy we used totally worked! 85% of ear infections are viral and antibiotics don't work on them anyways.
3. if you have used antibiotics, get him on a probiotic. health stores have them for kids. whole foods or central market, even HEB and sometimes Randalls.
4. there is another book called nourishing traditions by sally fallon and she has a recipe for homemade formula and/or fortifying regular formula. you could try that.
5. have you tried goat's milk? it digests very similar to breastmilk and many kids who have problems with cow's milk do fine on goats.
6. finally, talk with your husband. he's probably freaked out by the sicknesses and just doesn't know how to express it. he's worried and you're an easy target. pray for him and you and your relationship and take a deep breath...
good luck and blessings,
A.

It is not as easy as some women make it look!! For me it was very painful, frustrating for me and baby and took almost a week before my milk came in. I didn't stress about my baby losing weight, I just stuck to it, and finally it worked. I also had very supportive women, mother, mother-in-law, and midwives to help and give me tips and suggestions. You should not be blamed for it, but it is proven that brestfed babies are sick less, fewer ear infections, etc. I have read a lot about it, and this is probably what your husband is finding out. My daughter is 9 months now, and my milk is almost gone. She has been completely healthy, but I now feel the pressure that if I stop breastfeeding, will she get sick? If you decide to have another baby, be sure to educate yourself as much as possible on how to breastfeed. There are great videos and breastfeeding.com is a great resource, plus the LaLecheLeague. Hope this helps...

I have two sons who are now 20 and 13. My oldest refused big time to be nursed by me. I tried everything and after a week the Dr. said just start using the bottle only because he was losing weight. The Dr. said he had never seen a full term baby so stubborn about nursing. (He is still very stubborn today.)
My youngest took to nursing right away. Both of my sons had ear infections and other childhood illness.
The youngest though, whom I nursed, had ear infections so bad the Dr. put him on a low dose antibiotic for a year when he was around one. Nursing him did not cure him of ear infections. All babies and children get sick, that is part of growing up. They need to get sick to build immunities. I think your husband is being insensitive and he needs to be realistic. He should be supporting and helping when your child is sick and not placing blame for what nature caused.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! I know how agonizing it can be to not be able to breastfeed. My first daughter (now almost 4) was not able to breastfeed. I tried everything, and my milk just never came in. She was formula feed and did have ear infections but so did her same age breast feed cousin. For some reason, my milk did come in with my second daughter (now 15 months) and she was breast feed, but she ended up being my sicker child. She has already had to get ear tubes for cronic and really bad ear infectionsl she also has asthma. Kids are going to get sick, it dosn't depend on wether or not your milk comes in...it's going to happen anyway. Know that you are a good mother no matter what happened with your milk.

Hi L.,

I can completely relate to your situation. I was able to breastfeed my children (I have 4 wonderful kids), but one of my children kept getting ear infections from age 6 months - which is when I started supplementing milk-based formula. We tried everything with the ear infections, which were definitely allergy-based, but even tubes in her ears didn't stop her from getting them. I finally found a supplement called Juice Plus - it is 17 of the most densly nutritious fruits and vegetables in a capsule (or gummy for children)! It has changed my family's entire health situation - we have been taking it for 5 years now, and haven't been to the doctor for anything but a well-check in over 4 years! It is proven scientifically (through gold-standard research) to improve the immune system, and my family is definitely a testament to that! I became a distributor because all of my friends wanted to buy it once they saw the changes in us - and love helping people all over the US to get healthier!! There is more info on my website - www.hearts4health.com.

J. Gebhart
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Dont' accept blame for this! Not your fault!

I have two kids - now 32 and 25 (by two different fathers). Neither were breastfed. The oldest was rarely sick as a child, nor is he now as an adult. On the other hand, the youngest was often sick as a child, and will usually catch whatever is going around, even today. In fact, at any give time, on that side of the family you will find someone is sick. We call that side of the family "The sick family". I believe it has more to do with genetics, rather than if you breastfeed or not. It was my Mother in law who attempted the 'guilt' issues on me for not breastfeeding, bringing up the health issue multiple times. I felt bad until I talked with my Mom, who reminded me that she did not breastfeed my brothers and me, and we were/are very very healthy.

Yes, kids get sick form time to time, and ear infections seem to be a major culprit often enough.

I wonder who is feeding those ideas to your husband? I know you dont' want to see your child sick either - what a weird thing for him to say.... Humm....have you asked his Mom if he was sick as a child?? This could be very telling. Maybe ask your husband what he suggest you to do now? As you can't turn back time, you can only go forward.

Hi L., Sounds like your husband is not very supportive of you in this. Could something else be setting him off??
After all if your milk never came in well what exactly does he think you could do about that? Also it does not seem logical that he would think that all ear infections and the flu are caused by bottle feeding.The supposed natural imune given by initial breast feeding , I believe does not protect from the flu or ear infections. Your husband needs to give you a better reason as to why he is giving you a hard time on this subject.

I am a 78 mother of three, grandmother of nine and great grandmother of five. Glad to have my baby-tending days
days behind me.
Margaret

L.,

It is not your fault that your son has had illnesses. I know that they say breastfeeding helps prevent ear infections and illnesses, but that did not seem to help my two daughters. I breast fed my first for 13 1/2 months and my second for 23 1/2 months. Both had trouble with ear infections and illnesses. My second had to get tubes in her ears!

Breastfeeding is best, but for some moms, they are unable to for one reason or another. My sister tried very hard to nurse her first but was unable to continue due to constant breast infections. She now has her second, and she is nursing with no problems. I also have a couple of friends who were unable to nurse because they never produced enough milk.

I think as moms we tend to feel guilty about a lot of things when it comes to our children. Of course we want the best for them, and if we feel they are not getting everything we think they need, we feel guilty even if it is totally out of our control.

I don't know if you have tried speaking to your husband about how you feel. Maybe sitting down with him and saying that you felt hurt by his comments. He may not realize how much it hurt you.

Remember that you are a good mom. Take care!

S.

L.,

I had the same experience with breast feeding. It is NOT your fault in any way shape or form. I have a 2yr old that is perfectly healthy and aside from 1 ear infection she has only seen her pediatrician for well check-ups! I HATE when others judge not having been in your shoes! DO NOT let your husband or anyone make you feel bad. Kids DO get sick and it doesn't have anything to do with whether or not they were breast fed! I wasn't breast fed and I am (and have been my entire life) perfectly healthy- no alleriges, illnesses, etc. I'm sure you are doing everything you can to prevent illnesses but the truth is- kids are walking germs and the more they do get sick, the more their immnunities get built up. So, when your son starts school and all the other kids (that NEVER got sick b/c they were breast fed or otherwise) are getting sick everytime you turn around, your son will have a much higher immunity and will probably be sick less often because of it.

I'll get off my soapbox! Have a great day and don't worry about what others think..YOUR THE MOM!

J. (35yr.old mom of Caylee 2yrs.)

Don't let others make you feel bad. I had the same problem as you with the first & guess what... he was hardly ever sick. He even went to daycare. Milk came in right away with the second & so he was breastfed & also constantly sick with ear infections, colds, etc. When you hear that breastfed infants are less sick, they mean on average. Everyone is different. So no "what ifs".

Hello L.,

I have a 1 year old and went through something very similiar. When I gave birth to my son, I started running a temp. so as standard procedure they put my son in the NICU and gave him antibiotics. Because of the antibiotics, he also had to have formula. I desparately wanted to breastfeed and we did go up and let him breastfeed, but always had the finish the feeding with formula while he was in the NICU. When we got home I tried doing both for awhile and then tried going cold turkey with breastfeeding and my baby ended up losing so much weight. My milk didn't come in well and I felt like a terrible mother because I felt like I was starving my child. I tried making breastfeeding work for 5 agonizing weeks and decided that it wasn't worth the emotional torture I was going through and gave up and went to formula completely. While I still do think that breastfeeding is better than formula, I also know that it just doesn't work out for everyone no matter how hard you try. I'm sorry that your husband is making you feel guilty about this, but I truly believe that it just takes time for babies to build their immune systems and that both bottle and breastfed babies can be healthy. I agree that I don't think that it is the bottles. Over the months I have been able to get over those feelings of guilt about breastfeeding by watching my son thrive. Even though you are dealing with several illnesses, try to find the positive and look at other aspects of how well your baby is doing. Don't beat yourself up any longer about breastfeeding not working, enjoy this time sick or not!

I have breastfeed both of my children and they both have their own individual problems. one has real bad allergies(air borne and a food allergy) and the other has had ear infections and also bad allergies(so far just air borne)too. My cousin also breastfed her children and they also have also had rsv and other stuff. Maybe people will respond who have breastfed and own up to they issues to. You need not remorse because problems like that occur everyday for some women and I am sympathetic it happened to you. aAs you recieve comments like this show them to your husband and maybe it will helphim to see the truth...

I have breastfed all three of my sons. My older two sons both ended up with tubes in their ears due to MULTIPLE ear infections. Breastfeeding is great, but it doesn't work for everyone. Your child will be fine. Children just get sick. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Mothers have so much to worry about as it is.

L.,
I went through the same thing with both of my children. My father was a pediatrician and I grew up knowing that breast feeding was the best thing I could do for my baby. My father died the year before my daughter was born so when problems arose, he wasn't there for me to turn to, this devistated me even more! First things first, address your husband! Let him know how much his words are hurting you and that (although it is NOT your fault) you already feel guilty enough, not to mention, feeling cheated.
You are right, children get sick...period. Although my children have only had one ear infection each, my daughter spit up constantly and was never able to take any more than 4oz. at a feeding, she suffered from asthma, had a tonsilectomy in 1st grade, and has broken bones pretty easily, she was also diagnosed with being allergic to every tree in the hill country as well as animal dander. She was our "sickly" child. She is almost 17yo now and aside from a few sneezes with increasing pollen counts, she is perfectly healthy! She has raised animals, plays sports and swims like a fish. My son has been pretty healthy all of his life!
To this day, when women close to me breast feed, I feel a little sad and still very cheated. There are more options available that I wish someone had talked to me about. Keep a few things in mind for your next children....
Just because you can't "breastfeed", go ahead and supplement with formula (if need be), but keep trying to pump (using a GOOD ELECTRIC breast pump) and you may be able to bottle feed using breast milk. Also, contact a lactation specialist, this is a GREAT resource, the hospital you deliver at or your pediatrician can get you in contact with such a person. La Leche League is also a great resource.
Trust me, you don't want details, but I went through major breast feeding problems. Remember, it is NOT your fault, it's just the way God intended things to be! Good Luck....Keep smiling! Don't let anyone make you feel guilty! They do grow up too fast!

My milk never really came in either. My daughter was supplemented with formula fromt he beginning. - I tried really hard for 6 months but nothing - and my (ex)husband who had kids from another marriage said mean things like that the first mom never had problems... Anyway - my daughter is now two and she has only been sick twice. Sure the breast feeding is the best - but it is not the only thing. Your son is being fed - that is what is important. Even thought I couldn't really breast feed, I eventually got over it and realized that it didn't mean I didn't care. I am the best mom I can be and that is what matters.

Tell your husband and other family members to back off. Breast feeding is a personal choice.. The choice was made, for better or worse and it has nothing to do with your son's current bout of illness. Yes, breast feeding can help children combat illness longer...but you are also right about them getting ill when they are around contagions on a daily basis. Plus it sounds as if you tried.

Not to mention, blaming you constantly does nothing productive for the family and can send you spinning into a bout of depression. Does your family and friends WANT you to end up with some disorder and needing to see a phsyciatrist/therapist???

You have enough to deal with. Get your son healthy and when someone tells you it's "your fault you didn't breast feed" tell them that it was a personal decision and none of their business and it has nothing to do with the current illness!

Good Luck.

Ok how is bottle feeding or breastfeeding anyone's business except the mother's? How does it even get to be anyone's business. It's like people think they have a right to know what babies 0-12 months old are eating. Please! Uh...What about all those moms of 1-4 yr olds who feed their kids cheetos, goldfish crackers, and cheerios, all day. Where's the nutrition there? But does anyone say a word to those mom's? People need to get a life and worry about their own children. If you are ok with the nutritional value your child is getting then so be it. You are the mother and the responsiblity is utimately on your shoulders.

Don't let anyone make you feel like a failure! My first baby who is now 8, I gave it 2 weeks, but was not producing enough milk, but that also has to do with the law of supply and demand, so I resorted to formula, my son who is now 3 , I breast fed him and supplemented with formula till he was 4 months, then he got his first tooth, so I quit. My third child, she is now 17 months, I breastfed her almost exclusively, for 13 months. I thought she was starving because she stayed attatched to me 24/7, but... my pediatrician said she was fine because she was gaining weight. It turned out to be a nightmare because no one could keep her but me because she wanted a boob in her mouth constantly. Anyhow, my oldest who was bacically formula only has turned out to be my healthiest child. My 3 year old son has already had tubes put in his ears, and my 17 month old is following in the same pattern, and she pretty much had no formula at all, except when my husband would watch her, but I kept alot of pumped milk in the freezer.Not being able to breastfeed is a let down, my sister in law wanted to so bad but couldn't because her baby was born with a high palate so he had latching on issues, but he never had formula till he was 7 months old, she pumped all the time and through the night religiously to feed him, and hes is sick all of the time. He has had countless ear infections.All I have to say is you did nothing wrong, and men should not make their wives feel inadequate because they couldn't breastfeed. Next time it might be easy for you, sometimes it's also the baby not sucking sufficiently.truth be known, they are going to get sick if they are exposed to something. You can't keep them in a bubble, they have to get sick to build their immune system.
Good luck, and maybe he will ease up on you after seeing you are not the only one who didn't breastfeed and has a child that catches all these nasty things that go around. My 17 month old is sick right now, in fact we are going to the Ped. today.
K. I.

L.,

You not breast feeding did not cause the ear infections. I have a 9 month old girl who has been solely breastfed until solids were introduced and she has had 4 ear infections. The cuase is too much fluid in the ears from a cold or allergies, so don't let your hubby make you think you are not a good mom for not nursing. Kids get sick, that is just the way the world is, and just remember everytime he gets some bug he is building antibodies! You are a great mom, don't let anyone make you think otherwise!

Hi L.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I just wanted to let you know I am a mother of 4 and with my older 3 I did not breastfeed and they were pretty healthy but did get a few ear infections. With my 4th I was able to nurse successfully for 6 months and he still got sick and had an ear infection sooner than my older ones. Anyhow I do believe nursing is best, but babies are going to get sick, and that is just part of being so young and building they little immune systems. I hope this info helps, and good luck.
BTW, it also has a lot to do with what time of year your baby is born, my middle two were born in the spring and didn't get sick as much because it wasn't "cold & flu" season!

A.

Just a short note I have two daughters and the first I could never breast feed I tried and was not sucessful the second one I was able to breast feed till she was eight months and grew her first teeth and bite me neither one of my girls were ever really sick when the were little the older had maybe one ear infection as a baby I thinks each child is different and we just need to take care of them the best way we can my girls are now 11 and 8 that is a whole new set of problems
God Bless you

L.,
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't breastfeed my first child at all, and she never had an ear infection. I breastfed my son for 4 months, and he also never had an ear infection. I think that children are predisposed to be sensitive to certain illnesses. I know that breastmilk is healthier, but sometimes that just doesn't work out. Take a deep breath, and realize that you can only control so much...maybe send your husband to sensitivity training. :)

I have to say that I breast fed (completely - only given formula twice the first week of her life) my daughter for a year. She had her first of many ear infection at 10 weeks. Being breastfed does minimize the chances, but doesn't eliminate them. She did not go to daycare until she was 2 1/2. She got tubes right after her 3rd birthday when we could not get rid of the infection and I noticed her speech was changing. DO NOT blame yourself for not breastfeeding! It didn't work out but that doesn't make you a bad mom!! HUGS!!

My cousin breastfed her 2 children until they were at least 9 months old and her kids have gotten sick a lot more than my sister's kids. My sister didn't even try to breastfeed, so her kids didn't even get the colostum from her. Something about breatfeeding just grossed my sister out.

I use my sister as the example because I was able to breastfeed for 12 weeks, but I too had to supplement the whole time because I wasn't making enough for my little guy. Then the day he was 12 weeks old he just refused to latch on, so I was done. I wasn't going to stress over it to try to continue because then my son would've picked up on that stress, and I might have had trouble even getting him to take a bottle.

I think your husband is way out of line with his comments, and you should tell him that. You need to let him know how much his comments have hurt you. Also, no matter what the parenting issue is, he doesn't need to blame you for anything to other people. That is totally unacceptable. You and your husband need to be a united parenting front. You should let your husband read some of these responses from women who were able to breastfeed for a long time and still had several experiences with their children getting sick. Let him know that breastfeeding is no a guarantee that the child won't get sick a lot.

Please do not let yourself feel this way. Maybe if you had breast fed longer this might not be happening, but maybe it would. You are under enough pressure as it is trying to make the right decisions to raise your baby and you are doing the best with what has been provided. Your baby might just be prone to ear infections. We are all built different and are prone to different things. Keep your head up and know that you are not alone.

I understand how you feel. I did breastfeed both of my babies for about 6 weeks but I still was critized for not doing it longer. With my daughter my nipples were dry and cracked so I was almost in tears everytime because the pain was so bad; with my son, he just was not getting enough from me so I went to formula as soon as I could. Just explain to him that there is nothing you can do if the milk isn't there. It is not your fault. Men! lol I'd like to see my hubby going through what I went through. Anyway, congratulations for your baby and hang in there. Your hormones are having a part in the way you are feeling too so just keep telling yourself that it will pass and things will be better. Take care!

After many happy years of marriage, my husband suddenly burst and applied away from me because he met a younger woman. Our daughter was 10 years old at the time. Cried day and night and I did not know to whom I could turn. But ____@____.com whom a friend introduced me to came like a flash in my life and so my life changed again to positven because my husband came to me in a short time back with tears and apology. Thank you priestess Ifaa, that you have brought my life to my home

Don`t give him formula try hard to nurse more breastmilk and take Healthy Nursing Tea by secrets of tea it`ll boost your milk naturally within a day.

L.,
DO NOT beat yourself up about this. My son (who is now 3) was born 1 month pre-mature, had jaundice really bad, and breastfeeding never worked for us either. He was rarely sick and was on formula from 1 week old until 1 year. He only got sick when my daughter came around. She was born when he was only 13 months old. I breastfed her for 3 weeks and did not like it. I switched her to formula and she had ear infections too. At 2yrs. she got tubs in her ears and adenoids removed. So, every child is different. Yes, there are some benefits to breastmilk over formula, but your son might still have these illness even if he was breastfed. You never know! So, tell your husband to lay off and that every child is different. He is a baby and this too shall pass.

Hi L.,

I breast fed both of my children. My son for a year, and my daughter for 10 months. Now, while sometimes ear infections may be more common in breastfed babies because of how milk from a bottle can drain into the ears...BABIES STILL GET SICK, whether they are breastfed or not.

And if they are in DAYCARE which I don't think you mentioned in your post..they are almost gauranteed to get sick at one point or another. Breastfed babies receive anitbodies from the mother that HELPS them ward off infection, however it does not make them completely immune.

So tell you husband to F*ck off! If it was so easy, then Men would be allowed to have babies. :-)

My pedi has 3 grown children and all three of his children battled ear infections, even though all were breastfed until their first birthdays and none of them were daycare babies. Two of the three ended up with ear tubes, one even had to have them put in twice. He told me some children are just more susceptible (sp?) than others and to hang in there. My 3 yr. old son started with ear infections around 10 months old and had tubes put in the day after his first birthday. He continued to get ear infections well past his 2nd bday but they usually cleared on their own without antibiotics once we got the tubes. I remember the sleepless nights well and my encouragement to you is this too shall pass. I don't know you but I'm sure you are an excellent mother - don't let anyone make you feel like you're not doing your best for your child.

L.-I can understand where you are coming from because I, like you, never got breastmilk. I tried and tried to feed and pump, but it never came in. You have to realize that you tried your best, there was nothing you could do...but in the end you did what was best-you FED your son. Your husband should be happy that you kept your son healthy by giving him nutrtion instead of starving him.
KIDS GET SICK! Have your husband read this link: http://www.babycenter.com/0_colds_78.bc and he will see that it is totally normal for your son to be getting sick-and that it is actually "good for him".

Dear L.,
Let me tell you, I too had a problem breast feeding my oldest refused to latch on for 2 months, I pumped and pumped and thnak GOd my milk did come in, but not all women are that blessed! As for illness even though my oldest ONLY had breast milk, but low and behold she still was very ill with breathing problems! She was on NEBS until she hit 3 and out grew it! Illnesses are part of life it happens and YOU are NOT responsible, breast feeding helps, but as you said the only thing that will prevent all illness is not only him in bubble , but your entire family would have to join him! As for hyour husband, hello he brings home germs form work too> DOn't feel bad illnesses will probally get better as his immune system is built up!

I too am a first time mom who had trouble breastfeeding. I went through the advice of two midwives and a lactation specialist, not to mention all the internet advice. I even rented a hospital-grade pump to try to increase my milk supply. Nothing worked. I cried and cried when the midwife told me that I needed to supplement with formula. I finally realized that sometimes, despite your best efforts, you have to use formula. Kids get sick. You can't take the blame for not breast-feeding. You made the effort that some moms never do. Just tell your husband that next time he can do the breast-feeding! ;-) Sit down and tell him that it hurts you for him to say these things. Sometimes hubbies just don't understand how hard it can be on moms when we're doing our best and life still happens. Good luck and I'll say a prayer for you.

Okay! It is not your fault!! I am sure that you have already heard this from other women. I breasfed for the first 6 months of my son's life. He got everything in the book. He is now dealing with his 2nd bout of pneumonia. It is awful. I thought too maybe I didn't breastfeed long enough but, my Dr. said that was not the case. Your child is not immune enough when they are so little to not get these things. But, he did say that soon his immune system will be stronger after contracting these illnesses within his first year or two of life. don't let anyone beat you up about these things.

L.

You should feel bad if you could not breast feed your baby, I could not either. Ear infections that are a result from a cold are very common when a child is very young because their ear canal is tilted when they are very young and fluid goes into their ear very easily. As they get older it tilts upward so the fluid does not get in the ear so easily. When your baby has a cold use nasaline saline mist spray and use a syringe bulb to take the mucus out of the nose, this will help. As far as the flu is concerned, if you are out and about in an out of places the virus can be in the air from coughing and sneezing and everything your baby touches if you go to the store let's say the shopping cart and your son puts his hands in his mouth he already has the germs in his mouth. You should have a good talk with your husband and he needs to stop playing the blame game and be adult about it, everything is carried in the air their is nothing you can do about it and when you touch anything it has germs on it also. When they are that young their immune system is very fragile and you should tell him he needs to work with you and not against you. Good luck to you and your family.

Don't worry about him or anyone else who tells you different. My son had jaundice when he was born I had to wait a week before I could try to breastfeed. And when I tried he didn't want to. I didn't let it discourage me. My husband was very supportive too he didn't want me to feel down about it. YES! They will get sick whether they had the breast or not. My god daughter was breastfed till she was 1 and she had a lot of ear infections, and different sicknesses through that time. My son had sinus infections at 3 months and on and off, had a cold no one wants to see their baby sick but it's gonna happen. He is now 2 and the most energetic talkative little goose I've ever seen. Hope all goes well. Don't let them get to you.

Please dont feel you are to blame. I have 2 sons, one I breastfed for maybe 2 weeks and the other for 8 months. The one I fed for 2 weeks was much healthier than the other. The one I fed for 8 months, who is 7 now, had 4 sets of tubes in his ears, his tonsils and adnoids out, and has recurring ear infections. So I truly feel that breastfeeding does not always make a baby healthier.

Well if this helps at all, it's not your fault. I have two children and I couldn't breast feed either of them. I think it has to do with my low cup size, if you know what I mean. Haha. My daughter is 6 months and my son is 3 yrs. They've been so far, very healthy. They're on soy formula. I have no idea whether that has anything to do with ear infections but maybe it's worth a try. In fact, (I probably shouldn't say this due to jinxing, but my son has never had an ear infection.) Not one time so I don't think it has anything to do with breastfeeding...although it could. I'm not a doc.

I definitely know that it's not your fault that your kids have bad immune systems. Some kids just don't, ya know? Don't blame yourself! And don't let you husband blame you either!

I'm here to talk if you need me!

Hi L.!
Well, it's been 17 months since my son was born, and 17 months that I've been breastfeeding! Yayyy for me...I guess...although I have not gotten any sleep...still!!!! I wake up about 5 times per night to breastfeed (slavery!)...and I've tried weaning him several times...it just gets harder over time...I'm waiting for his MMR vaccine to start the 'final' weaning process...well, whatever, that's another story. He has gotten 2 ear infections, a urinary track infection, and the flu twice...he's home with me all day - everyday...no babysitter, no daycare...and these things still happen...b/c they have to happen...b/c kids will get sick sometimes, it is IMPOSSIBLE to keep them away from things you don't want them to touch...or just too late by the time you grab them, something dirty will already be in their mouth...they are too fast...it takes less than a second for them to put something in their mouth, or rub their eyes with dirty hands...or whatever!
There is so much breastfeeding can do...it's great..that's why I'm doing it...but things will happen anyway! SOOOO...give thanks to formula you are sleeping through the night...haha! And as for the rest, take it one day at a time - I know us moms freak out a bit too much sometimes - specially when our hubbies make stupid comments (if they only go through HALF of what we go through!)...but we still gotta get through it somehow! So...all you can do is be prepared for it...get a vaporizer, and saline water and have fun...b/c you will miss it - as I will miss not sleeping through the night to breastfeed instead of not sleeping waiting for him to come back from a party 18 years from now...haha!
Smile!!!