Breaking the Nursing to Sleep Habit

I weaned my son and 21 months and he did not want to stop either. Someone suggested that I put bandaids on my nipples at the times he was used to nursing and explain to him that my nipples are soar and hurt when I nurse him so I need bandaids to protect them. He was very sympathetic and even when he was tired and was falling asleep or waking up and wanting the reassurance of breastfeeding, he would see and feel the bandaids and remember. We transitioned to cuddling instead so he didn't feel abandoned and he was fine with that alone within a couple days. I wore the bandaids for about a week and then didn't need them anymore. Good luck!

J.

my son was 20 months, but i think just as intense about the nursing to sleep thing. the nice thing for you is that you can really reason with him and explain what is going on, and should be able to avoid tears and such. for us, we did use daddy, but not for very many nights. maybe could you try during spring break or summer when he could do it for 5 straight nights? we also switched location -- seemed very important. went from couch to rocker, and the rocker was a really nice transition. then went from rocker to cuddling in bed, then eased out of bed to a chair next to him for hand-holding, and now we are moving out of the room. i sit in the rocker while he settles into sleep. it has been since october, so pretty slow transitions, but we have hectic lives so this hasnt been a huge priority. just last night i was giving his good night kiss and he told me to go sit in the rocker. i am sure you can imagine that was music to me ears! daddy was very good at settling him for sleep time, mostly he just talks to him quietly about his day and then sings and rocks him to sleep, insisting that our son lay his head on his shoulder. i do remember that there were nights it took 30+ minutes, so give your man some serious pep talks and thanks if this is the way you go. also, for naps i would try switching to strollers or backpack or something really different until you get the night-time routine down, or just keep nursing for naps until the night-time is going well. i would be sad to experience the stress for both sleep situations. oh, my final thought, which i am sure you know well from your older boy, is that having a SOLID routine is huge in getting your kid ready for bed. do it for night-time and naps without fail. so many of my friends' kids lost their naps when they weaned and they are frazzled and every one of them has no routine. good luck and dont think of your nursing-attachment as a "bad habit". i am sure you are ready for some change, but i am sure you know how much you have given your boys. i want to encourage you that transitions will happen smoothly and wihout heartache. we have had very few tears with all of this.

At his age, you are probably going to have to deal with some tears/screaming for a couple of nights. If you don't already have a bedtime routine, you need to create one not centered around nursing. I weaned my children earlier, but what we did at that time was warm bath, then a cup of milk while we read three stories they picked out, then we would brush teeth, replace the milk with water which they could take to bed, one more story, hugs/kisses/ cuddling, then bed. When I first took away the night time nursing, we made sure we spend a lot of extra time cuddling in the evening before bed (I just made sure I was very covered up). Also, Dad was a big help those first few days going in to comfort the child after being put in bed. If he doesn't already have a lovey (blanket, stuffed animal, your t-shirt, anything comforting to him) you may want to let him pick out something he wants to sleep with. For my kids, the lovey was a short term transition object, they only needed it for a couple of months before they decided they didn't need it anymore, but it helped them to transition to falling asleep on their own. Since your son is a bit older (and set in his ways) once you make the decision you need to stick to it, and he will probably scream and cry for a long time the first night. If you can stick it out, I guarantee he will cry less the next night. It only took two nights for my kids to figure out how to soothe themselves to sleep, then no more tears. The hardest part was the first night. If you can make it through that (recommend having someone there to help you and comfort you) then you will be successful. I know a lot of people frown on the cio method, but at his age, it will be the quickest way to go.

Hi A.,
I was confuse when I read you discussed this with your 2.5 year old. I would recommend using a "third party" to enforce YOUR decision. Does he have any understanding of the calendar? If so, pick a day three days from today and circle it on the calendar. Put an x on today and then sit him down and ask him to count with you. Write the numbers 1,2,3,in the calendar boxes. Then TELL him that will be the last day you will have milk from your breasts. However you can explain that clearly for him so he understands. Don't worry about making up a story, he won't remember later WHY you stopped nursing. Personally I'd tell him that mommies boobs are running out! Show him an empty container of milk, juice or water so he'll get the visual concept of empty.
ALL GONE is all gone. I'm sure he can count to three with you and understand that concept. The calendar is what is keeping time and keeping the rule. This takes the preasure off you, you're not the bad guy the calendar is.
I had a book years ago that encouraged the use of a timer and calendar when setting bedtimes, visits, trips etc. and it really worked well with my two boys starting as young as 2. They don't whine and yell at the timer, it just is this thing and they accept it.
MOST important when taking away the breast have some other tactile object to substitute for comfort.
When my oldest turned 3 he went to pre-school for summer school. He wasn't potty trained yet and the school didn't do diapers in the fall. He loved the teacher and school so much that all I had to tell him was that the school only allowed kids who new how to use the potty and didn't need diapers once summer school was over. He was trained by the end of the summer season. He understood the time/calendar deal.
I know this must be a tough time for you and possibly a sense of loss of this time but you'll both be over it in no time. Hang in there and be firm.
AC

Dear A.,
I'm sorry to say this, but sometimes the only way to go is "cold turkey".
Your little guy thinks your boobs make the world go around and he will just keep thinking that as long as he can.
I intended to nurse my son for at least a year and a half. My husband was in full agreement with me. We had the year and a half plan. That was our target to begin the transition. However, I became very ill and needed an operation. Worse than that, I needed a series of injections that once I started, I could not nurse my baby anymore or it would have harmed him. He was only 15 months old. It was heartbreaking and treacherous because he didn't understand. And after I started the shots, I couldn't even hold him because he would cry and try to lift my shirt to nurse. He wanted nothing to do with a bottle. I felt so terrible. But I was going to have to be in the hospital so he just didn't have much choice. It was not the best of circumstances by any means, but he settled in to loving his ba-ba. He has no memory of any of that turmoil and he and I are so close with no ill affects. He will be 13 in June.
Many moms may disagree with me, but it would be my guess that I would have had trouble beginning to wean him at 18 months. I loved nursing him, he loved it. But there came a time and the choice was made for us. Once I started the shots, there was no way my heart could break enough for him in order for me to give in. Or it would have harmed him. Because I was sick, my husband actually had to take on a most of the duty. He would make bottles for the baby but was worried the formula would spoil if it wasn't kept cold. So, he put ice cubes in it. When the baby cried, he would offer the bottle and shake it. It rattled. After that, my son wouldn't take a bottle that didn't have ice in it and make noise. We traded one thing for another, but everyone survived.
I think you will just have to pick a day and decide that is the day and there is no turning back. Your son will throw fits of major proportion at first, but the end has to be the end. You can't waffle about it. He will be no worse for wear, trust me. And you will survive it too.

Well....
If you don't nurse him, and he is tired, I promise he will fall asleep.

The first thing I did was change my nursing location. We would always nurse before sleep in my daughter's room until she fell asleep. So, I began nursing her downstairs where she played and then walk her up. Most of the time she wouldn't fall asleep and it was a slight but significant change in the routine. I started with nap time and then once that got established tackled the night. I did the same thing, just before bath and then during story time let her have some animal crackers to snack on before bed. I know not so great for her teeth, but it was an easier habit to kick than nursing and was pretty temporary. When she struggled falling to sleep I did let her cry it out for a bit and would go back and sing her a song or give her a hug, but no more nursing. It was tough but hold strong, he'll come around. Good luck.

A., First of all, the screaming and whining always hurts the mommas more than it does the child. Do not let your child dictate when this will happen because he will think he gets to dictate everything else as time goes on. Most moms will concur.

So you decide and either go cold turkey or you decide to make a deal and stick to it. There is nothing wrong with saying that he gets to pick out a new cuddly toy to go to sleep with in exchange. He is old enough to do "let's make a deal" but when all is said and done, you decide.

You are right that older is tougher than younger to wean but the past is gone so please don't beat yourself up for that. Just move on. You can do it!

Good luck -

+B+