Help! Does anyone have a suggestion about breaking the news to my 8 and 9 year old children that there is no santa? They are getting to the ages that they are figuring it out on their own, and yet everytime they come up with clues, they look broken-hearted. After the holidays, my son's teacher said that the class was talking about their holiday and were writing in their journal. My son approached her and asked her if she knew if santa was real or was he really your parents. She told me that his eyes were teary. And he wrote about it in his journal. I don't know if I should just come right out and tell them? Is there a gentle way? Help!
One thing to add is that they are both catching EVERYTHING. They're like little detectives asking about the handwriting, the pen color, catching accidents such as when I say "what I got you for Christmas". They tell me that they thought "Santa" got it for them, not me. I have to watch every little thing with them. It's great for them to keep believing; I wish they would, but they interrogate us. As much as they are trying to figure it out, it's as if they're asking for confirmation. This is so hard because of the look on their faces when they're waiting for me to respond. Ugghhh....
I agree with Shellie! I think the older they get the easier it will be. I think you should try and help them to KEEP believing instead of telling them he doesn't exist. I believed in Santa Claus until I was 12 years old because my parents went all out to keep me believing and when I finally realized the truth at age 12, the news was not all that hard to take. good luck with whatever you decide! :-)
I am 35 years old and still get Santa at my parents' house but my parents really spoil us. Everyone asks why and I just say, if I stop believing, he stopps coming. Of course now that my sister and I are older, it is more of a tradition and we participate in Santa as well for each other. It makes it much more fun! I live away from my family but my sister lives in the same town. We still all spend the night at my parents and wake up EARLY with the kids. I remember asking my mom about Santa and she just said, "do I look like Santa Claus?" The kids will figure it all out and when I taught 2nd grade, I was really disappointed that some of the kids said there is no such thing - it is like ruining it for all of the believers...like me ;-)
Good luck!!!!!
My mom got me the book "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus"--I highly reccomend it. it talks about the spirit of Christmas and how Santa is the spirit of giving and love. It is just great!!
I have a 9 yr old and she tells me she believes but honestly I have my doubts; playground talk is fierce for this age.
I heard an interview with Tom Brady (or maybe it was Peyton Manning--it was a famous football player though) on this issue. He found out around 8 there was no Santa but his older siblings told him not to tell his parents or he would get coal. So anyway fastforward to his senior year (picture big football player getting ready to play college ball) and he is sitting on the couch and says 'hey dad, when do you think santa's coming tonight? I can't wait!' and his dad said 'son, we need to talk. This is getting embarassing.'---totally nothing to do with this really but I just thought it was the cutest story.....
Anyway, I'd get the book. It really helped me and I lstill feel like Santa is here when I am laying out the presents late at night-the magic never left for me :)
Oh--this is the text of the book:
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."
VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.
Don't ya just love it ;)
I don't understand why parents feel the need to tell their kids. My kids have always been told if you believe in Santa he comes. My parents told us the same thing. I can't imagine just not having Santa come. Sadly, the kids that the parents tell tend to ruin it for kids who still want to believe and have the magic of it.
I am sure my 13 year old knows. He also knows he has to keep things quiet for his younger siblings, but he has never been told. When he tried to catch Santa at around 10 yrs old, we told him, frankly that as long as he chose to believe in Santa that magic would continue. It was up to him to decide. He pretty much decided he liked Santa.
To me, with your son's reaction is sounds as if some other kids might have been taunting him. (this isn't the only topic kids this age like to tell the other- my son was told in great details about sex by another child in 3rd grade!) I have had other parents who told me that gave in and told, say their kids regretted learning about Santa. I imagine it makes Christmas different for their family as well.
I guess if you think you need to tell them, it would be best to just say it. I would probably tell my kids that if they want to believe that is fine by me and that Other kids don't always know what they are talking about. Alot of what you decide to say will probably depend on if you decide to still have Santa come either way.
Overall, they are your kids, you know them best and you know what works best for your family. Good luck in your decision!
I feel that you should wait until your son comes to you, There is no reason to ruin it for him. As long as he believe that means Santa still exists and he will be in your heart.
I believed until I was 11 or 12 and it's cause a friend of mine told me and ruined it for me and I asked my mom and cried. She told me there is a Santa as long as I believe there is Always a Santa and I feel that is so true.
My older son's step-mom just out right cold told him when he was 5 and he cried for a week. I told him that as long as he believes there is a Santa and he comes from the heart.
I hope this helps.
M.
Santa's spirit is always alive in our hearts as long as you believe in it. I'm 36 yrs. old & my parents & I still leave goodies for each other on Christmas Day (claiming Santa came). And now that I have children the Christmas spirit is trully alive even more through their eyes.
My 6 yr. old daughter's friend has older siblings & they tease her about believing in Santa. I told her that Santa is alive as long as you believe.
I think the movie, Polar Express, is an awesome movie to watch about Christmas. At the end when the boy said he & his sister didn't hear the bell ring as they got older I was surprised how my daughter understood that & said that they lost the spirit & needed to find it again. :)
I don't agree with "the longer you wait the harder it will be" the longer you wait the older they will be and the "easier" it will be to understand!! Santa is still alive and kickin in our house and will be for years to come. Like the other girl said, I do the same, my 41 year old sister and I still get Christmas stockings every Christmas morning (from eachother because our parents are gone)but in our hearts they're still from Santa. We even leave some of the same things our Mom did like fruit or bath stuff. In the end though you simply have to do what you feel is right for your children in your heart! Good Luck!
My daughter is 10 and we believe this was out last Santa year with her. She has been curiuos for about 2 years now. What we told her when she asked is that Santa is in her heart. That he is really there for the younger kids like her brother. That as you get older, your mom and dad are more responsible for your gifts. Since she no longers wants toys. Just electronics etc. We explained to her that Santa is more a feeling and state of mind. Just because she may not believe that Santa is real anymore. The spirit of Santa and giving is real, and not to give up on believing in that. She agreed and was fine. She is really excited about getting to be Santa for her brother next year. She said she is very excited about next year and getting to help her brother by being "santa". We also have her give toys to the church, etc. so other little ones can experience the feeling of Santa and not have to be crushed at young tender ages.
They are too young for you to break the news. My friend's son is 10 and still believes. Her daughter is 15 and does not. I think as they get older they will understand. And the only disappointment will be that they will be afraid they won't get as many presents. :)
For handwriting, you can tell them that you helped Santa label them. Or print out labels on your computer. For wrapping paper, buy one or two rolls that are strictly from Santa. If all works out, you will have used it all up so there is no leftover evidence. :)
There still young ! Don't "ruin" there fun !
I have 2 young children, they ask questions also, but i just turn it around ! Make the holidays fun !
Santa or no santa they just won't know.................
My older two are the same ages and my daughter pretty much knows. My son is still on the fence. Everytime they ask me, I explain that the Spirit of Santa is more important than the person. I tell them that there was a real Saint Nick long time ago and now his spirit is what keeps the gifts of sharing and giving toys coming. Once they figure out there is no santa clause its hard to make them beleive in him but to let them understand the spirit of santa and what he stands for seems to help them keep santa in their hearts.
You want to be honest the minute it comes up. I know I struggled as a kid because I thought.. "Okay.. all this hooplah about Santa... turns out it's baloney... so maybe the hooplah about God is fake too." It took a long time for me to get past that. (I know... I was a tad dramatic... but it was truly upsetting for me. Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy all died the same day for me. It blew! I didn't trust my folks.
There is a book out there. Apparently, there really was a Nicolaus somebody WAYYYYYY back. He gave bags of gold to the poor by sneaking in their houses. I think the book "Santa, Are You Real?!" tells the whole story. So the guy got old, and passed away, and folks kept him 'alive' by reinacting Santa. That book is the only solace I found as a kid. You might want to look into that.
You need to be honest with your son....the longer you wait the worse it will be.
Turn his questions back to him with a "What do you think?" Then you get the info on what he knows, or would like to believe. When my son started asking questions we were able to sidestep the issue a little with a smile and a wink about how adults don't believe in Santa and they don't get anything from him anymore. His letter to Santa this year was addressed to Santa, but it was so funny when he made little references to his Dad like "wouldn't we have so much fun playing that new game together?"
I would not ruin it for them. My daughter is 13 and we talk about the spirit of Santa. She knows the truth but she won't let on because she is afraid she won't get gifts, LOL.
We have left gifts out and had her stocking filled knowing that she knows but we still treasure the early rising of Christmas morning. As long as she is around us, she will always get some Santa from us.
Susan
