Boys Fighting

Hi T.,

I have not done this,but it is something I thought of.
Maybe you could explain to the boys that if they begin
fighting you are going to come in and remove some toys from there room,and you will keep for a while. You will then leave the room,but if they begin fighting again you will come and remove more....
Or you could remove the toys and over the next few days they can earn them back by doing something kind for the other brother.

Just a thought.

I have 4 boys and 1 girl - all close in age. I have the same difficulty in my home. With so many children you HAVE to keep your house clean and it HAS to be a family affair.

I noticed you stated your boys fight because they want things done correctly. I would tell them how impressive it is that they care so much to do things well- however, they need to mind thier own business. My children are constantly worrying about each other too. I have to interrupt their whining and let them know that what I ask the other child to do is between he and I and it is my job to correct them...period. It seems to work well.

I actually panicked the first time my husband did this but it worked and still does! He brought in a trash bag and told them if it wasn't picked up quitely, no matter who's it was or who got it out...if it was left in the floor, they had to put it in his trash bag. They will pick up toys so fast with out regard to who made the mess!!

Good luck!

Hi T.,

I am in the same boat as you are so I don't know how much help I can be. I do agree that if you can assign specific chores within the room it might help. One pick up all the clothes on the floor and put them away or in the laundry, the other pick up all the loose items (toys, games, etc.). You will have to improvise if there is mostly games and hardly any clothes, but hopefully you get the idea.

I have 6 kids ages 17, 16, 13, 9, 7, and 5. My youngest 4 are boys. The big thing they like to do to get out of chores is say it wasn't them that made the mess. No matter how many times I say we are a family and we keep this house clean together as a family (and point out that I don't make all the mess that I end up cleaning either, etc.). It's exhausting when they fight and they spend more energy arguing and fighting about cleaning than they would to actually clean.

I look forward to reading more replies on this one.

M.

I only have two boys and they are 12 and 2 so they do not fight yet. But, here is what I would do. I would tell them that I am not going to have two rooms in the house that are disaster areas and it is unacceptable that they fist fight. Then I would move all the beds in one room and tell them that all four have to share a room until they can get along and learn how to keep it clean without fighting. Once they demonstrate that then they can move back to seperate rooms. It sounds extreme but when I was little three of us shared a walk in closet that my parents turned into a room, in our one bedroom house. Let them know that having a room is a priveledge. We only have a three bedroom house and I have a 2(boy), 9(girl), and 12(boy). Right now the little one still sleeps in his crib in our room so if either of the older two complain about having to clean their room I tell them that it can easily be given to the baby. One time my daughter put up a fight and I took her room away and made her sleep on the sofa and would not let her go in her room. It lasted about a day and she appologized and cleaned her room without griping. One of my friend's son kept getting in trouble at school and she took everything out of his room and put it in the garage. He only had a mattress. He had to earn everything back little by little. I thought that was great. Our kids are so smart these days that we just have to get a little creative. And once they get to this age time outs do not work.

Maybe switch roomates? Mabye have them alternate cleaning the whole room by themselves?

One thing I saw recently on supernanny that I actually liked (the kids were actually very close to your younger boys ages) was that paper fish were created listing each job separately and then the kids fished for their chores. That way, you are the one assigning it to them and they can say its not fair (dont you get sick of that phrase!!!) The other good thing is that there is a fair rotation and it was kind of fun. Also, I hate to say it, but I imagine your 6 year old is more capable of cleaning than you may think. If he is like my 6 year old, at school they do everything for themselves including getting cloroz wipes and wiping off the table. I was a little surprised when I became the room mom and observed the kids in action, and now I know that 6 year olds can do just about anything. I will say though, that a huge mess gan be overwhelming, so I have limited the toys that they are allowed to have out, most everything else is in buckets that only I can get out for them, and then they must be put away when they are finished with it. It is a tough thing, but I agree that if they cant keep up with their things, take them away! It makes for less hassle and mess, and you would be surprised at how much they dont even realize is missing. Good luck! ~A.~

PS. just a little edit here, I realized that I wrote that you are the one assigning the jobs and that they can say it is not fair, however I meant just the opposite..you are NOT the one assigning the chores, so they CANT say it is not fair. Do I get to use pregnancy brain as an excuse on this one.....

Hi T. R Iam T. B AKA MOMMA T I have 6 childern and this was also a problem I had untill we all went camping one year and my oldest two then boy 12 and a girl 10 decided they were going to cary their fighting on our trip well like you i had had enough so when we got to the camp site I decide that enough is enough and tied them toghter at the waist the rope between them was about 4 feet apart and I then told them that every time they stared to fight the rope would become shorter untill they were side by side and the only way they could take the rope off was when they decided to get along and help each other with there rooms or what ever it was they were fighting about my childern learned to cooperate with each other and to this day rember what they went through and what they learned form it and now they are grown and have children of their own. oh yea when they need to go to the restroom give them enough room to go by there self but still tied toghter and scence you have boys this may not be a issue. may sound crule but when i aske a child protective person they said it was great as long as the rope wasnt to tight around their waste and around thier waiste only this gives them range of motion to do the things they need to do. Hope this helps. It does get better. Oh yea this can be reaplied if they for get!

You're 6 year old may be more capable than he's letting on..hence the frustration from your 10 year old. My 3.5 and 5 year old can clean their rooms to where I just need to come in and vaccuum (no exaggeration).

My 11 year old is the one that made me realize this. I would always ask her to help them out in their rooms and she kept telling me that they didn't need her help! I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.

I would suggest having them take turns cleaning the room. No matter who has more stuff out on that particular day. When your 6 year old does it by himself the worst that can happen is that you have to go in and re-do it for them (which you're already doing). When the 10 year old does it make sure he feels appreciated (as I'm sure you do) for the work he's done.

Good luck!

S.

I have the same problem with my girls. I have tried a coupe of things with a degree of success. One is that they would take turns cleaning 10 minutes at a time til room was clean while the other did another chore. The other I tried was that they rotate days on cleaning their room. Them not being in room together cleaning cut down on the confrontation between the two. The only problem I haven't had much luck on with it so far is touching the others things and the only thing I can think to tell them is that if they would keep their things put up they wouldn't be down where the other would have to pick them up.

I agree with Sara and some of the others...what we call "Divide & Conquer" in youth treatment.

They each have their jobs/responsibilities. Have them go in seperately/alone and work until that portion of their job is done then the other child goes in. You can do quality control prior to sending the other child in. I would explain to them that working together on it is a privilege (having company while you work) and that until they demonstrate they can handle the privilege, they will have to work alone. Fighting WILL NOT be tolerated. Although, they may actually prefer this way.

Also, let me say that, yes, your six year old is completely capable of cleaning up his/her own room. Trust your 10 year old on this one. You just need to show the 6 year old that you trust him enough to do it by his self by holding him accountable for the work in a firm encouraging manner.

Good luck!!!! & God Bless, K.

I'd give each boy specific instruction rather than just "clean your room." That way they won't have to argue over who picks up what. Assign one kid to laundry and the other to making beds, then divide toy pick-up accordingly.
As far as fighting, their goal is to get you to come in there. So don't. Just say, from the next room, "Sounds like y'all are really excited about cleaning your room! I'm serving a snack to the kids who have clean rooms. I hope you can join us soon!"